Air date: April 15, 1960
Henry Francis "Rocky" Valentine (Larry Blyden), currently in the middle of his "job" (robbing a store), stops when he hears a police siren and starts to make a break for it. He runs into an alley and opens fire on the "lousy screws" in pursuit while trying to scale a fence. He's hit several times in the back and falls to the ground. He comes to, seemingly alive and well, with a fat man in a white suit (Sebastian Cabot) standing over him, calling his name. He wonders how "Fats," who informs Rocky that he can call him "Pip", knows his name. Pip simply states that it's his job to know. He also knows several facts about Rocky's life, including details about his childhood. Pip makes the situation plain: it's his job to see that Rocky's taken care of and given anything he could want. All of this for nothing in return. Rocky is disbelieving, but after a demonstration that his bullets will do Pip no harm, he works it all out: he died in that alley, and now that he's getting anything he can ask for from a kindly old man in a white suit, he must be in Heaven. This realization, combined with a luxury apartment, a million dollars in loose bills, and "a dame that never quits", changes his tune.
Soon after, Rocky is living it up in a casino, rolling in the dough and winning round after round. He lives the highlife, with Pip giving him anything on demand. While it's all wonderful, Rocky can't quite figure out how a crook like him managed to get through the pearly gates. He asks Pip if they have a hall of records nearby, which they do. Since "it's always open," Rocky and Pip head to the hall of records and pull up Rocky's file. With such wonderful notes as "Age of 6, slaughtered small dog," Rocky wonders if there's been some sort of misunderstanding. Pip assures him there's been no mistake, and he's right where he's supposed to be. Rocky brushes it off—if it don't bother the Big Man, then it don't bother him none.
Sometime later and Rocky is back at the casino, winning again as usual, and thoroughly bored. It's the same back at his fancy pad, his dames are getting dull and he wins a game of pool on the first stroke. He summons Pip to explain his boredom. Pip suggests that he perhaps might be happier if he went back to his old ways as a crook. This gets Rocky excited for some potential action until Pip ensures him he would have it "exactly as he requested", changing Rocky's mood. He'd "know" that having a robbery set up in advance wouldn't be the same and it's eating him up. He goes into a frenzy, telling Pip, "I don't belong in Heaven, see? I want to go to the other place." Pip then tells Rocky the truth about his situation
: "Heaven? Whatever gave you the idea you were in Heaven, Mr. Valentine? This is the other place!!" As the realization dawns on Rocky's face, he frantically tries to open the now locked door of his apartment while Pip laughs maniacally and sadistically at his fate.
A Nice Place to Trope:
- And Then What?: Rocky runs into this dilemma early on, not knowing what to do now that he has everything he ever wanted. It's the first sign that it's actually a punishment.
- Beard of Evil: Pip's beard is initially meant to project an air of godliness, fitting in with the initial presentation of Rocky's fate as being heavenly, only for it to get turned on its head when Pip reveals that Rocky's actually in Hell, turning his facial hair into a way of accentuating his status as his personal tormentor.
- Bewildering Punishment: Rocky doesn't know that his ultimate fate is a punishment...at first.
- Bloodless Carnage: No blood appears on Rocky anywhere when he's shot dead — especially since Pip states that Rocky was hit in the head. The censors would never allow it on television at the time.
- Brooklyn Rage: Rocky is from Brooklyn, and speaks in a very thick accent.
- Complete-the-Quote Title: "...but I wouldn't want to live there."
- Cool and Unusual Punishment: Rocky's personal hell may be boring, but at least there's no lake of fire.
- Dead to Begin With: Rocky dies just two minutes into the episode.
- Divinely Appearing Demons: Though he looks nice and godly, Pip is anything but a guardian angel.
- Disproportionate Retribution: When he was six years old, Rocky slaughtered a small dog that bit him.
- Driven to Madness: Just before Pip tells him the truth about where he is, Rocky has grown so irritated with his “paradise” that he says he’ll go nuts if he has to stay for one more day.
- Enfant Terrible: In addition to killing the dog, Rocky stole 14 toys from a store, organized a street gang, and broke into a bike shop, all before he turned ten.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Rocky fondly remembers his childhood gang, calling them a great bunch. He also asks Pip about the whereabouts of some of his fallen criminal friends, wanting to see them again. These are about the only times he's thinking of someone other than himself.
- Evil Laugh: The episode ends with Pip laughing with sadistic glee after dropping the bombshell that Rocky is in "the other place".
- Exact Words
- Rocky calls Pip an angel. Pip never describes himself as an angel, merely a guide. It can also be interpreted that Rocky was right when he called Pip an angel, just not the kind he thought.
- Rocky mentions the place he's in must be Heaven. Pip says, "Something like that." Only one major difference.
- Fat Bastard: The overweight Pip, who Rocky even nicknames "Fats", is actually a demon who is amused by Rocky going mad with boredom.
- Fatal Flaw: Rocky's Pride and Greed. He wanted everything in life and did nothing but take, now he's stuck in a paradise where he gets everything he ever wants. He always wins. He has beautiful women for miles around. He has money lining his pockets, but he becomes bored. Even when Pip offers to arrange for him to lose and endure some hardships, Rocky's pride stands in the way and he still isn't satisfied. Because of his self-absorbed ambition and greed, he will suffer from boredom in his Ironic Hell for eternity.
- Faux Affably Evil: Pip turns out to be a demon who is only being courteous and obedient to screw with Rocky by making him live with boredom for all eternity. He drops the affable facade at the very end when he breaks out laughing after delivering the Wham Line.
- Freudian Excuse: Possibly. As the opening narration states, Rocky calls himself as such because he's lived an exceptionally difficult life, an uphill climb filled with struggles and poverty, and he’s bitter that he never got a lucky break. He seems unable to grasp the idea of getting whatever he wants for free, saying that nothing is free and "anything I got in this lousy world, I had to drag out of it". It's not a stretch to see his angry, selfish behavior as a result of his tough upbringing.
- Fluffy Cloud Heaven: How the Celestial Bureaucracy is depicted, albeit stark.
- Gang of Bullies: When he was eight years old, Rocky started a street gang called the Angels.
- Ham-to-Ham Combat: Sebastian Cabot and Larry Blyden take turns seeing who can out-ham the other.
- Hell of a Heaven: Subverted; Rocky thinks this is where he's ended up, and that's why he wants to go to the other place. Of course, his "paradise" actually is the other place.
- Immune to Bullets: Pip, to Rocky's absolute bewilderment.
- Insult of Endearment: Rocky's nicknaming Pip "Fats" goes over to a more friendly manner.
- Ironic Hell: Rocky is a greedy, sociopathic hedonist who wants to be rich and date beautiful women, and is bitter that he never got a lucky break and had to struggle for everything he ever got. As a result, he winds up in an afterlife where he always wins and he instantly gets everything he wants, but grows insanely bored with the lack of challenge and surprises.
- Ironic Name: As a child, Rocky started a street gang which he ironically named the Angels.
- It's All About Me: Rocky is clearly very self-absorbed.
- Karmic Twist Ending: Turns out that Rocky was in Hell all along.
- Kick the Dog: Rocky killed a small dog who bit him when he was a kid, and expresses no remorse for the act when recalling it as an adult.
- Lack of Empathy: When Rocky goes through his record and sees the part about him killing the small dog at the age of six, all he has to say for himself is “Why not? It bit me”.
- Light Is Not Good: Pip has white hair and wears a white suit, but he’s secretly a demon.
- The Magic Poker Equation: Rocky is playing poker with his women. One of them draws a straight flush only for Rocky to win with a royal flush. Justified in this instance as part of Rocky's Ironic Hell is that he can never, ever lose at something unless he specifically asks to. Which, in of itself, take away from the risk of the situation because the outcome of losing would have been pre-planned.
- Ms. Fanservice: Valentine's women, whom he calls "The Dolls."
- Mundane Afterlife: The afterlife appears to be just like the living world, except everything always goes right for Rocky. He enjoys it at first, but eventually grows disillusioned with the endless pleasure.
- No Challenge Equals No Satisfaction: Rocky's eternal punishment. He grows very frustrated and exasperated that every roulette round is a win, every card hand is a win, even the first shot on a billiards table results in all the balls sinking with one strike. Every woman is a hot babe who's perfectly willing to have sex with him. Even when he wants to rob a bank, he knows he will get away and hates the idea that Pip has to plan in a chance he would get caught because it will still feel fake to him. Turns out it wasn't the material and money that Rocky was seeking, it was the exciting challenge and the pleasure of taking from others that gave him satisfaction.
- Not Distracted by the Sexy: Subverted at first, where Rocky is very attracted to the beautiful women who show up to adore him. Played straight near the end, where one of the women asks Rocky in a sultry voice if there’s anything else she can do for him, while smiling and giving him bedroom eyes. Rocky responds “Yeah, get out of here, I’m sick of looking at ya”.
- Not Using the "Z" Word: The afterlife Rocky ends up in is never explicitly referred to as "Hell", although he does believe it to be Heaven at first and says as much. It's only referred to in the finale as "the other place".
- Personalized Afterlife: Rocky asks Pip if he could meet up with some of his old outlaw friends who died before him, but he is told that his afterlife is his own "personal domain" separate from theirs. Not only does this fit with the idea of each person's hell being tailormade to make them as miserable as possible, but if Rocky were to be able to spend time with "real" people other than Pip, he likely wouldn't grow bored with it as quickly.
- The Sociopath: In life, Rocky was a selfish, remorseless criminal and a thrill seeker who enjoyed the pleasure of taking from others, which is what makes his Ironic Hell so strong. What's the most effective punishment for someone who likes to take from others? Put him in a place where people will happily give him anything he wants.
- Spiritual Antithesis: Think the nonstop party world where all your desires are instantly satisfied would be a great place to spend the afterlife? The Black Mirror episode "San Junipero" agrees!
- Stealth Hi/Bye: When Rocky dials P-I-P, Pip appears without warning over his shoulder. Averted at the Celestial Bureaucracy, as Pip simply vanishes in plain view.
- Tailor-Made Prison: This is the Karmic Twist Ending. Rocky considers getting everything he wants as someone in the afterlife making a mistake, considering he was a crook all his life, but he decides that he doesn't care "if the 'guy upstairs' doesn't mind'." When Rocky asks if he can get together with his old gang, Pip tells him that his afterlife was made specifically with him in mind, meaning he gets to enjoy everything he wants by himself. However, he starts getting bored when he finds no challenge in getting anything he wants when he wants, and when Pip suggests setting up a heist where he may get caught, Rocky shoots down the idea because he knows he'll get away. Rocky tells Pip he doesn't deserve to be in Heaven and asks him to take him to "the other place," and Pip responds that he is in "the other place."
- This Isn't Heaven: The famous twist ending: the place Rocky was sent to after dying, where he has his every desire granted, is actually Hell.
- Thrill Seeker: Rocky. Sadly, his eternity loses its luster very, very quickly...
- Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: Rocky was a thief and gang leader even as a child. He even slaughtered a small dog when he was only six, just because it bit him.
- Victory Is Boring: Why Rocky's paradise is an Ironic Hell. Rocky initially finds joy in his inability to lose after a lifetime of struggles and failure, only to slowly grow disenchanted with the fact that everything he does always goes exactly as he intends it.
- Villain Protagonist: Rocky is a self-absorbed, violent, and quick-to-anger thief who shows no remorse for committing crimes or harming other living creatures. He does become slightly nicer after thinking he's in heaven, though.
- Wanting Is Better Than Having: Rocky doesn't want money or luxury or beautiful women just handed to him. What he wants is the thrill of 'taking' those things. Too bad his new accommodation doesn't allow that.
- Wham Line: "Whatever gave you the idea you were in Heaven, Mr. Valentine? This is the other place!"
