Film: Gutterballs

Hypothetical: What if Frank Zito hated bowling instead of women?

Heads will bowl.

Joey: Fuck, Jesus! Hey, shit nuts! Your fucking waxer ruined my ball. It's yours now. I want a new one.
Egerton: Alright, first of all, shit-for brains, that area's being remodeled. You ain't even supposed to be over there. And secondly, you're a fucking dip shit. It looks to me like you just pressed down too goddamned hard. You're supposed to let that machine do all the work for you. I don't see it as a malfunction at the junction boy.
Joey: Maybe you should open your fucking eyes then, idiot. There's one inch of sharp screw embedded in the bottom. It's fucked. End of story. Now go get me a new fucking ball.
Egerton: Use one of the balls by your lane.
Joey: Those balls are shitty and used, just like your fucking underwear. Now go get me a goddamned new ball!
Egerton: Hey, calm down now. Don't get your panties in a bunch. Now you be a good boy and go back over to your lane and maybe I'll go up to the store and get you something brand-spanking new. If you're lucky.
Joey: Lucky? You wanna talk about luck? You're fucking lucky the toilet wouldn't flush when your mom spread her legs and pulled you out with a goddamned coat hanger!
Egerton: You're lucky the buffalo beat me over the fence, otherwise I'd be your daddy!
Typical Dialogue

Gutterballs is a 2008 Exploitation/Slasher Film created by Ryan Nicholson.

It's late night at the Xcalibur bowling center and tensions are running high between two rival teams; one lead by the nasty Steve, and the other featuring a girl named Lisa and her friends.

Following a brawl, the teams are kicked out with the janitor telling everyone they can resume their game tomorrow. Lisa goes back into the bowling alley alone to retrieve her purse, and is the victim of a vicious gang-rape at the hands of Steve and his cronies.

The next night, a masked killer starts to dispatch all parties at the bowling alley, with his kills being counted on the scoreboard as strikes under the name "BBK".

A sequel, classily titled Gutterballs 2 Balls Deep, is in development. It will relocate things to a water park, and have the survivor(s) of this film be hunted down by a returned BBK.

Has no relation with the Disney Acid Sequence of the same name featured in The Big Lebowski, aside from the bowling theme.


This film provides examples of the following tropes:

  • Ass Shove: Steve is sodomized with a sharpened bowling pin.
  • Bi the Way: Julia ("She's pretty hot, do you think she's into girls?")
  • Black Is Bigger in Bed:
    Ben: (while looking over the condom machine) "How about Black Knight? 'For the Big One?' That's for big black cock, that's gonna fall off me for sure."
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Much of the dialogue, to the point of being the unnoficial second place record holder for most of amount of "fucks" in a film, directly behind Mutilation Mile and barely ahead of August Underground's Mordum. Observe.
  • Cool Mask: It's a bowling bag that looks like it has a weird face on it.
  • Cool Shades: Lisa wears them after the gang rape.
  • Cruel and Unusual Death: AJ has his face dunked in the malfunctioning Wax-O-Matic, leaving nothing but a bloody crater. And let's not even get started on Julia and Dave's death by 69ing.
  • Defiant to the End: Steve.
    "... I still fucked her... I still... I still... I stilll... I... I still... fucked her."
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Joey and AJ are a bit weirded out by Steve's idea of raping Lisa with a bowling pin, and even moreso when he threatens to do the same to the uncooperative Patrick.
  • Evil Cripple: Steve, after his foot is mangled.
  • Eye Scream: Ben gets a sharpened bowling pin in the eyes.
  • Facial Horror: AJ losing his face to the Wax-O-Matic, and Steve having his beat in with a bowling pin.
  • Flashback: A rather gratuitous one to the gang rape, and then one to Patrick faking his death.
  • Grievous Bottley Harm: During the brawl, Steve smashes Jamie with a beer bottle.
  • Groin Attack: Lisa getting violated with the bowling pin, and BBK giving Sam a "mangina" by cutting her penis in half.
  • Gutted Like a Fish: Lisa sustaining a shotgun blast to the stomach results in this.
  • Hacked by a Pirate: A skull and crossbones shows up on the scoreboard after every one of BBK's kills.
  • Hand in the Hole: Jamie, right before Joey's head shoots out of the ball return.
  • Head Hat: BBK does this with Ben's scalp.
  • He Knows Too Much: "Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. Now, c'mon, be a good boy and move aside, you know the drill, son. She seen me, she got to go."
  • Knife Nut: BBK gets a switchblade from Sam.
  • Knight Templar Parent: Egerton decides his daughter's rapists don't just deserve to die, but her teammates as well, since they "let" the gang rape happen.
  • Poke the Poodle: After an argument with Egerton, Joey snaps one of his pencils in half.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: Despite their machoness, Joey and AJ rock bright pink shirts. This is commented on by the Wax-O-Matic ("Anybody who wears a shirt like that has got to be a fag").
  • The Reveal: There are several BBKs, but the main one is Egerton, who is Lisa's father. Lisa killed Steve, while he killed everyone else except Joey and AJ, who were killed by Patrick, who Egerton had recruited to help him after he told him about his involvement in the gang rape, intending on going to the police afterward. Lisa and Jamie (who was aware of what was going on, but did not participate in the murders) were oblivious to Patrick's involvement, and Egerton killing their teammates, who he also blamed for his daughter's gang rape, since they let her go back in the bowling alley alone.
  • Running Gag: Steve never gets his beer.
  • Severed Head Sports: The cover of the Balls-Out Uncut Edition shows a head being used a bowling ball. This doesn't occur in the actual film, which instead has the victim's head get shot out of a ball return.
  • Shoe Slap: Cindy is garroted with the laces of a pair of bowling shoes.
  • Sinister Shades: Joey; during the gang rape, he takes them off, takes off his shirt, then puts them back on.
  • Sound-Only Death: With all the BBKs dead, Jamie and Sarah leave the alley. Once outside, Sarah turns the shotgun on Jamie, and we hear a shot just as the films cuts to black.
  • Threeway Sex: Julia mentions she sometimes joins in on Steve and Hannah.
  • Too Much Information: "I wish I could go commando, but I have to wait until the operation."
  • Torture Porn: Some of the deaths (like Steve's) certainly cross into this.
  • When I Was Your Age:
    Egerton: "Hey, let me tell you something, boy. Now, back in my day, we-"
    AJ: "Ugh, fuck!"
    Egerton: Yeah, yeah, yeah, look, back in my day, we kept a score card. Now we had to write everything down methodically. Same with the pins. That pin setter? That used to be a person. Flesh and bone, not a machine. Automation long since took over everything, though."
  • Your Cheating Heart: Lisa and Steve were a couple, though it turned out Lisa was only with Steve to get to Jamie, who she had sex with at the prom, which Steve took her to.
  • Your Head A Splode: Hannah has her head crushed between two bowling balls, while Egerton has his blown off with a shotgun.