Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, you’re now on the Pan Island Expressway in Singapore. Good luck finding your way home!

I wish I knew how to speak, read, write, and understand all languages.

Of course I've gone mad with power. Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Granted, people get irrationally offended at what you say no matter what language it is.

I wish I had a gun.

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!

Granted, it's a water gun, and it's completely useless against the zombie that suddenly barges into your house.

---

I wish Covid-19 was instead named Covfefe-19.

"This kimono is perfect for the Hisui-themed festival, right?" - Cynthia

Granted. It becomes super infectious, and super lethal, causing fatal heart attacks within one month of infection. Humanity is driven extinct.

I wish for nuclear weapons to be replaced with something more deadly.

45 52 52 4f 52 3a 20 49 6e 76 61 6c 69 64 20 73 79 6e 74 61 78 20 65 72 72 6f 72

Granted, they are replaced with true vacuum bubbles. If you thought at least that meant the end of the world was quick without suffering, unfortunately it turns out Hell is real and everyone goes there.

I wish the term "hot dog" was used more often to describe dogs that are experiencing high temperature rather than the food.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Feb 27th 2021 at 10:03:17 AM

Granted. A sudden combination of a dramatic heat wave and food shortage mean that sausages in buns become rare and dogs dying from overheating becomes common.

I wish for a cure for allergies.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. The cure is 100% lethal, but hey, when you’re dead your immune system can’t respond to allergens.

I wish that mosquitoes died instantly on skin contact with me.

Of course I've gone mad with power. Have you ever tried going mad without power?

granted. Your wish causes mosquitoes to silently explode on contact with humans now, This causes mass death and destruction on a grand scale and often causes children to watch in horror as those small winged bombs land on their parents. . . all because you couldn't tolerate a bug, You Bastard!

---

I wish my head grow long flowing hair that i keep for the rest of my life.

Cornelius, but do not waste in useless pity the few moments left in which to escape from the hands of the enemy.

Granted. It never stops growing and becomes nigh impossible to maintain, from tangles, to getting caught in odd places, to getting all kinds of crap in it.

I wish that Pluto was still a planet.

(They/them) You don’t know me the way I do

It becomes so big that it grows faster then the universe to stay as a planet ending the universe and starting anew.

I wish I had the Team Fortess 2’s engineers Powers.

Try out my new forum game! Man this formating is hard.

Granted. You get killed by a Spy when you’re not paying attention.

I wish for a Healing Factor greater than 10.

Of course I've gone mad with power. Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Granted, you have a healing factor of 11 cells per decade. You can't maintain a healthy metabolism with that.

I wish for a powerful magic staff.

Granted. Your local area is infiltrated by the Ministry of Magic, keeping a sharp surveillance on any Muggle-born living within the premise.

I wish I were a living Bee Bee Gun, a la Winnie the Pooh.

Edited by Taurus-the-Tinker-Bull on Feb 28th 2021 at 12:02:16 PM

Granted. Since the gun itself is living and you don’t know how to control it, it shoots at you until you’re stung to death.

I wish for the ability to erase the memory of Nightmare Fuel from my mind.

Edited by Arcane101 on Feb 28th 2021 at 6:59:52 AM

Of course I've gone mad with power. Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Granted. In its place rests a painfully syrupy-sweet Sugar Bowl on par with that of Lisa Frank, a place populated by Lovey-Dovey critters who literally eat and drink sunshine and rainbows 'til they pass out.

I wish I could pee in the woods in peace without there having a wasp land down on the area that I'm about to.

Edited by Taurus-the-Tinker-Bull on Mar 21st 2021 at 3:45:23 PM

Granted, you now have no memories of anything remotely disturbing, you wake up tomorrow thinking you are in a world of perfect happy harmony for everyone. When you first read a news article about someone dying in a car crash after your amnesia, it sounds like a complete Cosmic Horror: what is "death", wait, it's always been there, the ability to stop being has always been there, WHAT?!? As you go online and learn how the world really works again, you end up in a psychologically catatonic state.

Granted, a giant hornet does instead of a wasp.

I wish it was a small world after all.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Feb 28th 2021 at 4:45:53 AM

Granted. It's too tiny for you to live in, but tiny enough that you can see the whole of it in an instant.

I wish I can get some warm, respiratory clothing.

Cassie | he/they | But will it stop the pain forever? / I just can't be sure

Granted. You spend three whole weeks quarantined in an Iron Lung due to inadvertent contact with COVID-19.

I wish I had my own Jungle Bathroom, as trending on Instagram.

Granted. It’s an entire jungle (complete with Bigger on the Inside), so you get lost looking for the toilet and are mauled by a tiger.

I wish Undertale had a way to save Asriel from becoming Flowey again on the Pacifist ending, without killing him.

Edited by Arcane101 on Mar 1st 2021 at 10:11:23 AM

Of course I've gone mad with power. Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Everyone else dies because Chara reawakens and Asriel is the only one that survives the fight

I wish I had unlimited free time.

Edited by JKBenbot on Mar 1st 2021 at 11:13:52 AM

Try out my new forum game! Man this formating is hard.

Granted, what made you think you were in Heaven, JKBenbot? This is that other place.

I wish I was the universe.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Mar 1st 2021 at 8:11:32 AM

Granted. Your body now contains all the galaxies, stars, and black holes emitting radiation that can go up to millions of degrees Celsius. It's painful.

---

I wish I didn't have insomnia.

"This kimono is perfect for the Hisui-themed festival, right?" - Cynthia

Congratulations. You can never wake up,

I wish more people watched Kirby Buckets.

I no longer edit on TV Tropes but will continue as an occasional forum poster.

Granted, they create the most cancerous fandom on the internet.

I wish I was thin.

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!

Granted, you are squished flat.

I wish I had all powers and skills of my avatar in addition to my own.

Of course I've gone mad with power. Have you ever tried going mad without power?