The Adventures of [Insert Name Here] (Redux)

> too late lol make some coffee

>Ask yourself why are you doing all of this

>Because the voices in your head say so

>Try to Awaken your psychic powers.

>Try to do the same with magic powers

> Summon the writer so that the next update will be a pagetopper.

Whoops, too late.

> Look for another case to solve

Why the hell would you do that. You're assigned to this case, and you're retiring after. No more cases!

>Eat a garlic loaf sadly.
> eww, no, don't eat garlic bread ever
>Dude, garlic bread is good
>Eat the garlic bread.

You take out your trusty Eatsa Pizza garlic loaf and pour one out for your friend Bozo. And by pour one out, I of course mean you eat it sadly. It's fucking delicious.

> use your psychic abilities to summon Howard the Duck.

You try to summon Howard the Duck, but alas, it seems he is not dead. What a shame.

>Try to Awaken your psychic powers.

Your psychic powers have already awakened, you can talk to the dead, dumbass! Cmon, get with the program.

>Try to do the same with magic powers

Wait, those aren't the same thing? Huh... But now you're confused as to whether your current powers are psychic or magic, and which one of the two you should be focused on awakening, so you end up accomplishing nothing either way.

>Teleport out of there

You awaken your magic powers and teleport out of the dilapidated ice cream shop. Bozo said to go to the gwave- you mean, graveyard, but you figure you should stock up on weapons before you get there. Never know who or what you might run into out here.

You teleport to the fabled Valhalla Coliseum, which once towered over the city and was lit up with colorful lights of all sounds, and denoted by shouting that could be heard throughout the whole city. Now though, it's as destroyed and dilapidated as the rest of the city, completely devoid of all life.

The coliseum is surrounded by hundreds of weapons shops of all kinds, colloquially called the Weapons District. Though much of the district is destroyed, there are still a few stores that are mostly intact and open for business, though you can't imagine they're getting much business anymore.

>Buy a gun for 8,300 yen

What the fuck do you look like, some kinda weeb? You pay for it with dollars like a normal ass person.

"That'll be $76.63," says the cashier.

"What the hell?!"

"That's my price," he insists. "You can take it or leave it."

Deciding it's not worth your money, you go to another store and see what kind of weapons they have there. There's all kinds of swords for sale at this one, seeming to be focused on sword-based combat.

>Buy a non-katana sword for 50 bucks.
>wait, doesn't katana stand for sword itself? so we're trying to buy a non-sword sword?
>decide to buy a western sword for 50 bucks.
> just get a kukri

You struggle for some time over what kind of sword to get, before finally settling on a knife instead. You get a decent-sized one of Indian origin, and pay the cashier $50 for it, before pocketing your weapon and heading out. Now there was a smart purchase.

>Ask yourself why are you doing all of this
>Because the voices in your head say so

Well, there you go.

> Visit the graveyard.

Using your newly awakened magic powers, you teleport to the graveyard. You find yourself in the middle of a group of people all shrouded in white cloaks, arguing with each other. Quickly, you duck behind a grave before anyone sees you.

The people in white seem to be divided into two groups, with the most vocal of each group facing each other, arguing in conflicted tones.

"I told you not to do this," the first voice you hear comes from a woman in white. Though her face is hidden, her hair cascades down from the raised hood and over her shoulders. It's the color of pale roses.

"Now, because of you, thousands are dead, and the city has no hope of recovering. And what's worse, the fat cats in power all managed to survive, and are still doing just fine in their ivory tower. But sure, you killed their god and the city with it. Is this what you wanted? Are you proud of yourself?"

The person she's speaking to, a young man with a muscular build, retorts, "It was better than your plan, which was to do nothing at all! I'm sick of living complacent, doing nothing to fight against our oppressors!"

"And that's worth the deaths of thousands of people?!"

"That wasn't my fault!!" The man screams in desperation, pushing the woman back. She stumbles into the crowd, but they manage to catch her before she falls. In the commotion, her hood slips off, revealing her true face. You recognize her instantly.

You hear the ringing of the telephone in your ear.

As the girl gets back on her feet, you get up on yours as well, stepping forward into her field of vision.

"Aerith?"

Aerith looks at you, stunned, wordless for a good second. When she opens her mouth, it's to say:

"Steph, you need to leave."

The young man she was arguing suddenly turns around and sees you, prompting the others to do the same. The ringing in your ears gets louder as he points at you and shouts, "OUTSIDER!" Immediately, the other people in robes take out strange-looking weapons, starting to run after you.

You find yourself unable to move, standing still. The ringing gets louder and louder, until you can barely hear the shouting of the crowd and the clang of their weapons and the stomping of their feet charging towards you. All you heard is the ringing... and her.

"Steph!" Aerith calls out over the crowd. "Stephen, listen to me! You need to run! Run, now!"

Your feet stay firmly planted in the ground as the ringing continues to grow louder. The crowd is almost upon you.

>Wake

You wake up in a cold sweat on the couch. Disoriented, you look around at your surroundings. You are Steph the Human, high school senior, and you are still in your living room. On the TV screen, Netflix has stopped playing to ask if you're still watching. You can hear the faint sound of your mom in the kitchen.

God, it feels like you were sleeping for 20 days.... You look out the window to see the sky growing dim, illuminated with the reds and yellows of the sunset.

That's when it hits you. Oh no! You were supposed to go to the concert tonight! Oh gods, you're gonna be super late!

What do you do?

Edited by Afterwards on Oct 13th 2019 at 2:35:30 PM

>Prepare, then run to the concert.

> Bid mom goodbye, as always.

> Make sure you have everything you need for the concert

> Steal a motorcycle off a passerby on the way

Edited by KeironCioran on Oct 14th 2019 at 12:11:23 PM

>Use your bike instead

>Install rocket boosters on your bike to get there faster

>somehow sprout wings and fly there

>Teleport

>Drink water while you're going there

>Text your friends.

>GOTTA GO FAST

>Do as said above

>Realize you are probably dead

I see.

Edited by JTTWlover on May 8th 2020 at 9:10:25 PM

> Wake up as a zombie

god thats so many commands

> Take a moment as all the voices scream inside your head.

> Take a moment as all the voices scream inside your head.

It's just so much. It's overwhelming.

You take a deep breath. Breathe in. Breathe out. It's alright. You can do this.

Here we go.

> Make sure you have everything you need for the concert

>Prepare, then run to the concert.

You shovel some food and drink into your coat pockets before you head out. As long as nobody questions why you're wearing a coat in the middle of the summer, you should be able to smuggle them in. It's foolproof.

> Bid mom goodbye, as always.

You yell out a quick, "Bye, Mom!" before heading out the door.

"Stay safe!" she calls out just before it closes shut.

> Steal a motorcycle off a passerby on the way

>Use your bike instead

You consider the though, but decide to use your bike instead. You do have a car, but hey, you're already late and you could use the exercise anyways.

>Install rocket boosters on your bike to get there faster

>somehow sprout wings and fly there

>Teleport

What are you talking about? This is the real world. That isn't possible.

>Text your friends.

As you're speeding down the street on your bike, you reach a red light. Taking the chance, you text a quick apology to your friends for being late. They both respond with a thumbs-up emoji. What the hell does that mean?

>Drink water while you're going there

Still at the red light, you take a bottle of water from your coat pocket. You pop the cap and start chugging it down, but just then, the light turns green again. After a satisfying gulp, you speed down the street again, the water bottle still in your hand. You take intermittent sips from the bottle whenever you can on the way there.

>GOTTA GO FAST

Soon enough, you arrive at the concert venue, where your friends Bob and Tabitha, in case you forgot their names, are already waiting for you.

"Took you long enough dude," Bob says.

"Yeah, yeah whatever," you say. "I brought the stuff."

"What's this band playing, again?" Tabitha wonders. "Blues rock or something?"

"Yeah, something like that," you agree. It's weird, everything about this feels hazy, like you've been asleep for six months. Oh well, you're sure you'll shake it off once you get in there with all the music.

The room is nice and dark, with spotlights centered on the stage. You think you recognize this band, maybe, from some of your past visits here. They're not bad.

You and your friends find a spot away from prying eyes to enjoy your contraband snacks. Bob even brings out a few cold ones to share with you - he assures you these aren't the ones meant for your birthday.

All's going well. What do you do?

>Eat a caramel candy

> Examine your surroundings