Gender options

Is there an option where you can choose your gender on here?

No. The forum doesn’t really need one.

I think the closest thing would be stating your gender (and whatever else you want to say about yourself) on your troper page (which only you and I think mods can edit).

But, no, there's no official setting or option in your profile for gender.

Why isn't there?

Because this isn't a dating site? There's no reason to have something like that tied to every comment you make... And if you really want it to, then why not just put the information in your signature?

To play devil's advocate a bit, I can see the "relationship status" thing confusing people who are new here (which could be the root of this question).

For those not aware, it's an old Valentine's Day joke that the site collectively decided to keep around for general amusement. It's not meant to be taken seriously.

And if that's not it...well, I'm not sure how to feel about someone who expects to know the gender of other posters in a normally anonymous online forum.

edited 9th Feb '18 10:29:14 PM by TotemicHero

I ended up adding a signature, but still cannot figure out how to set my relationship status yet.

On the same page where you set your signature.◊

That would hold so much more weight if I had not seen people flip their shit at someone else assuming their gender wrong (Usually by guessing male) like a dozen times in this forum since I joined.

If you don't know someone's gender, use "they/them." Assuming an anonymous poster as male is problematic.

A lot of assumptions are made based on usernames. For instance, I would assume you to be female based on the name "Alexa". As I understand, Alexa is a female-specific derivative of the more gender-neutral "Alex", which can be short for Alexander or Alexandria. So I'd be inclined to use a female pronoun for you, not because I don't know your gender and assume female to be the default, but because I'm reasonably comfortable in the belief that I do know it based on how my knowledge set interprets your username.

If that assumption is wrong, then we find ourselves in a position where my careless use of a female pronoun might be offensive.

With that in mind, I can see logic for a "preferred pronoun" option as it pertains to discussion.

But on the flipside, I can also see logic for not having one, because a fundamental principle of the site is that you're supposed to be discussing the topic, not other tropers.

edited 13th Feb '18 9:57:59 AM by TobiasDrake

Don't get me wrong. Gender option is never a bad idea, but even without it we can make due with Gender Neutral Writing, and we can use gendered pronouns after posters decide to reveal their gender.

If you're a G.I.R.L. and then "flip your shit" for someone "assuming" your gender then you're just a troll. Obviously if your username includes wording like Mr, Lady, Lord, or a gendered name or other gendered word, you don't retain the privilege of being referred to as the singular they. "Don't be a dick" is a rule around here and baiting people into misgendering you and then getting "angry" about it is being a dick.

Also, we're adults here. If someone misgenders somebody else then that can be solved in literally one post politely saying what the correct pronouns are. Moreover, we don't need to patronize people who don't identify as male or female. We don't need to preemptively shame hypothetical people in order to "protect" people before the problem even happens.

edited 15th Feb '18 5:43:47 AM by WaterBlap

Frankly, being overly sensitive about gender pronouns on the Internet is kind of dumb, since unless you explicitly state your preferred gender, there's no reason to expect a random person to get it right. Now, if someone does know it and continues misgendering you, that's most definitely being a dick.

I can't help but find it ironic that you're invoking Rule Zero in the same breath as victim-blaming anyone who gets upset at being misgendered. From bringing the G.I.R.L. trope into this conversation for god knows what reason to accusing people of maliciously "baiting" others, you're being incredibly hostile to the basic premise of respecting someone's gender identity.

Maybe dial that down a notch?

edited 15th Feb '18 9:13:21 AM by TobiasDrake

There are two points here:

• If you know someone's identity and accidentally misgender them, you've made a faux pas and should apologize. If you deliberately misgender them, they have a right to be offended.
• If someone doesn't know your identity and accidentally misgenders you, you do not have the right to be offended.

I do have a slightly worrying vision of a future in which Internet users will have some sort of reference guide attached to their handles for everything that triggers them, which every person who interacts with them will be expected to perfectly comply with lest they face some kind of censure. Fortunately, that seems like an extremist point of view that few people take seriously.

edited 15th Feb '18 9:21:50 AM by Fighteer

I believe that's called ad hominem and strawmanning. It's also breaking the principle of charity and goading me into a fight (accusing me of victim blaming when there is no victim lol). It's also also being obnoxious and sniping.

As an aside, nothing in reality can be ironic. Irony is an artistic tool that requires a narrative.

I mostly (if not totally) agree with Fighteer.

If you're sensitive about being misgendered by mistake, write it in the sig or something. If not there's no problem.

Personally I don't see the big deal. I'm misgendered all the time, and I don't think it's any different than any other mistake someone might make about something they don't know about.

I think everyone knows the difference between "accidentally misgendered because you didn't state your gender/pronouns anywhere" and "deliberately misgendered because the person is a jerk". The "did you just assume my gender" meme has, at best, a tangential connection to anything real people sincerely do.