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Web Video: The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon
A parody trailer, The Horribly Slow Murderer With the Extremely Inefficient Weapon pokes fun at the horror genre, particularly the so-called "Torture Porn" movies like Saw and Hostel which focus on, well, see the title. It stars Paul Clemens as a man who is suddenly attacked by a supernatural being (Brian Rohan) for a (possibly imagined) slight against the Powers That Be. This attack is made with a normal spoon, the bowl struck sharply against the target's body, and is seldom ceased. The victim is sent spiraling past the brink of insanity from the constant flogging, and resorts to continually, and comedically, extreme lengths to get rid of his tormentor, all ending in failure, and in some cases even backfiring immensely.

After the immense success of the original parody trailer, The Horribly Slow Murderer With the Extremely Inefficient Weapon (abbreviated HSMWEIW) has become a YouTube series, including an "Ask Jack" featuring an interview with the victim, an interactive adventure which cannot be won, and a new mini-series called "Ginosaji Vs. Ginosaji".


This work provides examples of:

  • All Just a Dream: Spoon Wars. Even in his dreams, Jack can't fight off the Ginosaji.
  • A Mouthful For An Eye: In Spoon Wars, Jack impales the Ginosaji with a lightsaber. The Ginosaji then spits a mouthful of black blood into Jack's eyes, blinding him.
  • Beat Him With a Spoon: The Movie no less
  • The Bad Guy Wins: In all the videos so far.
  • Beat Them at Their Own Game: In this follow up. It doesn't work out for Jack.
  • Big Bad: The Ginosaji seems to be this.
  • Big Eater: Jack. Explained here.
  • Bilingual Bonus: The victim in the story is Jack Cucchiaio. The murderer is called the Ginosaji. "Cucchiaio" and "Gin no saji" are Italian and Japanese, respectively, for "spoon" and "silver spoon".
  • Black Blood: The Ginosaji gets stabbed in the throat by a knife and there's black blood on the blade.
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: At the end of the Kick Him in the Crotch interactive video, Jack's vomit repeatedly covers up the superimposed Try Again image. The narrator replaces the graphic each time, only for it to get covered in vomit again.
  • Cerebus Syndrome: By Ginosaji vs. Ginosaji, Jack's situation is so pitiful that it's becoming hard to find it funny, culminating in him being dragged an indeterminate amount of miles by a bus(while still being hit with a spoon) and then suffocated(while still being hit with a spoon) to the point that he hallucinates about a "Happy place," only to wake up in a full body cast(while still being hit with a spoon.) He eventually attempts to kill himself by jumping off a building.. which still fails. It's hard not to feel incredibly sorry for him, even though his plight is Played for Laughs.
  • Cherry Tapping: It's hard to imagine a less effective and more humiliating way to kill somebody.
  • Cruel and Unusual Death: Jack will die by being hit by a spoon... eventually.
    • Especially cruel since the Ginosaji actually prevents Jack from killing himself at different points in the trailer. Not only will the killer eventually kill Jack, he won't allow him any opportunity to cheat the Ginosaji of delivering the death blow.
  • Cut Phone Lines: Spoofed; it takes a long time when you try cutting it with a spoon, but Jack can't get through anyway due to For Inconvenience, Press "1".
  • Death Of A Billion Strikes By A Spoon: The Ginosaji does this to Jack.
  • Determinator: The Ginosaji will not stop. Ever. The dark energies animating his body will not allow rest... neither for him, nor Jack.
  • Defictionalization: The Movie itself.
  • Driven to Suicide: Jack tries to shoot himself at one point. The Ginosaji knocks the gun out of his hand.
  • Dual Spooning: In the sequel, Jack gets a spoon to fight against the swatter and he winds up losing the spoon to him.
  • Epic Movie: "A major motion picture event, twelve years in the making, filmed on five continents, with a running time of over nine hours."
  • Even Evil Has Standards: At least to the extent that even the Ginosaji seems to visibly cringe when Jack saws through his own crotch. Not that it changed anything in the end.
  • Exactly What It Says on the Tin
  • Face-Heel Turn: Jack decides to "become" a Ginosaji to stop the torment. It doesn't work. At all.
  • From Bad to Worse: The result of pretty much anything Jack tries to fight the Ginosaji.
  • Fun with Acronyms: Chaotic Rampage American Pictures.
  • Funny Spoon: Funny to the audience, that is. Not so much for Jack.
  • Gone Horribly Wrong: In "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure", the "Wear Protective Clothing" option backfires on Jack since the noise from his helmet being whacked with a spoon drives him to madness. It's so horrible that he begs the Ginosaji to go back to beating the rest of his body. The Ginosaji, realizing the helmet beating is more effective torture, ignores him and even puts the helmet back on Jack when he tries to take it off.
  • Groin Attack: Inverted, as the Ginosaji throws the spoon at Jack, armed with a buzzsaw... and Jack winds up making him cutting his testes off.
    • In "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure" if the "Wear Protective Clothing" option is picked, the Ginosaji hits Jack in the groin before he can put on his cup. If the "Kick him in the Crotch" option is picked, it backfires horribly.
  • Hidden Agenda Villain: It's never revealed why the Ginosaji has it in for Jack.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: Hilariously averted in the follow-up video Spoon vs Spoon, in which Jack decides to attack the Ginosaji with its own weapon: a spoon. The Ginosaji merely knocks it out of his hand, picks it up and starts beating him up with both spoons.
  • Hope Spot:
    • At the end of the original film, the spoon breaks, but the Ginosaji has a dozen more under his coat.
    • In "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure", picking the Giant Magnet option will lead to this. The magnet actually works and stops the Ginosaji from using his spoons until he pulls out a wooden spoon. To Jack's dismay, being beaten with a big wooden spoon is even more painful than being hit with a small metal one.note 
  • Immortal Assassin: See below.
  • Implacable Man: The Ginosaji takes a knife to the throat, gunshots, and two explosions without any harm done.
  • Informed Ability: Jack is supposedly a forensic pathologist, though we never get to see him at work.
  • In the Hood: The Ginosaji sports a black hoodie.
  • Interactive Narrator: In "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure", getting Jack to give the Ginosaji a hug requires some persistent encouragement from the narrator.
  • Karma Houdini: So far, the Ginosaji has avoided karmic retribution for his torture of Jack.
  • Lodged Blade Recycling: Subverted. Jack stabs the Ginosaji in the neck with a knife. The Ginosaji pulls it out, points it at Jack... and discards it so he can keep using the spoon.
  • Long Title: Just read the title! Also a Gory Deadly Overkill Title of Fatal Death.
  • Mickey Mousing: Parodied during the first part of Spoon Wars. The music swells every time their weapons meet... except the battle starts dragging on and the music direction has nowhere to go.
  • Mundane Made Awesome:
    • Jack arms himself with all types of guns to beat the spoon-wielding Ginosaji. The Ginosaji wins anyway.
    • Another scene that would qualify is that when the Ginosaji's spoon finally breaks, he backs off for a moment, then ominously opens his hoodie to reveal that his shirt has a dozen more spoons hanging from it. Word of God confirms that the Ginosaji has an infinite number of spoons hanging from it.
  • Oh Crap: The ending of the original.
  • Once is Not Enough: Jack shot the Ginosaji down. The Ginosaji simply continued to hit Jack's hand with a spoon.
  • Out of the Inferno: The Ginosaji does this after Jack tried to blow him up with a ton of TNT.
  • Overly Long Gag: The Ginosaji will hit you with a spoon again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again... Well, you get the picture.
    • The Interactive Adventure also becomes this if you don't make a choice.
  • Police Are Useless: Somewhat justified, as the movie suggests Jack is never able to get any solid enough evidence for police assistance
  • "Psycho" Shower Murder Parody
  • Real Trailer, Fake Movie: Though one could argue the trailer is the movie.
  • Scratch Damage/Gradual Grinder: The spoon is more irritating than actually harmful, but over the course of 10 years does some serious damage.
  • Shout-Out: Psycho, complete with being Deliberately Monochrome.
  • The Slow Walk: Subverted. The Ginosaji actually runs if Jack runs.
  • Stern Chase
  • Throwing Your Spoon Always Works:
    • A rare instance where the villain uses this trope.
    • Twice; he used it again in Spoon Wars. And it was epic.
  • Super-Persistent Predator: The Ginosaji never stops.
  • Ugly Guy, Hot Wife
  • Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: Jack ends up traveling the galaxy to find something to kill the Ginosaji. He ends up finding a lightsaber. It doesn't work. And it was All Just a Dream anyway. Poor Jack.
  • What the Hell, Player?: If no choice is selected during "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure", the narrator and Jack call out the viewers on enjoying Jack's torment when all they have to do to help him is to push a button. Not that it matters, since Failure Is the Only Option.
  • The Worm That Walks: What the Ginosaji seems to be, if Kick Him In The Crotch is anything to go by.
  • You Can't Fight Fate: See Cruel and Unusual Death.

    TurnOfTheMillennium/Web OriginalImprov Everywhere
The Holders SeriesHorror Web OriginalsI Am Dreadness
Honest TrailersWeb VideoHorndog TV
Gag SubImageSource/InternetCut His Heart Out with a Spoon

alternative title(s): The Horribly Slow Murderer With The Extremely Inefficient Weapon
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