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In the magical land of Equestria, young fillies (and sometimes colts) go on grand, wonderful adventures. The royal Princesses indulge in the occasional prank, their rule is just and kind, and everything is a big, happy ball of sunshine.

This is not about those blessed ponies. This is about the ponies who take care of the messes they make. Meet the Equestrian Civil Service.

The princesses rule Equestria. The various nobles claim to lead Equestria. The politicians and Parliament govern Equestria. And the Equestrian Civil Service runs it.

Their one mission: To take care of the messes that the Princesses cannot spare the time for. And Dotted Line, Cabinet Secretary of the Equestrian Civil Service, takes his duties very, very seriously.

Cue general hilarity as the wacky bunch of heroic bureaucrats try to deal with nosy reporters, paranoid nobles, and worst of all...a surprise visit from the Princess' prized pupil, Twilight Sparkle herself.

The Equestrian Civil Service Series is an ongoing project by Ghost of Heraclitus. Takes place during a period before Twilight's ascension, but after the Changeling Invasion.

The stories, in order of publication:

  • Whom the Princesses Would Destroy... To Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle, it is a simple surprise visit to Canterlot. To the ponies of the Equestrian Civil Service, it is twenty-four hours of chaos, politics, weaponized dessert, politics, underhooved manipulation of media, politics, and things batrachian and tentacular. Who said bureaucracy isn't exciting?
  • A Canterlot Carol is a much more somber look into the life of Dotted Line, as he tries to keep the bureaucracy machine running during the holiday, pry his coworkers out of the office, and stick to his plans for Hearthwarming.
  • A Princess By Any Other Name is a much more humorous story set during Dotted's younger years. Here, a younger (and decidedly less mature) Princess Cadence tries to change her name. To Cadance-with-an-A. Dotted Line valiantly tries to remain calm in the face of bratty teenage goddesses, a crisis of religion, and the local Eldritch Abomination who keeps begging someone to "fRrReEeEeEeE uSsSsss..." (A crossover with the Cadance of Cloudsdale series by Skywriter.)
  • Obiter Dicta is a collection of short stories, vignettes, and deleted scenes, mostly about the Civil Service and the brave (also insane) ponies who work there. Introduces the family of Leafy Salad, a discussion on royal board games, and an excerpt from the history of Griffin/Pony relations.


These stories provide examples of:

    open/close all folders 

     Series-Wide 
  • Beleaguered Bureaucrat: Much of the Civil Service, but especially Dotted Line.
  • Bothering by the Book: Their first resort when dealing with political stupidity. Various foolish, wasteful, or ignorant proposals and policies may be lost or delayed indefinitely.
  • Crazy-Prepared: They pride themselves on making everything function seamlessly. When Celestia asked what would be required to restore Luna's title Dotted was proud to say the documents only required her signature. This was not as easy as it sounds.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Politically speaking. Messing with Dotted Line is a very poor decision.
  • Death Glare: Dotted Line has one so potent that it can make hoity nobles shut up. Only close friends are immune.
  • Footnote Fever: A signature of GhostOfHeraclitus' writing.
  • Hyper-Competent Sidekick: While the Princesses undoubtedly rule Equestria, the nobles claim to lead it, and the politicians and Parliment at least theoretically govern it, it is the ponies of the Equestrian Civil Service who actually run everything. They are the ones who make sure the bills get paid, write down the lists and memos, and file things so that they may be found again (or not found again, as the case warrants).
  • Mad Scientist: Dotted really likes explosions.
  • Married to the Job: Dotted Line and Spinning Top, as well as others to varying degrees. But Leafy, at least, is Happily Married.
  • Pals with Jesus: Dotted Line is the only pony who can enter Celestia's private study whose name does not include the title princess, or start with a "T" and end with "wilight Sparkle". Particularly notable since (unlike the majority of Equestria) he actually does worship Celestia as a deity.
  • Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: The entirety of the Equestria Civil Service are a group of ponies who by all logic shouldn't be left in a room together, much less to their own devices. And yet they happen to be astoundingly good at their job.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: Their raison d'etre, to keep the madness of the nobility in check.
  • Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!: This is their organizational Godzilla Threshold, but they will cross it if they have to. In Ogres and Oubliettes terms, they are Lawful Good with an emphasis on the Good.
  • Undying Loyalty: They all have this towards Equestria and each other. Particular politicians, not so much.
  • Workaholic: Dotted Line. He works very, very hard to make everyone else takes time off and gets sleep.

     Whom the Princesses Would Destroy... 

     A Canterlot Carol 
  • Eldritch Abomination: Another one haunts the chimney of Dotted Line's office every Hearthswarming: the dreaded Santa Claus.

     A Princess By Any Other Name 
  • Eldritch Abomination: This time, it's a freaking baby book. After spending several centuries being worshipped and surrounded by powerful magic, the book has a limited degree of sapience and an unpredictable aura or wild magic.
  • Exact Words: Ivory Abacus states that Dotted has a number of options for dealing with the book. She then supplies a grand total of one suggestion, before pointing out one is a number. Dotted isn't impressed.
  • Sanity Slippage: The director of the Bureau of Names and Standards snapped from looking at genealogy charts all day, and went on a quest to learn "how many miles" there were. He wasn't seen again.
  • Spell My Name With An S: Cadance's (Sorry, Cadence's) name change.

     Obiter Dicta 
  • Anti-Climax: In "The Nature of War", unfathomable resources (and over a thousand words) are dedicated to building up the legendary griffon champion and his legendary sword before he is ready to attack Equestria. He is then shot by a random pony with a crossbow. Of course, this is the point of the story.
  • An Aesop: The story of the legendary griffon champion, and the forging of his epic weapon, being killed by a random pony with a crossbow. Amusingly, both sides take different lessons from it. But both Griffons and Ponies agree that the other doesn't understand the nature of war.
  • Brick Joke: Way back in Whom Princesses Would Destroy one of the panicked nobles made a speech about how Celestia was going to ascend Twilight Sparkle as an Alicorn. And cause Doom For All, naturally. It's dismissed as ridiculous. When it actually happens...
  • Calvinball: The Game Princesses Play is really just a quick game of Nomic that went way, WAY overboard. Some thousands of years ago. At least one section of it is a direct playing of Mornington Crescent from I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue.
    • Not only that, but the phrase after the Mornington Crescent section - "the green cat was in play on the board of becoming" - is a close match to the flowery but nonsensical phrases used at the close of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue
  • Combat Pragmatist: The pony approach to fighting.
    • Dotted, too, intellectually speaking; he is the only person in a thousand years to actually ask what the Game Princesses Play actually is, rather than debating about it.
  • Gratuitous Latin: It's titled "Obiter Dicta." It means 'said in passing' in Latin.
  • Honor Before Reason: The griffin approach to fighting. It doesn't end well.
  • Hyper-Awareness: Luna, for all she is out of her time, is still the Alicorn of Night. And lies and deceit are in her domain.
  • Odd Friendship: Dotted, Leafy, and his family are close friends with the Griffin ambassador.
  • Perfectly Cromulent Word: Apparently, there is a law on the books in Equestria (dating back several hundred years) stating that polyphiloprogeny is strictly forbidden in Equestria on pain of summary phythoplasty. Unfortunately, nobody in modern Equestria knows what either "polyphiloprogeny" or "phythoplasty" actually means. So they can't enforce the law because they don't know what it actually forbids or what the punishment for breaking it is supposed to be, but they can't repeal it because they can't debate it because they don't know what it actually means.
  • The Silent Bob: The ponies of the Royal Guard learn to communicate without either words or visible motion.
    "Doleful! Long time no see! How's the new post?"
    Doleful Shade, being a guardspony, remained motionless, yet managed to indicate with the particular nature of the motionlessness that, all things considered, it was all going quite well, really, and the the missus enjoyed the raise the promotion brought which meant she could take a few less shifts.
    "Well, that's certainly good to hear. Look, you are a batpony with his head on straight, what do you think of..." Here Dotted, who, unlike veteran guardsponies, wasn't an expert in immobile communication, jerked his head towards the door.
    Doleful indicated with particularly stiff immobility that, being sworn to the new princess' service it really couldn't be his place to comment, but on a personal note, he himself had nothing to complain about.
  • Stranger in a Familiar Land: In "The Other Princess", where Luna cuts a swath through a social event with her powers of observation linked to sharp and pointed words.
    Dotted Line: "Well, Your Majesty, it was a... a noble effort. Very, uh, very earnest. A few minor quibbles if I may. Firstly, we no longer draw and quarter ponies. Haven't for nine hundred and some odd years. Secondly, you can't order ponies executed. Equestria hasn't had capital punishment since the reform act of 514, and even if it were reinstated-which given the positions of the Crown Loyalists and the Front Pegasus is actually probably possible-you'd need due process. Thirdly, the usual mode of address for members of the Royal Council is 'my lord' or 'my lady' not 'brief mortals.' Fourthly, we can't declare war on Stalliongrad, it's been a part of Equestria since 344, and fifthly the person you kept addressing as "Lord Privy Seal" is the stenographer. We haven't had a Lord Privy Seal since 889. Sixthly, while I happen to know that it is true that Lord Trottingham's in dire financial straits and that the Duke of Whitetail is involved with... who you said, those were rather meant to be secrets, and chastising them for not hiding them better-even though it was a rather excellent lecture on OPSEC, Your Majesty-doesn't really help. But aside from those, ah, trifling matters, it went well, I think."
  • The Spymaster: Dotted has some dealings with the Equestrian Intelligence Services. Luna winds up taking over once her talents in that field become apparent.
  • Tranquil Fury: Dealing with the nobles after Twilight became an Alicorn, Dotted eventually snaps. He becomes very calm. And then he makes several pointed comments that show he knows exactly where all the bodies are buried. All Hail Princess Twilight Sparkle!
  • Wounded Gazelle Gambit: A defecting changeling drone looking to feed on sympathy tries this, impersonating an orphan begging on the streets of Canterlot. It doesn't work, but despite initial appearances it's not Bystander Syndrome. Instead it's because, due to assiduous efforts over the centuries, there just aren't any homeless orphans in Equestria. Certainly not camped out next to the building where they administer those services.

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