Creator / Brian Regan

"Well, I'm Brian, B-R-I-V-O-L-B-N-the number seven and the letter Q!"
— Brivolbn7q Regan

Brian Regan is an American stand-up comedian. He's known for his consistently clean comedy style; he generally stays away from off-color humor and profanity. He bases all of his humor on common everyday occurrences such as ironing boards and buying juice. So what's so funny about this, you ask? See for yourself! He does a lot of material about his childhood and his own (often unfortunate) experiences at typically normal places such as the emergency room and the airport.

His stand-up routines have included Stupid in School, You Too And Stuff, Comedy Central Presents: Brian Regan, I Walked On The Moon, Standing Up, The Epitome of Hyperbole, and All By Myself. He's also performed on Late Night With David Letterman and Late Night With Conan O'Brien.

Brian Regan's comedy provides examples of:

  • Accent Upon The Wrong Syllable: He thinks being told he pronounces words incorrectly is just the epi-TOME of hyper-BOWL.
  • All Crimes Are Equal: Subverted with his bit about MANSLAUGHTER!
  • Anti-Humor: He uses an example of a joke his young son tried to tell him — "How come dinosaurs don't talk? 'Cause they're all dead."
  • Bait and Switch: In Stupid In School, after Brian as a kid has already answered incorrectly in class that the plural of "box" is "boxen".
    Teacher: What is the plural of goose?
    Smart student: Geese.
    Teacher: What is the plural of moose?
    Brian: Moosen!
  • The Beautiful Elite: Part of his stand up on airports compares first class passengers to noblemen. With comfy chairs, better food, and sitting in an entirely different section.
    First Class Passenger: Bring me a goblet of something cool and refreshing, and the head of a pig. Does anyone have a fiddle? Have someone from coach fiddle for me. Amuse me.
  • Big Eater: When it comes to ice cream and Fig Newtons at least.
    "I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve!"
  • Book Dumb: He has several comedic personas who are not only dim but actively resistant to learning.
  • Brick Joke: "Well, my uncle doesn't grow corn."
  • Captain Obvious: Discussed when he talked about telling his doctor that he suffered from heartburn, and his doctor's only response was to give him a pamphlet on the common causes of heartburn, all of which Brian already knew. He then wondered if that was a common response to an injury or an ailment, such as if someone came in with a cannonball wound:
    Brian: (pretending to read from a pamphlet) Number one: Do not stand directly in front of a cannon. How true that is!
  • Crippling Overspecialization: An extended gag on how some lawyers specialize in "trip and fall" injuries while others specialize in "slip, trip and fall".
  • Distracted By The Shiny: When commenting on how car dealerships tie balloons onto cars, this is how he imagines the thought process of a person influenced by such a tactic must go like.
    • "Well, that's it for my day, I am heading hom-wwWHOOOOOA!!! Are those BALLOONS?! I don't know what they're tied to but I'm buying one!"
  • Fridge Logic: He brings up an example in-universenote  with log trucks. "Sometimes you're driving on the highway, and you see two trucks loaded up with logs, and they pass each other. Now if they need logs over there... and they need 'em over there... you'd think a phone call would save a lot of problems!"
  • From the Mouths of Babes: He recalls watching sports with his 3-year old daughter when out of nowhere, she says "Put on something appropriate for me".
  • Fun with Acronyms: A person texts Brian "LMAO". Brian's Response: "LMNOP"
  • Humble Hero: He talked about the incident of Captain Sullenberger landing a plane safely in Hudson River and that he doesn't consider himself a hero. Brian wonders if it's a requirement for heroes to be humble, and says that in this instance it would probably be okay if the captain just admitted he was a hero:
    Reporter: Do you think you are a hero?
    Captain Sully: ....yes. Do you see the footage of that plane coming in? Have any idea how hard that was? Keeping the wings level and the nose up....suvivable speed.....HERO!
  • It Is Pronounced Tro PAY:
    • "Hey there, Caro...lynn." "It's Caroline, Brian."
    • "It's Brai-yown."
  • Left It In: During the "Horses" bit on All By Myself, Brian keeps cracking up during the joke, interrupting himself (mainly due to the ridiculousness of his lazy horse impression). Eventually he says "This joke's not going to make it on the CD, I can tell."
  • Misery Poker: Invoked during his bit about having to go to the emergency room for a particularly bad stomach virus. The nurse asked him to rate his pain on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the worst), and Brian was concerned about rating it a 10 because he'd heard that the worst pain one could endure was a broken femur, and he was afraid a mob of patients from the "Broken Femur Ward" would storm his room:
    Broken Femur Patient: Who the HELL had the AUDACITY to say he was at a LEVEL TEN?! You know nothing about ten— get me a sledgehammer, let me show you what ten is all about, Mister Tummyache!
  • My Friends... and Zoidberg: "My wife and I have two wonderful kids...and another kid."
  • Name's the Same: Brian Regan, the real life United States spy/traitor. He wasn't paying attention when the news came in.
    News Anchor: It's unclear whether the charges against Brian Regan will lead to his execution.
    Brian: O_O...Honey, did we pay that parking ticket?
  • Never Say "Die": His bit about doctors. They'll never tell you that someone is about to hurt...but they will tell you all about "pressure".
  • Not Helping Your Case: The bit about a guy who's against the concept of reading. Yeah, reading.
  • One Thing Led to Another:
    I hate when you're trying to read something and you come across the expression "One thing led to another". What in the hell kind of lazy writing is that? Isn't that your job as the writer to tell me how this led to that? You can just throw that in there? "Adolf Hitler was rejected as a young man on his application to art school. One thing led to another...and the United States dropped two atomic bombs on the sovereign nation of Japan."
  • Sarcasm Mode: He sometimes goes here. In a bit about elementary school science projects, he mentions a student who did a model of the solar system.
    "The big yellow one is the SUN!"
  • Seemingly Profound Fool: During his Science Fair project, which he did at the last moment, he just filled a cup with dirt. His teacher thought that it was a experiment to show how not to grow something. He went along with it.
  • Self-Deprecation: A lot of his routine is based on this, especially his bits about how stupid he was in school.
    "Brian, what is the plural for 'box'"?
    "...boxen. I bought two boxen of donuts."
  • Serious Business: His bit on eye exams.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Try sending Brian a text message...
  • Simpleton Voice: Frequently, usually when playing his younger self or any generic stupid person.
  • Spell My Name with an "S":
    "Oh, A-M-Y?"
    "No, A-Y-M-I-E."
    "Ughhh... I have to take a nap."
  • Television Is Trying to Kill Us: Brian talking about Gentle Ben, and how is a horrible lesson "bears are friendly" is.
  • Unit Confusion:
    "And the girth is...3"
    "Three what?"
    "3...girth units"
  • What Measure Is a Non-Human?:
    • One of his gags is an extended riff on a trailer marked "Caution: Transporting Show Horses."
    Oooooh. Oh, ten-and-two. We're sharing the road with show horses. If I start to lose control, I'll hit one of these cars with people.
    • Naturally, a second trailer is marked "Don't Worry: Just Dumb ol' Donkeys."
  • Wins by Doing Absolutely Nothing: Brian has a routine about how you never see point-counterpoint arguments for reading, since no one can argue against it without looking like such an idiot that the pro side wouldn't even have to speak.
    Con side: "Hey, let me tell you somthin': reading don't never doed nothin', 'cause if you had.. If you has... Have had... Have haseded... If you did haveded... Hasededeved... A book, and you looks.. had looks... have looks... has looks... Have lookeded, lookedeveded, have lookededed at it... Then you might not even know why you had doed that."
    Pro side: "I have nothing to add."