Funny: Criminal Case

Funny moments in Criminal Case:


  • Jones lampshading his Hypocritical Heartwarming treatment of Ramirez in one side-quest in Case 7, after having snapped at a suspect who insulted Ramirez for mishandling some much-needed information (which Jones himself has criticized Ramirez for previously).
    Jones: (chagrined) I can't believe I just took Ramirez's defense. Oh, stop laughing, (player's name)!
  • Jones' reaction to the elderly Lydia Holly's crush on him during a side-quest in Case 8, where you and he have to repair and return a set of binoculars that she accidentally dropped. Your character is implied to have asked (jokingly) if Jones intends to ask her out.
    Jones: (with a horrified expression) WHAT?! Of course not, I don't wanna ask her out! Come on, she's at least 130 years old! (scowling) No, that was NOT funny. Just...Never mind, let's go.
  • Jones' reaction, in Case 11, to your having found several critical clues in the sewers while managing to stay dry on the sewer walkways, while he himself went sewer-water-diving and found nothing.
    Jones: What the...?! You're telling me that I dived into the sewers and found NOTHING, while you stay nice and dry and find all this?! Huh... (sullenly) Well, er, excellent work, (player's name)!
  • In episode 13, where you have Alex analyze a disarmed bomb.
    Alex: No wonder your bomb didn't blow up. It was meant NOT to! Your bomber's playing with you. If you had tried to disarm the bomb... well, let's just say you guys wouldn't be in much better shape than Harry [the victim who was blown to pieces].
    Jones: (looks horrified) ..........
    • Later in that case when there's another bomb on the loose.
    Jones:(happy face) Well done, (Rank) (PlayerName), you found the bomb. <beat, face changes to horrified> HOLY SH*T, YOU FOUND A BOMB!
  • The beginning of episode 16
    Jones: I don't care if some maniac comes after us with a chainsaw. We aren't doing anything until we finish our hotdogs!
    Victim: (falling) AAAAAAAAAAAH!- [SPLAT!]
  • At the beginning of Case 20, you get a package sent to you, to Jones' excitement.
    Jones: Did you just hear that, [Player Name]?! People are sending us thank you gifts! I think I'm going to enjoy that! Open it! Open it!... Oh dear God! This has nothing to do with a gift! THIS IS A FINGER!
    • [Later, while interviewing Jezabela, a dominatrix]
    Jezabela: As for the necklace, it's quite obviousley not mine.
    Jones: Come on! "Property of Jezabela" is written on it, clear as day!
    Jezabela: Which means it belongs to my devoted vassal, Cherry Doll. SHE is my property, not the leash!
    Jones: [blushes].....Oh.
  • For a case full of Nightmare Fuel, Case 26 has some rather funny moments in it.
    • At the outset, you and Jones find the Necronomicon at the murder scene. Jones' reaction on witnessing the book's admittedly creepy design?
    • Later in the case, you and Jones get hold of one of the infamous Arkham Books, the Book of the Dead, which then proceeds to insult Jones. Yes, folks, Jones got insulted by a book .
    Jones: So, what was the message hidden on the cover? ....."Screw you"!?!
    • Much later in the case, you and Jones happen upon a clearly sleep-deprived Ramirez.
    Ramirez: Jooooooooones...
    Jones: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! A zombie!!! Aim for the head, (player's name), aim for the head!
    Ramirez: A zombie?! Where?! Where?!
    Jones: Ehm, nowhere, Ramirez, we were just joking!
  • In Case 28, Ramirez plays a prank on Jones while you and the latter are investigating a supposed Haunted House.
    Jones: Okay, I admit it: this place is kind of spooky, but I'm not going to act scared like Ramirez and start whimpering about ghosts.
    Ramirez: (dressed as an obvious Bedsheet Ghost) Booooooooooo!
    Jones: (clearly frightened) A gho...gho...ghost!
    Ramirez: Ha-ha-ha, you should have seen your face, Jones! (player's name) didn't even blink, they're braver than you!
    Jones: Very mature.
  • At the end of Case 37, Jones decides to get into the spirit of geekdom by cosplaying. Unfortunately for him, he decides to wear a Wonder Woman-esque costume, for some reason thinking it's a man's costume. Despite all the snide comments he receives from his peers, he doesn't get it until he's flat out told he's wearing a woman's costume.

Pacific Bay

  • Near the end of Chapter 9, the murderer attempted to get his sentence reduced by pleading guilty for a much lesser crime, i.e. threatening a turtle belonging to Pacific Bay PD Officer Frank Knight.
    Honorable Dante: Wait... A turtle? Who submitted this charge?
Funny thing is, despite Dante saying that this is a terrible misunderstanding of court proceedings, the plead probably works, since the culprit got off with only a 25-year sentence despite having run an illegal moonshine operation in addition to the murder.
  • Russell's method of analyzing a "non-psychology-related" evidence when Hannah was temporarily absent:
    Russell: Then I, er, called the bank and flirted with the cashier until she told me who the number corresponded to.
  • After having Russell analyze a riddle left by the killer in Case 34, Frank wonders if the message implicates that the killer is a poet. Russell responds that anyone could've written such simple lyrics and came up with one of his own — obviously not missing the opportunity to insult Frank in the process.
    Russell: So Frank is a moron, we all know this is true. It's always [player name] who unravels each clue.
    • Near the end of the same case, Frank shocks the team by resigning from the force to elope with one of the suspects. Andrea's irate response was priceless.
    Chief Marquez: (reading Frank's note) Oh. That little, sniveling, pipsqueak of a —
    Roxie: What does the letter say? What's happened?
    Chief Marquez: Frank happened, that's what! First he was born, that's the first mistake he made! Then, he became a cop, that's the second!