WMG / Grand Unifying Guesses Warehouse 13

Warehouse 13 is a massive Artifact of Doom (and Holy Hand Grenade) collection thus it must have the following in inventory:

• A securely locked gun cabinet in the style of the American Old West, containing:
  • A 7 1/2" barrel Colt Single Action Army Cavalry revolver
  • A 5 1/2" barrel Colt Single Action Army Artillery revolver with silver rattlesnake inlays on the grips
  • A Colt 1851 Navy revolver with cartridge conversion and silver rattlesnake inlays on the grips
  • Two Colt Walker 1847 revolvers, a Colt Army 1860 revolver, a Colt 1849 Pocket revolver, and a Sharps 1865 rifle with full-length brass target scope
  • A Winchester 1892 Saddle Ring Carbine with large lever loop
  • A beautifully engraved Colt Peacemaker with ivory grips
  • A pair of custom-built Colt .44 Revolvers with engraved silver finish and a gold scorpion inlaid onto the grips.
  • A Colt 1862 revolver with a Richards-Mason cartridge conversion said to be the gun that killed notorious outlaw Liberty Valance.
  • An antique supposedly cursed pistol of Mexican manufacture dating to the 1800s.
  • A weathered Colt 1878 Double Action Revolver.
  • A Remington 1858 New Army cartridge conversion and a .31 1858 Pocket.
  • A Colt Model 1873 Single Action Army Revolver, a Smith & Wesson Model 3 "Schofield" Revolver, an FN Model 1903 Pistol, a Spencer Model 1865 Carbine, and a Remington Rolling Block Rifle.
  • A fairly nondescript 7 1/2" barrel Colt Single Action revolver.
  • A A custom-made, Winchester-style lever-action rifle, forged by a mystically-inclined member of the Texas Rangers, incorporating unknown steel alloys, gemstones, and human bones in its construction.
  • Two matching revolvers, apparently Custom Remington 1858 New Army .45 caliber, but with serial numbers not found in the Remington archives of our reality.
  • Twin, nickel-plated, ivory grip, Colt Single Action Army "Artillery" model revolvers with the front sights removed
  • An 1836 Colt Patterson black powder revolver with "non timebo mala" inscribed on the barrel of the gun and a carving of a pentagram on the handle, a hunting knife with a curved, serrated-edged blade and antler handle with symbols engraved along the blade, and a long, silver, triple-edged dagger.
  • Yet another Colt Single Action revolver, of blue-black steel with ivory grips smooth on the outside, shaped to the fingers on the inside; the front sight has been removed and the hammer filed to a sharp point.
  • A large-bore 4-shot double-action revolver forged from a combination of Irish church bells, cold iron from crucifixes and blessed silver. Its wooden grips, estimated to be nearly 2000 years old, are engraved with a logo of a raised fist holding a dagger. Weighing in at about 10 pounds unloaded and chambered for custom 22mm cartridges, it has enough muzzle energy and recoil to break a normal man's arm.

• An equally securely locked barrister's bookcase, containing:
  • The Necroteuch and the Malus Codicum.
  • A 1st Edition Dungeons & Dragons manual.
  • A thick book, with an academic-style binding of green with brown corners, and the title printed in gold leaf: "The Denton Affair"
  • A copy of the manuscript for William Shakespeare's Love's Labour's Won
  • The script for The King in Yellow (French original, with annotated English translation attached)
  • The Book of the Dead, the Book of Amun-Ra, the Bracelet of Anubis, the Spear of Osiris and the Eye of Shangri-La
  • The uncensored original ("It wasn't a glove, believe me!") artwork for ''Smell The Glove''
  • Al Capone's ledger
  • A plain black notebook, with the words 'Death Note' emblazoned on the cover. Hundreds of names, in various handwriting styles and languages, are written upon its seemingly infinite pages.
  • The Book of Oa.
  • The Book of Parallax.
  • The Book of the Black.
  • An ancient text chronicling the history of a cult known as the Church of Blood.
  • The complete and uncensored journals of Doctor John Watson.
  • A copy of The Grasshopper Lies Heavy.
  • A book containing the history of the known universe.
  • Rorshach's journal.
  • A small book bound in white leather with gilded letters on the front in Latin.
  • The Book of the Grey, which is, in fact, green.
  • The Necronomicon
  • A leather bound diary, dating to the late 1800's. On one page are five fingerprints of infant fingers. It is written entirely in French, save for its final line, "My little son is crying for nourishment -- oh Alice, Alice, what shall I do?"
  • Several rolls of student-produced 16 mm film and Hi8 videotape.
  • And several more tapes.
  • And yet even MORE tapes.
  • And a collection of various formats -- security cameras, home video, even cell phone footage -- of the unfortunate events of the Rey family and friends.
  • And footage of Operation Hammerdown.
  • And A VHS tape; the label reads only, "Copy"
  • And also the unedited footage of an episode, this one featuring two FBI agents, of the longest-running US reality show

• A securely locked (yes, there's a pattern here) jewelry display case; containing:
  • A gold ring much like a wedding band, but inscribed with a language unknown on our Earth
  • A fire opal ring formerly owned by Lamont Cranston
  • The Kahili Ring
  • Sir Francis Drake's ring.
  • The Ring of the Nibelung
  • an ornate golden ring with a large red stone in an unusual setting, not found in any Earth jeweler's catalog
• A beautifully crafted applewood wardrobe, in which is:
  • a sword of apparently medieval design but of craftsmanship unknown on Earth, recovered in the demolition of the defunct British public school Experiment House, and also
  • a box containing half-a-dozen rings, three each of green and yellow, which was recovered from the British Railways disaster of 1949.

• An otherwise empty wall with a security panel in the center. Entering the code "007" into the panel opens up a small room filled with various weapons and gadgets including:
  • A Beretta 418.
  • A Walther PPK.
  • A luminous Rolex watch.
  • A locked attaché briefcase.
  • A small device that is designed to detect the presence of a phone tap device in a regular telephone.
  • A small reel-to-reel tape recorder disguised as a camera.
  • A wetsuit and scuba gear with a fake duck attached to the top of the scuba mask.

• In a free-standing frame, a white door with brass knocker and door handle. Opening the door with the proper key reveals an extra-dimensional space in which is, among other things...
  • The guest register from 1939 for the Hollywood Tower Hotel
  • A 16mm motion picture projector, formerly owned by classic film star Barbara Jean Trenton
  • A vintage 1950s Las Vegas slot machine
  • A dresser and mirror, the kind you'd find in a cheap '50s hotel
  • A shepherd's staff
  • A like-new Mystic Seer tabletop fortune-telling machine, full of pennies
  • A burlap bag of the type used as props by department store Santas
  • A toy rotary-dial telephone
  • An African lions-tooth necklace
  • Five dolls: a US Army officer, a ballerina, a bagpiper, a clown, and what Americans used to call 'a hobo'
  • A dark-covered book with a title in an unknown alphabet
  • In a roped off-section, Jerry, the "junior partner" of a mid-20th century American ventriloquist act, and "Little Caesar", with a picture of him and his human partner Susan
  • An old linotype machine
  • A mint-condition, fully functioning Talky Tina doll
  • A 1956 Ford Fairlane
  • Two autographed Hollywood head shots, one of silent actress Constance Taylor and one of Rat Pack era favorite Pamela Morris, and a scarab beetle
  • Four hand-crafted and very ugly Mardi Gras masks
  • A WWII Japanese officer's samurai sword
  • The prototype hX109B14 modified transistorized totally automated machine

• A basement garage with bays for numerous vehicles, including:
  • a 1964 Lincoln Continental, heavily customized, with what appears to be a water tank welded to the body and a bronze statue's head welded to the hood
  • The remains of a 1974 Dodge Monaco, with "a cop motor, a 440 cubic-inch plant... cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks... made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas," and with faded paint of the Mount Prospect (IL) police department.
  • A 1982 Delorean DMC 12, retro-fitted with a complex set of controls and gadgets, including a Flux Capacitor and a Mr. Fusion unit.
  • A flying, floating possibly sentient vintage automobile.
  • A shape-shifting vehicle whose default form is that of a school bus.
  • A blue Ford Anglia capable of levitation and flight.

• Buffy's Scythe-Axe-Stake-Thing, The Hammer used to kick Glory's Ass, An Urn Of Osiris, Acathla, Illyra's casket and a few other things.
• A few Denarii
• A Seraph blade
  • And a Stele
• A wooden crate, on the side of which is stenciled, "Top Secret Army Intel 9906753 DO NOT OPEN!"; a corner of the crate appears to have been smashed and repaired.
• A Shining Trapezohedron
• A platinum cigarette lighter formerly owned by Richard Wentworth
• A sword cane and a throwing dagger formerly owned by Simon Templar
• A silver bullet and a hornet seal
• An alien costume
• Horcruxes
• Excalibur
  • and Excalipoor
• A beautifully hand-crafted golden arrow, apparently dating back to the England of Richard the Lionheart
• The Witchblade
• The artifact of Doom
• A puzzle box
• A shard from the Jewel of Four Souls
• The two seven-feet-tall statues of angels from Le Théâtre du Grand-Guignol
• Venjix's dormant code and a laptop computer
• A fragment of the AllSpark
• The Pandorica, a Tardis Key and a Sonic Screwdriver
• A device similar though not identical to the Sonic Screwdriver, and a Beta 5 computer
• A chunk of pure smoking hot Evil
• The original weighted Companion Cube.

• A Marker
• An Anti-Music Missile
• Soul Edge, and the sword forged to counter it, Soul Calibur.
• The T-Virus and all of its derivatives
• Shinnok's Amulet
• ''Vendredi's Cursed Antiques''
• A Risen Mitten
• Old alien war machines
• A Leprechaun's pot of gold.
• A Halo Activation Index
• Some pieces of a Reaper.
• The Master Sword
• At least one Keyblade
• The Hakurei Yin-Yang Orbs

• A Ouija Board
• A double bladed sword, which unexpectedly transforms into a copy of the Lance of Longinus
• An ordinary pottery goblet, the workmanship of which seems to place its origins in Judea of roughly 2000 years ago
• A 1st century ACE (AD), standard-issue, Roman soldier's spear
• The One True Cross
  • Or at least a fragment of it.
• The African Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey
• The Never Ending Story, and the Auryn.
• An Alethiometer.
• A Sangreal.
• A hunk of kryptonite.
  • And a Phantom Zone generator.
• The Jumanji board game.
  • The smashed and repaired video game of the same name.
  • And the Zathura board game.
• The Mask.
• A white Panasonic AM/FM clock radio with old fashioned flip-card numbers
• Some of the "money" from The Four Horsemen's legendary 5 Pointz performance
• Nikola Tesla's greatest invention
• The Gran Grimoire.
• A piece of the Map of Inifinity
• A certain other mask, only this time holding the power of a demon
  • A mask holding the power of a demon, you say?
• Hand of Glory
• A Starmap
• A Prothean Beacon
• one one-third umbilical cord
  • A tall dressed up pale doll that is lifeless but still taps her fingers occasionally
  • a vial of seemingly normal looking blood is next to the one-third umbilical chord and doll
• The Shiftblade
• A lance and sheild
• A Polybius game
• The Amulet of Yendor
• A rotted hand and eye
• The seven Crystal Stars and the eight Pure Hearts
• The Philosopher's Stone
• A copy of the Sburb beta
• One or more of the Millenium Items
• All of the Number cards, including all Chaos Numbers and Rank-Up and Rank-Down Numbers and appropriate Rank-Up and Rank-Down spells
• One or more Dragon Balls
• A Tibetan fife
• A bobble-headed devil doll which produces fortunes
• Marvin
• A piece of Unobtanium.
• The "Zoltar Speaks" wishing machine.
• The Émigré Manuscript.
• At least one lantern ring and power battery
• A time lock portal
• A super awesome axe known simply as The Seperator
• The Sword of Omens
• The BFG 9000
• Murray
• the plans for approximately 200 incredibly complex inventions, recovered from a high-rise office building in the Tri-State Area
• A Timing Device
• A golf club that causes people to take up beliefs similar to Ayn Rand's.
• a boomerang
• A piece of Eden
• The Coins of Zakynthos.
• The shirt of Tintin, grants the user superhuman luck.
• Wyld Stallyns first album.
• Destroyed or no longer used morphers, power sources, and zords. All of Them.
• A WB water tower.
• A canister of green ooze labled TCRI.
• The Elements of Harmony.
• The Macguffin Device.
• A Lambda Driver.
• The Tesseract.
• Capt. Steve Rogers's shield.
  • This particular item is part of the rotating collection; after being recovered it was returned to its original owner, in the spirit of inter-agency cooperation, and remained in his possession until late 2015. As of this writing it is back in the Warehouse, and will be until approximately 2023.
• A chest made out of Sapient Pearwood.
• A Garden of Eden Creation Kit.
• A working copy of Sonic the Hedgehog 2: Special Edition, and a haunted Majora's Mask cartridge.
• That damn FOURTH Chaos Emerald.
• The ORB.
• One or more of the Iacon Relics.
• The Hogyoku.
• A digivice and a pokéball. At least one of each.
• The Bronze Boots Of Truth, The Golden Sombrero Of Chaos, and The El Tigre Belt.
• A hunk of Australium
• An NES zapper
• A bladed glove
• A hockey mask
• A storybook
• A faulty computer
• A combination-lock briefcase; when opened, the interior glows
• The Astani War Talons
• A six-sided die that can create alternate timelines
• One or more of the Chaos Emeralds
• A vial of soy sauce
• A pair of intersect glasses
• A golden disc
• A number of pactio cards
• The Book of Pure Evil
• An E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial Atari 2600 cartridge.
  • ALL of the E.T. cartridges!
• Achilles Armor
• The Aegis
• Aeneas's Arms and Armor
• The Blue Blade and Trust of God Swords
• Durandal
  • Durandal.
• Fragararch the Answerer
• Gae Bulga the toe spear
• Gram
• Hades' Helmet
• Hercules' Cloak
• Kusanagi (Katanas Are Just Better)
• Mjolnir
• Paracelsus's Sword
• Sharur, the "smasher of thousands"
• The Sudarsana Chakra, it's a Weapon of Mass Destruction to boot.
• Sun Wukong's Staff / The Monkey King's Staff / "As-You-Will Gold-Banded Cudgel"
• Surt's Sword
• Turnus's Helmet and Sword
• A Xenomorph egg.
• Several Exspheres
• A piece of Magicite.
• The Holy Materia.
• Various Spheres.
  • Including some Dresspheres.
• Specially designed glasses which allow the wearer to see ghosts.
• Specimens of Lilliputian livestock.
• Teabags from the Boston Tea Party
• A tattered old robotic "Super-Toy" teddy bear.
• Cinderella's glass slipper.
• A pair of red shoes that force the wearer to dance continuously.
• The Monkey's Paw
• The Horseman's head
• The wreck of the Alice May from "The Cremation Of Sam McGee," with the cremation fire still raging within its boiler. Opening the door will of course result in Sam McGee's ghost scolding you for letting in a draft.
• An Orb of the Prophets
• Captain Kidd's treasure
• An Elder Scroll
  • Umbra
  • The Heart of Lorkhan
• The funniest joke in the world
• A bottle of cheap wine labeled "Tenafly Viper"
• A Mother Box
• Malfunctioning animatronics from a now-defunct pizza restaurant.
• An early-80's billboard containing a portal to Olympus.
• A custom-made dueling sword with ivory leather-wrapped hilt and gold swept guard, a holocaust cloak (size XXXL), and a year's supply of iocaine powder
• The Rainbow of Darkness
• The first draft of Comix Zone.
• The Vendigroth Device and Kryggird's Falchion.
• The four Elemental Stars.
• An Ethereal Device.
• A gray answering machine containing a small black box attached to some circuitry.
• A Great Hyperspace Core.
• An ornate ceremonial helmet made of grey and blue metal, with a red gemstone the shape of an eye set in it.
• A data storage and processing unit labelled "Processing Component 43893".
• An ancient Assyrian stone sarcophagus, decorated with elaborate carvings and locked firmly shut.
• An antique belt-fed machine gun of unknown make stored in a battered wooden coffin.
• The Tempius Simia.
• The oscillation overthruster.
• The original production floppies for Leisure Suit Larry 4
• A snow globe with a model of a hospital inside.
• A grandfather clock which after changing the hands to a specific time opens up to reveal a secret entrance behind it leading to an underground cave that houses many peculiar items (NOTE: This may, as with the white door above, be a dimensional portal. Visitors are advised to proceed with caution.)
  • A full-size mechanical Tyrannosaurus Rex.
  • A giant replica of a U.S. penny.
  • A giant Joker playing card.
  • A red shroud.
  • A promethium sword.
  • Over-sized bowling ten-pins.
  • A weaponized umbrella.
  • A red rotary dial desk telephone.
  • A double-headed coin that is scratched on one side.
  • A decoy duck.
  • The diary of Detective Dana Drye.
  • A mysterious box with nothing inside.
  • An empty trophy case.
  • A giant clown mask.
  • A penguin statue.
  • A candy-spiked trap.
  • A painted portrait of a young, Caucasian man with short, black hair wearing a white collared shirt.
  • A pair of giant dice.
  • A dinosaur egg.
  • A poisonous mushroom.
  • An imitation brain.
  • A futuristic airship.
  • A miniature mansion.
  • A harpoon cannon.
  • A bulletproof vest.
  • A replica of an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus.
  • A giant chess set.
  • A freeze gun.
  • A hardwood gavel.
• A treadmill that allows the user to travel through time and to other universes while running at extremely high speeds.
• A highly addictive super-steroid.
• A "miraculous vitamin" that gives the user enhanced strength, agility, speed and endurance for one hour before wearing off.
• A device that replicates organic matter.
• A shrunken alien city inside of a glass bottle.
• A projector that opens up a portal to an interdimensional realm outside the normal space/time continuum which is a barren and insubstantial null area absent of any physical material.
• An oval-shaped crystal structure that stores solar radiation.
• A weaponized red gauntlet.
• A bright blue scarab amulet.
• A small, sentient supercomputer.
• A large, green armchair that can traverse time and space.
• A chemical compound that causes uncontrollable spasms of laughter and then causes a painful death, leaving the victim with a large disfigured smile on their face.
• A golden helmet, amulet, and cloak.
• A small rocket ship with a capacity for one.
• An unbreakable golden lasso that compels one to tell the truth when touched, a pair of indestructible steel cuffs, and a razor-edged golden tiara.
  • As with Capt. Rogers, the property of Ms. Diana Prince is loaned to the Warehouse on a rotating display basis. As of late 2017, these items have been returned to their owner.
• An invisible jet.
• A golden three-pronged trident.
• A pack of Chocos.
• A damaged UFO.
• An electro bio-mechanical neural transmitting zero synapse repositioner.
• A golden rod.
• A pseudoderm mask.
• A powerful hallucinogenic drug that causes the user to hallucinate their own worst fears becoming a reality.
• A parasitic flowering vine of alien origin.
• A wooden dummy dressed liked a U.S. Prohibition era gangster, wielding a miniature operational Thompson submachine gun.
• A suitcase containing a handgun and one hundred bullets.
• A golden amulet with a red eye in the center, a large red cloak with golden trim, a yellow sash, a crystal ball, an one-foot long crystalline baton with demonic heads carved on either end, and an ancient grimoire.
• An arc reactor.
• An ornate red and purple helmet.
• A platinum poker chip.
• Ten multi-colored rings.
• Four blue jumpsuits made out of unstable molecules.
• A silver surfboard.
• A device that can decipher and interpret languages, both alien and terrestrial, into the native language of the user.
• A nearly indestructible mace with a chain attatched at the end of the hilt.
• A large hammer with an axe blade on the opposite side.
• A Universal Weapon.
• A visored mask lined with powdered ruby-quartz crystal.
• A black steel katana.
• A chest harness that controls four mechanical, tentacle-like arms.
• A golden gauntlet with six multi-colored gems inserted into its slots.
• A tempered titanium, acid etched katana with a soft steel core.
• A flame that cannot be extinguished.
• A bottle of red, white, and blue pills.
• A large blue eye that compels others to obey the user.
• A magic wand and magician's hat.
• A book that deals with the exploits of Cain and his works of evil in the world, in association with Lilith.
• A rifle made from halo-steel and hades-gems, bound in the ivory of saints.
• A vial of bat gland extract.
• A steel sledgehammer.
• A metallic jet pack and ray gun of alien origin.
• A pair of X-ray contact lenses, a pair of gloves with tiny suction cups along them, an electronic pick, and two thin metal plates about a foot across.
• A wrist watch that is capable of emitting a high frequency ultra-sonic signal.
• An ancient Roman lance stained with blood.
• An immaculate white suit.
• A flaming sword.
• A large canister of glowing green liquid labeled "TITAN."
• A golden divining rod.
• A large antique pistol shaped like a train.
• A Model 1860 Light Cavalry Saber and an antique Native American tomahawk.
• A video tape collection of lost episodes.
• A staff engraved with angry gaping faces at the top.
• A collection of various monster costumes.
• A dark blue cloak with black stripes.
• An ancient Nordic casket made of gold.
• A blank, expressionless white latex mask.
• An eye of Horus locket, seven mysterious puzzle pieces, an Anubis mask with a gemstone, a staff, and a mysterious touchstone.

Possible future artifacts

• Dick Cheney's shotgun: makes the shooter dangerously inaccurate
• Weird Al's accordion
• A syringe belonging to Keith Richards. An injection with it renders the subject immune to all poisons and ill side effects of drugs and narcotics.
• The Books
• Michael Jackson's glove. Substantially increases singing and dancing ability at the cost of severely lowered testosterone.
  • Also turns people into killer robots
• An ordinary-looking ballpoint pen which turns into a bronze sword when uncapped. They've bagged it a few times now but it always ends up dissapearing from the Warehouse and reappearing in this kid's pocket.
• An ornate wooden door with a golden eye in the center that serves as a gateway between dimensions.

Also see:SCP Foundation Grand Unifying Guesses, which Warehouse 13 may be controlled by.

---