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Dakari King Mykan is a mediocre author at best. His motto to criticism is - and I quote here - "spite makes right." He holds himself as some kind of paragon with his attitude, yet he makes mistakes like violating the rule of Show, Don't Tell.
My Little Unicorn itself is just another bad mark on his record. In his attempt to make a better story, he ends up trying to recreate the original with his "perfect" image. This perfect image includes characters with no proper backstory, motivations, or even interesting interactions.
What I am trying to say is that in his attempt to make a better version of a show that I really didn't care about in the first place, he made me long for the original.
Dakari King Mykan, you managed to fail in creating a superior work. You literally made a brony out of me. Trying to get people to see the original as crap compared to yours only to make more fans for the original is the epitome of fail.
Oh good lord, this story... Where do I start? In a way that hasn't been already said by the rest of the reviews, that is? And you know it's bad when the grammar's the least of its problems.
One major red flag is the author outright saying that he hates Friendship is Magic and trying to "fix" everything about it. It's all downhill from there.
While I hadn't watched Friendship is Magic, it didn't really take me long to find out that Mykan cares nothing for depth in his characters. The original (the term I'll use loosely here) cast are essentially cardboard cut-outs (With Rhymey being the most annoying, and Grand Ruler being noteworthy for averting Royals Who Actually Do Something when it came to the villains.) And then, he stripped the canon characters of their likable traits when it came to crossing over with Equestria.
The plot is episodic, but the episodes are mostly about repetitive struggles against the Big Bad and their minions, with overuse of the Monster of the Week formula (Sound familiar?) And the chapters (according to Mykan) are trying to emulate the length of a TV episode.
As a result, the writing boils down to the author not letting the characters or actions do the talking. And do I have to mention that the author defines Small Name, Big Ego?
All in all, I say give this fanfic a pass, not even for riffing on.
It's fairly easy to tell that My Little Unicorn is not going to be a good fic from first glance,, when the author declares that he doesn't like My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, especially the idea of The Power of Friendship, and he is going to set out to make a better version of the show.
What we get is a highly cliched piece about Lightning Dawn, student of the Grand Ruler, using the Uniforce and the power of "believing"(whatever that is), to fight against Titan and various other one-dimensional villains, with equally one-dimensional allies. Despite setting out to replace Friendship is Magic, he eventually includes characters from that show, but they are not the same ponies you know and love.
I'm not that familiar with Friendship is Magic, as I've seen a few episodes and know the general personalities of the cast. But I've noticed that while characterization is not the author's strong suit (he points out that he finds three dimensional characters confusing), he mainly rips off of existing characters for the original cast while making the canon characters flat and two dimensional. As such, he doesn't have any hilariously outlandish characterization decisions.
The plot is largely episodic, with the episodes being fairly unoriginal and formulaic, featuring repetitive struggles against Titan's minions and the monsters they create. The chapters are also surprisingly long for a badfic, which the author says is trying to emulate the length of a TV episode, which is hardly a good decision(when I write fanfics, I prefer considering factors such as plot developments, and the chapters vary widely in length, from under 2,000 words to over 10,000).
The writing is relatively bland and forgettable, with the author apparently writing it to be more like an episode synopsis than an actual work of literature. As a result, the fic is driven more by the author telling us what is going on than by characters' dialogue or actions, and the former is not especially well written. The grammar is less than stellar, but there aren't any hilarious mistakes like "CHARD MONSTER!"
All in all, reading this fic is like watching someone try to do a stunt but failing in such a way that you can't laugh at them or feel sorry for them. It's not worth your time, even for Bile Fascination.
I believe in "DL;DR," that being, if all indication is that something is intolerable, it's best to just let it rot. Furthermore, as someone whose attitude towards MLP ranges from quiet tolerance to indignant apprehension, I have no stake in this story. Consequently, I've taken the advice of all the people who (evidently rightly) loathe this garbage and won't be flipping through anytime soon. What I want to talk about, though, is the author, because, again, going by the advice of the article, he seems to be essentially the writing equivalent of Murphy's Law.
Now, I have seen bad writers. Horrible, horrible writers. They couldn't spell. They had all the colors of the Sue rainbow. They went to the cliche well, again and again. But that was to be expected. Most people who try writing just aren't that hot. They still try, or at least quit before they embarrass themselves. That's fine. As long as they try to make something good.
But this guy doesn't try to make something good. He details his opinions heavily, and they are universally garbage. What others would call 'unfortunate side-effects,' he calls 'personal goal.' Flat Characters are okay. Not everyone can get a moment; in fact, it'd probably just slow things down. But they're not something you shoot for; they're a side-effect of large casts and limited time. To create a character - a main character, no less - to be flat is practically an offense to storytelling.
Furthermore, there's the fact of writing in a universe you hate and then not using it. Fix Fic or Deconstruction Fic works, because the person usually has the sense to work with elements in their universe, not against them. If his goal was to make an adolescent-male version of MLP, he'd likely find a lot to work with, but he doesn't. He ignores it, marginalizes it, or generally fucks it up to the point that it's just not worth reading. The Storm Dragons exists because the writer thought that Galbatorix might have a story in him. MLU exists because some arsehole hated a show that's not even meant for his age group.
I use "Murphy's Law," because to me, the worst possible writer is one who actively pursues schlock-level in all endeavors, then fails to clear even that pathetic bar. That's this guy.
Now that that's out of the way, let's bury this piece of shit and forget it ever existed.
add it to the mix. Now you take a bit of some cliched old tropes a lot not just a pinch.
There are barely words to actually describe the level of insanity and fail that are related to that story. Dakari King Mykan (known for his revenge and hate fics against Teen Titans and Digimon) devoted an entire fanfiction to create something that in his eyes is "better" than Friendship is Magic by creating a Care Bear Version of the Power Rangers with personality free Mary Sue alicorns, who are so flat as characters, your average Star Trek Red Shirt has more personality and depth to him than any character here. If his plan was to create a "My little Pony" story only for boys, he failed miserable by putting in more girlish and childish elements in the plot than you would ever find in Friendship is Magic. Worse than the actual fanfic is just the display of insanity this guy has shown on different ponyboards regarding criticism to the story, to the point he already promised to write a sequel just to make the bronies pay for not supporting his story, that even as a revenge fic misses all the points. Say about Cupcakes what you want, at least it was a trollfic that also brought a few good things up like bronies actually trying to subvert the concept of the infamous gore fic. All this story manages to do is make everyone feel pissed off and wish the poor little bastards the author considers "well handled" characters a mercy death by sending them to the glue factory.
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