History Quotes / WhatKindOfLamePowerisHeartAnyway

->''Despite a range of powers that extend to "bright lights that can hurt a bit," [[{{X-Men}} Jubilee]] has been in every group and series with an "X" in the title except [=XXXtube=] (give it time)... They've tried for years to make her kick ass, equipping her with everything from graviton gloves through Pym Particles to antigravity plates. They even -- no shit -- turned her into a vampire, going so far as to transfuse her with Wolverine's blood. They even got rid of her stupid original powers, but it's a lost cause: If traumatic orphanization doesn't make you kick ass at fighting crime, nothing will. (Her main function is now as a living museum of the superheroic fashion mistakes.)''

->"Hey, wait a minute. Killing someone from long distance while making a loud noise? Isn't that the exact same power as a '''gun'''?"

-->-- '''Yana Savari''', ''{{Fingerprints}}''

->'''Timmy:''' What? No! There were my friends!

->Andrew Hussie: Blue hat is slow.\\

-->'''Sailor Mercury''', ''SailorMoonAbridged''

-->'''Super Sam:''' Anti Timmy Force Four? Sounds villainous to me.\\
'''Wet Willie:''' Please tell me they're near a coastline.\\
'''Dark Mark:''' This Anti Timmy Force Four must be plotting to take over this galaxy. We must crush them!\\
'''Wet Willie:''' -or pool? Perhaps a fountain?\\
'''Timmy:''' What? No! There were my friends!\\
'''Joan Jet:''' That's what they wanted you to think.\\
'''Dark Mark:''' I'll press these randomly beeping and colorful buttons to track down their exact location. (presses buttons)\\
'''Wet Willie:''' A tub? A damp sponge? Throw me a bone, will you? A wet bone\\

-> Eros' superpower, besides achieving a preternatural douchebag look that is envied by Lacoste-shirt-wearing, collar-popping frat boys all over the world, is the ability to stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain. Yes, his name is Eros, and he gives you pleasure. That's the kind of things you only read on a male prostitute's business card.
-->-- '''Website/{{Cracked}}'''

-> Eros' superpower, besides achieving a preternatural douchebag look that is envied by Lacoste-shirt-wearing, collar-popping frat boys all over the world, is the ability to stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain. Yes, his name is Eros, and he gives you pleasure. That's the kind of things you only read on a male prostitute's business card.
-->-- '''Website/{{Cracked}}'''

----

-->-- ''FairlyOddParents'', "Power Pals"

->"And [[ButtMonkey Meltman]]! With the power to... ''({{dramatic pause}})'' [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin MELT]]!"

-> Eros' superpower, besides achieving a preternatural douchebag look that is envied by Lacoste-shirt-wearing, collar-popping frat boys all over the world, is the ability to stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain. Yes, his name is Eros, and he gives you pleasure. That's the kind of things you only read on a male prostitute's business card.

->'''Chicken''': Precisely.

-- '''Dellombra''', the ''{{World of Warcraft}}'' Off-Topic Forums

-->--'''MarkReadsTwilight'''

->'''{{Aquaman}}:''' My ability to speak with fish is of no help, Wonder Woman!\\

-->--CartoonNetwork short [[CrossOver crossing over]] ''{{Superfriends}}'' and ''ThePowerpuffGirls''

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-->-- '''WebOriginal/{{Cracked}}'''

-->-- '''Nathan''', ''{{Misfits}}''

-->-- '''Junichi''', ''DaCapo'' (VisualNovel)

-->-- ''WesternAnimationActionLeagueNOW!''

-->-- ''ActionLeagueNOW!''

-->-- '''{{Cracked}}'''

-->--'''AndrewHussie''', via {{Tumblr}}, on what exactly [[{{Homestuck}} Nepeta's Heart powers]] were supposed to entail

-->--[[MegaMan Bubble Man]], ''[[TheMegas Promise of Redemption]]''

->"I mean, you can't do anything with ''heart'', what, you make people feel better? Who gives a shit? I mean, this kid ''totally got ripped off!''"
-->-- '''TheNostalgiaCritic'''

->"Aw man, the one time I can use this fucking thing and it doesn't do SHIT!"
-->-- [[CaptainPlanet Ma-Ti]], '''TheNostalgiaCritic''''s review of ''TheNeverendingStory 2''

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