Cut His Heart Out With A Spoon / Video Games

• In Night in the Woods, while stealing the animatronics from the abandoned Food Donkey during the first hang-out with Gregg, Mae finally gets fed up with Steve Scriggins being a Jerkass, telling him "Scriggins! Bite my entire ass! Go legally brain dead from lack of oxygen due to choking on my entire ass!"
• In The Halloween Hack, Dr. Andonuts exclaims one of these immediately before unleashing his most powerful attack, PSI Bitchkill. He unleashes this all while swearing like a sailor, something seriously out of character for him.
  Andonuts: I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOUR SHIT. You little fuckers are going to have your bodies ripped in half. I'll shove your asses so far down your throats that when you crap you'll sing fucking Beethoven. tl;dr: eat shit, faggots.
• Balthazar, one of the bosses from Jitsu Squad, actually threatens to eat the player for insulting him. Said character is an overweight brute with a bulging pot belly several times larger than your player characters.
• In Baldur's Gate, you can make these quite often, but the most notable example is when you are confronted by an old guy offering cryptic advice, and can give the following response:
  "If you've got a straight answer ANYWHERE in that bent little head of yours, I want to hear it pretty damn quick or I'm going to take a large blunt object roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, and stuff it lengthwise into a crevice of your being so seldom seen that even the denizens of the nine hells themselves wouldn't touch it with a twenty-foot rusty halberd! Have I MADE myself perfectly CLEAR?!"
  • The king of this trope, however, is Edwin. Especially after his unfortunate transformation in the second game:
    Edwina: (I will kill ALL of them. Slowly. With... with HOT... pokey things and... and coals and... and prods. Yessssss, prods. Many, many prods.)
• Varric's storytelling about your exploits in Dragon Age II reaches the point at which a barmaid in the Hanged Man asks you whether you really killed a dragon with a rusty spoon.
  • Varric himself gets one in Dragon Age: Inquisition; he's a published author, and someone has plagiarized him and written Shoddy Knock Off unauthorized sequels to his best-selling book. His idea of revenge: "I'm gonna find the duster who wrote that garbage and introduce him to my editor." It sounds innocuous... until he explains that his editor is a high-ranking mob boss who "once killed a man over a semicolon." The world of Dragon Age being what it is, he is almost certainly not kidding.
• Murray from The Curse of Monkey Island:
  "Mortal fool! Release me from this wretched tomb! I must be set free, or I will haunt you forever! I will hide your keys beneath the cushions of your upholstered furniture, and NEVERMORE will you be able to find socks that match!"
  • And then, of course, there's:
    Murray: You may call me Murray! I am a powerful demonic force! I am the harbinger of your doom! And the forces of darkness will applaud me as I STRIDE through the gates of hell carrying your head on a pike!
    Guybrush: "Stride?"
    Murray: All right then, "ROLL! ROLL through the gates of hell." Must you take the fun out of everything?
• In Tales of Monkey Island, almost every pirate that has been infected by the Pox of LeChuck will make pointless death threats whenever Guybrush sufficiently ticks them off. There are a few times whenever Guybrush himself gets ticked off, like in Chapter 2, for example, when LeChuck is too busy looking at one Summoning Artifact he has gotten:
  Guybrush: Now listen here, ya fleshy sack of chum, you'd better be handin' over that golden sea turtle or I'll be handin' ya yer liver on the pointy end of me hook!
  • Another example is in Chapter 3, when Morgan refuses to help Guybrush prove to De Cava that he's married:
    Winslow: [under the influence of the Pox] Listen here, you poor excuse for a prissy privateer! Any more lip out of you, and the Captain'll be sending yer carcass on a tour of the small intestine!
  • And in Chapter 4, any threats that Judge Grindstump utters whenever Guybrush gets him angry come out like this, for example:
    Grindstump: The defendant will cease his inane histrionics, or the court will be forced to [growls a bit before he becomes Pox-enraged] YANK OUT HIS TONGUE WITH A RUSTY SHRIMP FORK! ARRR!
• Somewhat demonstrated by Sheogerath in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion.
  "I'm so happy, I could just... tear out your intestines and strangle you with them!"
• Final Fantasy: "I! Garland! Will KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!"
  • It was turned back around on him most entertainingly in Dissidia Final Fantasy when Zidane knocks him down to keep him from attacking Squall.
  • While the SNES translation of Final Fantasy VI had to bowdlerise some elements, it was able to get away with Locke threatening people who call him a thief instead of a treasure hunter by having him threaten to rip the person's lungs out (while in the GBA translation his threat is to simply beat the crap out of you).
• In Duke Nukem 3D, Duke homages Full Metal Jacket as he tells the second boss "I'll rip your head off and shit down your neck!" After you win the fight, Duke does exactly that. While reading the newspaper. And whistling the game's theme.
• The Mark have the terrorist's supplier and main villain, Ilya Rakov, ordering his mooks to hunt the players down while threatening to "cut them to bits and feed them to fishes, piece by piece".
• None of the characters in-game react to it like this, but Shepard's furious "Give me a name or I will cut your balls off and sell them to a Krogan!" is definitely one of the funniest lines of Mass Effect 2.
  • At the climax of the Mass Effect 3 "Citadel" DLC, Renegade Shepard gets more than a little... upset... at the villains of the week. Specifically, through the use of Renegade interrupts, s/he threatens to rip one's head off, mount it in the CIC, rip the other's head off, mount it next to the first one, and then tear them both down, stuff them in the airlock, and shoot them into space. They're not impressed.
• In Persona 3 the Corrupt Corporate Executive that makes up the Devil Arcana delivers a few of these in order to frighten you into not telling people that you're talking to him, ranging from uploading your personal information to a dating site for prison convicts to threatening you with Ding Dong Ditch.
• In Stupid Invaders, one of the aliens encounters the bounty hunter Bolok, who informs him "You are going to die, and you are going to scream while you die, and then you will be dead."
• Before a fight in Def Jam: Fight For New York, the fighters would taunt each other like this.
  Redman: I'mma rip your tongue out ... and lick my ass with it!
  • His second taunt: "I'mma rip out your eyes, put 'em on your knees, and call ya KNEESY!"
• Used in Kingdom of Loathing with Fernswarthy's letter, which starts with Fernswarthy making a threat to anyone who digs up his grave, then degenerates into several tangents, ending with Fernswarthy's shopping list.
• Satori Komeiji, the stage 4 boss of Touhou Chireiden ~ Subterranean Animism, is something of a Ditto Fighter, basing all but the first of her Spell Cards on the attacks of whichever Mission Control the player selected at the beginning of the game. Right before using the first of these attacks, she says, "Now, this is where it really begins! Go and sleep with a trauma so frightful it will wake you up!"
• In the localisation of Super Robot Wars Original Generation (this editor doesn't know if it's in the Japanese version), when Kyosuke tells Masaki's cats to go find the latter, the former then threatens to "turn them into banjoes" if they don't.
• Team Fortress 2:
  • Everyone has a crapload of them, but The Soldier has the most ridiculous and demented of them all.
    The Soldier: I am going to claw my way down your throat and tear out your very soul!
    The Soldier: I am going to strangle you with your own frilly training bra!
    The Soldier: Son, you are writing checks your butt will find uncashable! Are you hearing me? Your backside will be escorted from the bank! You will find this humiliating!
    The Soldier: [to a robot army] I will open up your chests and use you all as a latrine!
  • The Soldier's robot costume in the second Halloween patch brings us this gem:
    The Soldier: [in robotic monotone] My foot will transform into a foot with your ass wrapped around it.
  • More examples, from the supplementary comics:
    The Soldier: Then I guess you'd better take me out to that gravel pit and shoot me, lady. 'Cause if you ever ask me to kill my best friend again, I will put my boot so far up your ass it will be on the news!
    The Soldier: I am going to invite that staff straight up your ass and push you around like a broom!
  • Even more Soldier examples, directed to his wizardly roommate:
    The Soldier: Merasmus! I am going to pull a rabbit out of your ass!
    The Soldier: Merasmus! I will slap the magic out of your mouth!
    The Soldier: I will rip off your ghost head and crap in your stupid hat!
    The Soldier: I am going to haunt your ass with my foot!
    The Soldier: Tonight your ass will be visited by three ghosts: my foot, my other foot, and a ghost!
  • The Demoman isn't bad either.
    The Demoman: I'm going to stick me thumbs in your eyes and hang on till you're dead!
    The Demoman: Ooh, I'm going to hit you so hard you'll have a twitch!
    The Demoman: They're going to bury what's left of you in a soup can!
    The Demoman: Ooh, they're gonna find ya all dead in an alley, with cats lickin' at ya!
    The Demoman: I'm going to blast ye into thin gruel!
    The Demoman: [to Soldier's wizard roommate] Eye for an eye, wizard-man! I'll chew the eyeballs right outta yer skull!
  • Curiously, the Sniper also has a few once he gets going:
    The Sniper: I'm gonna blow the insides of your head, all over four counties!
    The Sniper: I'm gonna turn you into colored rain!
  • And of course, Saxton Hale has by far the best one:
    Saxton Hale: You better start talking because in five seconds I'm going to put my foot up your ass! Then we'll both have to go to a special hospital! Feet up the ass are like arrows, son, you can't just pull 'em out! They'll have to push my whole body out through your mouth! Trust me, speak up! Neither of us wants this!
  • There's also Saxton's warning to the reader of one of the TF2 comics, whose very livelihood could be threatened in the most horrific ways by the sheer level of badass they're about to witness.
    Saxton Hale: Reader, if the first two pages of my comic contained too much bare-knuckle excitement, then get ready to have your eyes break from widening from surprise and your comic-holding hands fall off your very arms when you get a look of this action packed-ish, starring me... SAXTON HALE!
• Persona 4:
  • "I'm gonna tear this place apart so fast you won't have time to file for insurance! Oh, uh, well... I'm gonna tear it apart and rebuild it twice as good! I-I'm gonna RENOVATE your ass!"
  • It's even funnier because it follows the character's decision to be nicer to people: it was their attempt to make their reflexive insult into something less threatening. It didn't work.
• Fallout: New Vegas gives the player the option to do a few of these, especially with the Terrifying Presence perk in play.
  "I'm going to wear your head like you wear that dog's."
  "You've got five seconds to get out of my sight before I shove that rifle where the sun don't shine."
  "I'm going to carve myself a key from your bones."
  "I will cast down your Codex and bask in the dying agony of those who hold it dear."
• Fallout 4: The Super Mutants often do this.
  Super Mutant: I'll wear your guts around my neck!
  Super Mutant: I'm going to eat your legs when you're dead, human!
  Super Mutant: I'm going to eat you alive after I kill you!
• Fallout Tactics: An NPC threatens to "rip out your lungs and smack your mother with them!" Nice visual.
• Odin Sphere: Odette tends to clunk out some rather nasty insults. Of course, she is the Queen of the Netherworld.
  Odette: [speaking to Oswald] I will scrape out your bowels until you beg me for mercy.
• Army of Two:
  • Phillip Clyde loves these:
    Phillip Clyde: I'm gonna kill you both, drain all your blood, take out your bones, put your body in a big chair with some elves and reindeer, sit on your lap, and tell you all the cool shit I want for Christmas!
  • It gets so bad that late in the game the protagonists start noting just how batshit insane Clyde is. And calling him out on it.
• Dr. Nefarious in Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time:
  Nefarious: When I've finished killing you, I think I'll rewind time..so I can do it again. And again. And AGAIN! Hahahahaha!
• King Tascan the First invokes this trope by name in Hype: The Time Quest, frustratedly telling his incompetent soldiers, "One more mistake and I'll execute you myself... With a spoon, so that it takes longer..."
• Rayman 3: Hoodlum Havoc: André the Hoodlum was fond of this trope. Actually, being stuck inside Globox made them sound a bit less ridiculous. Just a bit.
  André: I'LL SLURP UP YOUR INTESTINES LIKE A PIECE OF SPAGHETTI
  André: GET ME OUT OF HERE OR I'LL START CHEWING
  André: I'LL NIBBLE YOUR ARTERIES
  • The threats dished out against Rayman by the Knaaren vary from genuinely terrifying to... downright odd.
    "SPIT IN HIS EYE! "STICK BAMBOO UNDER HIS NAILS!" "MAKE HIM WRITE BAD CHECKS!"
• Portal 2: Cave Johnson and his combustible lemons.
• A disturbing, if no less comical example lies in Conker's Bad Fur Day, where a boss threatens to finish Conker off by shoving the squirrel up his butt. The boss just happens to be a giant, singing mountain of feces.
• In The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time abridged series (yes, it exists), Navi does this to Link when he gets over-excited with finding certain items (Da-Da-Da-DAAAA!):
  Navi: "If you do that one more time, I'm gonna kick you in the kidneys until you pee blood, then I'm gonna stick your face in it and make you drink it!"
• In Brain Dead 13, during a Wingding Eyes segment revolving around how badly Fritz is going to kill Lance, a high heel shoe appears.
• In Borderlands 2, bandit leader Flanksteak threatens to, among other things, "make the Firehawk choke to death on his own feces."
  • Within the first hour of play, when you accept the quest where you escort Claptrap towards his ship, Captain Flynt messages you saying he's going to have his minions Boom Bewm kill you, get paid by Handsome Jack, and play hopscotch on your chest cavity.
  • Goliaths are also prone to this. They are about as well-spoken as a three-year-old when they are wearing their helmets, but once it's shot off, they gain a much greater capacity for speech. They will usually use this newfound eloquence to state exactly how creatively they're going to kill you.
  • When Handsome Jack tells you the story of the time he destroyed New Haven, he mentions that a man tried to attack him with a spoon. So he took the spoon from the man and scooped his eyes out with it. While his kids watched.
• The Bosun of the Drakensburg in Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel! invents more and more colorful methods of killing the Vault Hunters as they fight their way through the crashed ship.
  • One from Jack when Tassiter calls him after the Eye of Helios is destroyed:
    Jack: SHUT THE HELL UP, TASSITER! SHUT. THE HELL. UP! My ex-girlfriend and her two BFFs just tried to kill me, and the LAST thing I need right now is your senile ass WHINING IN MY EAR! If I get ONE more message from you that isn't, "Attaboy Jack", or, "I'm sending you a big bag of money", I'm gonna reach through my ECHO and GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT WITH MY PINKIES! ARE WE CLEAR?!
• In Psychonauts, Raz can pester Nils's ex-girlfriend Elka with a stray button he found, claiming he found it near Nils's cabin, and it might have gotten pulled off a girl's dress. Elka will eventually snap "Raz, put that thing away or else I'll shove it in your eye socket and sew it to your brain!!"
  • Using your powers irresponsibly on Agent Cruller while he's in the cafeteria results in him threatening to "rip out your intestines, fry them into hash browns, and sew them back into your body before you ever get a chance to try that again."
• One mission on Nal Hutta in Star Wars: The Old Republic (potentially) ends with a spy threatening a smuggler: "Back off, Getzo, or I'll make you eat your eyeballs." The player gets the option to either play along, be freaked out, or fall into a Good Cop/Crazy Cop routine and point out to the alarmed Getzo that they're the only thing holding the spy back.
• Near the end of the "Camp Belica" stage in Wolfenstein: The New Order, Frau Engel gets in B.J.'s face (after having hers horribly maimed by a hijacked Mini-Mecha) and threatens him while he's still tied up:
  Engel: For your crime, you will die like vermin. I will hunt you down. At the end of the earth, I will find you. Your skin charred and your fats rendered! Your kind exterminated! In the end, I will feed your flesh to the furnace!
• Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines: Damsel gets in on the action in an epic way after being informed of how the main plot played out.
  THAT BITCH! AUGH!!! I AM GOING TO TIE HER EYELASHES TO HER ASS HAIRS AND BOWL HER ASS INTO A TRASH COMPACTOR!!!
• One of the hit contracts in The Godfather gives the main character this should the player choose to converse with him.
  I'll pop your eyes out and piss in the sockets!
• In The Witcher 3 the dwarf Zoltan throws out some squatters from an inn. Note that this is the first time you see him in this game, so for some this is a first impression.
  Next time I'll rip your fuckin' legs off and shove them up your arse til have toes for teeth!
• One random and optional mini-boss in Digital Devil Saga:
  Queen Titania: I'm going to shove this Sugar Key so far up your ass it's going to watch me kick the crap out of you!
• In Assassin's Creed II
  • Bartolomeo is introduced loudly ranting to the nearby guards that when he inevitably gets out, he's going to be shoving their heads up their asses.
  Bartolomeo: And do not think I will be matching ass and head!
  • Caterina Sforza threatens the man attacking her castle saying that she's going to kick him so hard his balls will come out of his nostrils. Better yet, it's taken directly from her real life speech.
• In Shantae (2002), before their last duel, Risky Boots famously threatens Shantae that she'll "slice [her] to bits and dance on [her] runny innards" in retaliation for destroying the former's steam-powered Doomsday Device.
• Craig is a big fan of these in South Park: The Fractured but Whole, usually after he gets hit by an attack.
  Craig: I'm gonna shove my fist so far up your ass, I'll be able to help you floss.
• At the start of Emo Game, after Steven Tyler kidnaps The Get Up Kids in order to rape them, Chris Carrabba says that, when he gets his hands on Steven, he's going to skull-fuck him with his 62-pixel-long dick. It turns out that this was not an idle threat. Not only does Chris actually do it after you defeat Steven, he then marries Steven's severed head, which is still impaled on his dick.
• In Super Robot Wars Z2: Saisei-Hen, when a mech piloted by a female character takes on Count Brocken, Brocken expresses some lewd desires, prompting brutal pushback from ZEXIS's female contingent.
  Lunamaria: Enemy of womankind!
  Marguerite: Lewd men such as you deserve no mercy!
  Aoi: You're the one who's gonna be punished!
  Silvia: Prepare yourself, Count Pervert!
  Kallen: I'm gonna play soccer with your head!
  Sara: No, no, I'm going to turn it upside down and use it as a flowerpot!
  Yoko: I could use it for target practice…
  Noin: No, I'll feed it to my dog.
  Sumeragi: I hereby authorize all of you to carry out those actions.
  Brocken: Wha-WHAT?! I haven't even done anything yet!

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