ďYou know... only two men in the world are allowed to insult me. One of them is dead... the other is waiting for my call... which makes you neither.
- Penny Arcade: "I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth."
- "Will you face me? This tube goes by many names, some you are not worthy to hear. The Waking-Dragon, coiled, as spring dawns. Hawk's-Harvest, seizing prey in the tall summer grass. Autumn-Razor, the patient hunter. Famine-of-Winter, that kills the babe at its mother's empty breast. So, will you face me? I, who hold the very reins of the world?"
- In a VG Cats strip in which they parody "The Word" section of The Colbert Report: "We didn't spend YEARS as social outcasts to watch you assholes fuck this up. We memorized the Ultra Combos. We wrote down pages of passwords. WE defeated the Robot Masters, knocked out Tyson, and SAVED THE FUCKING PRINCESS."
- In A Miracle of Science, Benjamin delivers this boast to a difficult police sergeant: "Sergeant, I've just been to the outer solar system and back to track down a mad scientist. I've been shot at with secret weapons, destroyed robots that could take down tanks, and fallen from orbit without benefit of a re-entry vehicle. I don't need your rudeness added to my troubles, okay?" (He later shortens that last incident to "I've plunged down from orbit on wings of fire".)
- Of all people, Sylvester, self-confessed complete twit of The Mansion of E, gets one.
- "I am more than that. I am the monster your mother told you about when the GBOLs got dim. I am human. I am the zarking EARL OF E."
- Dan and Mab's Furry Adventures , anyone?
- Subverted here, too.
- Jyrras gets one too here.
- I'm the freaking Questor of Freeman Downs! I have slogged through the Dire Swamps, killed a Gragum god-priest and three of his followers single-handed, and waded thru an army of shadow wights to kill a rat-king. I also happen to be the guy who just hospitalized half you big, bad gang, jackass. I have a badge, an arsenal, and a license to kill. The only reason you're still alive is that I didn't want to mess with the paperwork. So feel free to drop by any time, dillweed. I see you, or your friends within a hundred miles of my town and I'll gut you like a trout. What triggers this boast can be seen here.
"You want to know who I am? I'll tell you who I am— I'm Quentyn, son of Quinn, the Questor of Freeman Downs. The Gnomes call me "Hunter of Shadows." The Gragum call me "Little God-Slayer." The gangs of the Tumbledowns call me Sir, if they know what's good for them. I am one of Oberon's Untouched — kissed by the White Stag and blessed by two ladies of the Seleighe Court. I have slain a Gragum priest-king and three of his followers singlehanded. I have waded through an army of shadow-wights to lay low a rat-king. I have pulled a house down around the ears of not one, but two gangs of thieves. I have slain a swamp kraken, and run before the Wild Hunt — and won. And before I leave this duchy I will add a dead dragon to that list. I am a Rac Cona Daimh, and I am nothing to be trifled with. Do you have any other questions, Your Grace?"
- El Goonish Shive:
- Chaos has one while the left half of her body is amorphous claws and teeth, right before she leaves Magus to eternal isolation in the spirit realm.
Chaos: You've asked many times what my name is. I have had many, but I will give you the full one I have chosen for myself. Pandora. Chaos. Raven. Refer to me as one or all. I will live up to that name. Ponder that in your newfound isolation.
- Raven chewing the scenery and spoon-feeding it to Abraham.
Raven: You are a homicidal wizard invading a public school. No one will care if I kill you.
- Misfile: One of Rumisiel's Crowning Moments of Awesome in this strip:
Rumisiel: You want to see spirits? You want to look into the eyes of the beings that will watch over the end of days? I have seen the fall of empires and the murder of millions! I have shoved that data into files like so many numbers! ... I'm a frickin' angel, babe, and I got nothin' to lose.
- Gosu: After overwhelming Dang Gan with a Divine Heavenly Destruction Technique and leaving him seemingly dead, Gang Ryong says this gem to Jin Garyeong:
- Gunnerkrigg Court: Coyote's formal introduction.
- Most such boasts are huge, flashy, and overt, filled with eloquent speech and burning emotion. But the truly powerful ones don't need any of that. That just makes Jones' simple statement to Coyote that "You know I can take her if I wish." all the more impressive. She calmly tells Coyote himself, in the heart of his own domain, that if she chose to act, he couldn't stop her. Jones doesn't rant or shout. She doesn't need to, which makes that line all the more badass.
- Just to put this in perspective: a bit later, Coyote, for a moment, stops time except for himself and Antimony, even freezing Jones mid-sentence! And Jones can still take Antimony without Coyote being able to stop her!
- Sluggy Freelance: "My name is Gunman Stan McKurt. And I shoot evil in the face."
: Good evening, master. Whom shall we kill today? Torg
: A god damned demon lord.
- The Order of the Stick: In "On the Origin of PCs", Vaarsuvius makes this when trying to convince Roy to let him/her join:
"I am capable of manipulating matter and energy on a subatomic level by speaking. A mere flick of my finger is sufficient to alter the gravitational pull of the planet. I shelve physics texts under 'Fiction' in the library, I consider the laws of thermodynamics loose guidelines at best. In short, I am grasping the reins of the universe's carriage, and every morning I wake up, look to the heavens, and shout, 'Giddy up, boy!' You may never grasp the complexities of what I do, but at least have the common courtesy to feign something other than slack-jawed oblivion in my presence. I, sir, am a wizard, and I break more natural laws before breakfast than of which you are even aware." note
I'm a goddamn baby-making, life-taking machine! Why should I care how many people I have to kill? I can just make more in my tummy!
- Hinjo tries to make his own here but Redcloak knocks him back and delivers his own.
I am the commander of the Sapphire Guard
and I am here to make you pay for your crimes against my city! Prepare to—
*Redcloak zaps Hinjo with a Disintegrate, knocking him out*
Redcloak: Your city? Oh, I'm sorry, I thought somebody would have told you by now. See, this is MY city now, paladin! I figure you owe me one village plus 35 years of interest, so this is a good start!
- Xykon has a nice habit of combining this with Hannibal Lecture and No-Holds-Barred Beatdown.
- To Dorukan in Start Of Darkness: Hey, you know what really gets under my skin? Proverbially, of course? A century of wizards looking down their damn noses at me. Energy Drain! I know people think I'm stupid. Because I'm not a wizard. Because I get bored easily. Because I have no interest in strategy or tactics or contingency planning. Energy Drain! But see, I've learned a lot over the years since I died. A lot more than I learned during my life. And now I see that planning doesn't matter. Strategy doesn't matter. Only two things matter: Force in as great a concentration as you can manage, and style. And in a pinch, style can slide. Energy Drain! In any battle, there's always a level of force against which no tactics can succeed. For example, all I need to do is keep smacking you with Energy Drains, and soon you won't be able to cast any of your fancy spells at all. Energy Drain! Because yes, I am a sorcerer - and this magic is in my bones, not cribbed off of "Magic for Dummies." And I can keep casting the same friggin' spell at you until you roll over and die. You can have your finely-crafted watch - give me the sledgehammer to the face any day. ENERGY DRAIN!
- To Redcloak in Start Of Darkness: What I said there to Dorukan about overwhelming force? That's only part of Colonel Xykon's secret recipe of winning. It's not just about power, it's also about how far you're willing to debase yourself before feeling bad. And me? I ripped off my own living flesh so that I wouldn't have to admit weakness. You're strictly little league compared to that. That right there? That's the difference between bonafide true Evil and your whiny "evil, but for a good cause" crap. One gets to be the butch and one gets to be the bitch. Bitch.
- To (an invisible) Vaarsuvius: You seem to have an interest in power, so let me educate you a little while I search for you. It's sort of this thing I like to do sometimes, especially for learned wizards such as yourself. Power, it isn't something that you put on or take off like a jacket. It's something you just ARE. If you can lose it by blowing two Will saves, you never really had any power in the first place, see what I'm saying? Hell, the idiot paladin understands better than you do, 'cause he got every one of those hit points I burned off of him the hard way: he earned them. 'Course now he's also earned an upgrade to Prisoner First Class for daring to touch my pretty little bauble. It's sort of the same as how we've already been treating him, only now we get serious about it. Anyhoo, where was I? Oh, right. Your soul shenanigans are real flashy, but they had one weakness: they were shackled to your lame mid-level ass! I used to think spells equaled power, too, back when I was alive. I've learned a lot since then. You know what does equal power? Power. Power equals power. Crazy, huh? But the type of power? Doesn't matter as much as you'd think. It turns out, everything is oddly balanced. Weird, but true. For example: ...Right now, power takes the form of a +8 racial bonus to Listen skill checks. [He grabs V by the throat] So, Uncle Xykon, what's the moral of the story? A big pile of spells isn't enough when the other guy has a big pile of spells AND the strength to crush your windpipe with his bare phalanges. And they died happily ever after. The End.
- Also, Lien:
My parents were fishermen. When I was a little girl, I stood right here and learned how to clean the fish that they caught. I'm telling you this so that you know that when I say that if you take one more step, I will gut you like the catch of the day ó IT IS NOT HYPERBOLE!
- While trekking through the frozen wastelands towards Kraagor's Gate, O-Chul and Lien pass the time by engaging in what they call a 'Paladin-Off', in which they basically compete to see who can come up with the better Paladin-themed boast based on their situation:
Lien: How are you doing? Are you handling the cold OK?
O-Chul: I am well. You?
Lien: Sure, no problem. I've grown accustomed to the frigid depths of the ocean floor as I seek out the forces of Evil in the dark crevices in which they hide.
O-Chul: I warm myself with my thoughts - both of the gentle warmth of good deeds done and delinquent hearts redeemed, as well as those of the eternal fires of the Lower Planes - where those unwilling to reconsider their life choices must surely find themselves should they stand against me.
Lien: I don't know what I was thinking, trying to beat you in a Paladin-Off.
O-Chul: Through grim virtuous perseverance and the will of the Twelve Gods, I was able to triumph.
Lient: OK, OK, you won! Take it down a notch.
- Girl Genius: Gil demonstrates the correct form here:
- Sarda, of all people, in 8-Bit Theater:
Black Mage: Can we have a minute?
Chaos: I am the yawning chasm from before the before; the darkness after the end of all things. I am nothing and no thing is eternal.
Black Mage: ...is that a yes?
- The 10 Doctors: Dalek Tor is supreme.
- No Need for Bushido — Parodied:
Yorikiro: Call me Yorikiro, Master of Martial arts and wielder of a secret knowledge of fighting style so mystical and great it has no name for all those who witness is perish before they can grasp the immense power before them!!!!
Ina: How about I just call you Yori?
Yorikiro: That'll work.
- Last Res0rt just had a good one.
You see that? Nobody defies my orders twice! My blood runs through the cracked table! My family is why Arel's flags bear crimson hands! I have come for my freedom and nobody, mortal or otherwise, will stop me! I am Slick Mordecai Giovanni, Don of Third Jerusalem! All evidence to the contrary will be dead once I escape! And I will escape, because this... is my last resort
- In The Adventures of Dr. McNinja, Dr. McNinja does this on his sidekick's behalf. To Dracula, no less.
Dr. McNinja: Do you think I run around with a 12-year-old boy because I like his inferior grasp of girls and higher level math? Do you think I left him with my psychotic parents because I wanted him to die? No, you undead pale ponce! Gordito is the effing Badass Kid! So go ahead and finish up your masterful scheme to make me let you kill me, because Gordito's going to slap around whatever ghost lackey you have like he was a pinata on the mexican day of the dead!
- Dominic Deegan spells it out for Celesto at the climax of the Storm of Souls story arc:
"No matter how furious or destructive a storm may be, there is always
a center of peace and serenity. I am the champion of balance...the eye of the storm.
"I have done battle with demons and stared into the face of hell itself. You think I'm scared of a racist bully with a crush he can't handle?"
- Shogun from Harkovast, on his own, speaking to an army of the Nameless:
- In Schlock Mercenary, Kevyn Andreasyn has one that he tends to say in his head, while he is (mostly) dying. Notably it's only played (mostly) straight the first time; after that he starts rambling about how many times he's "cheated the reaper", eventually deciding to just stop keeping track. It goes a little something like this:
"I am Commander Kevyn Andreyasn. I have shaped the destinies of worlds, of nations, of galaxies. I have created and destroyed. I have followed and I have led. I have known love and it has known me back. I flirt with Death for a living and I have cheated the Reaper a lot of
- He also has this simple but effective one, delivered by radio immediately after the enemy Commander sends a tank after him:
- Sister Claire gives us "I'm sorry to tell you that our name, Sisters of Mercy, is a bit misleading. God shows mercy. We don't."
- Fans! had this recent bit with Rikk and Marc after Hus claimed that Rikk was beaten the last time he was in the field:
First off, I got sucker-punched by Captain America
. That's like giving Michael Phelps a head start. Secondly, I've spent the last five years with two remarkable women. One of them's one of the toughest, cleverest fighters I've ever seen anywhere. The other is Rumiko Tanaka Oberf! We work hard, but we do make time for each other. And when we're not vegging or sharing a bed...we like to spar! Marc and I aren't here to impress you, Hus. We're here to bring you to justice.
Marc: Bully needs a beatdown! (To Rikk) Yours was way more wootworthy.
Rikk: No, you gave a good closing statement.
- From How I Killed Your Master:
Everyone knows you haven't fought in ten years. Master Fei:
*after the Curb-Stomp Battle
* It's been ten years since anyone spoke of my fights because no one has walked away from them in that time.
- Sidney Burns delivers one that is essentially his declaration of war in Mob Ties. While simple, when combined with the actions he is performing, it helps to establish his position as the number one badass in the Mob Ties universe.
"If any of you mob assholes even think of hurting Mika... Just remember one thing..." * crushes a steel chair with one hand* "First... You'll have to go... Through Me." * delivers a One-Hit Kill*
- And another, which basically states what Sid's ultimate goal is from that moment in the comic onward:
For Mika, I will KILL A GOD.
- In L's Empire, Dimentio from Super Paper Mario delivers this to his opponent right before getting beaten up off screen and then blasting them out of the building:
- Lightbringer ends its first chapter with its hero taking another look at his hideously corrupted city, and declaring his new mission (to himself, mostly) as he prepares to stop yet another crime from being committed.
My name is Carter Granholme. I live in Pharos City. Pharos City has been corrupted. Evil has taken hold of it. Criminals no longer fear conducting their business in the light. I will make them afraid of it again.
- Rose Lalonde does one right after the epic ending of Homestuck Act 4. Her point is helped by the fact she just tore an entire Gamefaqs walkthrough out of the Internet with a magic spell and sent it to the Furthest Ring:
You're done with dying.
"Upon reflection, Redglare showed the foresight of a true seer in thieving my arm
8efore the trial. It permitted a fair fight."
- At the end of the Doc Scratch intermission, Lord English gets one that crosses into horrifying:
- And now we have one from Dirk, too.
The Prince is awake. Your shit is wrecked.
- Bonus points for delivery: the note is stuck on a spear in the middle of a crowded square, along with his would-be assassin's head.
TG: bow down before your new king bitch
- I am a total magical badass.
- Marena, Keychain of Creation, explaining her situation to another Exalt:
"We are Exalted
. I have been singled out and empowered by the gods. Specifically, by Luna. Endowed with the power to change my own form, and the responsibility to protect the entire world from its enemies. All Exalted are stronger, tougher, even smarter than any normal human. If we will it so, we do not even bleed. Even the greatest sickness gives me only chills, and the most grievous wounds are healed in mere days. Mortal men and women are bound by society, by culture, by destiny. We are not. It is not my place to follow the normal rules of conduct. It is my place to decide what is right or wrong. That has been granted to me by my goddess, Luna. The Moon. In short, in being Exalted, I have divine endorsement to do whatever I please."
- Of course, she gave this as explanation for her homewrecking ways, so YMMV.
- Subverted in Our Little Adventure when an Elven Ranger bounty hunter named Keppra Gemflower introduces herself this way to Umbria. Umbria wins initiative in that combat, immediately casts hold person and rushes over and kills the Elf via coup de grace.
- In an Alttext from xkcd:
- "(Liquid)'s my son. I eat F-16s for breakfast. Any of this getting through to you?"
- In one Skin Horse strip, Unity, chained up by a secret cult of Noraties Public, claims to "eat steel like this for breakfast". In the next strip, she meets the Abbess, and Notary Paul warns the Abess she's trouble:
Unity: Yeah, I eat little old ladies like you for breakfast!
Paul: I thought you ate steel for breakfast.
Unity: Oxygen tank.
- Near the climax of book 1 of Erfworld, Wanda leads her undead airforce into battle against Ansom with the following chant (if anything made somewhat more menacing by her recent trauma-induced stutter):
Wanda: Rejoice. Despair. Fate does n-not care. Each knotted mmind entwined. Each sso...soul, another's bind. And blind... though we are led, in time, we d-...do know when to cut a thread!
- From Jack: "My name is Jack, and I'm going to kill everyone in this room."
- Goblins gives one to Dies Horribly of all people
Demon: I'm going to rip you apart.
Dies Horribly: You've already done that. It didn't work.
- Nahast: Lands of Strife: Xiang. "NOTHING moves a dwarf!"
- Zebra Girl: Sandra goes off on a rant about how she's in charge, only for it to be interrupted:
Jack: Sandra... doesn't it worry you how I'm not worried?
Sandra: No. Because you're an idiot.
Jack: Sure. I'm also Plaid Jack Clarity, the Tartan Sorcerer. Walker in infernal fires, he of the intersecting lines. This is my friend Tomie. And you're a bad, bad demon.
- In Rusty and Co., of the villainous variety:
Calamitus: Do you think mundane matter could best my formidable necromantic powers? I have transcended the limits of mere flesh and blood... and I will shatter your bodies and dance upon your entrails!
- In Bob and George's first actual gag, Megaman is reeling this off to a villain, with steadily decreasing confidence.
- In Darths & Droids, during the final fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan, Anakin thanks Obi-Wan for realizing his true feelings and that he realizes that he truly is the Sith Lord.
Obi-Wan: But, the Sith are a legend!
Anakin: I am the legend!
- In this Prequel page, Gaius gets a particularly badass one.
Gaius: Iíve been in the guard longer than youíve been alive, breton. Iíve seen frenzied trolls burst forth from the ground, men get ripped to shreds by land-roving dreugh, zombies tear down entire villages with nothing but their teeth, and thatís all in the last two years. I can hit an imp with a bow at three hundred yards, kill a grizzly bear in hand-to-hand combat, and cut a man in half with one swing of a sword. ĎTrembling with fearí isnít in my vocabulary. I handle the fear, so you prissy magefolk never have to see it.
- Dragon Ball Multiverse:
- Guilded Age has two back-to-back:
Gigundus: "I am the Priestlord Gigundus! There is no authority here but mine, elf. My word is the blood that flows through this world and washes out its disobedience."
Byron: "Yeah, well. I'm Byron the Berserker. Mine are the axes that thirst for blood."
- Grrl Power: Maxima has a low-key one, when she discussing how she spent her tour of duty fighting indigenous supers in Afghanistan.
Reporter: They have supers in Afghanistan?
Maxima: Hpmh. Not as many as they used to.
- Nobody Scores!: While crossing to an island where an illegal no-limits martial arts tournament is going down, Jane Doe gets a 'surely a beautiful lady like yourself isn't' question:
- The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob!: After being injured by the Cone Ship...
Butterfly of Iron: "You dare attack me?! I'll shred the spacetime in which you float! I'll unravel the matter and the naught and the very all of you!!!"
- Galatea gets off a pretty good one when she hijacks Riboflavin's ship...
Galatea: "Heed me, Butane! This is Captain Galatea Martin of the starship Lathe of Empires! Captain Riboflavin has been removed! You no longer face a withered Methuselah with a 1,300 year track record of failure, but instead, a competent woman with a gun pointed at your heads! I promise you wise and just leadership... if you surrender... now!"
- In Kidd Commander, Ulrich Weiss introduces himself as a professional. Though it's a short boast, his way of showing off makes it really badass.
- Lovesyck: Seasoned warrior Gaskar the Guts delivers one about both him and the legendary assassin Carver Stucco to a subordinate of his who insults Carver.
Gaskar: Do you not know who you're talking to. Are you that dense? Do you know how many wars I've won, how many people I've killed? Carver Stucco is the finest killer I have ever known. Can you dig the implications here? Can you imagine how many killers I've known? Everything you've heard about her is true. She's cut down legions. I saw her do it. She's infiltrated Corner Prison and the Holy Royal Sanctum and every impregnable vault from Hubble Palace to Lovelyss Core. She could slice your tits off with a bowling ball and cut you so deep you wouldn't know whether to call for Gawd for come in your pants. She could shit darkness in your soul and make you dream a thousand years of hell in a single second. You can't even picture that shit. She deserted Hubble. She brought down the Inquisition. And she survived me.
- The Last Days Of FOXHOUND: During a tense standoff, Ocelot takes a moment to inform everyone concerned that he could kill everyone in the room with one bullet.
- Charby the Vampirate: When Zeno is freaking out over endangering his newfound friends:
Charby: I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Charby. I'm a vampire. I've lived in Kellwood for over 300 years. I survived getting stabbed clean through the chest with a sword! I pulled it out and cut the other guy's head off! Whatever is after you it's no challenge for me and Menulis.