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Individual characters
Dr. Thaddeus John Euphemism
The main character; a wacky, incompetent scientist.
- Alcohol Hic: He once tries to see if drowning your sorrows was actually possible by deliberately making himself sad, then getting drunk. While drunk, he hiccups.
- Ambiguously Absent Parent: We've seen his mother but not his father.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: This is the guy who literally nukes hot dogs.
- Comedic Underwear Exposure: In one strip, he forgets to wear pants.
- Consistent Clothing Style: Thaddeus usually wears polo shirts.
- Creating Life: He created the cyborgs, as well as several other creatures like the talking food.
- Diet Episode: When he gained a pot belly once, dieting was one of the ways he tried to get rid of it.
- Ditzy Genius: As demonstrated by him building a complicated machine, then forgetting what it was for.
- Exhaustion-Induced Idiocy: As a result of being kept awake all night by Gwog, he forgets to wear pants in one strip.
- Fartillery: When he became a superhero (sort of), one of his powers was super farts.
- For Science!: Most of his experiments, he just does for fun.
- Genius Sweet Tooth: Zigzagged. He certainly likes dessert but his intelligence seems to fluctuate from a genius to stupid to just average.
- Hypocrite: Chastises the interns for being too dependent on technology, but relies on technology a lot himself.
- Illness Blanket: When he got the flu, he wanted to stay wrapped in his blanket until he got better.
- In-Series Nickname: "Doc" from Bob, and "Teddy" from Betty.
- Jumping-to-Conclusions Diagnosis:
- During flu season, he gets so paranoid that he thinks everyone might have the flu.
- In one strip, he's seen chasing Lars Langzaam with a can of spray, shouting, "Covid-19! Covid-19!" because the latter coughed (but only because of a chemical reaction from one of his machines).
- Lab Coat Of Science And Medicine: Wears a lab coat to work.
- Lazy Bum: Zigzagged. Sometimes he's so lazy that his fit-bit wonders if he's still alive, but other times he's not lazy at all.
- Less Embarrassing Term: Sometimes, he uses phrases like "I was inspired" or "It just came to me" if he's actually committed plagiarism, for instance.
- Mister Strangenoun: Has the unusual surname of "Euphemism".
- Nerd Glasses: Is a scientist and wears glasses.
- Nose Nuggets:
- During the flu storyline, he sneezes under his blanket.
- At one point, he does a speech with a booger under his nose.
- He once studies his own boogers under a microscope.
- Opaque Nerd Glasses: His eyes can't be seen through his glasses. His pupils are only ever shown when he's sufficiently shocked, irritated, etc.
- Sick Episode: He gets the flu once.
- Superhero Episode: Downplayed. He got powers once and tried to become a superhero, but his powers wore off.
- Sweet Tooth: His favourite foods include doughnuts, cake, and pie.
- Temporary Bulk Change: In one strip, he's gained a pot belly. The next few strips focus on him trying, and eventually managing, to get rid of it. In another strip, he becomes insanely muscular (see Superhero Episode) but the effect wears off after a few strips.
- Totally Radical: Sometimes lapses into jive talk, especially when trying to be cool.
Bob
Thaddeus's assistant; a cyborg whose only organic component is a human brain, though he possesses mechanical equivalents of other organs that allow him to eat, drink, and so on, to comedic effect. He is a bit more sensible than Thaddeus but not as sensible as, say, Gordon.
- Calling Your Bathroom Breaks: He says "I have to pee" at one point.
- Compressed Vice: In one strip, he has Seasonal Affective Disorder, but in other strips, he's fine and it's Thaddeus who has that.
- Cyborg: He's a robot with a human brain, digestive system, and apparently urinary system. The latter two are artificial, but necessary to support the first, and his human-like functions often played for laughs (such as the running gag of him stealing Thaddeus's food).
- Deadpan Snarker: He thinks being witty is his job.
- Fun with Acronyms: His name is an acronym for Brains On Board.
- The Lancer: Is sort of Thaddeus's sidekick.
- Must Have Caffeine: Played with when he says he needs coffee, then pours it directly onto his brain.
- Not So Above It All: Likes to point out when Thaddeus is being ridiculous, but at the same time he does things like bounce on beds.
- Potty Failure: Implied when he is in a Hazmat Suit and says, "I have to pee", then later says, "Never mind."
- The Sleepless: Downplayed- he still needs sleep, but not very much.
i Ball
Another cyborg, made out of a whale eye and a robot body. He was made as a friend for Bob.
- Cyborg: Has a whale's eye and the rest of his body is robotic.
- Cyclops: He has one huge eyeball.
- Not So Above It All: Like Bob, he tries to be sensible but is a bit goofy.
- Punny Name: A cross between iPod and eyeball.
- Sick Episode: He gets pinkeye once, although it was never revealed whether it was an infection or not.
- The Sleepless: Downplayed— like Bob, he doesn't need very much sleep, but he still needs some sleep.
Gordon Noble
Thaddeus's boss, who tries to teach him to do his job properly and not to be racially insensitive on Black History Month.
- Benevolent Boss: He's mostly on good terms with Thaddeus despite getting frustrated at him.
- Closer to Earth: He's black and one of the most sensible characters.
- Consistent Clothing Style: Gordon likes to wear colourful ties.
Irene
A cyborg similar to Bob, who was created to be a love interest for him when he was depressed. They quickly broke up, but she later returned and they started dating again.
- Cyborg: Is mostly robotic with a human brain, like Bob.
- Fun with Acronyms: Her name stands for Intelligence Relays Enhanced (with) Neural Encoding.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Grumpy, and sometimes even throws things at Bob, but still well-meaning.
- One Head Taller: After upgrading herself, she's noticeably taller than Bob, her semi-love interest.
Naomi
The delivery woman, who has trouble transporting live cargo to Thaddeus.
- Butt-Monkey: Usually, when we see her, she's having trouble with the deliveries.
- Perky Goth: Wears goth clothes, but isn't gloomy at all.
Gwog
A goofy alien who abducts Thaddeus twice and thinks humans are weird.
- Ambiguously Evil: The authorities on his planet describe him as a "jerk" and he does abduct Thaddeus twice but it's unknown if he's actually malevolent.
- Cyclops: Has one eye on a stalk.
- Early-Installment Weirdness: Initially, he looked like a slug, but now he has legs with no explanation.
- Exposed Extraterrestrials: Downplayed. He mostly wears clothes, but he sometimes goes naked as his species has no nudity taboo.
- Extreme Omnivore: He eats fridge magnets.
- Half-Dressed Cartoon Animal: When we first see him, he's wearing only an orange shirt.
- Insistent Terminology: When Thaddeus Euphemism says, "You're an alien?", he says, "I prefer the term extraterrestrial."
Betty
Thaddeus's chatty mother, who's not very good at using her phone.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She sometimes does things like snap at Thaddeus, yell at him to go home and to his room, etc, but she's also very affectionate.
- Technologically Blind Elders: She's pretty old (Thaddeus is 37 so she'd be somewhere between 55 and 86, but probably not those two extremes) and she can't use her phone properly.
Kang
A monster created when some radioactive isotopes were left in the breakroom fridge by Thaddeus. It is quite a voracious, dangerous monster with tentacles and then it symbiotically bonded with Nicole.
- Ambiguous Gender: Sutton referred to it as "he" once in the comments, but Thaddeus, who shows no signs of being bi, dated it... although it was bonded with Nicole while they dated and Thaddeus had a crush on Nicole, not Kang. Everyone mainly just calls it "it".
- Big Eater: Well, considering that "Kang must feed" is its catchphrase, it's no surprise that it eats a lot.
- Catchphrase: It says, "Kang must feed!" several times.
- Extreme Omnivore: Kang will eat just about anything, although it's not as destructive as the Peeves.
- Interspecies Romance: It dated Thaddeus, although it was combined with Nicole, a human, at the time.
- It Came from the Fridge: Subverted. Thaddeus is told that the fridge needs cleaning before meeting Kang, but then it's revealed that Kang was created from radioactive isotopes, not spoiled food.
- The Symbiote: It's now currently attached to Nicole and at one point, it implies that if they were to separate, Nicole would live but Kang would die.Kang: "Kang has the right to exist!"
- Third-Person Person: It says, "Kang" instead of "I".
Nicole
An administrative assistant who appeared to have been eaten by Kang, but then later it turned out they were symbiotically joined.
- Girl Next Door: She's pretty generic; we didn't find out much about her before Kang took over.
Larry
The technical support guy.
- Cool Old Guy: He seems quite old with his white hair, but he's perfectly spry and cracks jokes.
- Limited Wardrobe: Always wears the same shorts, hat, and Hawaiian shirt.
- Nerd Glasses: Is a computer technician and wears glasses.
Lars Langzaam
A heavyset scientist who studies snails.
- Alliterative Name: Lars Langzaam.
- Fat Comic Relief: He's pretty chubby and, this being a comedy and all, is often part of jokes. His first appearance was a joke.
- Labcoat of Science and Medicine: Like Thaddeus, he wears a lab coat.
- Nerd Glasses: He wears glasses like Thaddeus and Larry.
- Speech Impediment: Pronounces his "T-H"s in words like "the" as "Z"s.
Andrew Wong
A psychologist who appeared in an early strip and made a cameo in a later strip.
- The Shrink: He's a psychologist; specifically one of the competent variety.
Marcie
Another scientist in the lab, who's rather creepy, talking about destroying the universe and claiming to be "turned on" by dating probability algorithms among other things.
- Consistent Clothing Style: Downplayed. She seems to like wearing pink blouses, but doesn't always wear one.
- Labcoat of Science and Medicine: She's a scientist and wears a white lab coat.
- Mad Scientist: She theorises about destroying the universe.
- Nerd Glasses: She's a scientist who wears glasses.
- Opaque Nerd Glasses: You can't see her pupils.
- Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Uses a lot of big words, even more so than Thaddeus.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: She's afraid of spiders.
Groups
The Squirrels
They are a group of squirrels who got fed intelligence-enhancing pills and formed a society. There's also a parallel universe full of them. For some reason, the majority are quite materialistic.
- Accessory-Wearing Cartoon Animal: One of them wears a tie.
- Big Eater: The largest one can eat an entire pile of acorns.
- Civilized Animal: They have a society, but they still live in trees and eat acorns.
- The Ditz: One of them, called Doug, was a bit dumb.
- Embarrassing Initials: Four of them once became the Fast Asset-Recovery Team, which spells FART.
- Fully-Dressed Cartoon Animal: At one point, four of them wear ninja suits.
- Fun with Acronyms: They once form a group called the Fast Asset Recovery Team.
- Mean Boss: One of them once took over Clones 'R' Us and fired everyone.
- Ninja: Four of them dress as ninjas when trying to recover their assets.
Sentient Food
A few comics feature food that's been brought to life via GMO or nuclear power.
- Anthropomorphic Food: All can speak, although the degree of anthropomorphism varies.
- Genetic Engineering Is the New Nuke: Both genetic engineering and nuke have brought food to life.
- Giant Food: A few of them are slightly bigger than humans.
- Let's Meet the Meat: Four of the vegetables say, "We don't want to be eaten!".
Lab Animals
Known animals that live in the lab are some bees, some monkeys, a dog, a cat, a rat, and some mice.
- Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Both the rat and one of the mice has been enlarged.
- Big Creepy-Crawlies: Thaddeus once breeds some human-sized bees by accident.
- Cats Are Mean: Downplayed. Thaddeus calls the cat a butthead, but it didn't really do anything mean.
- Evil Laugh: In one strip, a mouse escapes and says, "Muahahahaha!".
- Talking Animal: The dog can talk.
- Toilet Humour: At one point, the dog looks at the monkeys' stool sample.
Interns
Several interns from a university that work in the lab. They all like the Internet and they tend to have bad luck.
- Butt-Monkey: They often get given bad assignments, fall into pits, etc.
- Mauve Shirt: Interns are usually expendable and generic, but one of them, Matt, has a name and personality.
- No Name Given: Averted for Matt, but enforced for the ones who die— Sutton usually avoids killing off named characters.
- Red Shirt: Downplayed. Most of them don't die, but a few do. If a Black Comedy death happens, expect it to happen to an intern.
Single-Celled Organisms
The most common single-celled organisms are a group of amoebas who live somewhere in the lab, but there are also a few bacteria, viruses, and cells.
- Always Chaotic Evil: The viruses always seem to be malevolent. Truth in Television as all real viruses do is destroy cells. Averted for the bacteria and amoebas.
- Artistic License – Biology: Real-world single-celled organisms aren't sentient.
- Bring My Brown Pants: At one point, one of the bacteria poops when he's scared by a parasite.
- The Ditz: One bacterium isn't very smart and wants to be smarter.
- Extra Eyes: One of the bacteria has many eyes and wants even more.
- Monstrous Germs: Zigzagged for the bacteria. Some of them are malevolent and some are not, just like real bacteria. Viruses are always evil.
- Lame Pun Reaction: When one amoeba says he has to "split", another claims that it's an old joke.
- Pun: Many times, the amoebas make puns like "I want to split".
- The Talk: Played with when an amoeba asks its parent where it came from and the parent demonstrates mitosis, grossing the child out.
- Trademark Favourite Food: One bacterium has a running gag of loving "poonooboo" berries.
Bears
Several bears feature in this strip, one of them being the squirrels' lawyer.
- Bears Are Bad News: The lawyer bear bares his claws and gives Bob a wedgie somehow.
Peeves
In one strip, Thaddeus breeds some creatures called "peeves" to sell as pets as a pun on "pet peeve". However, they began eating people and lab equipment, so they got hired to work in the dump instead.
- Big Eater: Can swallow things bigger than they are.
- Extra Eyes: They all have three eyes.
- Extreme Omnivore: They'll eat anything.
- Pun: They were meant to be pets as a pun on "pet peeve".
Firemen
Two male firefighters who made brief appearances in two strips.
- Heh Heh, You Said "X": When Thaddeus claims the Peeves are reproducing asexually, they joke about it sounding like "Eyy, sexually!".
