Funny / Animorphs

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The Main Series

• #1, The Invasion:
  • Jake comments that the Hork-Bajir and Taxxons are standing at attention. Marco questions how anyone can tell when "a jelly-eyed centipede or a walking Salad Shooter from Hell" stands at attention.
  • According to Cassie, it could take weeks of spying on Vice-Principal Chapman's office in lizard morph to learn anything useful, which would mean Jake would miss a lot of class. Then Jake mentions that the consequence for skipping class is... getting sent to Chapman's office. He envisions explaining the reason he's been cutting classes to Chapman.
    "Sorry I skipped class, Mr. Chapman, but I've been in this lizard body, watching you because I know you're a Controller and part of a giant alien conspiracy to take over the earth."
  • Marco is the one to coin the team name of "Animorphs", bringing it up as something to call their group when trying to get into the zoo for free. When Rachel asks what they're supposed to tell the staff they are, Marco clarifies with "Idiot teenagers with a death wish."
  • Marco is initially reluctant to acquire a gorilla as his first morph. Jake goads him into doing it by suggesting that Marco acquire something easier instead, like a koala.
  • Astonished by the gorilla going into a trance as Marco acquires it, Tobias comments that the gorilla has beefy enough arms to rip Marco apart like a paper doll. Marco breaks his concentration from the acquiring long enough to tell Tobias to shut up about the gorilla's arms, as "being terrified gets in the way of concentrating."
  • The group splits up after a security guard finds them, with the guard choosing to pursue Jake and Marco. Marco convinces Jake that they should drive a golf cart to get away from the guard so he doesn't use it against them. From the moment Marco likens the situation to driving bumper cars, it becomes apparent that Marco Drives Like Crazy as he keeps slamming into walls and turning hard enough to unseat Jake.
    Marco: Which way?
    Jake: Right!
    [Marco turns left; Jake nearly falls out of the cart]
    [At the next intersection, Marco turns right and Jake actually falls out]
    [Marco spots Jake jogging to catch up to the cart]
    Marco: What are you doing? Quit playing around.
    [Jake gives Marco a Death Glare]
  • Jake and Marco are forced into a dead end that has two unlabeled doors leading out to zoo exhibits. After opening the first door and getting startled by a rhinoceros, Jake and Marco flee through the second door. They spend some time in that exhibit, wondering why its walls are so high and why security didn't follow them in, before Jake squats down to think about the situation and accidentally touches a tiger with his butt.
  • Jake suggests that he acquire the tiger to buy some time for him and Marco to get out unscathed. Marco isn't so keen on the idea.
    Marco: Acquire? Acquire what? You can't acquire anything about him. He's the acquirer, and you're the acquiree. He's going to acquire your butt for dinner! He's going to acquire you and spit out the bones.
• #2, The Visitor:
  • Rachel mentions that Marco once received detention from Chapman for secretly listening to his CD player in math class because he started singing along to the music. Marco grouses that the detention wouldn't have been a week long if Chapman was entirely human.
  • Marco reacts to the news of Rachel acquiring a shrew by joking that they won't know when she's changed because she already acts like one.
    "How do you become what you already are?"
  • Chapter 16 begins with "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night". Rachel then apologizes, saying that she always wanted to write that sentence, but the weather and time really were like that.
• #4, The Message:
  • Marco has dreamed of falling and landing in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, talking to King Friday. When Jake asks if anyone else watched the late news the previous night, Marco jokes he was watching taped reruns of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.
  • Marco complains about the team going to the beach at night to look for an Andalite ship based on some dreams Cassie and Tobias had when his dreams involve staying at home and watching TV are disregarded. At the end of the next chapter, after the team is shot at by Controllers and have to morph freshwater fish in salt water to escape, Marco sarcastically comments on how fun the experience was before asking to go home and watch TV.
  • Jake tells Ax, who's just morphed human for the first time, that they have some spare clothes he can wear. After giving him some privacy, the team turns around to find that Ax is wearing a t-shirt like they're shorts and has a pair of boxers on his head.
• #6, The Capture:
  • The book opens with Jake testing out a cockroach morph in his house, only to accidentally get stuck in a roach trap behind the refrigerator and forced to demorph and push the fridge away from the wall to free himself. His mother walks in on him mostly demorphed and asks Jake why he's behind the fridge with the top of a Roach Motel stuck to his head.
  • The Animorphs decide to practice the cockroach morph together before heading in to spy on the Yeerks, as it takes a while to figure out how to perceive useful information with the roach's senses. Naturally, Marco lampshades how they haven't really planned ahead with any of their missions up until this point.
    Marco: I can't believe we are actually going to practice a morph. We never practice. We just do it, and when it's a huge disaster we try and deal with it then.
  • The rest of the team practices hearing in roach morph by having Tobias use thought-speech to tell them whatever Jake just said and match it up with the vibrations they felt. Marco uses it as an opportunity to try baiting Jake into saying stupid stuff.
    Marco: <Jake? Say "I'm a huge dork." I'll see if I can understand it.>
    Jake: You're a huge dork.
    Marco: <Very funny. I couldn't actually hear what you said. But I know you.>
  • After Ax gripes yet again about humans having a terrible sense of balance, Marco decides to gyrate wildly and claim he's falling. Ax responds by commenting "See? I knew it must happen sometimes."; Jake is left confused as to whether Ax understands Marco is joking and has a deadpan sense of humor or doesn't understand the joke and lacks a sense of humor entirely.
  • Tobias airlifts a poisoned Jake to safety. He announces his presence by saying <Red-tailed Airlines welcomes you aboard, and I am hauling my feathered butt outta here!>, then later dubs himself to be Jake's own personal Air Force.
  • Marco discovers the state governor's schedule for the next week, which includes a five-day vacation that he won't elaborate on the purpose of but includes a visit to the Yeerk-controlled hospital. Marco jokes the governor's actually going to the hospital to have hemorrhoids operated on and is being tight-lipped about it to avoid scores of jokes about the matter.
  • Jake asks Cassie for help with shopping for a birthday present for his mom, as the last time he bought her a present, it was a near-mint condition Spider-Man comic that she did not appreciate. He almost immediately realizes this was an equally stupid decision, as Cassie isn't that interested in "clothing and cute little stuff" and she asks Rachel to come along and help as well.
  • The team travels to the hospital by morphing flies and clinging to Tobias' neck. Tobias comments that the sight is gross enough to "gag a maggot", only for Marco to complain about him insulting their children.
  • Despite knowing they'd be morphing flies the next day, the kids all watched The Fly (1958) the night before the mission. This results in a lot of sickened groaning whenever topics similar to the film's events are brought up and quoting the human-headed fly screaming for help, much to Ax's confusion.
• #7, The Stranger: Early on, while the kids are raiding a Yeerk-controlled building Matrix-style, they get in an elevator in their combat morphs. And thus, a tiger, gorilla, and grizzly bear make awkward elevator small talk.
• #8, The Alien: The group takes Ax (in human morph) to see a Star Trek movie. Ax is very confused by the experience, claiming that the Enterprise is a stupid-looking spaceship ("I know what a real spaceship looks like!") and stating that Klingons are actually females of some species he has seen before. And then he gets distracted by the numerous "globules" (candies) littering the theater floor...and then proceeds to eat off the floor, getting to the point the group has to drag him out of the theater, and he's still trying to eat the candy off of the floor.
• #9, The Secret:
  • Say it with me, guys: Cassie skunks Visser Three.
  • And then Visser Three turns purple. Why? Because the Animorphs told him grape juice would get out the smell. Which turns him a lovely shade of purple. As we find out later, that's the color of an Andalite female.
  • Before that, she got Jake's dog, Homer. Poor mutt, unlike wild animals (and humans) didn't know better.
• #10, The Android:
  • Marco manages to write three pages of an English paper without coming up with a topic. "A topic will... emerge. I'm going to just write until I discover a topic." After initially commenting that Marco's topic is "the use of total bull in the writing of English papers", Jake suggests "the use of rhetoric to obscure a lack of content." Later in the book, Marco mentions offhand that he got a B on his paper.
    Marco: I am the master of bull. Three pages so far and I haven't actually said a single thing.
  • When brainstorming unusual types of animal vision that could see through Erek's hologram, Marco says he doesn't want any more insect morphs. The next chapter almost immediately reveals that the new morph is a spider; when Marco complains about having said "No insects", Cassie tells him that spiders are arachnids.
  • Jake points out that the morphs they use at the lake have to blend in with the native wildlife because the Yeerks are on the lookout for anything that doesn't belong, saying that they can't show up there "as lions and tigers and bears." Cassie cuts in with an "Oh, my."
  • Cassie mentions that Ax showed up early to acquire the spider and was rather keen on it due to thinking that arachnids have a more sensible body structure than humans.
    Cassie: His exact words were, "Ah, good. With eight legs it won't fall over like a human."
  • Jake has the team draw straws (as in pieces of straw) to determine who else besides Ax has to morph the spider. Marco makes a big deal of how drawing a straw later makes it more likely to pick the shortest straw and goes first, only to immediately draw the short straw.
  • The revelation of what happens when they morph smaller animals: the excess of their original body mass goes floating into zero-space where spaceships travel faster-than-light:
    Jake: And it's possible some spaceship will zoom along and hit it and splatter it all over?
    Ax: No, of course not.
    Beat
    Ax: The ship's shielding systems would disintegrate the mass.
• #12, The Reaction:
  • Cassie's mom knows her daughter's favorite bands as: The Fudgies, Snoopy Diggity Dog, Boys Eleven Men, and Nice Is Neat. The last one comes from Cassie making up a name less likely to draw parental disapproval when she wanted to get a NIN CD.
  • The group find out that Jeremy Jason McCole, a teen heartthrob actor intends to endorse The Sharing. The boys initially doubt how much influence McCole has, but rapidly change their tune after Cassie likens the situation to the female cast of Baywatch endorsing something.
    Jake: (losing his amused smile) This actor kid has that kind of influence?
    Marco: (in a hushed, horrified tone) He has that much power? He has Baywatch-level power?
    Tobias: <Yasmine Bleeth power?>
    Ax: <Bleeth? Is that a word?>
  • Visser Three trying to decide which Animorph to kill first.
    Visser Three: <What have I heard the human children say? Ah yes, eeny, meeny, miney, moo.>
    Rachel's narration: I almost said, "It's moe, you jerk. Moe, not moo."
  • The Lebtin javelin fish Visser Three morphs into is powerful for sure, but a crippling weakness of its water pressure launched spears is that a puncture wound will cause it to go flying like a deflating balloon. Which is exactly what happens when Rachel bites the Visser as a crocodile.
  • Marco taking the opportunity to mock the fact that Rachel triggered her first out-of-control morphing episode while pulling up pictures of Jeremy Jason.
    "It was l-o-o-o-v-e," Marco crowed, drawing the word out. "The deadly, dangerous emotion of puppy love. Rachel was overcome by attraction! By desire! By intense, uncontrollable Tiger Beat passion! And it—"
    He was interrupted by the fact that I tried to grab him and choke him. But he dodged behind Ax.
    "It turned her into a wild animal!" Marco yapped on. "Several wild animals, actually. She became the alligator of l-o-o-o-v-e!"
    "It's crocodile," Jake said, smirking in a most un-Jakelike way.
  • "Entertainment Tonight! We've got stars, alright! We'll entertain you and drain you of all of your thoughts tonight!" Cue Jake smacking him in the back of the head with a pillow.
• #14, The Unknown:
  • When Cassie is describing Jake and Marco's long history of stupid, pointless arguments, she ends on, "whether cheese tastes yellow. I'm not kidding. They once spent an entire Saturday arguing whether something could taste like a color. I seem to remember that Marco thought cheese actually tasted green."
  • At the racetrack, when the kids are caught in a stall with Ax and pretend that he's their horse.
  • When Ax informs the kids that the secret alien technology hidden at Zone 91 is an Andalite portable toilet.
    • A primitive Andalite toilet. They've made significant advancements since it crashed.
  • That also comes on the heels of this brilliant exchange:
    Colonel: SERGEANT! GET those HORSES out of my facility! NOW!
    Sergeant: Yes sir! Horses! About face!
    It must have surprised the poor sergeant when, amazingly, we all complied. Animorphs and Yeerks, we turned and walked away.
  • When Marco, Cassie and Rachel are questioned by a soldier at Zone 91, and asked for their parents' phone numbers:
    Rachel: We have to get out of here. Fast! I gave him the phone number for Pizza Hut delivery.
    Marco: I gave him the number for the Sports Scoreboard recording.
    Cassie: I just gave him one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight!
    Marco: Eight? You gave him eight numbers? Remind me not to ever be a spy with you.
  • In the same scene, they're asked what their names are. Marco says he is Fox Mulder. Rachel says her name is Dana Scully. Cassie says her name is Cindy Crawford.
    • And the guy buys it. Apparently he's never heard of The X-Files or Cindy Crawford.
  • Cassie returns home late after a mission and gets grilled by her parents. When she mentions that Jake was one of the friends she was out with, the two get knowing looks and, to Cassie's supreme mortification, start talking about how she's not yet ready for dating and that maybe they need to talk about the birds and the bees. After fleeing the confrontation, Cassie doubles back to listen in on her parents, and at first gets a warm inner glow as they talk about what a good kid she is... which quickly fades as they start snickering to each other about how, because she's such a good kid and already does so many chores for the clinic, one of the few disciplinary tactics they have is to embarrass her. And then start brainstorming ideas for the next time, like saying they're inviting Jake's parents over to discuss their relationship.
  • Cassie morphs a racehorse, and Marco suggests that they could bet on her and win money. At the end of the book, he brings up the idea again:
    Cassie: [narrating] And that's when I dumped a bucket of water on Marco's head and we all went home.
• #15, The Escape:
  • The Animorphs (well, Cassie) are concerned about Amazon Cafe's use of parrots as advertisement. They come up with the solution of turning into parrots, insulting restaurant patrons and badmouthing the food.
  • Tobias needs to acquire a dolphin morph. This would already be awkward enough, since he has to be in his hawk body to do so... and then the dolphin he latches onto with his talons ends up being the first incident of the rare exceptions to the acquisition-puts-the-animal-into-a-trance rule...
    Marco: <Hold your breath!>
    Tobias: <Gee, really?! Do you think?! Hold my breath?!>
    Marco: <He must be okay. He's still capable of being sarcastic.>
    Ax: <Let go!>
    Tobias: <Why didn't I think of that?! Ahhhh!>
    Rachel: <Start acquiring him! It'll put him in a trance.>
    Tobias: <I am acquiring him. Guess what? He's not in a trance. Ahhhhh!>
  • As Tobias prepares to dive-bomb the dolphin, screaming in "his best red-tailed way":
    <Um … is this stupid?> Cassie asked, way too late.
  • Later, Cassie observes that the dolphin will probably be okay after the incident.
    Tobias: <Well, as long as the dolphin is okay. Because I really, really hope the dolphin is okay.>
    Marco: <Are you going to be sarcastic the rest of the day?>
    Tobias: <Yes. I am going to be sarcastic the rest of the day. I nearly drowned. Now I'm going to become the thing that nearly drowned me. I will be sarcastic until further notice.>
  • Marco suggests that The Gardens make the "dolphin rodeo" a regular act.
    Tobias: <Hey, Marco? You need to remember that you're just a lowly seagull right now, which is practically a pigeon, and I'm a hawk. You want to keep grinding my nerves, I'll be glad to show you the difference when it comes to aerial combat.>
    Marco: <Dolphin rodeo. I'm just saying it has possibilities.>
  • "Self-destruct sequence activated. T-minus-15 minutes to self-destruct. Thank you and have a nice day!"
• #16, The Warning:
  • Marco pretending to be Cassie via e-mail. Even better, Jake catching on and playing along.
  • The team realizes a snag in their plan to stowaway on a plane as flies - namely, how they're going to locate the correct terminal with fly senses. As they're discussing the sorts of things flies are good at detecting, a mother and father walk by with their baby, and realize that he badly needs a diaper change. Overhearing this, Jake turns to the others and declares that they need a volunteer for a harrowing mission. He, Marco and Tobias rock-paper-scissors for it, and Jake loses.
    I swear somehow or other they cheated.
  • The Animorphs are trying to hide in fly morph in a bathroom. While asking where everyone is, Tobias describes a very smooth surface with a pool of water below. We barely discern that it's a toilet. Then, it suddenly gets dark.
    Marco: Caution: Falling objects.
  • The distraction. They burst out of a supply closet, and Rachel (in grizzly bear morph) proceeds to... mop the floor, while Jake (in tiger morph) carries the bucket for her.
    "Is that a bear?"
    "Yeah."
    "Is it mopping the floor?"
    "Uh-huh."
    "Have we gone nuts?"
    "I'm not nuts. It's the bear who's nuts. That's carpeted up there."
  • Jake and co. have entered a tech billionaire's mansion in battle morphs. As they come across two bodyguards with guns, Jake thought-speaks to them and tells them that he doesn't want to hurt them, but he needs to get past them, and while they could shoot him, they won't live to enjoy it (and they aren't being paid enough to deal with magic talking tigers). The guards agree that the talking tiger is right that they aren't being paid enough, and move away.
  • Jake tells Marco to open a door. Marco prepares to smash the door open as a gorilla, only to receive the suggestion to start by trying the knob. The door turns out to be unlocked.
  • When Ax says he likes the word 'millions' Rachel replies: "Yeah. It's a swell sound. Sometimes I just lie in bed for six or seven hours doing nothing but saying 'million'."
• #17, The Underground:
  • The kids discover a potential weapon against the Yeerks, a chemical that could possibly be used as a bio-weapon. The only problem is that the weapon in question is a specific flavor of instant oatmeal. Even Jake realizes just how stupid the plot of this book is.
    Jake: You know, from the point where Edelman said "maple and ginger oatmeal", I should have known this was going to end stupidly.
    Cassie: Instant maple and ginger oatmeal.
    Jake: Battles that involve oatmeal are just never going to end up being historic, you know? Gettysburg? No major oatmeal involvement. The Battle of Midway? Neither side used oatmeal. Desert Storm? No oatmeal.
  • Also, the Controller-run McDonalds where the code phrase to enter the Yeerk pool is to order a Happy Meal "with extra happy."
  • Before all this, the team want to use their bird morphs to go see a Planet Hollywood event they couldn't get tickets for. Rachel claims she only wants to go because there will be a Ralph Lauren fashion show... and not, as Marco cheekily insinuates, because Lucy Lawless (aka Xena: Warrior Princess) is one of the celebrity guests. When they're watching the show and Lawless comes on stage, however, Rachel has a brief geek-out moment before trying to play it cool, while Marco insists that she fly down, demorph, and challenge Xena to single combat.
    Rachel: <Marco, Marco, Marco. You do like to cling to your pathetic little dreams, don't you?>
    Marco: <Yes. I absolutely do. And Rachel? Don't forget the leather outfit.>
  • Near the beginning, they have to infiltrate an asylum. Rachel makes the Obligatory Joke about leaving Marco behind, and then they morph cockroaches and hide themselves in a delivery of bananas. While they're in the bananas, one of them mentions seeing a documentary about tarantulas hitching rides in bananas...
  • On the final page, Marco shows up at Rachel's house with boxes and boxes of instant maple and ginger oatmeal. Now that they've decided they can't use it as chemical warfare, someone has to eat it...
• #18, The Decision:
  • Ax goes to the mall, walks into the Cinnabon and offers to work for money which he can then use to buy cinnamon buns. The manager takes pity on him, and offers to give him some food if he clears the tables. Naturally, Ax's method of doing so is by eating the leftover chips and condiments...and then he sees two customers about to eat some freshly-made cinnamon buns, so he rushes over to "clear" their table. The manager stops him and, clearly thinking he is some poor, starving child, offers for him to "have one" from a tray of slightly stale buns.
    Let me make one final point here: human mouth-sound language is very fuzzy at times. "Have one," she'd said.
    One mouthful? One bun?
    One tray?
    It was certainly not my fault if there was any confusion.
  • The chapter ends there, and the next begins with Marco describing the aftermath.
    Marco: So, there I am. Cruising through the food court, minding my own business, thinking, Hey, why not snag a taco? when I notice the paramedics and this crowd all gathered around the Cinnabon. And I swear, it was like this sudden, psychic feeling. I knew, I mean, I knew somehow the Ax-man was involved. So I go over and ask someone in the crowd what's happening. And [...] she tells me, "Some kid went crazy and ate an entire pan of cinnamon buns." Now, who, I ask you all, who do we know who would eat an entire pan of cinnamon buns?
• #19, The Departure:
  • When Tobias alerts Jake (who is in class) via thought-speech that Cassie is coming out of her cocoon, he blurts his response out loud, earning him weird looks from the teacher and other students. Then he and the others excuse themselves from class so they can go check on Cassie. Jake and Rachel run out of their classrooms after saying they need to throw up, but Maro claims he urgently needs to put on a nicotine patch.
    "I'm trying to break the smoking habit!" he yelled. "Don't stop me!"
  • After observing Cassie fly away as a butterfly, Ax reveals that since the process of metamorphosis acts as natural morph, it resets the morphing clock and Cassie is no longer stuck in morph. This leads to Jake yelling "GET! THAT! BUTTERFLY!"
  • Cassie's cover story for why she went missing for three days is that she got lost in the woods and lived off mushrooms. She notes that the resulting newspaper headline of "Girl Survives Ordeal Eating Mushrooms" makes it sound like the ordeal she experienced was eating mushrooms.
• #20: The Discovery:
  • Marco has to speak to a human who isn't in on The Masquerade, while in morph. His way of going about it?
    Greetings, Earthling! Klaatu barada nikto! I come in peace!
  • And then:
    Earthling! Your son ditched school early!
  • The above is made even better when the guy (David's father) buys it!
  • The part where Tobias hits a window, and he starts spouting Clue quotes was absolutely hilarious.
  • Also, Jake and Marco doing the "Beakanoma" scene: the two of them are in a public toilet, with Marco trying to demorph out of hawk form. Unfortunately, they're caught partway by the manager and an angry customer, who believe there's some sort of mischief afoot. So Jake throws a sweatshirt over the half-transformed Marco and tries to pass him off as a little brother, and the half-formed beak as a "growth in the shape of a beak" called "Beakanoma". Marco tries to convince Jake to say it strangely only affects really attractive people, but Jake whispers to him to shut up.
• #21, The Threat: in which the Animorphs infiltrate a secure location by morphing fleas and riding on Jake, morphed into a dragonfly.
  Cassie: <At one level, it's kind of fascinating, you know? I mean, did anyone ever read the Miss Spider books? Miss Spider's Tea Party, Miss Spider's New Car? This could be Miss Spider Goes Flying.>^note The "Miss Spider" books are, of course, published by Scholastic.
• #22, The Solution: a mostly serious story, in which the side plot is that the Animorphs stop a summit meeting being targeted by the Yeerks — which they accomplish by morphing elephants and rhinos and destroying the hotel complex. Then run into a drunk Boris Yeltsin who views the whole thing with mild amusement and has an Accidental Hero moment when he calls of his security detail from attacking the morphed kids.
  [narrating] I guess if you think about it, hanging out with a bunch of politicians talking about peace must be kind of dull. After a few days of that, maybe you kind of welcome massive, enraged animals barging through your living room.
• #24: The Suspicion
  • Marco's "groveling" to the Helmacrons, which is made all the funnier by Cassie's total failure to play along:
    Marco: (laying on his back, hands behind his head) I grovel before the mighty Helmacron captain, most mighty of the mighty, undisputed champion of the world in the dust-weight category! We grovel like the pitiful losers we are! We grovel like a guy who hasn't got a date the day before the prom and the only girl around is the head cheerleader, that's how much we grovel. Cassie, you could join in any time, you know.
    Cassie: We grovel... um, like grovelers.
    Marco: Oh, good groveling. Put some feeling into it.
    Cassie: (lamely) I grovel like, uh... like a person who is really, really groveling.
    Marco: O mighty Helmacron dead guy, we grovel like a video game addict trapped in an arcade without a quarter, that's how much we grovel. You would not believe the depths of our grovelry! We grovel like a guy with a large order of fries and the only saltshaker is at the table of the school bully.
  • Also, Marco discovering that the completely-out-of-their-gourd Helmacrons are all female.
    Marco: Oh man, now I'm really scared. It's an entire race of Rachels!
  • All Helmacron leaders must be dead, because that way they can never screw up. Marco, for once, is stunned.
  • Ax is caught in the barn by Cassie's dad, and claims that he's a friend from school, before Jake chimes in that he's from another country. When Walter naturally asks which one, Ax first claims to be from the Republic of Ivory Coast, leading Cassie to regret ever giving him the World Almanac. When Walter doesn't buy it, Ax suggests three other countries before Walter replies, "Tell you what, let's just go with Canada." Ax agrees to this: "I am from Canada. I am Canadese."
  • After he, Cassie and Tobias are returned to their normal size after being shot with a Helmacron shrink ray, Marco expresses regret that there won't be an Adam and Eve Plot.
• #26, The Attack: Rachel's reaction to encountering a subset of the Iskoort species whose entire function in their culture is shopping.
  Rachel: My people! At last I have a true homeland!
  Jake: They shop? That's it? They shop?
  Guide: <Someone must buy what is created in the great factories and small craftworks.>
  Rachel: Exactly.
  Guide: <The economy cannot function without people to buy things.>
  Rachel: Guide, you are finally making sense.
  • Exactly three seconds after Jake and Cassie's first kiss:
    Marco: (holds out arms to Jake) What, no kiss for me?
    • So he turns to Rachel.
• Jake defeating the Crayak's plan by passing on memories of his first kiss? Both awesome and heartwarming. The fact that the Ellimist reveals that the next time the Howlers are sent to invade a planet, they'll try kissing them? Hilarious.
• #27, The Exposed:
  • The Animorphs' incompetent rescue of Erek while he's paralysed and his hologram's deactivated. It involves a Bill Clinton mask, Tommy Hilfiger underwear, and a gorilla wearing a homemade sandwich board advertising King Kong vs. Gudzilla. Yes, Gudzilla.
    Erek: No offense, but how on Earth have you people managed to avoid getting caught for this long?
  • Rachel buys clothes to disguise Erek, leaving poor Cassie to fend off curious shoppers for twenty minutes.
    Cassie grabbed my arm and dug in her fingernails. "Where have you been? I've been sweating blood!"
    "Shopping." And before Cassie could strangle me, I added, "For Erek. He needs clothes and a disguise."
  • When Cassie demands to know why she bought him designer underwear, Rachel snaps back that they don't exactly have a Wal-Mart at the mall.
    Cassie: Hello! He's an android! He doesn't even need clothes, except as a disguise.
    Rachel: Oh. Maybe I'll give them to Jake.
  • Rachel and Cassie are trying to drag Erek out of the store until Marco shows up when an employee gets in their way. And then Marco shows up behind him in gorilla morph:
    Rachel: Look out, that lava lamp is about to fall and hit you in the head!
    Employee: Huh?
    Marco: <Huh?>
    Rachel: [Gives Marco a Death Glare] I said, look out, that lava lamp is about to fall and hit you in the head!
    Marco: <Oh, right.> [Tap on the Head]
  • Later on, the news report quotes the employee, who complains about the lava lamp hitting him.
  • The Chee can only be reactivated from the Pemalite ship, which is at the bottom of the ocean. Suddenly, the conversation takes a turn for the Seinfeldian:
    Tobias: I am so totally not interested in being Captain Nemo.
    Cassie: Hello! That's it! Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea! Hah! I think we have a solution!
    Marco: Wasn't it Journey to the Bottom of the Sea?
    Jake: No, it was Voyage.
    Marco: Journey sounds better.
    Jake: Hey, time marches on, right? We're in a hurry. What are you thinking, Cassie?
    Cassie: Calamari.
    Rachel: Snails?
    Ax: <I am not in favor of snails.>
    Cassie: Wait, that's not-
    Ax <I had the misfortune to inadvertantly eat one while feeding. I did not see it in time. I stepped on it and digested it.>
    Rachel: You ate a snail through your hoof?
    Ax: <Yes, and the meat portion was fine. However, once the snail's body had been digested, the shell was very difficult to->
    Jake: Ooookay, I think that's probably enough about snails.
    Cassie: Yeah, especially since calamari does not mean snail. Escargot means snail. I was talking about-
    Tobias: Here's an idea. Let's all just stick to speaking English.
    Cassie: Squid!
    (Beat)
    Tobias: Uh-uh. Calamari is octopus, not squid.
    Cassie: Oh. Who. CARES? Squid. We can morph a giant squid! Giant squid dive really deep. And they have arms, so we could maybe get into the Pemalite ship.
    Rachel: Why didn't she just say that to begin with?
    Marco: Could have saved a lot of time.
    Ax: <What does any of this have to do with your Captain Nemo?>
    Cassie: (throwing up her hands) It's a book. Journey to-
    Marco: Ah HAH! It was Journey!
    Cassie: I mean Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. Captain Nemo was attacked by a giant squid.
    Marco: Who won?
    Rachel: Wait a minute. It wasn't Journey or Voyage. It was 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Jules Verne.
    Cassie: (briefly looking like she wants to strangle her) Oh yeah. Voyage was a TV show. They run it on the Sci-Fi Channel.
    Marco: I thought it was on Nick at Night.
    (Everyone starts giggling.)
    Rachel: Someone call the Chee and tell them they're doomed. Their only hope is a collection of idiot kids, standing around in the woods debating cable channels.
  • The Pemalite ship itself. Especially when it (politely) insists they leave. Visser Three is throwing a huge screaming tantrum the entire time, but the ship is nothing but courteous, and... instead of disintegrating the ship, the Visser leaves.
  • The fact that the code for accessing the Pemalite computer is 'six'. Just that, one number. Oh, and the main control console is built into a tree. Even Ax, whose species lives in the open air, finds it ridiculous.
  • There's also the fact that the team discovers that the ship is shaped like a giant, prone Snoopy (as confirmed by its depiction on the inside cover of the book.)
• #28, The Experiment:
  • This is not a well-regarded book. However, the scene where the kids, disguised as chimpanzees, plaster Visser Three and his evil scientists with poop, while also tricking the other chimps into doing the same is solid comic gold.
  • When the Animorphs are trying to work out why the Yeerks would be interested in a meatpacking plant.
    Cassie: Contaminate the food supply? Kill a lot of people?
    Ax: Nonsense, if the Yeerks wanted to kill a lot of humans they could simply use their Dracon beams to ignite the atmosphere.
    (Silence)
    Marco: Well. There's a happy thought.
  • Ax steals the "wire that humans hang from limbless trees" for his homemade satellite dish.
    Tobias: Ah. That explains the power outage in Jake's neighborhood.
  • Ax is really, really, really fascinated by "These Messages" (what we call commercial breaks). Tobias is actually quite disturbed by this revelation.
• #29, The Sickness:
  • Marco passes the time while helping to carry an extremely sick Jake back home by listing all the ways to say 'throwing up'. It is funnier than it sounds.
  • Later on, after all the characters have gotten over the titular alien sickness, they talk about what they did while sick. After the rest of them complain about being too sick to get out of bed, throwing up all the time, having an alien inside their head, and such, Tobias reminds them that, since he's always in the form of a hawk, and that Cassie's father, a vet, tried to stick a pill up-
  • Tobias is funny in general in that one. When he first gets sick, after being the only one besides Cassie not to, Cassie's forced to put him in a cage until her dad can treat him, next to an eagle, which his hawk instincts aren't so happy with. We can tell he's not amused, the whole thing is hilarious.
  • And then there's how Cassie responds to his complaints, which doubles as a Moment of Awesome:
    Cassie: Oh, just stop it. You're in the best place you can possibly be. I have no time, no time, NO TIME for any crap, okay?!
    Tobias: (meekly) <Okay.>
• #30, ''The Reunion: "Alive. My mother was alive. I saw Rachel giving me the fish eye from across the room. I mouthed that one word: alive. Evidently Rachel doesn't read lips. She misunderstood what I'd said and responded by mouthing two words I won't repeat."
• #32, The Separation:
  • Erek, a member of a secret ancient, alien, pacifist android race with extremely advanced holographic technology and the appearance of large, metal bipedal dogs, who have preserved the essence of their extinct creators in domesticated dogs and participated in human society for thousands of years in secret, claims that the Animorphs are simply too weird for him.
  • The fact that Marco PHYSICALLY CANNOT STOP making jokes about the fact that there are two Rachels hanging around, even though one of the Rachels is very violent and has already nearly killed him for it once. It's a lot of joke, cringe, joke, hide, joke, etc.
• #34, The Prophecy opens with Cassie and Rachel breaking into a teacher's house for something Cassie insists is a matter of life and death. It's a doodle. Featuring a heart, a cupid, and the words "Cassie loves Jake".
  Cassie: <I accidentally turned it in with my test. Just get it. And don't say anything.>
  Rachel: <Nothing?>
  Cassie: <Nothing! Not. One. Word.>
  Rachel: <Okay, you're my best friend. So not one word. Especially not "Awww, isn't that sweet?" And definitely not "Cassie is in lo-ove, Cassie is in lo-ove." And no way I'd ever say —>
  Cassie: <I knew I should have done this alone.>
• #35, The Proposal: Marco's summation of the team's Dysfunction Junction state (concerning his morphing poodle-polar bears or lobster-ospreys or gorilla-trout due to the stress of seeing his dad remarry when Marco knows his mom is still alive).
  Marco: Cassie, everyone here has problems. Ax is the only member of his species within a trillion miles who's not a Controller; Jake is just a Dumb Jock trying to play General Eisenhower; you're a pacifist who spends half her time battling aliens; Rachel is about three millimeters away from morphing permanently into the Terminator; and, oh, by the way, Tobias is a bird who lives in a tree and eats mice for breakfast. We all have problems. We are not exactly the poster children for Mental Health week.
  Jake: Dumb Jock? Excuse me?
  • When due to Phlebotinum Breakdown Marco morphs into a poodle-polar bear, he realizes that he has become a poo-bear.
  • A lot of the messed-up blended morphs from that book have funny names. At one point, a ticked-off Jake refers to a half trout, half gorilla morph as "morphing into surf and turf." At another, Marco decides that a half-spider, half-skunk morph is either a skider or a spunk.
• #38, The Arrival:
  • Another Andalite is overwhelmed by the taste of jelly beans. Tobias and Ax have to drag her out of there, only to be confronted by the brother of the girl she morphed. They run for it.
  • The same book has a weird combination of heartwarming and funny when Estrid asks Ax if cinnamon buns are what makes him care for humans. He thinks about the hosts that had made a human shield to protect the other Animorphs and all the times his friends had risked their lives for him, then sarcastically answers, "Yes. That is why I like humans. It is all about the cinnamon buns."
• #42, The Journey:
  • "Excuse me. Are you planning to have a BATTLE in my NOSE?!" For context, the Helmacrons had returned and were hiding in Marco's nose, forcing the Animorphs to shrink themselves and go after them.
  • In an earlier part of that same book, a damaged inches-long Helmacron ship pulls a Dynamic Entry... on a commandeered Barbie RC car.
• #43, The Test:
  • Tobias has to meet with Taylor in a public place. He does it by acquiring her as a morph.
  • There's a fleeting mention that the Andalite word for being unable to control a morph is notallssith.
• #44, The Unexpected: After Cassie gets back from Australia:
  Rachel: Talk? Puh-leez. He wants to give you a big, fat, sloppy kiss. You should've seen him. He was a total zombie the whole time you were gone.
  Cassie: A zombie? Really?
  Jake: (shoots Rachel a dirty look, then stares down at his French fries) Depends on your definition of a zombie.
  Tobias: How's this for a definition? Somebody who can't eat, can't sleep, spends every minute of the night and day searching the airport and all other known Yeerk hangouts, and can only utter one intelligible sentence: 'I have to FIND HER.'
• #49, The Diversion:
  • Ax pretending to be a teenage delinquent.
    "You do not know me," he said, "but I am a juvenile delinquent. I do not trust authority figures, I probably will not graduate from high school, and statistics say my present rowdiness and vandalism will likely lead to more serious crimes. I am a dangerous fellow, and I am causing mayhem in this store." He reached behind her and pulled three jars of baby food from the top shelf. Shoved them behind a box of macaroni. Shuffled the Cheez Whiz in front of the Marshmallow Fluff. Tossed a bag of lady's shavers onto a bag of hamburger buns. "There. I have now shamelessly destroyed the symmetry of this shelf, undoing hours of labor by underpaid store employees. If you could see me, you would be frightened."
  • Ax meeting Rachel's little sisters.
    • I have already made sure, Prince Jake. They think I am a "pokey man." I have told them I am an Andalite and am actually quite swift ^note "pokey" meaning slow, but they insist they need to train me.
  • When Cassie's mother Michelle first sees Ax, her first guess is that he's a mutated deer caused by the high-voltage power lines and may be radioactive.
  • As serious as the situation is, the scene where Rachel finally reveals the truth about what's happening to her family and tries to rescue them... only for her mom Naomi to freak out, thinking the bear ate her.
    Rachel: Get it together, Mom, I am the bear!
  • Furthermore, she unhesitatingly attacked the bear with a spice rack, proving that Rachel's fearlessness was hereditary. Tobias notes that it may be a Mama Bear thing: "Cassie's mom had done the same thing: thrown her own body between her child and what she believed was a mutant, radioactive deer."
  • Later, Naomi helps the free Hork-Bajir draft a constitution, but none of them except Toby can read or write, so they vote to have Rachel's mom teach them.
    "Excuse me?" Her voice had thundered through the valley. "Do I look like a teacher?" They voted again, and decided that, yes, she did indeed look like a teacher. Now she was teaching them the ABC song. "No," she was telling them. "No, no, no. Elemenopee is not one letter. L. M. N. O. P. Get it?"
• #51, The Absolute: The whole scene where Ax, Marco and Tobias attempt to acquire duck DNA. The ducks win.
• #54: The Beginning:
  • When Jake goes to recruit Marco for their mission to save Ax, he finds him partway through morphing lobster to crawl around the bottom of his swimming pool for no apparent reason.
    Jake: Well, if it isn't Lobster Boy.
    Marco: <Hey, Jake. Remember this morph?>
    Jake: Uh-huh. Some reason why you're morphing to lobster?
    Marco: <Ummmm...I dropped my keys down in the pool? I was going to go get them?>
    Jake: Well, then it's a good thing you have the ability to turn into a lobster, because otherwise, what would you do? I mean, normal people, they drop their keys in the pool, they're just totally helpless. Those keys stay down there. Forever.
    Marco: (reverses the morph, regains human mouth) You seem perky, today. You want something to drink?
    Jake: What are you going to do, morph to cow and squeeze me out a glass of two percent?
  • Later, as Marco is griping about leaving behind all his post-war luxury, Jake cuts the bull-crap:
    Jake: Marco, you were bored out of your mind.
    Marco: Yes, I was.
    Jake: If I hadn't asked you to come you'd have killed me.
    Marco: Yes, Jake, I would.
    Jake: But that's not going to change the fact that you'll be whining endlessly about the wonderful life you gave up, is it?
    Marco: I really doubt it.

Megamorphs

• The Andalite's Gift:
  • Marco is specifically the only one not invited to a pool party because of an incident in which he put a Baby Ruth in the swimming pool.
  • "I see. And does a tornado have feet?"
• In the Time of Dinosaurs:
  • Ax is surprised to learn that the bomb was powered by nuclear fusion, since Andalites use nuclear fusion to power children's toys. "You know, to make the little dolls speak and so on."
    Marco: So the Andalite Toys ‘R’ Us must be a wild place, huh?
  • Marco learns that broccoli was actually brought to Earth by aliens.
• In Elfangor's Secret, Cassie, who is having a very bad day, morphs polar bear, pins a racist to a wall, sticks his face in her jaws, and roars. What makes this awesome moment funny is that Tobias is standing next to her in human morph as she does this, offering commentary. First, he crosses his arms and calmly advises the other onlookers to get out of the way. Then he shrugs when the guy being pinned to a wall begs him to not let Cassie kill him. Finally, he advises him to apologize.

Chronicles:

• The Andalite Chronicles:
  • The mental image of Elfangor driving across the Taxxon homeworld full-speed in a YELLOW MUSTANG while DRINKING DR. PEPPER THROUGH HIS HOOF and LISTENING TO THE ROLLING STONES may well be one of the funniest things in science fiction.
  • When Loren kicks Chapman where - as Elfangor describes it -his legs merge together to meet the rest of his body. Elfangor comments "I believe this kick was painful to him."
  • "But leave the door open a crack. That's the rule in our house when Loren has Andalites over to play."
• Visser:
  • When the future Visser One first finds Earth, she begins investigating by picking up some of the numerous transmissions zipping around the planet... and absolutely panics when she picks up an episode of Star Trek, not realizing that it's a TV show and thinking that humans were a lot more advanced than we actually are.
  • Visser One decides to begin the invasion in Hollywood, which she concludes is obviously the most important city in the U.S., because of how often it's mentioned in broadcast media.

Unsorted/Running Gags

• This exchange between Tobias and Marco:
  Marco: Hey, Tobias, I've been meaning to ask you, are hawks like seagulls? I mean, do they poop while they're flying?
  Tobias: <Depends on who's down below. Let me just put it this way — if you get on my nerves, you'd better buy a hat.>
• One of the first things Ax does upon finding dry land is acquire a human morph made up of mixing the DNA of his human rescuers. Then he discovers two things: the human tongue and taste buds. The combination is... amazing.
  Ax: Humans have very odd tastes. They think their music is beautiful. They are wrong. It is awful. All of it. And they completely ignore their greatest accomplishments: the cinnamon bun, the Snickers bar, the hot pepper, and the refreshing beverage called vinegar.
  • How about the fact that after the war ends, rich Andalites come to Earth specifically to morph human and taste our food. One thinks Ax had something to do with it and that Cinnabon is specifically mentioned.
  • Eventually, just to satisfy Andalite tourists who've returned from their trips and still want to make use of their human morphs, there's even talk of Andalites making the morphing technology (one of their most closely-guarded accomplishments) more available on Earth in exchange for Krispy Kreme expanding their business to the Andalite homeworld. You have to assume Ax is peeved Cinnabon didn't get there first.
  • Ax actually predicted this would happen as far back as book #18:
    Some day, after the war, there will be pilgrimages of Andalites streaming to Earth to morph into humans for a day and do nothing but eat cinnamon buns.
    Get the extra frosting. It's worth it.
• Marco driving Cassie's dad's pickup, managing to hit every trashcan.
  Jake: Do you hate trash cans? Is that your problem? Do you just HATE TRASH CANS?!!
  Marco: I can't drive with you screaming in my ear.
  Jake: You can't drive at all!
  
  Jake: Get off the sidewalk, you lunatic!
  • Marco's driving experience comes from playing WipEout against Jake. Then comes a tunnel, just like in Wipeout...
    Jake: You mean the part where you always crash and burn?
  • And that time he stole an Abrams tank, threatened some guy with it, and flattened Chapman's house (he needed a parking space, dammit!) Let's face it, Marco Drives Like Crazy.
    Marco: You know Chapman's house, nice two-story?
    Jake: *sigh* How many stories is it now?
    Marco: Uh... zero?
  • The team needs to drive into a Yeerk facility. Naturally...
    <How come Marco drives?> Rachel demanded.
    <He has experience.>
    "Oh, man, don't even mention that," Cassie said. "My dad cried over the twisted remains of that truck."
  • The other reason is that only his gorilla morph is able to drive. Please imagine a gorilla driving a cattle truck while dressed in human clothing and trying not to attract attention.
    "Anybody gotta pee? Go now, cause I'm not stopping at every Stuckey's we pass."
  • When an employee at the slaughterhouse points out just how terrible Marco's driving is, he demorphs just enough to be able to speak: "Bad shocks, man."
  • Ax's description of one driver's reaction to Marco's driving:
    "I saw a pick-up truck, with its horn blaring and its driver forming a sort of salute with one raised finger."
  • Later, we see Marco's mother's driving... and it turns out Marco gets his skills from her.
• Also this:
  Tobias: I'm not nocturnal. I'm diurnal.
  Marco: Have you tried Kaopectate?
• At one point, Marco pretends to be a technician. When asked where the others are, the first lie he can come up with is that Visser Three killed them. It works.
• "This, Cassie, is the ancient art of whittling."
• Ax pulls out plenty of these later on in the series.
  • The men on "The Young and the Restless" do not wear shirts. I am young. And I am occasionally restless.
    "Ax?"
    "Yes, Marco?"
    "Put on a shirt."
  • "I would like to shuffle my artificial hooves to the music with you. But you cannot have my body. My bod. Dee. My bo. Dee." A girl who wants to dance with him quickly decides to get out of there, which makes it even funnier.
  • "I believe the smell is causing me to become deranged. I may have to run away in panic."
  • Ax (in human morph, of course) is in Marco's house, and Marco tells Ax he can only say "Yes" and "No" to his dad (Peter). When Marco comes back, Peter thinks Marco's friend's name is "No".
  • Ax doing a Melodramatic Pause in real life.
  • "Don't call me Prince." "Yes, Prince Jake."
  • After he and Ax are the only ones left on Leera, Jake tells Ax that next time, Ax can call him "The Jake formerly known as Prince" (a reference that goes over Ax's head). Later, Ax dutifully does so, to Marco's horror.
  • Ax got off to a good start during book #5, The Predator, when Jake and Marco took him to the mall and he discovered taste. Aste. Tuh-aste.
    • From that same scene:
    Jake: So far, so good.
    Marco: Jake? Do me a favor. Don't ever say 'so far, so good.' The only time anyone ever says 'so far, so good' is right before everything blows up in his face.
    Ax: So far. So far. Farrrrr. Faaaar. So. Sssso far so so so good.
    Marco: Oh, man.
  • Ax's first experience with chili: "THIS IS A WONDERFUL FOOD!"
  • Not to mention Ax eating popcorn (including the container) and concluding it tastes quite a bit like cigarette butts.
• "This is Aximili! Reassert your individual consciousness!" is hilarious for some reason. Marco seems to agree, however.
  • "Please make every effort not to drop me!"
• Rachel has a nightmare in which, among other things, she kills Kenny.
• An example that details the Two of Your Earth Minutes trope quite humorously (although this instance concerns distance rather than time):
  Ax: ...fifteen of your miles.
  Marco: You don't have to say 'your miles'. They are everybody's miles.
  Ax: What about the countries that use kilometers? See? I am learning!
  • Also the fact that Ax, who often comes off as overly serious when he's not in human morph, is quite obviously keeping various running gags going deliberately.
    Ax: ...and we have seventeen minutes left in morph.
    Marco: (after a pause) Seventeen minutes?
    Ax: (correcting himself) Seventeen of your Earth minutes.
  • And he also seems to pick up on spite.
    Ax: <Two of your hours and seven of your minutes.>
    Marco: Ax, they are everyone's hours and everyone's minutes. My hours are your hours. This is Earth. A minute is a minute!
    Ax: (dryly) <Now we have two of your hours and six of your minutes.>
  • It says a lot about his character when Ax is sick, feverish, delirious, and quite literally dying, but still has the presence of mind to specify that he has a fever <...in your degrees.> It also says a lot about Marco when he begins to respond, despite the dire situation, "Ax, they're everyone's degrees..."
• The Visser's hamminess results in some hilarious-to-imagine lines, usually given to his inept underlings.
  <Did it occur to you that the Bug fighter is less than a hundred yards from here? Did it occur to you that Dracon beams travel a long way? Did it occur to you that we cannot get back to our own time without that Bug fighter? And did it occur to you that I MIGHT BE IN MORPH and that you might end up shooting me?>
  • Tobias refusing to give in: <You dare defy me! You dare resist!>
  • And then there's this particular admonishment to his underlings, in #14:
    <Fools! Idiots! lncompetents! Weeks have been wasted setting up this effort. First we lose that clumsy fool, Korin Five-Four-Seven, when he was bitten by a snake. And now we’ve lost poor Jillay Nine-Two-Six!>
    • He then motions to Jillay's host body, which he himself has just cut in half.
• Rachel and Cassie overhear a girl asking Jake to the school dance. Rachel intervenes, informing Jake that he will be taking Cassie to the dance, her tone making it clear that this is not up for debate. Marco, ever the gentleman, immediately tells Rachel that he'll clear some room in his social calendar so he can take Rachel out.
• Cassie gets a new swimsuit with guidance from Rachel.
  "He thinks I look dumpy," I muttered to Rachel under my breath.
  "Cassie, you are so hopeless. What you know about guys could fit on the head of a pin. Good grief. That is not a 'she looks dumpy' look. That's a 'whoa, she looks hot, but I better not show any reaction or she'll get offended' look."
• Rachel decides Cassie needs a makeover and makes her wear her new clothes so Cassie can see how attractive she is. First a random guy says hi (who doesn't even remember Cassie's name, but then he'd never spoken to them before), another guy who gets her name wrong despite having just heard it ("He gave you a definite look. So what if he's not good at remembering names?"), a guy Cassie actually knows (who does remember her name, but thinks she's gained weight), Jake (who just smiles and says she looks good, giving Cassie a fuzzy feeling and disappointing Rachel, who wanted a more histrionic demonstration), and then there's Marco.
  "No! No! It can't be!"
  Marco's voice. He usually sits two rows over. But now he leaped clear over one row of seats and slithered into an empty desk next to mine. He stared at me, eyes wide with wonder. Way too much wonder.
  "Who is this vision of loveliness? Who is this fantasy come true? Excuse me, but are you Tyra Banks? No, no you can't be any mortal girl. So much perfection could never be achieved by a mere human. You're an angel descended from heaven! I mean, they say clothes make the man, but these clothes make you an angel."
  I took out my homework and placed it on my desk. "Are you done?" I asked Marco.
  He thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. That should be about enough."
  "What did Rachel pay you?"
  He grinned. "Two bucks. Girls are such idiots sometimes. I'd have done it for a dollar."
• Any time the group morphs seagulls, their instincts have them excitedly and constantly noting every bit of potentially-snatchable food they spot.
  • Tobias, meanwhile, has opinions about seagulls.
    Tobias: <I cannot believe I'm flying with seagulls. I could get kicked out of the hawk fraternity for hanging out with lowlifes.>

The TV Series

• The finale to the TV series (which was cancelled before getting into the darker parts of the series) ends with the Animorphs pairing up for a school dance - Jake with Cassie, Rachel with Tobias... and Marco with Ax. Marco insists on leading.
  • This becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when it is revealed years later via Word of God that Marco is bisexual, meaning that Marco is being earnest for once.

The graphic novels

• The second graphic novel has a moment where one of the hillbillies spills soda all over his "good shirt"... that literally says "good" on it.

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