James Bond

THAT'S a James Bond theme? Wow. I never knew. Awesome song, too.

There's a rumor going around that Rami Malek is playing Dr. No and the entire series will come full circle.

...wut. How does that possibly fit with M and Blofeld being totally different people!?!?!?

I mean, the original Dr No took place in the '60s and this will take place in 2020, so it's obviously not going to take the place of the original movie. Just, you know, thematically in a full circle.

Ah, I get it now.

It'll be interesting to see how well the new film turns out. After all, following on from rival film Mission: Impossible – Fallout is one heck of a daunting task.

Does anyone know why the 1967 Casino Royale and Never Say Never Again are not in the anniversary box set? Do they not count, or something?

And if not, are they worth watching?

Edited by Redmess on Aug 23rd 2019 at 10:06:59 AM

I watched You Only Live Twice tonight.

"You know what, just leaving through the hatch is boring, how about we shoot you from the torpedo tube for no better reason than because we can?"

Wow, that's the quietest knife stabbing I have ever seen. Guy doesn't even flinch or scream. He just suddenly stops talking and stands perfectly still.

Also, discussing top secret information in a room with paper walls, where people can just stab you through the wall unseen, doesn't seem like the best operating procedure.

Man, this film is full of silly surprises. Rigged safes, trapdoor floors...

The depiction of Japanese culture has not aged that well.

"A very honorable death, all the same." How is falling into a pulverizer an "honorable death" in ANY culture? What a weird line.

"Kill him." Pretty sure James is still in earshot for that line.

The helicopter chase is pretty fun.

Oh, James has to go undercover with an ugly wife. What comedy...

Interesting how China is treated as a political non-entity by this movie. I wonder why they never mention it by name.

Wait, the "ugly wife" is actually the Bond girl? I don't get it.

That volcano lair may be cliche now, but it's still pretty cool.

A bit of a weird time skip from day to night while Bond and his girl climb down into the crater. How long was that supposed to take?

Hey, look, Blofeld got hold of the film footage to monitor his rocket.

Why does Blofeld kill Osato instead of Bond? I don't really get the point of that. He has ordered dozens of people to kill Bond, and has killed them for failing to do it, and now that he personally has the chance, he just kills the guy who was supposed to kill Bond instead. I think Blofeld has completely lost his mind at this point.

Oh, NOW he tries to kill him.

And of course everything blows up.

Well, that was a fairly entertaining movie. A bit old fashioned in places, and doesn't always make much sense, but not the worst thing, either.

The theme music is pretty nice, but I can't say I've ever heard it played on the radio. In contrast, I have heard Goldfinger on the radio at least twice just this summer.

Edited by Redmess on Aug 23rd 2019 at 1:35:49 PM

Watched On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

Why is the cold open so dark? Lazenby looks practically black in some shots. The rest of the movie is much better, though, thankfully.

The action scenes in this movie are great, some of the best so far (up to this movie that is).

Who is the random guy following James Bond to the clinic, climbing up the cliff, and getting executed for his troubles, supposed to be? For a rando, he seems rather too determined, and for another agent, he seems too incompetent. What's going on with him?

This Bond girl is great, and she even gets a pretty good action scene near the end. She really holds her own, until she gets shot in the end, sadly. If ever there was a candidate for recurring Bond girl... The future female 007 will have her work cut out compared to this one.

And as a nod to just how well this particular Bond girl was received by feminists:

Wikipedia:

That was a great movie. Lazenby did pretty well in it, too.

Edited by Redmess on Aug 25th 2019 at 1:28:32 PM

This Bond Girl was the one that shattered what was left of his heart, and is the grave he is visiting at the start of For Your Eyes Only. And I agree, the lighting for the open was terrible.

I know it's generally considered Bond heresy but I completely agree with the above quoted reviewer. On Her Majesty's Secret Service remains my favourite Bond film, purely because it as kinda dated/probematic Bond and Tracey's romance is - their chemistry is undeniable. Tracey's death, the scene with the two of them in the car with 'We've got all the time in the world', genuinely gut renching. And the only Bond film to elicit an emotional response from me.

I do really like 'You only live twice' as a theme song. It doesn't get enough love.

Diamonds are Forever.

James is not messing around in the cold open. Not even the Bond girl is spared some violence to get what he wants today. Which, of course, is revenge on Blofeld.

The villains sure are stealing diamonds in the most conspicuous way possible, killing everyone that sells one to them.

Why are the two guys stealing diamonds holding hands as they walk away? Oh. They're evil gay people, aren't they? Sigh.

Rich white old men fretting over the profitability of South African diamond mines run by black people who won't see most of it's returns? Yeah, that part certainly hasn't aged well.

"I never mix business with pleasure." She sure seems to dress for pleasure, though.

For an ordinary smuggler, she sure has a high tech hideout, complete with fingerprint scanner.

Man, this movie has quite the body count. Good thing all these people are smugglers. Especially that old lady!

They smuggled the diamonds inside the corpse? Well, that's probably a contender for squickiest Bond moment.

"Alimentary, my dear Leiter." While I think that reference goes over most people's heads, the context makes it easy to guess what that means.

Wow, that was some fast cremation. I think that was under half a minute from walking off into the office to the guy bringing in the urn.

How Bond got rescued from the crematorium oven is a bit of a Deus Ex Machina, if you ask me. The coffin isn't so much as singed when it comes out.

So the crematorium owners are diamond smugglers. Why the elaborate charade with the urn, then? Why not directly collect the diamonds from the oven? This seems overly complicated. Also, the smugglers discover the diamonds are fake, and... let Bond go. Alright then. That was easy.

Oops, Wint and Kidd were a bit too fast offing the next smuggler, it seems. That's what you get for killing them as soon as you think you're done with them. Also, you'd think smugglers would start to get wise to these two Very Obvious Assasins, but nope.

I don't get why the villains corner Bond, then suddenly leave. Also, I'm not sure what their deal was throwing the girl out of the window. These gangsters all seem overly kill happy. You'd think at the very least O'Toole would call security on them.

That scene with the water balloon stand was pretty funny, though. All that careful preparation, and this one kid almost manages to blow the whole scheme by making a scene.

A beautiful African girl that changes into a gorilla? I didn't know they still did this sort of freakshow in circusses in 1969. And a very racist one, at that.

I don't get how O'Toole got involved, or why she was dressed like Tiffany. Seems like just a poor excuse to kill her off.

Bond infiltrates a base, and escapes... in a moon buggy. That sure is an interesting chase, and pretty clever too, in the desert.

Looks like those cars are suddenly following the A-Team school of survivable car crashes. What an odd subversion for a Bond movie. In previous movies they would all have exploded.

The police chase sure is fun, but I'm not quite sure why that happened.

"Well, that's a switch, the wolf being guarded by the three little pigs." First good joke of the movie.

Bond climbs up to the penthouse, finds Blofeld and his double, and kills the wrong one. The (presumably) real Blofeld then foregoes the opportunity to drop Bond to his death in the elevator shaft, which even Bond seemed to be anticipating. Funny how often Bond is effectively saved from certain death by his villains.

So, Wint and Kidd pick up the gassed Bond, put him in a car, drive him into the desert, and leave him inside a pipe, which then so happens to be built into a sewer line the day after, without Bond waking up or anyone discovering him in the open pipe (you'd think they'd routinely check them for hobos and the like). He may be in peril briefly from a tunnel cleaning machine, but it doesn't seem all that endangering, either. For two remorseless assassins, they sure went easy on Bond. So, once again, Bond's death is foiled by his own enemies.

Also, not sure what the deal with that broken bottle in the car trunk was. Was that... a gay joke, or something? How tasteless.

James calls Blofeld with an altered voice, and Blofeld just up and offers up the location of Willard Whyte at the first opportunity. How convenient!

Also, the other guys are unneccesarily stage whispering where that summer house is, while Bond is still on the phone. They could have blown the whole plan then and there.

Oh, looks like Blofeld is indeed on to them. Yep, Q just blew the mission with unneccesary stage whispering. Nice going, Q.

Looks like we have another two Bond girls, who are only here for a sexy fight scene, it seems. Bond girls sure got it rough in this movie.

By the way, we can probably cut them some slack for being easily defeated in the pool. Fighting in water is quite something else than doing gymnastic fight moves on dry land, and their fighting style seems to consist of clearly telegraphed jumps and kicks for the most part, which Bond obligingly catches as they cartwheel around the room. It's all flash and little substance. The only reason they kick his ass is because he doesn't do anything to dodge or fight back.

Wait, Whyte is just living there? Blofeld seemed to imply that he was kept in cryogenics or something, or at least imprisoned somewhere cold, not lounging in his summer house with two swimsuit models for guards.

Meanwhile, Q... is robbing Whyte's casino. No, seriously, he is tampering with the slot machines to make them give out their max rewards, several in a row. And they are threatening to put Tiffany in jail for being a criminal.

Speaking of, Tiffany spots Blofeld walking through, and goes off after him, of course without so much as alerting Q. The cat gave him away, ironically.

By the way, did that cat ever get a name?

And of course Blofeld immediately captures her. While crossdressing, because of course this movie went there.

And there it is, the satellite laser. Of course it looks rather fake, which is no wonder with how much money it took just to get Connery on board.

How on earth would they know what base it is firing at? It could fire at the entire country from this angle. Speaking of angles, the satellite is very clearly shooting off into space, not at earth, for that first shot. Oops.

How nice of Blofeld to put a copy of his secret base on Whyte's private model of his business empire. And he put it in such an obvious spot, too. Very considerate.

And Bond's plan to infiltrate is... to get deliberately captured after parachuting down in a silly looking polyhedric ball. Well, given Connery's track record, perhaps not the worst plan.

"Search him from his toenails to the last follicle on his head, then bring him to me." Finally a villain smart enough to actually properly search him for weapons.

Hey, they actually call China by name, this time. Times changed quickly between movies, apparently.

And Tifanny is there, too, of course, playing Blofeld like a fiddle. Surprised he falls for it, honestly. Or kept her alive, for that matter. Let's remember this is supposed to be the guy that kills henchmen for failing him on a regular basis, let alone random small fry girls who are obviously working with Bond.

And then he just tells Bond where the control tape player is kept, and lines out the plan for the audience. Rather clunky. Of course Blofeld gives Bond a tour, showing him right to the control room, giving Bond a good chance at pulling out the tape right in front of him and switching it.

"You've suddenly become tiresome, mr Bond." What, only now? YOU led him to the main controls, in person. Also, that tape deck doesn't even have a cover or anything. It looks like something an amateur tinkerer would put together. So much for high tech.

Also, Blofeld's plans could have been foiled then and there by Bond simply stomping the real tape to bits right then and there.

Why is there a random red balloon tied to the railing? Why does the guard shoot at it when it flies off? How stupid are these guards? They shoot at a balloon, but not at Bond when he escapes.

And then Tiffany comes and tells Bond she switched the tapes, right in front of the guards. Even if she had switched it right, that right there would have given it away. Though it seems a bit unfair for Bond to blame her when they never really had a plan to begin with.

And the guards just let Tiffany walk after that comment, because of course everyone is an idiot now.

Bond escapes as usual, as does Tiffany after Blofeld catches her with the tape. The balloon serves as a warning to Leiter, who takes it as a signal to attack. As far as villainous lairs go, this oil rig out in the open is a bit of a dissapointment, really. Also note that these helicopters do not take advantage of their long range capability, and just hover around the rig within easy shooting range for missile launchers.

Blofeld tries to escape in a minisub, but Bond interrupts him and uses the sub as a wrecking ball. That is an interesting subversion of what is usually played pretty straight for villains.

The oil rig is blown up, negating any need for tape switching shenanigans. Why didn't they just carpet bomb the place to begin with, instead of sending half a dozen attack helicopters? Didn't they say the navy was approaching earlier? Where did these go?

And yeah, Tiffany was on there, but realistically, the army would have considered her expendable, what with millions of lives at stake. Perhaps that would have made for a more high stakes rescue mission for Bond, racing against the inevitable heavy attack from the military, instead of this sillyness.

Wait, did Blofeld die? Was that it? What an anticlimax for such an iconic villain. This whole movie is an anticlimax to both the assassination of Bond's wife and to the SPECTRE plot in general, really. What a letdown.

Oh, and of course Wint and Kidd show up one last time just so they can be finished off. A bit late after the main villain has already been taken out. They were pretty entertaining, at least.

The movie had some good moments, but it's a bit of a letdown overall, especially as part of the ongoing story arc of Blofeld, who was a complete dissapointment here.

Wait... why was there a moon landing simulation in Blofeld's lab? I assumed that meant he was planning a base on the moon or something, but nothing came of that. Or was this a fake moon landing joke?

Edited by Redmess on Sep 1st 2019 at 12:15:10 PM

Most of those question marks are entirely justified in being there-while there is plenty of cheesiness to be had, even back to Goldfinger, this take the over the top ridiculousness of You Only Live Twice and breaks the dial somewhere between 10 and 11. And as you mentioned, even in a 50+ year old series with troubling elements, this still sticks out from the pack.

BTW, if you are going to be doing the whole series in order, I cannot wait for your reactions to the Moore era. For Your Eyes Only dispenses with much of the ridiculousness, but before that you have to sit through Moonraker.

Edited by ViperMagnum357 on Sep 1st 2019 at 7:07:44 AM

That lab was actually owned by Willard Whyte, the guy Blofeld kidnapped and replaced, who is an aerospace tycoon. Presumably that fake moon is for testing the stuff he makes there.

Or it could be a fake moon landing joke.

Edited by HamburgerTime on Sep 1st 2019 at 5:49:23 AM

I thought that was adequately explained in the movie, though I suppose it could have been clearer how long Blofeld had been using his resources.

A bit of comedy is fine, of course, but it works better when it doesn't disrupt the story.

Found an interesting documentary: Bond Girls Are Forever.

The Bond girls have interesting interpretations of their roles. The early ones flatly reject feminist criticism, saying that being a Bond girl was all about the fantasy of alluring women. And these early Bond girls seem to have been treated better than those during the seventies, when they were either helpless damsels or had to contend with sex-negative feminism, but it also produced some very strong female characters. The whole idea of having a tough Bond girl is certainly nothing new. The general consensus seems to be that calling them "Bond girls" is still okay, and that we shouldn't be too politically correct about it, though some changes were certainly needed.

Here's a great video from Movies with Mikey about James Bond and Skyfall:

Thanks, I'll save it for when I get around to that one.

Does anybody think Rami Malek's role as the villain in No Time to Die will be reminiscent of Dr. No? Maybe a good way to bring Craig's origin story arc full circle, especially with part of the film being set in Jamaica.

Random Bond thought of the day:

Hate me all you want, but Moonraker is underrated.

Well, it has Jaws, and it goes big with the Big Bad coming within one Q-gadget of exterminating Humanity and replacing it with his own master race; so, it has those things going for it. Everything connecting those two is a cavalcade of the worse cheesiness the series offered prior to Die Another Day.

Edited by ViperMagnum357 on Sep 6th 2019 at 7:38:46 AM

I fount it an entertaining sort of camp, myself.

Much worse, to me, is Golden Gun (my personal least favorite Bond) which seemed to me to be almost mocking/insulting itself at times. Why is like a quarter of the film a screwball chase scene!? Thank Action Movie Villain Jesus for Christopher Lee and Herve Villechaize...

What would you think of the movie of they hadn't decided to bring back Sheriff Pepper for who knows what reason?