Weird stuff you did as a child

Sit in a chair and tell your mom that you're the Lincoln Memorial.

Rearrange that same chair and attempt to use it as a diving board.

Drink soda with a spoon.

Put mayonnaise on your pizza.

Go live in your backyard and return a few minutes later because you were unable to open the bag of raisins you took with you.

Run into bathroom with cat.

Stick cat in sink.

Run water.

Squeeze sister's pink toothpaste on cat.

Tell mother you painted the cat for her.

Helped my cousin dig for worms in the mud. For fishing bait. We got them out by pouring soap water on a patch of ground and eventually the worms would start to come out and we picked them up.

I once tried to cure a dead beetle with juice from fig leaves.

Pull every single pot, pan, and bowl out of the drawers in the kitchens and lay them across the entire floor. I was too young to remember this.

I think I also unraveled an entire roll of scotch tape and pretended to be a mummy. The toilet paper alternative didn't occur to me, clearly.

Edit: I also had a thing for collecting branches and shaving the bark off. I had a collection of these bark-less sticks in the garage.

edited 30th Jan '12 12:38:07 AM by Tumbril

I sticky-taped two cats together.

They got better.

I kept on spinning around and around, cause i loved the feeling of the world spinning.

Sticking pantyhose on my head. I believe I was attempting to be a ninja.

I used to ride around on the part of the shopping cart under the basket. No one ever told me not to do this and that I should be sitting in the little child seat instead.

I also once decided that if I tucked my long hair into my shirt collar that it would make me a boy and my brother would want to play with me.

I seem to recall pretending to be dead a lot, which usually consisted of lying on my back on the floor with my eyes closed and not moving.

I attempted to tie myself to a chair a few times. I don't know why. I think I was pretending I'd been kidnapped or something.

My mother. Get it? Cause I was molested!

I used to believe I had magical powers and could control things with my thoughts. I also thought I could talk to animals.

Wait, weird stuff we did as a child, right?

...I just did this stuff yesterday.

...Damn I need help.

I used to say random sounds for ages with the idea that I'd eventually speak in a different language.

Also spent an entire day rubbing a pen mark off the wallpaper with my bare hands at my child minder's so I wouldn't get into trouble. (I hadn't even made the pen mark.)

Cellotaped my arm to my pillow to pretend I had a robotic arm.

edited 30th Jan '12 2:40:52 PM by CosmicChinchilla

Should I feel bad for laughing at that?

When I was 3, and nobody was around, I'd pretend to be a cat.

Trouble is, I got in the habit of it, and... well, some of it became involuntary. Embarrassing as hell, I'll tell you that.

Oooh, Me Too!.

Cool, nice to know I'm not alone.

Think that Every. Single. piece of media I saw was the BEST THING EVER, and try and quote it all day, much to the confusion of everyone else.

Fortunatly, I had a father who showed me stuff like Buster Keaton as a kid, instead of Spongebob. Therefor, it often was the best thing ever. (No offense, spongebob.)

I used to torture myself so I wouldn't feel the pain later in life. Like keeping my hand over the stove, touching electrical wires, constantly hitting myself, etc.

Had near-constant near-death experiences, although I probably didn't intend to have them.

At times, I also used to scream in my head so I wouldn't have to listen to all the inane bullshit of everyone around me.

I also had a thing for collecting branches and shaving the bark off. I had a collection of these bark-less sticks in the garage.

I did this too. Maple saplings were the best; they came out the smoothest, and didn't have all the sap that pine trees had.

Other stuff I did as a kid:

1. The day after it rained, I'd go out in the backyard and dig a whole until I "hit water". I found it really cool that there was water under the ground even though the sun was out.

2. I brewed my own beer once, by accident. Involved leaving a ton of lichen in a failed terrarium half-filled with water for several weeks. You could smell the alcohol content, according to my parents.

3. We had this silk rug in my house, and I would spend hours and hours just rubbing my hand across the rug collecting flecks of lint to make into dustbunnies. I ended up having a collection of lint, and by collection I mean every day after I got tired of "mining" for lint I'd hide what I had made in a corner of my closet. My mother wasn't too pleased when she found a dust bunny the size of our cat.

4. Some boys play with fire. I played with lightning. After learning how to make an electromagnet from a science book meant for children, I borrowed a screwdriver and went to town on an old radio controlled car. After removing the ring-shaped magnet that was part of the car's speaker system (it could make honking noises), and collecting a whole load of copper wire, I jury-rigged what I thought would be a "super magnet".

The thing consisted of looping the coat hanger around the magnet, then wrapping that with tons and tons of copper wire loops. I figured that since regular electromagnets used un-magnetized iron cores, a "super" electromagnet would have a magnet at its center, you know, to double the power. I then put on a pair of wool socks and rubbed by feet all over the house's carpet for, honestly, half an hour (don't ask me where I got the drive or attention span to do this).

Now with one extremely charged wire, I pointed the super magnet at the nearest doorknob, and managed to get a sizable spark. I kid you not, I actually shouted "Eureka!" and cackled maniacally at this.

The next "experiment" needed MORE POWER, and the logical choice was to use an electric outlet instead of a doorknob. But by this point, my mother discovered what had happened to my rc car, and she confiscated the contraption. Alas, the world was not ready for the might of the super magnet.

5. I conducted many other "experiments" in my youth. There was the "teach my little brother to fly" experiment, where I reasoned that humans can't fly because they aren't taught how to do it when they are small. That one involved "wings" made by taping a plastic garbage bag to my brother's head, and convincing him to try jumping really high.

Then I discovered that vinegar dissolves some rocks, and promptly poured vinegar an every rock I could find. Went through three jugs of the stuff before my parents figured out why they were always out of vinegar.

Another time I tried to turn charcoal into diamonds by pounding it with a hammer - on the tiles of the kitchen floor.

When I was five years old, my Sunday school teacher decided to explain to us how Adam walked amongst the dinosaurs. She showed us a picture of a triceratops, and then asked us if we knew what the animal was. I said "triceratops", but she corrected me, explaining that it is a "dinosaur". I got mad, apparently, and a shouting match started between us. When my mother was called into the office and they explained how I was a bad little boy, they showed her the picture in question, and my mother immediately said "oh, but that IS a triceratops". That was the last Sunday of my entire life that I ever went to church.

I used to run around the house in a hoodie and butterknife and pretend I was Link from legend of zelda with a msater sword and yell HEYAAAT when I used to draw my sword. I also used to get a clothe hanger and then I'd lick the bottom and pretend I was shooting arrow from my bow. I used a lid thingy for my shield.

When I was really bored I'd start pretending that I was transmitting my thoughts to aliens and thus had to describe everything going on to someone unfamiliar with life on earth.

I had this period where nearly anytime my mom told me to do something, I'd repeat it with different words that rhymed. For instance "put on your socks and shoes" became "put on your rocks and roos!" "put on your shorts" became "put on your warts!", etc.

There was about a week in kindergarten when I inexplicably decided I would only answer to Mighty Mouse. I didn't go around acting like the character or anything, I just decided that was my new name somehow.

I think I talked about this in "dumb things you used to believe as a kid", but once in a while when I thought no one was looking, I'd just let out this huge breath. You see, I somehow didn't get that you breathed automatically - I think it had something to do with taking a joke about someone being too dumb to remember to breathe too literally. I assumed that if you didn't let out a huge breath a couple times a day, you'd die, and that everyone else also did this in private. Because it's not polite to breathe in front of people. Or something.

Dumbest decision I remember making as a kid: roasting a marshmallow on a citronella candle.

edited 31st Jan '12 11:29:33 PM by MikeK

I also had a stick collection. Except I didn't strip the bark off, I just threw them in a pile behind the garage. And I'd occasionally roll around in it (because Scrooge McDuck did it with his money, so why couldn't I?). Amazingly, I never got stung by any wasps while doing it.

So did I. That was until I got my foot stuck between the bars.

Thought of another one. I would light candles and pour the wax on my hand to make wax gloves.

Roasting peeps over a fire? BRILLIANT idea. The sugar carmelizes, and makes it delicious.

Trying to catch said peep when it starts to fall into the fire? Not such a great idea. In fact, second degree sugar burns bad idea.

I once tried to cut my own hair when I was a child. Didn't really work out.

I started an army of kindergartners in third grade