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It's Okay to Cry

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"There you go, let it all slide out. Unhappiness can't stick in a person's soul when it's slick with tears."
Doter, Princess Academy

Maybe a person is a Stepford Smiler. Maybe they were raised to think that Men Don't Cry. Or perhaps they're just afraid of showing weakness. For whatever reason, a person just refuses to cry when they clearly want to or calls themself weak for doing so. That's when someone tells them that there's nothing wrong with showing sadness or vulnerability. Cue the waterworks. Often accompanied by a Cooldown Hug. Will often cross over with Cathartic Crying. Expect the character to pull the Sand In My Eyes excuse.

This often comes in conjunction with Repression Never Ends Well, as a character might be told that holding back their tears is unhealthy. A character who feels like they're Unable to Cry may learn that it's healthier for them if they do. A Sad Clown may also be the one learning this moral. It also often accompanies Manly Tears, either from the man's buddies encouraging him to let it out, or the man himself affirming he's secure enough in his masculinity that he doesn't care. This trope is related to the "Anger Is Healthy" Aesop as this is when a character is taught that being angry is nothing to be ashamed of as long as it's not a violent extreme.

Some researchers have argued that crying can actually be beneficial in some cases. In Real Life, repressing emotion and not showing vulnerability when required can be damaging to one's mental health. It is therefore not surprising that a number of stories encourage crying or showing vulnerability as An Aesop.

See also Mistakes Are Not the End of the World, "Anger Is Healthy" Aesop, and Fear Is Normal for other tropes about unpleasant things being normal.

Because several of these reasons to cry are plot-relevant, unmarked spoilers are abound.


Examples:

    open/close all folders 

    Anime & Manga 
  • Cells at Work! CODE BLACK: AA2153 told all the glomerul this after the Elder Glomerulusnote  does an Heroic Sacrifice during the urinary tract infection.
  • EDENS ZERO: Sister and Witch both react to news of their crewmate Valkyrie's death by burying their sadness in different ways; Sister by lashing out while trying to deny that All Deaths Are Final even though they're all androids, and Witch by stoically and pragmatically accepting the situation as she would any other, which leads Sister to think she doesn't really care. Once the two are alone together after cooling down, it's ironically Witch who's the first to let herself cry, telling Sister there's no shame in doing so when no one else is around, which leads Sister to do the same.
  • Fairy Tail: A subversion occurs when Sherria is feeling sad about her friend Wendy leaving the Lamia Scale guild after a temporary tenure there to reform Fairy Tail. She still fully supports Wendy and happily sees Wendy off, but once Wendy is out of earshot, her guildmate Lyon tells Sherria to cry if she wants. Her lip trembles, tears prick up in her eyes...and then she musters a bright, Tearful Smile and says she won't cry because she wants Fairy Tail to come back just as much as Wendy does.
  • Gundam Build Divers Re:RISE: In Episode 20, after Hiroto finishes describing his Dark and Troubled Past to his friends, he begins to cry. May kisses him between the eyes and hugs him, telling him to let it all out.
    May: Don't hold back. If you want to cry, you should cry as much as you like.
  • Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha A's: In a chapter of the manga, Hayate tries to hide the pain of Reinforce's sacrifice, even chastising herself for being such a crybaby. Nanoha and Fate give her a double Cooldown Hug and encourage her to let out her pain instead of keeping it pent up.
  • Mobile Fighter G Gundam: Domon proclaims that it's okay to cry after the death of Master Asia. Domon himself is engaging in Manly Tears, but the person he's saying this too is Fuun Saiki, who is not a person but a highly intelligent horse. (It's that kind of show.)
  • My Hero Academia: During the Internship Arc, Todoroki makes a comment to Midoriya that he thinks there are probably times when a hero should cry.
  • One Piece: Koala was a former slave who has been conditioned to never cry or show sadness. When the Fishman Pirates rescued her, their leader Fisher Tiger first assured her that they won't hurt her, and then told her that it's okay to cry. And then she cries for the first time.
  • Pokémon: The Series:
    • Pokémon the Series: Diamond and Pearl: In "Tears for Fears!", Ash and the others praise the newly-recruited Chimchar for doing his best in a practice session and he breaks down in Tears of Joy. Ash is bewildered by his reaction, but Brock notes that this is probably because he couldn't show his feelings around his former trainer Paul. In the Japanese dub, Ash even tells Chimchar that he can sob all he wants to get it out of his system.
      Brock: Well, sometimes, you have to...let it all out.
    • Pokémon the Series: XY: A mild case in "A Trip Down Memory Train!". During the flashback of when Clemont met Bunnelby, Clemont starts ugly-crying out of joy because Bunnelby has agreed to join his team. In the present day, Clemont denies that this happened, but Ash says there's nothing wrong with crying.
  • Shima Shima Tora no Shimajirō: In "The Day Mom Cried", Shimajiro injures his knee and briefly sheds tears over it. Sota and Futa tease him (though they apologize later), so he's rather ashamed. Later, he sees his mother Sakura weeping over a dead flower and is surprised that she can cry as well. She tells him that everyone sheds tears every now and then, listing the times she tripped and fell as a young girl as an example.
    Sakura: Tears have this magical ability to make you want to try a little harder, you know?
  • Valkyria Chronicles: In episode 19, Welkin, who had remained stoic after his little sister Isara's death, revisits their old home following a battle to retake the town and reveals to Alicia that he's been grieving internally ever since, but can't seem to cry. Just when he seems ready to break down, she gives him a Cooldown Hug along with these words and leaves him alone.

    Comic Strips 
  • Peanuts: Parodied in this strip. Lucy says that men shouldn't believe in the Men Don't Cry rule because it's alright for them to cry too. Charlie Brown promptly sheds a Single Tear, and Lucy comments that something has to happen to provoke those tears first.

    Fan Works 

    Films — Animation 
  • Big Hero 6: Invoked when Baymax is giving an annoyed Hiro a big hug and telling him that it's alright to cry in regards to Tadashi's death. It's not until later in the movie that Hiro does cry over him, though.
    Baymax: It is alright to cry. Crying is a natural response to pain.
  • Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2: Earl starts to shed a Single Tear of joy when he sees the foodimals' paradise, only to suck it right back into his eye. After Chester V has been thwarted and the foodimals can live peacefully once more, there's a variation of this trope when Earl tells himself that it's fine if he weeps, and that's just what he does.
  • Inside Out: The film's aesop is that sadness is a useful emotion. The climax has Riley, who's been holding in her depression the whole movie, finally crying to her parents about how upset she's been after they moved to San Francisco. They hug her and assure her that they're not upset with her.
  • Storks: After Diamond Destiny is delivered to her family, Junior tries his very best to choke back his tears. Tulip tells him that it's healthy to cry, but he vehemently insists that he feels nothing.

    Films — Live-Action 
  • 7 Man Army: After surviving the first day of battle, the senior Private Jiang Ming-kun comes across Private He Hong-fa, the youngest of the platoon, secretly crying to himself after seeing the face of a dead Japanese sergeant he stabbed from up close. Jiang immediately raises his voice at He, telling him "A real man sheds blood, not tears!". Moments later when the seven started bonding, Jiang then tells He, who is emotionally breaking down from the horrors of war, that "it's OK to shed tears to let it out".
  • Hot Shots! Part Deux: Topper Harley finds Harbinger trying to hide during the climactic battle and thinks he's The Mole in the team. However, Harbinger corrects him that he actually is the team's Dirty Coward who just can't find a reason to kill anymore. Topper is kind and understanding towards Harbinger when the latter cries and Harbinger gets back into the fight after getting his emotions out. As Harbinger's line immediately afterward shows, the entire scene is Played for Laughs:
    "Thank you, Topper; I can KILL again! You've given me a reason to live!"
  • Throughout The Iron Claw, which follows a family of manly Texan wrestlers, Kevin follows his father's credo that nobody can see them shedding tears. At the very end, however, he can't help but cry watching his two young sons play, because he has outlived his beloved younger brothers. When his sons come up to him, he apologizes for letting them "see [him] like this", but the children easily tell him that crying is fine. This clearly gets to Kevin and is a true sign that he is starting to move past his father's abuse.
  • In Pleasantville, every character has some emotional hurdle they have to cross to become "colorized". In George Parker's case, it's admitting he's broken up about his wife leaving him, shedding a tear, which causes him to become colored.

    Literature 
  • Gleams of Aeterna: In Sunrise, Alva takes it upon himself to tell Robert that the love of his life, Marianne, has been dead for months and prearranges things like a pile of blankets and a bottle of extra-strong brandy, before revealing the truth in the bluntest and most unambiguous manner and telling Robert to grieve and to drink as much as he wants. Alva then listens to his ramblings or strums his guitar to fill the silence for the rest of the night. This turns out to be the right approach, as Robert only takes a few days to go from a sobbing mess to a relatively functional officer that Alva needs him to be.
  • Lord of the Rings: Gandalf encourages Sam, Merry, and Pippin to weep after saying farewell to Frodo and Bilbo as they leave Middle-Earth forever, telling them that "not all tears are an evil". This line is repeated verbatim in the Peter Jackson version of The Return of the King.
  • The Secret Life of Bees: Lily, having spent her whole life silent around her abusive father and the guilt of accidentally killing her mother, is grateful that when she cries about it to August, she doesn't simply say, "Stop crying, everything's going to be okay," which according to her is "what people say when they want you to shut up." Instead she welcomes Lily's crying and invites her to let it all out.
  • See You At Harry's: Sara holds her arms to Fern and bluntly tells her "Cry" after learning of Charlie's death.

    Live-Action TV 
  • Full House: "The Last Dance" has Michelle dealing with the death of her grandfather. She tries not to cry about after seeing how unusually broken-up Jesse is about it, thinking it would only make him feel worse. In the end, Jesse tells her it's okay to express her feelings, and they both end up crying together.
  • The Hogan Family Back when the show was still called Valerie, one episode had a rather abrasive relative dying while she was staying with the Hogans. Just before the memorial, Valerie tells Mark and Willie that it's okay for them to cry. But after seeing that they're not terribly broken up about it and acknowledging the relative's attitude, she tells them it's also okay not to cry.
  • Living Single: Played for Laughs in the first episode. After Regine learns that her boyfriend is married, Synclaire tells her that she should cry, citing how if she doesn't, then her tear ducts will dry up and when she gets old she'll be unable to cry.
  • Psych: While we don't actually hear the exchange, one can see, based on the lip movements, that the conversation between Lassie and Juliet after the latter is saved from a death trap in the Season 4 finale is an example of this trope. Juliet insists that "[She's] okay", while Lassie tells her that "It's okay to not be okay", at which point Jules breaks down crying in his arms.
  • Queer Eye (2018): The Fab Five go out of their way to defy Men Don't Cry and encourage openness with emotions and communication in their clients. Tears are a common way this works out.
  • In the Scrubs episode "My ABCs", after losing a patient, J.D.'s narration mentions this as one of the lessons he's learned from Sesame Street (and that the new interns haven't). Denise, one of the new interns, then walks in, makes a callous remark, and says "Woah, was not expecting the waterworks."
  • Star Trek: The Next Generation: In "Hide and Q", Q puts Tasha into a "penalty box" and threatens to kill her if someone else makes a penalty. She cries and is embarrassed about it, but Picard says that crying in the penalty box is fine.
  • Voyagers!: In "Cleo and the Babe", Jeff tears up when seeing Yankee Stadium, where his late father used to take him, but tries to hide it, telling Bogg that crying is a "sissy" thing for a man to do. Bogg contradicts this, even offering three examples from history (though the last was purposely incorrect).

    Music 
  • Andy Lau: "It's Not a Crime For a Man to Cry" is about invoking this trope. Lau sings that when he was a kid, people told him not to cry, but now he knows that even strong people can be tired sometimes. He even claims that tears must be savored in the same way rainfall is considered beautiful.
  • Bowling for Soup: In "Much More Beautiful Person", a song about people going through hardships and not seeing the beauty of themselves or others, the chorus mentions that "In this life, it's okay to cry sometimes".
  • In Chii's "Why Do I?", the protagonist (in an upbeat pop tune) points out their tendency to cry when things go wrong and wonders if it's wrong. Eventually, rather than trying to suppress their emotions, they realize that crying helps them process what's just happened and lets them feel better.
  • Daughtry: The chorus of "Cry For Help" expresses that it’s okay to cry and ask others for help.
    Cry for help, cry like rain
    Let it fall down your face
    Let the dam break
    Cry for help, ease the pain
    When you can't hold the weight
    It's okay, yeah
    To cry for help
  • "I Cry Too" is a song by Devin Millar which tells us that crying is normal and healthy for all people.
  • Emily Hearn: This comes up in the second verse. The singer remembers her grandfather telling her that real men don't cry, but when she saw her boyfriend/future husband crying, she realized it wasn't true.
  • The refrain of "How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye" by Laura Brannigan says it outright:
    How can I help you to say goodbye
    It's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry
    Come let me hold you and I will try
    How can I help you to say goodbye.
  • The 1972 children's album and TV special Free to Be... You and Me features a song called "It's Alright to Cry," sung by Rosey Grier.
  • John Legend: "All of Me" has the singer telling his Love Interest that she's beautiful even when she's crying and she shouldn't feel that she has to be perfect around him.
  • The Pretenders and multiple other musicians: "I'll Stand By You" has the singer telling someone not to be embarrassed about their emotions, including tears.
  • "Everybody Cries" by R.I.O. featuring Cleez. This song is all about crying being a normal thing for everyone to do.
  • Sia: This aesop is highlighted in "Death by Chocolate", with the following three lines being the first line of each verse:
    Death by chocolate is a myth
    Death by crying doesn't exist
    Death by anger, this is true
  • SOPHIE: "It's Okay to Cry" is a sweet Pep-Talk Song where Sophie urges an upset friend to open up and not be afraid to show a vulnerable side.
  • Soundgarden's "My Wave":
    Cry, if you want to cry
    If it helps you see
    If it clears your eyes
  • The Wiggles: In "It's Okay to Cry", Emma is feeling down since her grandmother passed away, though she says that looking back on her memories lifts her spirits. The Wiggles then sing the titular song, and during Emma's part of the musical number, she sings that it's okay to cry and have feelings.
  • Frank Ocean released a magazine titled Boys Don't Cry, while being candid about his own grief and sorrow in many songs, from "There Will Be Tears" off of Nostalgia, Ultra to "Siegfried" off of Blonde.
    High flights, inhale the vapor, exhale once and think twice
    Eat some shrooms, maybe have a good cry about you
    See some colors, light hang glide off the moon

    Myths And Religion 

    Puppet Shows 
  • Barney & Friends:
    • In "Oh, What a Day!", Tina's miserable because of everything she's been through. She says she feels like crying, and Barney and the kids sing a song called "It's Okay to Cry", which is Exactly What It Says on the Tin, and it says that after you've had a good cry, you can talk about the way you feel.
    • In "It's a Happy Day!", Barney tells the kids that everyone feels sad sometimes, and there's nothing shameful about it, not even for a boy. A bit later, Beth's rather sad because she's hurt her knee, so Barney sings her a slower reprise of "It's Okay to Cry", so she weeps a little.
  • Sesame Street:
    • There's a whole song called "It's All Right to Cry" about how crying is not just for babies and anyone can cry.
    • The song "All I Want to Do is Cry" has a lyric about how it's fine to cry when you lose your mitten (it was sung by the Three Little Kittens).
    • In Sesame Street Home Video Visits the Hospital, when the sick Big Bird finally breaks down in tears at the end of his stressful first day in the hospital, Maria assures him "It's okay to cry." "You bet it is!" he replies.

    Theatre 
  • Musical Touken Ranbu: The song "Otokomichi" (The Man's Path) is a celebration of everything masculine and righteous, but during the bridge also advocates for men to have a good cry once in a while since letting out those emotions will help them take a step closer to getting stronger.

    Video Games 
  • Borderlands 2: In the "Ravenous Wattle Gobbler" DLC, Grandma Torgue tells a story of how Mister Torgue cried when her own pet rakk died, and again when he begged her to spare the life of a killer whale-squid. Mister Torgue chimes in that he doesn't feel any less masculine in doing so.
    Mister Torgue: SHOWING EMOTION IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW.
  • Cuphead: This quote is said by Ollie Bulb if you lose against him in the Root pack battle.
    Ollie Bulb: "Hey little guy, it's O.K. if you have to cry!".
  • Devil May Cry: "Devils Never Cry" and its variant dialogue lines are mentioned to characters who suddenly shed tears or become emotional but try to hold their feelings back. These lines are referring to one recurring theme throughout the series. Essentially, it means that showing emotion and vulnerability is a sign of human nature and it's what separates you from the real monsters.
    • Devil May Cry: After helping Dante defeat Mundus, Trish shares a hug with him and is surprised to find herself shedding tears of joy. This is the first time Dante says "Devils Never Cry" and tells her that there is nothing wrong with her showing emotion like a human.
    • Devil May Cry 2: Lucia becomes a Death Seeker after discovering she is a creation of the villain Arius and fears she may turn on her friends. When she tearfully suggests sacrificing herself to destroy the Final Boss, Dante once again repeats his "Devils Never Cry" line and assures her that she is worthy of living.
    • Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening: After his brother Vergil lets himself fall into the Demon Realm, Dante tries to pretend it doesn't bother him and pretends his tears are the rain in his eyes. His friend Lady quickly figures it out and assures him that "even a devil may cry when they've lost a loved one".
    • Devil May Cry 5: After Nero sees both his uncle and father go to the Demon Realm, perhaps forever, after he just learned that he had a real family, his friend Nico has this to say:
      Nico: It's okay to cry if you want, Nero, over a loss. It doesn't make you a crybaby. ... does make you a little bitch, though.
  • Near the end of Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil, Lolo tries to hide her emotions despite knowing it's time for Klonoa to go, and that he had taught Lolo that it's okay for her to cry as long as she doesn't give up. She begins to cry, and the two share one last loving hug just before Klonoa departs.

    Web Animation 
  • Emirichu: This trope is discussed in "Crying" when Emily says that she thinks crying is a healthy way of releasing stress. She says that, if anything, crying when she feels the urge to do so has made her well-adjusted and happy with herself the way she is.
  • Hanazuki: Full of Treasures: At the end of the first season, Hanazuki convinces the normally aloof and irritable Kiazuki to be honest with her feelings about losing most of her Alterlings before the start of the show, and Kiazuki breaks down in tears. This ends up unlocking her Emotional Powers which she had been struggling with up until then, giving her the power to grow Treasure Trees just in time to defend Hanazuki's moon from the Big Bad.
  • Story Bots: The song "Feelin' Sad and Blue" prescribes "having a good cry".

    Webcomic 
  • In Little Lapses, Blue has doubts about her feelings being valid, but some adults reinforce to her that there's nothing wrong with being sad, and her friend Cinnabar shouldn't force her to be happy.

    Web Original 

    Western Animation 
  • American Dad!: The episode Roger Codger has Stan bottling up his emotions because people, especially his coworkers emasculate him for it. When Roger appears to be dead and Stan has to get rid of him, he's still pretty stoic. Steve calls him a monster. Eventually, Francine manages to convince him that crying is a good thing.
  • Big Mouth: In "The Bad Hookup," Coach Steve suffers a Split-Personality Takeover from his Bad Mitten due to the kids' graduation triggering his abandonment issues. Jenna realizes he's lashing out from sadness and makes him a "Sad Mitten," who encourages Steve to cry it out.
  • Bojack Horseman:
    • Played with. Bojack refuses to cry in front of other people as one of the consequences of his parents' abuse. This becomes a problem when filming a scene in his movie where he's supposed to cry. After he almost cries, the director tells him it's close enough, after which he heads outside for a smoke break and starts crying.
    • In "Commence Fracking," BoJack is disturbed by Hollyhock's crying, but she tells him that her dads said it's okay to cry and she shouldn't feel bad about feeling bad. This sentiment is foreign to BoJack, but he listens anyway.
  • Captain Planet and the Planeteers: In "Mind Pollution", Linka's cousin Boris becomes hooked on Skumm's designer drug, Bliss, and slips some in Linka's food, getting her hooked as well. Linka manages to regain control; Boris dies of an overdose. Near the end of the episode, Linka lies on a cot, in recovery from the drug. Wheeler reassures her that it's okay that she needs to cry, citing what he's been told about how intense withdrawal pains are. Linka answers that it's not as painful as losing her cousin.
  • Centaurworld: While Horse is extremely reluctant to cry over missing her rider, the rest of the herd encourages it, even celebrating when she finally breaks down and has a good "ugly cry." This is an early part of Horse's Character Development in getting more in touch with her feelings.
  • Dragon Tales: In "Feliz Cumpleaños, Enrique", Enrique misses the traditions that he used to have back in Colombia. Quetzal suggests crying as a means to get it out of his system, but Enrique responds that he's been told Men Don't Cry. Quetzal says that's just nonsense and that crying really is a good way to get one's emotions out. He then pulls Enrique in for a hug as Enrique begins to weep.
  • Happy Monster Band: In "Even Monsters Cry Sometimes", Frred is Trying Not to Cry after his father gets a flat tire and is unable to come to the band's concert. His bandmates tell him that crying is nothing to be ashamed of, so he lets it all out right there.
  • Infinity Train: Invoked in "The Ball Pit Car" by One-One. After Atticus is turned into a ghom, Sad-One tells Tulip "It's okay to cry," and she breaks down into tears. This actually ends up being important in hindsight; One-One telling Tulip that it's okay for her to feel sad hints at him being the real Conductor as the "Conductor" who confronted Tulip didn't care about her feelings and mockingly said "No more tears".
  • Mini Wolf: In "Mini Wolf's Tears", Mini Wolf tears up a little bit when he's watching a particularly emotional episode of Mordecai. When his mother asks him about it, he blames it on having dust in his eye, but she says it's alright to be sensitive sometimes. Unfortunately, the other kids at his school don't seem to agree, and they make fun of him for crying.
  • Miscellaneous Disney Shorts: "The Ballad of Nessie" is about the Loch Ness Monster losing her home. As she looks for a new place to live in, she is repeatedly told not to cry. Eventually she can't hold it in anymore and cries so much she floods the whole valley, creating Loch Ness and giving her a new home.
  • Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends: In "Cry Buggie", Squirt injures one of his legs and is unable to take part in the soccerberry game. Dragon tells him that older bugs aren't supposed to cry, and he takes this to heart. He spends most of the episode Trying Not to Cry, until his parents have a heart-to-heart with him and tell him that crying is a good way to release one's emotions. He then breaks down sobbing, and after the rain abruptly causes the game to be canceled, Dragon himself is bawling and trying to deny it. Squirt, however, tells him that big bugs can cry if they have to.
  • Muppet Babies: In "Rowlf Gets the Blues", Rowlf misses his mother, who's on a trip. He pretends to be his usual cheerful self because his mother said to be brave for her, and his fur turns blue. Eventually, he starts to sob and admits that he really is upset. His fur turns less blue just then, and the others point out that talking his feelings out must have helped. After he sings about the way he feels, Miss Nanny tells him that talking about your sadness rather than hiding it is a brave thing to do.
  • My Big, Big Friend: In "Holding It In", Yuri scrapes his knee and he decides not to cry so that he won't look like a "crybaby". His friends tell him that crying doesn't make you a baby. He still refuses to cry until a sobbing Golias tells him that if he's too old to cry, he's too old for a good cuddle, and that's what gets him to let it all out.
  • Seis Manos: Said word for word to Silencio by his girlfriend Lina in the wake of his sifu and adoptive father Chiu's death.
  • South Park: A variation in "Raisins". Butters is quietly sobbing to himself after Lexus breaks up with him. The Goth Kids and Stan find him, and he tells them that he still loves life because the only way he could be this devastated is if he was really happy before and that this just makes him feel alive. This gets Stan to realize that he's better off loving existence than hating it.
    Butters: It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt somethin' really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a... beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid.

 
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Alternative Title(s): Its OK To Cry

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The Pain of Losing a Comrade

While mourning the loss of an old crewmate and friend, Witch--in a rare display of emotion--encourages Sister to stop holding her tears back.

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