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Funny: Left 4 Dead

  • Francis' hate of almost random things. "I hate vans." "I hate small towns." "I hate stairs." "I hate hospitals, and cops, and lawyers." And of course, "I hate Ayn Rand." He actually gets called out on this at one point.
    Bill: Francis, is there anything you don't hate?
    Francis: Know what I don't hate? I don't hate vests.
    • Hilariously turned around in the promo for The Passing when Francis and Rochelle seem to find something in common.
    Rochelle: I hate those stairs.
    Francis: I know!!
    Rochelle: I hate that bridge!
    Francis: It's so stupid!
    Rochelle: I hate your vest!
    Francis: I know!... Wait, what now? Ugh. I don't think this is going to work out.
  • The notorious "WE ARE THE REAL MONSTERS" graffiti - not for the message it's trying to convey, but for the Troll-like responses scrawled underneath it...with the real kicker being the whimsical, "I miss the Internet."
    • Also done in one of the Crash Course safehouses, where somebody writes a Glurge-y Tastes Like Diabetes poem about somebody who died, and is ripped apart in an identical manner. "PS IM FAT", "Cool story bro!", "Dear Allison / Roses are red / Violets are blue / You suck", "Jesus, lady I'm hiding from zombies and reading your poem was the worst thing that happened to me today."
    • My god, she could have been a Vogon for all we know!
    • Dear [writer], you ruined heaven for me. thanks, spirit of [subject of the poem]
    • In the Parish, the graffiti from the movie '28 Days Later' is duplicated ("REPENT - THE END IS EXTREMELY F***ING NIGH"), but someone has blotted out the curse word. Comments scrawled below the graffiti include "There's no call for such language" and "I agree - even if it's the end of the world we have standards".
    • Also from The Parish, someone writes "God I hate zombies", which is then followed up by ridiculous responses which someone writing "Would someone please hide the pens?"
  • Any comment from a survivor hit by friendly fire and the dialog exchange between the survivors and the crazy church guy in Death Toll. Francis says it best:
    Crazy Church Guy: Who's out there!?
    Francis: Well let's see. I'm Francis, and that's Grandpa Bill, and THERE'S ZOMBIES OUT HERE, OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!
    • Louis: "Mister, if any of us die out here, I will shoot this door down and beat you to death with my gun!"
  • If you fall on a zombie, from any height, you take no damage and it dies.
    • Due to the collision detection if you walk over zombies that have not gotten up yet, you automatically kill them. With good timing and a bit of luck you can even run across the zombies' heads and use them as a bridge.
  • Boomers explode when they die. Like everything else, they take damage from falls, and can die from them. Since Infected will often leap off buildings to get from place to place, it's not uncommon to hear a Boomer explosion echo throughout an otherwise peaceful night. It's even more hilarious to watch it happen.
  • The sequel has its moments, too. Especially Ellis' Keith stories. Classic, just classic.
  • The locations of where the infected spawn are purely random, but sometimes they appear in the weirdest places, such as a Tank inside the woman's bathroom.
    • In the Dark Carnival finale on higher difficulties, a huge horde tends to spawn in one of the small bathrooms on the way to the arena.
    • Speaking of the Infected, the Hunters seem to die in ways that make everyone on a server laugh a lot of the time due to the knockback of the weapons turned on it, and if he's in the air.
  • This bit from The Parish, right after all the alarmed cars:
    Nick: What do you know? We're gonna make it!
    [A bomb explodes a few meters in front of them, taking out the bridge]
    Nick: OH COME ON!
    • Alternatively:
    Coach: MOTHERF-
  • From The Passing:
    Ellis: Aw, c'mon Coach, that biker guy seemed nice.
    Coach: He's probably stolen the Jimmy Gibbs Jr. by now.
    Ellis: He is a dead man.
  • The reactions to friendly fire is sometimes over the top but also funny at the same time with lines like "GOD DAMMIT, WATCH YOUR FIRE!" or "I can't believe you just shot me again!" Some of the lines spoken in certain maps can also provoke laughter, such as this scene in the 4th map of Death Toll:
    Louis: Riverside's a bust. Let's just head to the river.
    Francis: That's better than my plan.
    Bill: What was that?
    Francis: I didn't have one.
    • Echoed in the sequel:
    Coach: Maybe we can gas up that car and make our way out of here.
    Nick: That's better than my plan.
    Coach: What was that?
  • Of course, any dialogue involving the crazy church guy is also a barrel of laughs:
    Francis: I'm going to tear that bell down and shove it up your ass!
    Bill: The guy's nuttier than candy bar shit.
  • The song Re: Your Brains was confirmed to be a jukebox song in Left 4 Dead 2.
    • And when it gets played, it syncs perfectly with a zombie attack.
    But here's an FYI,
    You're all gonna die screaming!
    (Zombie Attack)
  • Most of Nick's banter in Left 4 Dead 2. Especially when it sounds like he's channeling Tourettes Guy.
  • Any bit of setpiece commentary by Ellis. ANY.
    • "My buddy Keith, lived in a graveyard once for a whole year. It wasn't a dare or nuthin', he just got kicked outta' his house..."
      • "We ain't got time for this, Ellis."
      • "Okay, but there WAS a goat."
  • How come this classic Ellis line isn't there yet?!
    Ellis: Holy shit guys, it's goddamn Kiddie Land!
  • Coach while in the Mall.
    "Please lord, let the food court be okay."
    "... Poor food court never stood a chance..."
    "If I see a zombie running up to me with a sample tray, I ain't shootin' it..."
    • Sometimes followed by this:
    Rochelle: Dear lord, please have mercy on Coach and spare the food court.
  • Coach contacts the military, who ask him if he's encountered the infected. His reply: "Encountered?! Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke, and eyeballs, and twenty other parts I don't even recognize! We are as immune as shit!" Doubles as a Crowning Moment Of Awesome.
  • After Coach suggests they use a rock concert to signal for rescue, Nick replies with "That's the stupidest plan I've ever agreed with."
    • How about this piece of alternate dialog, where Ellis sums up his plan?
    Ellis: So we have to set up to rock, and then fight zombies. (beat) This is the best day of my life!"
    • And this response to when Coach asks if he's ready:
    Ellis: I was born ready, so yes!
    • The displayed message is
    Onscreen Text: Start the rock concert to signal the chopper.
    • Don't forget this:
    Rochelle: And that'll signal the chopper pilot! Coach, that's brilliant! I'm sorry about all the bad stuff I said about your crappy band.
  • The fact that one of the new Versus achievements shares the name with a Team Fortress 2 achievement involving throwing jars of your own piss at people.
  • After reading "GOD IS DEAD" on the walls of the airport terminal:
    Zoey: Oh no! The zombies killed God!"
  • One of Coach's reactions to a Jockey attack is to yell: "Ellis?! Is that you?!" in a horrified voice.
  • Rochelle in "Dead Center" after the cola mission:
    (Quietly) "Oh, shit. I think I grabbed diet cola, we better get outta here."
    (Much louder, to Whitaker) "HEY THANKS MISTER!"
  • Clown Uncommon Infected. When they run, you can hear their squeaky shoes, and when you melee them in the face, their big red nose honks.
    • What caps this is the achievement you can get for doing so 10 times - Cl0wned.
  • L'il Peanut, the Whispering Oaks mascot; or more specifically, Nick's reaction to Li'l Peanut.
  • How is this not on here yet?
    Ellis: We gotta run the Coaster? OH MY GOD, IT'S CHRISTMAS!
  • The Passing DLC gives great lines while running through the sewers:
    Nick: I am breathing shit air into my lungs, it is being absorbed into my bloodstream. I am literally full of shit.
    Ellis: Hey, I found a candy bar! (Beat) Whup. False alarm.
  • Nick drops this line in the tunnel of love.
    Nick: I guess you could call this a cement river, Ellis.
    • Speaking of the Tunnel of Love, this line, which any of the survivors can say, making it four times as funny.
    Into the Swan Maintenence Room of Love!
    • Not to mention Nick's line "Coach, this bring back any memories? You, a cheeseburger, romance in the air?"
    Nick, crawling through an air duct: This isn't very romantic.
  • One of the endings to The Passing shows that some of Ellis' habits have rubbed off on Zoey:
    Zoey: Did I ever tell you about the time when my buddy Ellis took a sports car and drove over some zombies?
    Francis: No, never heard that one before.
  • Using a chainsaw is a barrel of fun, but aiming it at a Jockey or Hunter as they try to pounce you, only to jump right into the chainsaw, will get you laughing for a good minute.
  • After Zoey kills the helicopter pilot (who had turned into a zombie), Francis continues to tease her about it during Crash Course.
    Francis: Just pretend they're all helicopter pilots, Zoey.
    Zoey: He was a ZOMBIE, Francis!
    • The similar exchange from the sequel was also quite awesome.
    Ellis: Nick, what the hell, you shot the pilot.
    Nick: Well he wasn't doing a very good job once he became a zombie, now, was he?
    Ellis: True, true, he was a zombie, but he was also our only pilot.
    Nick: I shot a zombie. He was a zombie, Ellis. He must have gotten bitten before he picked us up.
  • From 'The Sacrifice' comic:
    • Part 1: The group gets rounded up by the military. Francis indicates Bill and says "I think you'd better cavity search him. He seems suspicious." Then, after the military starts dragging them along, "Oh, I get it! You guys want to cavity search each other!" His answer is a bash in the face by a machine gun butt.
      • And that's followed in Part 2, with Francis waking up in a cell next to Louis.
      Francis: Did I get hit with a gun butt again?
      Louis: Yup.
      Francis: Was it the guys I told to cavity search each other?
      Louis: That'd be them.
      Francis: Makes sense.
      • Later in the same comic, Francis taunting the two soldiers.
      Jeff: Does he know we can't hear him?
      Annie: I'm guessing not.
    • Pretty much the entirety of Francis' dream at the start of the fourth part.
      Francis: Yayyyy!
      • Which turns into a disturbingly amusing Brick Joke later on in the comic. Louis getting his leg nearly torn off by a Witch? Not funny. Louis nearly getting his leg torn off by a whole boatful of BIKINI WITCHES? Actually Pretty Funny.
      • And then, when they find the other boat.
      Francis: Louis, why don't you stick your leg in, see if there's any witches.
  • Francis tells Lt. Mora that everything was Louis' fault. When he gets up after Bill knocked him, the first thing he does is to try and kill Louis.
  • Francis gets sick of Louis' optimism and lets him know it, but one line he has for him in The Sacrifice always has me rolling:
    Francis: Louis, if you don't stop being positive, I'm gonna sink that boat just to make you sad!
  • Some of Francis' voice lines from the end of The Sacrifice are funny in a Crosses the Line Twice fashion:
    Francis (If Zoey sacrifices herself): Nooooo! You monsters! Take Louis instead!
    Francis (If he sacrifices himself): Stay there!(Beat) Goddammit, it shoulda been Louis.
    Francis: Don't try to talk me out of this! (Beat) Anyone?
  • When Valve finally managed to fix an exploit in No Mercy's Left 4 Dead 2 port, this was the note that announced it.
    "Fixed the fix of the fix of the fix of the door exploit in No Mercy"
  • Seeing a Tank kill one of its own as it tries to get to you. Hilarity Ensues if an AI controlled Tank kills a Hunter that pounced you or knocks you out of the Smoker's grip. Raging ensues if said AI Tank does this to you while playing as the infected in VS mode.
  • There's a downloadable map called "Fallen" that includes a massive tower, a land slide, and a wind turbine tunnel. Seeing zombies fall off of the tower by the dozen will make anyone laugh. The reaction to the surprise landslide and the water slide-like trip that ensues along with the survivors flying around with zombies in the wind tunnel is even more hilarious.
  • In the first level of the first campaign of Left 4 Dead 2, get a bile bomb jar and throw it off the ledge. Then watch as the zombies flood out of the building and run off the ledge.
  • Francis on teamwork: "Hey! Alright. While you guys were gone, I came up with a plan. To do this quicker, we should break up into teams. Guys, you're shirts. Everybody else, skins...Now let's go!"
  • This exchange between Francis and Louis:
    Francis: I can't believe I'm saying this...but I think I wanna hang out with Louis!
    Louis: Really? Thanks man!
  • And the opening for Left 4 Dead, we get this at the end:
    Louis: I can't believe we made it!
    Bill: Son, we just crossed the street. *lights cigarette* Let's not throw a party 'til we're out of the city.
  • This pair of lines from Nick and Ellis:
    Ellis: Hey Nick, what kind of car do you drive?
    Ellis: See that was just uncalled for.
  • Coach's love of food produces a few great lines, including this one:
    "Cotton candy, the wise pharaoh of food, sittin' a top the food pyramid, passing judgment on all the lesser foods."
  • At the end of The Passing, Zoey will occasionally say "Remember: Soylent Green is people."
  • The Midnight Riders Christmas song you can hear on the jukebox in The Passing. The lyrics are about kicking Santa's ass after he steals your woman.
    • This becomes even funnier when you read on the Youtube text for the song that they only made it in order to avoid 30,000 hours of community service. Before that, they had refused to do a Christmas charity album for children because it "just makes 'em weak, man."
  • Ever seen a Tank board your rescue vehicle? "Yakety Sax" comes to mind.
  • Hunters can occasionally do funny things, such as pouncing and missing you completely, or running headfirst into trees.
  • During The Sacrifice, Francis admits he has a legitimate fear and hatred of islands. Louis spends the next thirty seconds psyching up Francis, culminating in some of the funniest lines in context.
    "Punk-ass bitch island, you better watch yo'self!"
  • This is best done from high places, like the beginning of Dead Air. Throw a pipe bomb, watch dozens of infected sprinting towards it, and then BOOM!
  • Due to Artificial Stupidity, it's not uncommon to see AI Chargers try to charge at the survivors through walls, off a cliff, or even in the opposite direction of the survivors! A really hilarious sight to see.
  • The intro at the beginning of Hard Rain:
    Rochelle: This should be easy. We just gotta find some diesel.
    Nick: Wanna hear my prediction?
    Everyone: NO.
  • In The Sacrifice, when the survivors are near the Tank trapped in a train car. Zoey and Francis spend some time getting someone that's not them to open it:
    Francis: Hey Louis, I don't think that's a Tank in there. I think it's a puppy. You should check it out.
    Zoey: Hey Francis, guywhoopensthetraindoorsayswhat?
  • When Francis sacrifices himself in the bridge finale
    Francis: STAY THERE! (Beat) Goddammit, it should have been Louis.
    • Or when Zoey sacrifices herself.
    Francis: No! Take Louis instead!
  • Zoey in Crash Course:
    Zoey: Pilots licence, revoked. DUN DUN DUUUN.
  • Community-made content is often full of this, thanks to the creative minds behind such works. A sampling:
    • "I Hate Mountains" features an unexpected escape in the second stage, where the survivors ascend to the attic of a mansion and call for a rescue. Then, they must rush down back through the same route past the hordes, out to the chopper pad in the front lawn. The chopper descends... then promptly spins out of control and explodes, revealing the path to the safe room.
    • "Death Aboard"'s finale has you ascending to a cliff-based lighthouse, where you summon the rescue and, most likely, hold out... only to find out that the rescue is a hot air balloon. And on top of that, it lands on the beach back you presumably passed without a second thought on your way up. The mad dash and sudden shock is hilarious if you don't pay attention and realize it's coming.
      • Earlier in the campaign, you pass through a half-sunken boat and happen upon its load of cargo containers. There's only one path through, and you have to open one of the containers, suspended at an angle, to pass through it. There's a car inside that falls out and incaps anyone unlucky enough to be standing underneath it. Even better when you convince an unwitting player to do it so you can watch and laugh.
    • "Suicide Blitz 2" is a fan favorite, and for many reasons. One simple one is its custom melee weapon found in the finale: a giant foam finger, as you make your way through the football stadium to reach rescue. Oh, and watch out for the quarterback Tanks.
      • In the first level, you can find our old pal Gnome Chompski. You're rewarded if you carry him through to the final level with a very unique Easter egg. Taking it to a small room that would otherwise be boarded up without the gnome, you find yourself entering Aperture Laboratories. GLaDOS forces you through a few tests specialized for zombie survivors, then forces you to fight a horde and trolls you with some Tanks that die immediately, only to give up and eject you back into the start of the level with a few health packs for your troubles. Totally optional, completely hilarious, and very memorable.
    • Most custom safe room graffiti qualifies.
    • There is a Scout soundpack for the common infected. It successfully turns a nerve-wracking battle against hordes of mindless zombies into a hilarious crusade to shut the Scout up. Also available in the Workshop for Left 4 Dead 2.
      • There's a sound mod which replaces the sounds the Tank makes into that of the Heavy's. It really hard to take the Tank seriously when it starts talking about sandwiches.
      • If you really want to take it a step further, there's a TF2 soundpack for all the special Infected.
  • At some points in 2 (The Passing campaign), you can find cases with cash and pistols in it, but if you find it with Coach, you get this.
  • Hit a Witch with Bile. Sure, you probably won't outrun her, but the whole situation just cries for Yackety Sax. Hell, you might even end up owing your life to zombies.
  • One group of players had a glitch that made their run look far more hardcore than it likely actually was.
  • After falling in an incredibly disgusting and smelly sewer that Nick is completely, incredibly grossed out at (and especially because of his expensive suit):
    Elis (or Rochelle): Hey, Nick... splash fight?
    Nick: DON'T YOU DARE./ NOO!!!
    • By extension, when jumping into a sewer in "The Parish", Coach reminds him of previous smelly trips (The Passing underground, Swamp Fever...)
    Coach: Hey, Nick, good news: we're headed down into the sewers again!
    Nick: I am NOT climbing into th- ah, screw it, let's go.
  • From the opening of the second game:
    Coach: (Winded as the group make their way up to an evac point) Who the hell... puts an evac station... up thirty flights of goddamn stairs?
    Nick: C'mon Coach... maybe the helicopter... Maybe it's made of chocolate. (He chuckles, Coach starts to do so too, but then shoots a Death Glare)
  • The Sacrifice comic has the hilarious bit where Francis acts Genre Savy and calls that the Military are about to body cavity search them, followed by saying that they should search Bill, then suggesting they perform body cavity searches on each other. They just knock him out with a rifle butt to the head.
  • The infamous "NO ZOMBIE IS SAFE FROM CHICAGO TED"
  • This guy found out a glitch which made him skip a good chunk of the Bridge Finale with hilarious results.
  • This line when entering the Tunnel of Love
    Coach: Into the Tunnel of Love
    Nick: Tunnel of Love? Jesus Christ!
  • Pills tend to spawn in rather bizarre areas. One example of this is that sometimes in the final stage of Dead Center, in the toilets before you reach the atrium, you can find pills inside the toilet bowls, upside-down. Good thing there's only one lethal virus in the L4D2 world.
  • This line in the beginning of The Passing.
    Nick: I'm telling you the last goddamn time: Lower the goddamn bridge so we can get our goddamn car across, you greasy vest-wearing monkey!
    Francis: Bite me, Colonel Sanders!
  • In the beginning of Crash Course
    Francis: Goddamnit, where'd they buy this helicopter? At the ... uh... um... hold on...
    Zoey: The shitty pilot store?
    Francis: Yeah! Stupid helicopter.

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alternative title(s): Left 4 Dead 2
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