Will it Blow, Part 1: Let's Watch Kanokon

The first part of what will be an epic series, where I watch four different, yet all supposedly terrible, anime series/movies. I've never actually watched any of them, so I might be surprised and actually like one, maybe even beyond So Bad, It's Good, though I seriously doubt it. The schedule as of now is Monday-Wednesday-Friday.

As the title says, the first anime up for watching is Kanokon, an ecchi romantic comedy... thing. It sounds pretty terrible. The first episode will be up in (at most) a few hours.

Oooooh, this should be fun. What are the other shows up for the chop?

The order I'm probably going for is 1. Kanokon 2. All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku (the TV series) 3. Apocalypse Zero and 4. ALL of Ikki Tousen. I was going to watch Musashi Gundoh, but I couldn't find any subs.

No Queen's Blade? Aww.

First Episode: My First Time (interesting title choice...)

The first bit of this inexplicably reminded me of a certain Creedence Clearwater Revival song. It seems they HAVE seen the rain, comin' down on a sunny day.

This kid is a prime shota. I don't know if they have rankings or something, but he looks around 12 or so. 12 out of 10 AND 12 years old. Will the FBI bust down my door and arrest me for downloading child pornography onto my computer for this?

The animation is actually pretty nice so far. And now a girl in a miniskirt. Then the OP starts, and it's pretty average. Though I think the way two of the girls walk in the beginning is kinda hilarious. It's almost like their arms are seriously weighing them down or something.

Oh, what the hell? Random fox girl then the shota kid gets whiskers and a tail and ears and then busty chick gets a nip slip. Complete change from just a second ago! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?

The mass character design is kinda weird. Even in single-character shots, they're drawn strangely. It's a little off-putting, but okay. I've seen worse.

The shota kid seems to get along well with the ladies. Also his name is triumphantly revealed as "Kouta". Hopefully he doesn't try to make a harem out of crazy pink haired girls with horns. The busty girl, Chizuru, stuffs him into her boobs like it were a standard greeting. Apparently this happens often? This chick is obviously incredibly horny, and picks on a short kid who looks like he's in elementary school. I see flaws in her plan. Many flaws. Now, to look at this scene another way, he's reacting pretty intensely even though this is supposedly a normal thing for her to do, and he gets it a lot. He should really be used to it and, more importantly, enjoying it, by now.

And now, in the midst of a panty shot, her obvious sexual advances were ended by the Pettanko Brigade, membership: one. This member also has glasses and a large forehead. She obviously can't be the girl shota-kun ends up with. She also reminds them that there apparently is a specific school rule against Marshmallow Hug-ing, but only in the morning. Wait, so this is NORMAL for this entire SCHOOL? Goddamnit I want to go there...

Busty girl's, well, bust seems to expand randomly. Is this a plot point? Nonetheless, the bitchy flatchested girl, Asahina (ohoho I c wot irony u did thar...) in joined by a kinda boyish other girl and another girlier one with friggin' weird eyes. I'm guessing they're lesbians or something. Weird-eyes makes a rather misandrist comment, only furthering this belief.

Lo and behold, Kouta is pronounced "Great Erotic King". Does this mean we could call him the "King of Eros"?

Laid-back dude joins them, presumably after transferring from another show without such weirdass characters. Asahina is a bitch to him, too. Tsun tsun! Dere dere! And she punches him. She's getting almost as bad as Naru from Love Hina already...

EXIT Lesbians, continue tsundere rant. Apparently background characters were too much to animate for the studio, so we get a bunch of still shots. At least with this clever budget cut strategy we shouldn't get a Gainax Ending. Also shota-kun is really tiny. WAY too tiny. Is he one of those special genius kids or something? Unlikely, this show is tossing around an Idiot Ball like it were a box of shota porn. Except this new couple of girls, who are identical and like fries or whatever the hell they're eating. They're my new favourite characters.

Apparently laid-back guy (I didn't get his name...) is Chizuru's brother. Daaaaaaaamn. Cut to Chizuru, who is wandering about, thinking of how to seduce a shota. The teacher she meets looks unnervingly like Gauron from Full Metal Panic. I guess the girls won't have to worry about him staring at them lewdly or anything, then. HE'S DEFINITELY NOT EVIL!!

Kouta is accused of catching a cold, for some reason. Isn't it the middle of summer? Why the hell did they think he'd get a cold? As expected, he's then accused of being a pervert.

Cut to a room with a sitting man... and a loli and an elf eared guy. He's pretty hot blooded, so I'm guessing he's a transfer from Gurren Lagann. He just doesn't fit with the others. Methinks this show is actually a massive crossover.

Wow, people are just frekin' out about lemon bread. Is it really that great, you sick freaks? Stop shoving a poor, innocent shota between your sexy, tempting hips! Er, wait...

Magic panty winds sweeps in, and a sandwich thing is cut in half. This is a badass school. And why the hell did Chizuru unbutton part of her top? Even if she was trying to seduce him, it seems kinda pointless. Ah, she was storing mail in there. Seems... in character, actually. Naturally, 'tis a love letter. Chizuru has something to 'tell him' after school. My guess is that she is going to tell him to "J-j-j-j-jam it in!!" or something.

In reality, no. She just now has a tail. Hot? Apparently it's her cosplay, as her crappy explanantion goes. Horo has orange-red hair, dumbass. "As you can see, I'm a fox!" No wai! Ya wai! So, Kouta is taking this pretty well, despite him having a crippling fear of sex.

"In a nutshell, I'm a complicated, mysterious and beautiful young girl." Part of every complete breakfast. However, most breakfasts don;t have GODDMAN VORTEX EYES. Goddman, folks. Goddman. Is she trying to freak him out or screw him? If it were me, whatever boner I would've had would be gone. Vortex eyes are not sexy. Then she essentially blackmails him. "If you were freaked out by my warp-engine eyes and you don't want to go to school, I'll blow dis popstand and head for New York, and you get no kitsune poon!"

Apparently, mission accomplished. This kid's status as an invertebrate worked well for him, for once. I like how she says "This is my first time doing it with a guy...". Emphasis on "first time" and "guy". I sense yuri undertones, like always.

Goddman, "Yargovsky" is THE most badass name for a goldfish, ever. I want to see how incredibly gar this goldfish must be to earn a name like that.

Aaaand, cockblock for Chizuru, by her brother, too. It even seemed that shota-kun was pretty willing.

Aaaand, now she's embedded in his stomach. What the hell is going on? I mean, a fox spirit is pretty normal. Expected, even, but this? Just... what. And in another surprise, he now has whiskers and other fox features. Damnit, who let the potheads onto the writing team? she possessed him, so... what...? If he masturbates, is that technically her giving him a handjob? Could he rape HIMSELF? I do and don't want to know, at the same time.

It doesn't matter, as some pretty awesome battle kinda music starts up. and now for SPIRIT BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMB!!! As expected, laid-back dude gets his ass kicked, and receives an extra hit from a chair. The world really doesn't like this guy. On the other hand, Kouta separates with Chizuru and gets a nude hug, overloading his sensors. In hindsight, hiding behind a piano to put clothes on seems kinda hard. I guess there's some kinda skill for that.

"We did major structural damage to the school! WTF!" "I don't care, let's do it!"

And, ED time. No WTF moments like the OP, luckily. Next episode promises onsen scene. Excellent.

All in all, this is actually pretty awesome. Completely ridiculous, but awesome. I have come to the conclusion, though, that Kouta's low height means he may just have extra "height", If You Know What I Mean.

Next episode on Wednesday! Not Tuesday, that was a typo. Baaad typo.

edited 27th Jul '10 4:34:59 PM by Five_X

There are plenty of Asahinas in anime.

It's Wednesday, so it's time for episode two. I honestly might speed these updates up, as I have (more than) enough free time to do more than three episodes a week. I'll do it if you readers want me too, I guess. No real strain on my part, as I'm enjoying this. Anyways, on to the second episode.

Episode Two: Are We Becoming One (alright, kinda sexual, but not much)

It starts out with two people on a motorcycle, driving down an empty road. The driver pulls a fast turn, and they go onto a bridge and stop. Hey look, people. The passenger on the bile is revealed to be a blonde loli, with a somewhat unnerving voice. Notably, her ass REALLY sticks out. Seriously, just look at it! It's huge! Then again, this is high school, so okay, Willing Suspension of Disbelief here, I guess a highschooler could have an ass that... pronounced. Anyways, her apparent brother runs off to deal drugs or have group sex or something that crazy biker gangs do, and the new girl looks around, and summons the OP.

A short skip later, and...

Kouta is being sexually assaulted again, not that it could be called that given what happened last episode, but whatever. I get it, Kanokon, Chizuru's breasts are pretty big. Kouta is completely in denial, though. He knows he wants her boobs oh so badly, but refuses to admit it. Kind of interesting, actually. This (romantic comedy/possible harem) show is unique in that the main love interest and shota protagonist are "close" at the beginning of the series.

Back to the show, Chizuru thinks shota-kun is getting tired of her boobs (ahahahaha!) and so decides to flash her panties at him and suggest that they do it in the road. Kouta does not approve, adn runs off, winding up at the family planning centre. Naturally, a place Chizuru would want him to visit with her.

In a sprawling magical market district, lolitass devours ribs. Symbolism!? Actually, I think she's eating them so that the protein goes to her ass. As expected, Kouta shows up there as well. The hell is with that girl and ribs, honestly?

"do you understandu!?" Ah, great Engrish there. Thanks, random ribs guy. You need your own show. Shota-kun notices lolitass, mentioning that she looks like a foreigner, and thinks that "She's likely a..." Prostitute! Ass monger! Character from some other anime! Do I get multiple guesses!? Damn, she likes them ribs. Yum Yum. Why doesn't the salesbro just stop her, and why does he have so many ribs just out in the open? What kind of economy is this!?

Kouta comes to the conclusion that she's a kitsune or something like Chizuru because the plot tells him to (honestly, he just up and thinks that. How the hell would he know that so intuitively?). Kouta offers to pay a whole 8000 yen, but Lolitass pulls out 10000 and gives it so salesbro, who revealed just earlier that he has a starving wife and kid. Directors, this guy needs his own show, ASAP. I'm sure it's be like Cowboy Bebop meets Akira meets Spriggan meets Hayate No Gokuto.

Back to the show, Lolitass reveals her name to be "Nozomu. Ezomori Nozomu.", but I don't care. I had to go back and look at the exact subtitle to remember that. After telling him her name and him asking if she's a "spi-" (der?), she slams her meat down his throat as a token of gratitude. Apparently he helped her, possibly in some vaguely sexual way. She then sniffs him, and runs off. Great going, Lolitass!

Later that night... Kouta is in bed, wondering about this new girl and thinking if she takes it in the back door. Also he thinks about her being a spirit, a fact he is absolutely certain is true, for whatever reason. I guess the sniffing helped. And, guess who's standing outside his window?

Shota-kun is awakened by the absolutely terrifying sight of Chizuru's chest. He fails his Will save against fright, and screams like a little girl. With his eyes closed. I guess it helps that she may or may not have molested him in his sleep. Naturally, her nightclothes are ridiculously Stripperiffic. She's really abusing her magical super duper spirit powers.

In the morning, on the way to school, Chizuru offers up the awesome metaphor of, "A boy is a key, and a girl is a keyhole!... Open my door whenver you feel like it.". This is actually pretty hilariously awesome. Also, Kouta again displays his allergy to sex when Chizuru, again, flashes him. His plot fails, as his hands slip into a rather... unfortunate position. Unfortunate from his POV, that is. Chizuru falls on him, but succeeds an intense Balance check and they avoid falling on top of each other, mostly. At least they didn't fall into a heap and in an even more awkward position. In her endless attempts to get in his pants, she magically wards off the area so that they can privately have sex there.

At the last moment, Lolitass passes through, and destroys the magic ward, leaving Chizuru bare to public scrutiny. Oddly enough, absolutely everyone on the street is female, besides Shouta. Only a few possibly male subjects are shown when the camera zooms out. Suddenly, the tsundere bitch girl appears, with what seems to be the entire female cast besides Lolitass. As usual, annoying tsundere reaction follow. The lesbians are surprisingly deadpan about the whole situation, though.

One cheap still shot later...

The twins are organizing flowers or some crap. Go, organize those flowers or some crap! The more feminine half of the lesbian couple gives us the gem of, "I may get pregnant if I get too close to him." Luckily, Chizuru's chest comes to defend shota-kun's honour. The twins couldn't care less, they're awesome like that. Chizuru offers up a pretty solid defense, simply noting that Kouta hasn't looked at any girls other than her. As unexpected, Lolitass comes out of nowhere and pounces on him. She's got awesome timing, I'll give her that. Chizuru is not amused. Not at all.

The two girls' brilliant plan is for both of them to get on top of him, completely smothering the poor shota. The twins only do whatever they're doing with the flowers faster. Laid-back dude, who looks like that one guy from The Girl Who Leapt Through Time arrives, and is somewhat surprised my the situation. That is magically cleaned up in a transition, and everyone is now in their seats. The absurdly young looking teacher introduces Lolitass, but I didn't care to remember her name this time either. The various students gossip that she's his illegitimate child, which, besides making no goddamn sense whatsoever, makes no goddamn sense whatsoever. A guy sitting next to Kouta is forced (maybe seduced?) out of his seat by the lady with the sizeable rear compartment, and she proceeds to move awkwardly close to our pitiable protagonist. And then hugs him. Th' teach don't care, y'hear?

In Gauron's office, Chizuru is tied up, which is somewhat unnerving given the inherent creepiness of the guy. Luckily, he happens to have a knowledge of what this new girl is, and explains to the audience and Chizuru. She's a wolf! This news so greatly shocks Chizuru that she does another fancy acrobatic move thing and escapes her bondage chair.

In the outside world, Kouta is again being clung on to, and he reveals that he somehow knew that Lolitass is a wolf. Great, now we've just got to encounter a cougar. Why does this girl like him so much? Well, actually, it's not explained why Chizuru is infatuated with him, so who really cares. She manages to jump out of the way before Kouta is hit in the side of the head by a flying garbage can. The crazy banjo-ish battle music starts again. Chizuru is noted by a large text sign that she, indeed, threw the garbage can.

Meanwhile, in the Bat-Tub...

Kouta is lying around in his conveniently spacious hot tub, again wondering if Lolitass would approve of doggy style. Also he thinks about how to iron it out with Chizuru, who again sneaks in to join him. She believes that if they have some form of physical contact that her rival will leave this shota alone. Wait, what?

Lolitass then barges in, all her loli assets open for the other two to see. Chizuru just got owned in the seduction department, it seems. Chizuru strips out of the bath and gets into a name-calling and fanservicing battle with Lolitass, who is unfortunately facing the wrong direction. I'm surprised that Kouta hasn't had a nosebleed yet.

However, his erotic senses are being completely overwhelmed by the sight before his eyes. A sexy naked catfight! Yay! Somewhat ironically to me, Lolitass calls Chizuru "Pork buns". Ahahahaha look who's talking. Then the two girls turn to Kouta to ask him if he is a man who likes his milkbags or DFC. Finally, his nose can no longer hold out, and the water turns a murky red. They pretty much killed him.

Footsteps are accompanied by a still frame showing that it is now school time. Surprisingly, when Kouta talks about a cold due to a rush of blood to the head, that annoying tsundere girl, whom he is talking to, doesn't take it sexually at all. Let's hope she continues to get better. Instead, she suggests he go to the infirmary. That's definitely not going to end well.

"Finally, I can sleep in peace." Laying on a tranquil green field, shota-kun is finally free. Then BAM! He grabs a hold of Chizuru's mighty mammaries, then grabs some air where a certain loli's chest should be. For some reason, he is surprised by the fact that the two horndogs have joined him in his bed. He is, again, surprised by the fact that a tsundere walks in on them. He should really just make up his mind and get this over with. The sheer sex knocks Kouta unconscious, and the ED rolls.

Next episode promises food and erotic hide-and-seek. Yay! Be sure to check up Friday, or tell me if you want me to post more.

edited 29th Jul '10 11:54:31 AM by Five_X

Oh wow. I wasn't even gonna bother with looking at this show, nice. I like the nick for Nozomu.

And just to say: I was up to EP 2 on IKKI but had to drop it due to other things grabbing my attention...Yeah. -Shrug-

I'll be checking back on this.

This (romantic comedy/possible harem) show is unique in that the main love interest and shota protagonist are "close" at the beginning of the series.

Not quite unique. See that "Compare with Mamoru-kun ni Megami no Shukufuku wo" link on Kanokon's page? That series has some pretty obvious similarities, but waaaay toned down in the ecchi department. In the first scene, the female lead asks the male lead out literally one minute after she first sees him. Loudly. And angrily. In front of the whole school.

"Can't argue with that. Okay, sure. Why not. Who are you?"

Thanks for reading. I guess the nicknames so far are:

Lolitass (seriously, she has an amazing ass, it seems) Tsundere bitch (not much of a nickname, more a regular descriptor) Shouta/shota-kun (self-explanatory. He's hiding something...) Lesbian couple (I honestly forgot their names, and they seem like it) Salesbro (eh's a pretty cool guy) Laid-back dude (he DOES look like that one guy from TGWLTT!) Chizuru (ahahahaha she doesn't get a nickname. She needs one)

Maybe next episode will garner a nickname for Chizuru and The Twins.

edited 29th Jul '10 11:52:29 AM by Five_X

(Late) Friday, episode three time!

Episode Three: I'm Going To Feast On You (oh, um... interesting...)

We have a bath scene! There's a bra in the pile of clothing, so it must be Chizuru. And it is, in all her ecchi glory! Her poor brother is forced to do all the cooking as she slacks off reading some magazine in the bathtub. A knock comes on the door. Who is it? Kouta? Lolitass? SOMEONE ELSE!? Nah, it's the loli. I'm wondering why she's here. And OP time!

• logo spin*

Ah, it's actually "I'm going to feast on you?" for the title. Note the question mark. In the vast darkness of Kouta's house, the little guy is woken up by Chizuru, wearing yet another fancy outfit. Does this guy have parents or anything? Anyways, ignoring that standard anime slight, Chizuru has cooked him breakfast, trying out the Through His Stomach strategy. Is it delicioustacular? Hell naw! Fortunately, we are spared the aftermath of that morning, and get to see another walk to school.

Chizuru is deeply remorseful about accidentally pouring sugar into the meal, and Kouta furthers her plans to get in his pants by being nice to her about it. Band-aids on her fingertips only add to the effect. She's quite clever, though he definitely isn't. He falls straight for it. Unluckily for them, Lolitass is standing around the corner, eating what I assume to be her meager breakfast. They're toast.

Nozomi or whatever her name is smashes into him at full speed, knocking him down, then runs off after calling him a pervert. Naturally, Chizuru sees all of this. Lolitass. Clever girl.

Yay still shot! In the classroom, Lolitass seems to not know Kouta, and sits right beside him as usual. Notably, she actually says "Smile" as she smiles. There's a little TL note that points this fun thing out. Out of character!? Better yet, she denies her relationship with Kouta. What alternate universe did we step into for this episode!? Apparently, the magazine that Chizuru was reading in the bath earlier had relationship tips or whatever, just coincidentally appropriate for this situation. Chiaki or whatever laid-back dude's name is, he gave the magazine to Lolitass, who blatantly used the tips. Chizuru easily saw through this plot. Laid-back dude suffers both a chair to the face and an art shift that makes his face look kinda odd. Fitting, but odd.

Now, apparently Brazil's coffee prices have risen, and it's time to buy their stocks. Elf guy and the other loli arrive in their office thing, and he says the name of the head guy, but nothing else. Some secret language?

Back in school, a competition is being held over the King of Eros. This round is based on making lunches. Nozomi makes him hotdogs, and Chizuru gives the gift of... what is that? Chocolate? Some kind of roll is my guess. The tsundere and the lesbians are all acting as judges for this, if there really can be such a thing as a judge for a competition over Kouta. Also, forks are now microphones. Poor shota-kun can't choose between them, naturally. Chizuru makes a pretty good point about her cooking being bad, though. Lolitass also gives her all to win moe points. Awesomely enough, he chose both. However, this leads to an overload, once again, and he passes out. He needs to see someone about that.

Over in the student counseling room, that one teacher guy is teaching the two girls discipline or something. That weird trio from before barges in, and apparently the big guy of the group knows the teacher in question. How, is a question that will never be answered. They're trying to stop the fuss over Kouta and get the girls to follow the mystic rules that lack a singular name.

Kouta is visiting Chizuru's brother in the school hospital, and he seems perfectly fine after being wrapped in bandages from head to toe. The nurse must be a magical cat girl in disguise or something. Chizuru runs in and uberglomps Kouta, and is shadowed by Lolitass. Laid-back dude speaks up about his plight, and gets thrown across the room. Poor guy never gets a break.

Chizuru and Lolitass lecture Kouta, telling him "not to be so reckless". Now who the hell is talking here? The guy only ate two foods at once! 'Uh oh, we've got a two lunchbox present eater here!' 'How many!?' Now they ask him which tasted better. When he ate them. At. The. Same. Time. It seems it's rematch time. I like how Nozomi says, "I challenged myself, too." in her monotonous, quiet voice. This time, the lunches are even more fancy, and honestly kind of ridiculous. The rolls now have prawns in them, and the hotdogs have fish. As in, a whole fish in each. I think that's a little unhealthy. The twins stare out from behind the judge panel, looking longingly at the food. Aw, they'll get their moment soon. But right now, they're the best background characters yet. I don't think they even have names! Back to the characters nobody cares about, Kouta is offered a choice between the food. So he does the SAME goddamn thing as last time! The same thing that made him pass out! The hell, does he want to kill himself? Does he enjoy this?

The epic battle between foods is represented by a Godzilla-esque battle between the two. Aaaaaaaand, he passes out once more. Idiot Hero, coming through! He really needs to make up his mind.

In Chizuru's house, her brother is asked to find ingredients for her. He tries to resist, but fails miserably and goes off to do his impossible task. His efforts are shown in the very next scene, where Chizuru presents Kouta a pile of food with LIVE fish. I dare not think where this could go next. Laid-back dude has, unfortunately, passed away. Luckily for him, he doesn't have to see Lolitass' presentation of a crab, that is neither giant nor an enemy. Kouta better hope he has real-time utensil changing. He completely passes out again, but the twins are still drooling over it. They're just crazy like that.

Later, in the Home Economics room, Chizuru is cooking up something so indescribably foul that it has green fumes spouting from it and is blood red. Being a completely evil cook, she's tied up the lesbians and the tsundere to help test out her creation. "It's delicious! Probably." Their fate is a grim one. However, the twins make another cameo, again wanting her food. In a truly great moment that made me cry manly tears, Chizuru notices the two extras and offers them food. They love it.

In the infirmary (again), Kouta and Chizuru's brother are recovering in their beds. Both agree that Chizuru has gone insane. Lo and behold, that very lady appears, offering Kouta her very worst. Up on the roof, a fully recovered Chiaki and tsundere give Kouta An Aesop about how he should tell Chizuru that her cooking sucks instead of eating it anyway. Real kindness is telling somebody the truth! Yeah!!

Kouta brings Chizuru behind the school, alone, and natrually she thinks of something else he could be planning. Just as her is about to tell her, a new challenger approaches, how convenient! It's the elf eared guy and the small... completely unimportant girl. Elf guy launches wind energy blast things at them, mistaking this show for Dragon Ball Z. Kouta is knocked senselessly away, taking minor damage. Apparently another one of their rules is not to harm humans, and Chizuru tricks them into thinking they did more than what actually happened. The duo promises to do whatever is in their power to help them, to make up for it.

Chizuru has the girl sit in a large pan and make frog oil. Um, what? Apparently it... works? Chizuru then rubs this mysterious "frog oil" on herself, and goes to give Kouta "treatment". Clad only in her underwear, she rubs against Kouta. He's still unconscious at this point. Lolitass joins in, and the two rivals get in a rubbing competition, which honestly looks completely hilarious. The shota wakes up, and is not pleased at the situation. They remark that they made him "feel much better", and frog girl watches on in horror. Absolute horror.

Next scene, Kouta is brought a lunch, again, by Chizuru. The minor characters pray for his health. Lolitass, as expected, appears as well, and the two do their usual routine. However, this time Chizuru gets really annoyed at her, and simply pushes her down. Kouta remembers his talk with the tsundere meganekko, and scolds Chizuru, telling her that she was making him angry, and that she would not like him when he is angry. In response. Chizuru runs off crying. Ouch.

Kouta makes like a protagonist and chases after her. She drags him into the empty science room, and wants him to "punish" her. Apparently the whole crying thing was an act to get sex. She's really crafty when it comes to this guy. He offers to spank her. Oh, dear. Didn't he expect what was going to come after he said that? Needless to say, Chizuru is quite happy. Oh yes. Surprisingly, he eventually goes along with it. It takes him a while to get that he was completely, utterly, tricked. And... wow, he continues. Huh. Roll credits.

Moral of this episode: I'm in yer country, buyin' yer stocks. The twins need a nickname still, and now more than ever. Chizuru might get one soon.

Next episode: I see a bunny suit, a maid uniform, and... Gauron in a sailor suit!? Agh, j-just... wait 'til next update, alright?

edited 31st Jul '10 12:08:23 AM by Five_X

Yay! Belated episode! Here's the fourth episode of Kanokon, and the accompanying liveblog.

Episode Four: Can't Take It Off Anymore (gasp! no more ecchi fanservice? Noooooooo!)

Honestly, these still shots are hilarious. The art team really didn't care at all, did they? Apparently there's some sports and stuff going on, and the tsundere Asahina girl succeeds at high jump, probably propelling herself with her own bitchiness. Naturally, Chizuru and Kouta are off doing... other things. In a storage closet, to be precise. According to her, they're doing vaulting. Her flimsy excuse for the episode is that she's terrible at vaulting. As per the standard, Nozomu comes and steals him away. Chizuru tosses around her large white (volley) balls in an odd attempt to attack them. The attack critically hits for zero damage. OP time.

Why are there question marks after the episode titles? Am I being asked something? I dun get it. Chizuru and her brother are talking peacefully for once, and she asks him how she can win Kouta. He jokingly suggests a love potion, but she takes that somewhat seriously. No appearance by the twins yet, as far as I can see.

It seems that the school has a magically sealed room for whatever reason, and the two go in. Somehow amongst ancient relics she finds a bunny suit that has a tag stating that it can enslave their partner for life. This is NOT going to go well at ALL. There's a bright flash of light, and scene change. Chizuru runs screaming into Kouta's class, and explains that, oh no!, she can't take the sexy bunny suit off. According to the student councilor, Chizuru got her "just deserts". In the end, Chizuru is allowed to wear the bunny suit until a method can be found to remove it. Cue mass Male Gaze in the classroom.

Suddenly, everyone in the class lacks details other than their eyes and become human shaped grey blobs, except for Chizuru. No, I'm serious. There's no reason for it, just the lazy artists. It's pretty out of place, too. Luckily Chizuru runs into some named characters after being taunted and hit on by everyone. Nozomu and Chizuru AGAIN argue over Kouta, who tries futilely to protect Chizuru from the mass of perverts. In fact, they rip his clothes in half.

Chizuru uses her stripperiffic outfit to excuse herself into staying at Kouta's house. BUT NOZOMU IS THERE TOO. Goddamnit Kanokon, this is getting tiring! Chizuru is the obvious main love interest, so this conflict is just getting annoying. That white haired girl was just a waste of space after her character become more prominent than her ass. Rant over now, and Chizuru stabs the ceiling with a spear she acquired somehow, and the other characters ('cept the twins) fall from the second floor. I'm surprised Chizuru's brother hasn't had his head beaten in by now.

They all sleep in Kouta's house, and Chizuru and Nozomu have wet dreams about Kouta while Kouta dreams of giant rice cakes which is perhaps one of the more interesting euphemisms for breasts that I've heard.

The next morning, they all walk to school together, except for the twins who need more screentime damnit! Kouta is fought over by the two characters that always do that, "As expected of the Great Erotic King! He's throbbing hard with energy!" Some of the lines in this show are truly great. Asahina sums up my thoughts completely: "A pointless conflict." For all her annoying tsundereness, she should be promoted to head writer, 'cause she's obviously got more sense than them.

Chizuru randomly faints, but then is fine. Then faints again. Apparently, this magical bunny suit was weaved by an evil wasp spider, and sucks the life energy out of the wearer! Stay tuned for a thirty episode plot arc to solve this! Apparently this suit could kill her, but at least that would end the pointless conflict.

Asahina tries to cut off the bunny suit, but ends up in a sexy nurse suit that seems to be under the control of the bunny suit. She does some erotic stuff, and poor Kouta faints and returns to his Pokeball. Chizuru then flies out of the room, propelled by her breasts, and passes by the two other girls, who find themselves in ero-cop and ero-miko outfits. I'm not making any of this up, for better or worse. Chizuru's brother remarks that they're "in deep shit", and they take off after Chizuru, who passes by some girls mysteriously frozen in time and space, giving all of them sorta-sexy outfits, which seems to mean that the bunny suit is running out of ero-power.

Kouta and the rest of his mystery gang reach the stairs and see some girls already in altered outfits running past. However, on the stairs awaits their worst nightmare. They see the crazy possibly evil student counselor in a pink and white girl's sailor uniform, complete with striped panties and hairband. Kinda... says something about him. He is not amused. Mozomu uses her pervert senses to find the direction Chizuru went in, and they all scramble off that a way.

Off in the tennis courts, more and more girls have been re-outfitted, and Chizuru is in the middle of them. The bunny suit starts to talk, then grows a mouth! The suit then controls the nearby girls and tosses them onto Kouta, the easiest target. He's slow and light and a shota. Luckily for him, Chizuru's brother is immune to the effect (which kinda... says something about him), and then he reveals his weaknesses (in the form of outfits), and the suit responds accordingly. For the record, he's weak against nurses, nuns, policewomen, shrine maidens and CHINA DURESSA!! Notably, the nurse flies at him ass-first, which is hilariously awesome.

Nozomu, dressed in a maid outfit apparears to save him, but then lifts up her dress and squats over his face. I don't write this stuff, people. The elf-eared member of the strange animal hybrid kinda group arrives, and is hotblooded as usual, perhaps even more so. His response is to cut off all of the outfits, which isn't exactly the smartest idea. The sentient bunny suit then takes off all of the girls' clothing, causing all of the male characters present to be instantly defeated. Only Kouta is NOT surrounded by a pool of his own blood.

Everyone gets dressed again, and they mindlessly discuss what to do next. The outfit runs off to the school gym, where it replaces the bunny suit with a wedding dress, and summons a piano from nowhere that magically plays music. Kouta runs in like a manly man to save her, but is stopped by the suit giving him a boner magically. Is there a word for that? Bonerized, bonered, boned? There should be one, to describe this scene. The hotblooded-elven-magic-animal-hybrid-guy-who-does-not-really-belong-in-this-anime-because-he-seems-to-take-it-for-a-standard-shonen-fighting-show tears off Kouta's clothes with his wind blade thingies, allowing the shota to move once again.

Kouta and Chizuru use that spirit bond thing for the first time I remember since the first episode, and Spirit Bomb the evil possessed dress into oblivion. Everyone is back to normal and all is well and good. Chizuru's only regret is that she can no longer stay at his house under the pretense of needing to be watched.

We get a shot of Nozomu's brother, Hard Gay, who is clad in tight leather and riding his motorized bicycle device. Whatever, ED time.

Well, that was retarded and fun and weird. Apparently next episode is about Chizuru with a bomb in her body and a red and blue buttons that may or may not be her breasts? Okay, just wait until Wednesday night.

She does some erotic stuff, and poor Kouta faints and returns to his Pokeball. Chizuru then flies out of the room, propelled by her breasts

BRB, LOLing forever.

This show is even stranger than I remember it. And I remember it being pretty damn strange. I can't wait until you blog The Delicious Cake That You Must Eat.

Um, . . . what?

This show. This whole show. What the hell.

And I thought Negima was a bit much.

Good lord what the hell.

Trust me, I'm finding this as WTF as you are. I think that's part of the reason why I'm continuing to watch this.

Apparently, it gets worse down the line.

Late night update time. It's time for episode five, I think.

Episode 5: It Won't Work Anymore (Do I want to know what this is referring to?)

This time, Chizuru is attempting to have sex with Kouta on top of the school. He worries as usual, but she's apparently put up a barrier again. Let me guess: Nozomu shows up? No, it's Japanese television personality Hard Gay! Wow, that was actually kind of surprising. I am currently wondering what he is doing here in place of his sister. And the OP rolls before the show tells us. Bastards.

Hard Gay, aka "Saku", is apparently at the school now, possibly preying on smaller high school children. Man, Nozomu is really eating the shit out of that toast. She uses a fork AND a knife to hold it up to her mouth! What's even better is that NO BREAD IS BEING EATEN. But she still is chewing. To get off that tangent, Saku develops an interest in Chizuru's breasts. Apparently, he's groped her before. Not sure if it was consensual or not, but I'm thinking not.

Saku magically gives Kouta a bracelet, the purpose of which is not yet obvious. Luckily for him, he gets a rather nice view as Chizuru tries to take it off of him in her usual sexual way. Apparently, as nicely revealed by Saku, this bracelet is an Abstinence Bracelet, an invention much more efficient than the standard Chastity Belt. Basically, this dick-move charm makes it so Kouta feels intense pain OR COULD EVEN DIE when he gets a boner. What the hell, Hard Gay? This is definitely one of the most asshole-ish things a person could do. Pain is okay, that makes sense, but KILLING someone is going a little too far, don'tcha think!?

Over in Chizuru's house, her brother is casually folding panties. He gets bashed in the head for something completely unrelated, though. For some reason, Chizuru steps out onto her now-stylized balcony, again likely due to the lazy ass artists. The stars in particular look like that of a rather skilled six year old. Chizuru promises to do lots of perverted things to Kouta once the bracelet is removed. He hears this across town, unsurprisingly.

In an ecchi romantic comedy anime, the plot is represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the protagonist, who "investigates" the girls, and the love interests, who offer fanservice. These are their stories.

7:48 into the show. Kouta Protagonist is seen walking down the street to school. He looks around, muttering the name of a girl he associates with, Chizuru Love Interest. After a few seconds, he returns to walking. The famous twins, noted by witnesses to be "The best damn characters in the show" are given a tilted shot from the camera. at 8:19, Mr. Protagonist is seen with his head on his desk, eyes open. The girl in front of him, Tsunderebitch Asahina, tries to engage him in conversation. A suspected lesbian couple join in on the conversation. They ask the unusually young looking boy questions, mostly about where his female acquaintance, Miss Love Interest, is located. We deduce from this that she is absent, and that this is unusual.

Time: 9:25. Location: School rooftop. Another female acquaintance of Mr. Protagonist, Nozomu Hypotenuse, is speaking with her brother, Japanese former wrestler Hard Gay, who is currently going under the alias of "Saku". Miss Hypotenuse expresses worry for her friend's safety, but "Saku" dismisses his heinous deed as laughable. The school bell rings, indication the start of the next class. In the Nozomu investigation, the Society for DFC has kindly offered to take over.

Later that day, Miss Loveinterest was spotted by police watching Mr. Protagonist participate in physical education. He injured himself, and she showed honest care for him though she did not come out from hiding. According to reports, she desires to, "...hug him tightly, and smother him with [her] breasts." Upon transition to the next day at school, the police in charge of the Protagonist/Loveinterest investigation deemed their work unnecessary, and moved all personnel and resources to studying the abundant use of still frames. Five_X, liveblogger for the website "TV Tropes" offered to continue the investigation himself, citing, "The twins", "Nozomu's ass" and "Chizuru's milk mountains" as reasons for continued study.

Kouta has a cold, unexpressive face as he walks up the stairs. Chizuru is using her Rogue class ability of Hide In Plain Sight to hide directly behind him, squeezing against the wall. Kouta is easily fooled. Watch out, folks, it seems like Chizuru can't take much more! In the classroom, her brother asks Kouta for "leads". I'm not sure if he was doing an investigation like me or using a mechanical pencil. In the school park, Kouta quietly eats a round bun thoughtfully. Symbolism!!

Chizuru is watching. And she seems to show pretty precise mathematic abilities; being able to convert two days into hours, minutes and seconds in a single quick sentence. She's most definitely going quite insane. Her brother has to physically hold her back form flirting with Kouta and doing other things to him. Kouta hears this, but dismisses it as his imagination, chalking it up to his training as an enemy guard for Metal Gear Solid. In the classroom, Nozomu is surprisingly mild, saying what, two sentences? Kouta then leaves for an unspecified location.

Chizuru is being physically affected by not sexually assaulting Kouta on an hourly basis, leading her brother to come to the actually pretty sound conclusion that Kouta is, indeed, a drug. The dorrbell regns, as my English skills fall into a vat of toxic waste. Who's the Pokemon? It's Kouta! But Chizuru doesn't open the door to see him. Y'know, is this was a more serious romance anime, this could be a really emotionally moving scene. But no! This is Kanokon, so suck it!

Chizuru's brother offers a helping hand, and goes off to see the trio of recurring supernatural people who don't ever actually do anything. Also Chizuru is gagged and bound. Her brother and the frog girl and hotblooded elf guy meet up with Saku, and tell him that Chizuru is "a little tied up right now." Ahahahahahahaha!! How clever.

Do you think a fox can defeat a wolf!? A crazy fight scene that only Kanokon can pull off ensues. It's kinda hard to describe, but it's actually kinda cool. Suffice to say, Hard Gay is a pretty tough boss, and is rather miffed when his leather suit is ripped up, deciding to kill them. This guy really needs to get over his homicidal tendencies.

He powers up to the next Super Saiyan level (I'm not kidding), and proceeds to fight them. He uses Krillin the elf-weasel guy as a throwing weapon, and tosses him into a building. Frog girl is completely ineffectual. Meanwhile, Chizuru's brother drops a Precision F-Strike, and uses the power of profanity to launch an extra powerful punch that destroys- wait, no, it does nothing. He grabs him, then jumps onto a pillar. Chizuru shows up, and he throws her brother onto the ground below. Holy crap this guy is a complete dick. I guess he must be taking lessons from Gilgamesh or something. In response to his douchebaggery, Chizuru goes Super Saiyan (again, I'm serious. This show is an ecchi DBZ) and gets in a fight with Saku.

Kouta is still in class, and is saying and doing absolutely nothing of importance. A few still frames later (seriously, the artists didn't even bother to draw him running. this is pathetic, honestly.) he learns to move, and runs exaggeratedly through a looping forest before finally reaching Saku and the others, wherever they are.

It seems that Chizuru is naked in a heap in a crater, and the rest are all knocked out on the ground. Chizuru tells Kouta to run, but he doesn't. Nozomu even stops her brother from going to him. While they have the chance, Kouta and Chizuru combine again to form Gotenks, and the distorted electric guitar in the background gets louder. Saku, utilizing all of his Hard Gay powers, tries to stop their Love Love Spirit Bomb, but fails. In pretty much his only non- dick move, Saku agrees to remove the bracelet. Bam, it shatters into a bunch of pieces. Yay, mission accomplished. Let's all go home. Saku does, at least, and runs off on his motorized bicycle device.

Two new characters are shown briefly, and there isn't that great of a shot of them. They don't even talk! Ooh, mystery! Saku seems to be related to them somehow. I guess we'll learn next episode, 'cause it's time for the ED!

Next episode has... ah, I can't even tell. I'll have to watch it to understand. Damn non-indicative episode previews. I hate them so. Anyways, I'll be back with another episode liveblogged on Friday! Exclamation mark!

So Kouta can feel intense pain whenever he gets a boner? That's a Phil Ken Sebben joke waiting to happen.

"HA HA HAAAA...dick move."

. . . What the hell? Why is this... why does it... DBZ was not a good show!

@Goggle: Neither is this show, really.

Well, I suppose, but still it's drawing ideas from... I mean it idolizes...

Dammit it all makes so much sense now.

The manga was better. Mostly.

Kanokon, or DBZ?