Hey, hey, hey! Watch your language! This is radio, we have regulations about that sort of thing! Jan
: ...But you let a naked man on. Maurice
: Eh, he's behind a screen. You can't see him; He's not that exciting. Imagine a flabby guy with a pony tail and a nasty rash. You'll get the picture. Jan
: Imagine one? I married
I don't do horror films.
—James Garner, asked if he would ever shoot a nude scene
The crew was convulsed with laughter, and they kept showing each other cigarette stubs and winking as they did so, as if to say that was the size of my skittle. Camera crews are renowned for their unkindness in these matters.
"I've always wanted to see Serge Lifar. Now I have. And it's all true..."
"What is true?"
"He is every bit as bad—no, dreadful—as I've always heard." Even I could tell that the flabby-buttocked man onstage was, if not bad, oddly repellant as he struck his poses. Year later, Nureyev said that when he was in charge of the Paris Opera Ballet, his most difficult task was to exorcise the malign ghost of Lifar.
Over the years, the term 'bad boy' has lost a lot of meaning. Any ill-tempered person with a fruity job like food criticism or cake decorating is called The Bad Boy of That Fanciful Activity
. Tonya Harding, on the other hand, was a no-bullshit bad boy of figure skating. She was always late to competitions, couldn't keep a coach for more than three emotional breakdowns
, and then there was that one time she involved herself in a lunatic plot to break her opponent's leg. After that, she released a sex tape of her wedding night that made the inventor of the camcorder say, 'Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds
.' This was actually the greatest accomplishment of Harding's career. Hospitals still use the Tonya Harding sex tape when they need to pump several stomachs at once.
I have stumbled upon some gross shit on the internet before, and I need to be sure I never see pics of Nicolas Cage’s Dicklaration of Indepeendance
(alternate joke: Captain Corelli’s Peendolin
)... And for the record, can you tell me the exact moment in your life where it all went wrong? I just want to make sure I never get to the point where naked pics of Nic Cage give me the vapors.
I Am Curious (Yellow)
is not merely not erotic. It is anti-erotic. Two hours of this movie will drive thoughts of sex out of your mind for weeks. See the picture and buy twin beds.
This particular sub plot is a heady mixture of bad acting, unintentionally creepy subtext, and just a general feeling of blech. It begins at the party, where Mary and Vincent meet up after having not seen each other for a long time. It turns out they’re cousins
, making Mary’s rather flirty demeanor (as much as Sofia is capable of such a thing, at least
) more than a little nauseating.
Yeah, there is the little matter of Vincent being illegitimate, but that doesn’t make it any less icky. It eventually escalates to an eye-roller of a seduction scene that involves Vincent showing Mary how to make gnocchi, and if you enjoy that particular dish as I do, never watch this sequence.
Louis Gossett is strutting around a table in way too tight Dockers shaking his ass back and forth like Shakira
. And I looked. God help me, I looked. I knew I shouldn't have, but I did. How could I not? His ass was right in the middle of the screen swinging back and forth like I was watching some weird table dance by Reginald Veljohnson
. Part of me will never
The boobie prize has to go hands down to Mae West
who at 77 years old was still playing the sex goddess who beds everyone. This is like when Tom Jones still thought he “had it” and released Sex Bomb as a single. No one bought it, and no one buys the Crypt keeper like West as some temptress. In fact the idea of her and Thomas Magnum getting it on makes me throw up a little in my mouth.
"Wiggle" is one of those insta-bad songs that everyone everwhere knows exactly where they were the first time they head it. This is legitimately the worst song about ass ever made
. Yes. Worse than "My Humps"
. The king has been dethroned. There was a time when I was blessedly ignorant about what to do with that big fat butt, but those days are over.
This week: Magneto
fully embraces Casual Fridays on Asteroid M… maybe a little too casual.
—Chris Sims on
, "Sanctuary, Part 1"
It has to be said that there is something remarkably kinky about the Master keeping Adric trapped within a webbing of metal torture devices; it's probably the closest to sado-machoistic bondage
you get to enjoy in Doctor Who
if that is what floats your boat. Some swear there is a scene where you can see Adric's stiffy...but, well...who would want to go looking for that?
No, the true Wrestlemania
moments can’t be manufactured; they have to occur organically. Moments like Maria Menounos
’s spray-tan skid mark.
YOU ARE A NIGHTMARE MADE FLESH!
You have passed 'Coyote Ugly' and have entered into some Twilight Realm beyond! If a man woke up in bed with you, he would happily chew through his own neck! No no no no no, don't give me that, he would find a way!
The Sins Past
story began with a very simple, almost-sane concept: Peter Parker
and Gwen Stacy had unprotected sex during their original relationship, which lead to Gwen secretly giving birth to fraternal twin children. Editorial disliked the notion of Peter Parker having fathered children out of wedlock, but were just fine with the idea provided the father was changed to the nefarious Norman Osborn
. Also, it resulted in the following artwork being drawn, and I’m sure you’ll agree the entire world would’ve been better off without it ever existing.
Have you ever wanted to read a comic where Spider-Man
’s kindly Aunt May and Uncle Ben just go at it over the course of one hot, horny summer? If you said yes, then thanks for reading [this article] Mark Millar
, because you are the only one