Funny / The Autarch

Top 10s

• From "Top 10 Worst Boss Battles I've Faced"
  • Summing up Hades' reaction to the Hades' Heart boss battle.
  Hades: Nah, I'm fine. You may have completely annihilated my heart, but let's just forget that happened!
  • His riffing on Jack Krauser's flat one-liners.
  Alex: Leon, I'm gonna kill you to death!
  • "Cue new PETA Flash game where the Shamans kill Jack"
  • "Fucking puzzle, son!"
  • The introduction to his #2 entry:
  Alex: It's been about three years since I first ranted about the final boss of No More Heroes 2, Jasper Batt, Jr.
  (cut to footage from his Top Fifteen Most Hated Characters in Video Games collaboration with Josh Scorcher)
  Alex, from said video: He's a murderer! He's annoying! He's maddeningly difficult to beat and he robbed me of a good final battle! I hate him! I hate him! FFFFFFFUUUUUUUU-
  Alex, presently: Dear God, that used to be me. Anyway, since then I've seen a lot of different opinions about this boss, including a few defenses of it as a metaphor for revenge being unsatisfying, so now that I have more critical experience under my hat you might be surprised to hear that I HATE THIS FUCKER MORE THAN EVER!
• From "Top 10 Personal Experiences in Video Games"
  • "Leave it to that suave Britishman (a picture of Rabbid Luigi pops up) to bring people together. No, not like that... OK, maybe a little." *cue saxophone music with a variety of penis innuendo pictures sliding into the screen*

Hades Riffs

• Hades Riffs on "Top Five Games I Hate That Everyone Likes/Top Five Games I Like That Everyone Hates"
  • When Alex rants about Secret of Mana 's opening
  Alex: My first indication that I was going to hate this game is when I watched the intro
  Hades: I have the Beatles's white album, I never listen to it because the cover was so bland!
  • Hades declaring that Alex is a robot after hearing his incredibly forced laughter.
  Hades: What is your serial number?

  • Comes back after Alex's mic screws up

  Hades: His voice clip seemed to have malfunctioned!
  • During the build-up for the number 2 entry of the first part. Alex describes the game series as being constantly shelled out and never advancing, leading it to eventually become mediocre as best. Hades guesses that it's Call of Duty. It's actually Mega Man
  "Wait, WHAT!? Mega Man?"
  • '"SUBTITLES, MOTHERFUCKER!!! YOU NEED THEM!!!!"
  • "Get a thesaurus."
  • "I'm in so much suspense just how long can he draw this out.
  • "I'm having a difficult time deciding who the unlikable prick here is. It's me obviously."
  • He opens the first list with a clip of Kratos walking off a cliff. Hades' response?
  "I feel your pain, Spartan, I don't want to be here either."
• Hades Riffs on Dusk's Dawn:
  • Hades proceeds to snipe the animation quality less than two minutes in.
    Hades: I used to wonder what cartoons could be~ The answer's not here~!
  • Hades really doesn't like Breeze Rider.
    Breeze Rider: Well, time flies fast when I'm around.
    Hades: It doesn't fly fast enough! Stop annoying me!
  • Also on Breeze Rider:
    Hades (when Breeze Rider makes a joke while poking out of the fog): That callback wasn't funny and you fail at being quirky. Go back to The Room!
    Hades (when Breeze Rider peeks out a door in Dusk's castle): PleasediepleasediepleasediepleasediepleasediePLEASEDIE!
  • "We'll help you pay damages for all the ponies you've killed!"
• Hades Riffs on the Dm C Devil May Cry Developer Diaries has jokes that literally write themselves, and Hades does not let anyone forget it.
  (when Lilith's VA says the game is "almost Shakespearean"): "Ah, yes... to 'Fuck You' or not to 'Fuck You': that is the question. [...] A demon killer by any other name would sound as shit."
  (when Mundus makes a deranged face): "With that face, I'd say he wants Dante to 'fuck with a god'."
  "These cuts represent the editors not knowing the term 'Unintentionally Funny'."
  (When Lilith's VA repeats the word "drink" a few times): "And here I thought Zelda CD-i was the lowest form of Youtube Poop."
  (when Kat's VA comments on her character's trust issues): "I don't trust this video. It could self-destruct at any moment."
  (when Vergil's VA mentions a plot twist): "The real twist is that there's an unlicensed crossover with Bleach." ^note I wasn't kidding about DmC ripping off Bleach; Vergil's Downfall was pretty shameless about that. There's a 'Hollow Vergil' and everything. — The Autarch's end of video notes
  (on "Becoming Dante"): "Oh, that's easy: just sputter and curse like a ten-year-old in one scene and then be totally deadpan the next."
  (when Dante's VA describes something as "very cool"): "You know what else is cool? Using watermarked low-res footage in your advertisements. (Hades-Vision shows several such images, zooming in on one to show the words "Shot from Japanese Footage Low-Res MP") Oh, an editor's work is never done!"
  (when Phineas' VA says "Kill the child"): "That, there is the face of a man who knows he's got a shit script and just wants his paycheck already."
  (when Dante uses Devil Trigger): "Oh, good. Vocaloid screamo is a thing. Excuse me while I wipe the melted brain matter from my ears."
  (at the end of the video): "Oh, I'll enjoy it, but not for the reasons you're thinking. Hades out."
• Hades Riffs on The Magic Of Oz:
  • "Directed by Alan Smithee!"
  • Hades decides to sing over the opening credits:
  Hades: Ha ha ha, tra la la and a couple of ho ho hos / That's how we bang the day away in the city made of dildos!
  • Dorothy makes a horrifying face. Even Hades is disturbed.
  Hades: For the love of Palutena, never show that again!
  Dorothy: [Immediately makes the face again]
  Hades: What did I just say?
  • Even better, Alex was originally going to have Hades say "INSERT PENIS" in a robotic voice when she made the face before he decided against it.
  • This exchange:
  Tin Man: You can't be a real lion... without courage, my friend!
  Hades: You can't be a real actor... with unnecessary pauses, my friend!
• Hades Riffs on RWBY Episode 1
  • Hades outright explodes at a rookie mistake when Ozpin introduces himself to Ruby.
  Hades: You left the sound of an adjusting microphone in your PROFESSIONAL, SOLD-ON-BLURAY WEBSERIES!!
  • Near the episode's end, Hades actually bursts into song to snark at the dialogue.
  Yang: Who's that?
  Glynda: My name is Glynda Goodwitch.
  Hades (To the tune of If I Only Had A Brain): This show could've been a classic~! Its script wouldn't be triassic~! If it just had subtlety...!
• Hades Riffs on Canadian PSAs:
  • The whole of the "Don't You Put it in Your Mouth" PSA. You can hear Alex coming close to cracking up.
  Hades: There won't be any innuendoes left to make by the time this is done!
  Hades: News flash: maybe not the brightest idea to use the words "beet" and "in your mouth" so close together. People might get ideas.
  • This Take That! during the "Planet Danger" PSA:
  Hades: To be fair, these visuals are still better than Federation Force.

Hades' Misguidance (hosted by Zelda Universe)

• Episode 1:
  • When Hades does his thing and messes with Pit's head during a match with Cloud, the angel is quick to let Viridi know what's going on (as Palutena was dragged off-scene by Hades himself). Viridi decides to join in the fun, with both of them laughing at the end.
  • When he does have something to say about Cloud, he provides this hilariously morbid gem.
    Hades: Oh, well, I don't really care that much about Cloud... Besides, I have a date with Aerith in the Underworld, and I can't keep a lady waiting...
  • Pit tells Hades not to ruin the surprise of Corrin turning into a dragon, cuing a witty response from Hades to set the mood for the episode.
    Hades: I think the jaw-hands on every second attack was telling enough.
  • And when Hades decides to talk about Corrin in detail...
    Hades: Maybe you'd fancy some trivia about Corrin.
    Pit: We've been over this!
    Hades: Oh, that was just the stuff we already know. See, I learned more about Corrin in my studies. It turns out that he-
    Viridi: Blah, Blah, Blah
    Pit: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, GO PLAY THE GAME EVERYONE! DON'T LISTEN TO HADES!
    Hades: ...and that he was actually Corrin's REAL father!
    Viridi & Pit: HADES!!
    Hades: I like this show.
  • Pit brings up the speculation that the Smash Ballot was rigged in Bayonetta's favor; Hades immediately takes credit for it.
  • Also, Hades overworks Pit and Viridi's imagination.
    Hades: Hey, Bayonetta! Don't forget that you can use my demonic limbs any time you want, my dear! I can assure you it will be one infernal climax. *laugh*
    Bayonetta: I'll keep that in mind, hot shot.
    Viridi & Pit: Ewwwwwwwww...
    Palutena: Wait, since when did I start hiring models?! ^note Hades referred to Bayonetta as his "Palutena's Secret" model at the start of the skit
• Episode 2:
  • Hades is... let down by Ganondorf, who was expecting something other than "a worn-out, slow and grumpy old man" from "a great king of evil who nearly took over a sacred land using the Triforce of Power". Viridi decides to do something about that, but...
  Viridi: Looks can be deceiving, Hades. Allow me to educate you on my Ganon canon.
  Hades: Oh, THIS again? You think you know everything, don't you, Viridi?
  Viridi: Yes, I do... I actually know everything about this one in particular. You see, this Ganondorf is from a Hyrule where it was covered in Twilight... Ganondorf here was enveloped in said twilight when he was banished to-
  Hades: YAWN. I'm getting bored already!
  Viridi: HEY!
  • Hades does not like overdone memes.
  Pit: Hey, Hades. Do you know what time it is?
  Hades: I swear, Pitty, if you're about to make a joke...
  Pit: It's Reyn time! Now it's Shulk time!
  Hades: You're lucky I don't have my full powers right now.
  • While Hades doesn't remember where Shulk is from at first, some chat with Palutena gets him to remember all the carnage and death...
  Hades: So many tears and blood from all those poor Homs. Especially the death of—
  Viridi: STOP!! What part of "no spoilers" don't you get?! I swear if you do not keep your spoilers out of this conversation, I will reset your FACE, HADES!!
  Hades: (looks shocked for a moment) You're growing on me, Viridi.
  • As per the name of the series, Hades tries to give Pit bad advice about Ryu, whereas Palutena tries to provide correct advice, sparking an argument between them. How far does it escalate?
  Palutena: Dodge his attack!
  Hades: HIT HIM HEAD-ON!
  Pit: Does Pit get punched in the face, or does he win the day? Vote now on your phones!
  On-Screen Caption: Text "3222012" with "WIN" or "LOSE" or call 1-800-PIT-SUCKS *Don't actually call these numbers*
• Episode 3:
  • The skit with Lucina gives us Hades' biggest weakness.
    Hades: For the love of me, either fight and kill each other... or I'm changing the channel!
  • Both Palutena and Viridi go on about Pit's crush on Lucina, much to his embarrassment.

Other

• In his video on Persona ships, every time a minor is involved in the ship, he mentions the FBI, and a clip of the FBI kicking down the door is played over the video.
  FeMC x Ken: You like shorts. They're comfy and easy to run from the FBI in. (FBI! OPEN UP!!)
  Joker x Kawakami: You somehow aren't disturbed by either the power imbalances in the relationship or Kawakami's terrifying uWu face.
  Joker x Lavenza: Your ultimate fantasy is getting apprehended by the FBI.