Funny / Vermintide II

• Vermintide's Facebook page posted an April Fools joke offering a DLC that would mute Kerillian's annoying banter.
• Once more, the banter between the four players can be good for a laugh.
  Sienna: How much did you drink before we left, dwarf?
  Bardin: I don't see what concern that is of yours.
  Sienna: When my every conjuration all but sets your breath alight, then it's my concern.
  Bardin: Ahhhhhhhh! Good point, Zharrin! I shall endeavor not to exhale!
• Kruber claiming to like orders, because they give him purpose, with an irreverent and sarcastic tone like he's insincerely trying to look driven and devoted in front of an army officer.
• If a player doesn't hit anything with a thrown bomb, one of the others doesn't miss a beat in raking them over the coals:
  Bardin: Takes some skill, missing all of them like that!
  Kruber: Oi! You want me to throw the next one at you?!
  Bardin: Why not? You might just hit the thaggoraki!
• A conversation between Sienna and Bardin implies that at least one lost dwarf hold got lost for...unusual reasons.
  Sienna: Bardin, back in Ubersreik, you never answered Kruber's question. How a whole dwarf hold can get 'lost'?
  Bardin: Well, Zharrinn, it's complicated. Sometimes the doors are enchanted, invisible when closed.
  Sienna: ... sometimes the gate guards get drunk and lose the keys.
  Bardin: Aye. I mean, no. I mean... not often.
• A bug during the game's release caused careers' ability voice lines to be tied to what the host had their hero settings on, rather than what the actual other player in the game is playing. This led to things like Huntsman Kruber yelling loudly about they're the bloody Ubersreik Five while going invisible or Bardin whispering about jumping into a throng of rats being an old Ranger trick.
• Something new added in the sequel is that if someone uses a healing draught when above 80% health, one of the others will chide them for wasting their supplies:
  Sienna: Really, Saltzpyre? For that scratch?
  Saltzpyre: You have no right to judge me.
  Sienna: You keep telling yourself that.
• A conversation from the Keep has Saltzpyre mention he was a blacksmith's son from a small village in Middenland. Kruber then proceeds to enjoy passive-aggressively insulting Saltzpyre as being foul-tempered stemming from stereotypes of Middenlanders while Saltzpyre maintains his composure but is clearly unamused by Kruber taking the opportunity to take the piss out of him.
• Everyone loves hearing Kruber's "Oi! We're the bloody Ubersreik Five! Or four, doesn't matter!" line for his Mercenary career's Morale Boost ability for the first time.
  • Nearly as funny is his Morale Boost yelling out just "Oi!" It's somehow as encouraging as everything else he could say.
• When fighting a Bile Troll, Kerillian and Saltzpyre might react with disgust when the Troll performs its vomit attack (as opposed to everyone else simply yelling a warning), with Saltzpyre in particular speaking in a repulsed and annoyed manner similar to if he'd just stepped in dog crap.
  Kerillian: Revolting beast! Vomit somewhere else!
  Saltzpyre: Uuuuugh...! Stand back, it's going to vomit!
• One of Lohner alternate briefing speeches for the Screaming Bell mission is rather droll.
  Lohner: What weighs several tonnes, draws ratmen like flies and sounds awful? If you just answered "oh no, not another bloody bell" then you win a pumpkin, you lucky bleeder. Don't eat it all at once, because you'll need provisions on your way to destroying the wretched thing.
• The One Year Anniversary mission 'A Quiet Drink' is just screamingly hilarious. The gang get drunk, then go out together looking for more alcohol. Some of the dialogue, particularly involving Saltspyre and Kerillian, will make you piss yourself laughing. Who could have guessed what Victor Saltspyre really wanted to be when he grew up? You can hear it all here. Watch your sides. And your bladder.
  • To give you an idea at how weird this mission is, by the time your party arrives to the first tavern, The Hungry Troll, when you knock on the door the damn place falls off the cliff and explodes.
    Kerillian: <after the tavern collapses down the cliff> Well, that's not something you see every day. <the tavern explodes> Unless you're us.
• New premium hats were introduced to the market, with every character getting three. Saltzpyre's new hat for his zealot career is... a small piglet. Everyone is just as confused by it in universe as the rest of us.

  "We're not really sure about this one, to be honest. Is it Victor's assistant? Is it his lunch? A familiar sent by Sigmar to signify his fulminating rage? No one's dared ask. Much less take it off him."

  • The thing's named "Stolen Swine", implying that Saltzpyre found a piglet in Helmgart and decided it would make a nice hat.
  • Almost as funny as the fact it wasn't just made up for his case but inspired by an in-universe anecdote.
  • The silliness of Saltzpyre wearing an animal on his head actually got repeated for more hat concepts later - Manann's Favor has him wear a live fish (for however long that will be...) strapped to his head and Ratechism puts a live and skittery rat housed in large home draped over his head. Judging by the blood dripping down Saltzpyre's eyes, that rat isn't gentle.
• One of Kerillian's potential lines and Bardin's response if the latter ends up getting caught in a Poison Wind Globadier's gas cloud:
  Kerillian: Rat gas or dwarfen stench? Bardin's there all the same.
  Bardin: (hacking up a lung) Elf... stench...!
  • Alternatively, if the positions are reversed:
    Bardin: You like that poison, elf?
    Kerillian: (coughing fit) YOU... are poison...! (retch)
• The opening cinematic for Chaos Wastes has Saltzpyre giving a rousing speech about how they will be guided by the gods of men and dwarfs...only for him to apparently forget which is Kerillian's deity so he goes with "...that pagan horror the elf worships."
  Bardin: (chuckling)
  Kerillian: <annoyed> Lileath.
  Saltzpyre: <dismissively> Whatever.
• Kruber seems to be developing a sense of humor more in line with his comrades, gleefully Trolling of Saltzpyre after becoming a Grail Knight.
  Saltzpyre: Kruber, I've been meaning to talk to you about something.
  Kruber: (in an extremely fake faux-French accent) About what, peasant? Speak!
  Saltzpyre: Must you keep using that ridiculous accent?
  Kruber: (still doing it) What accent? Anyway, what did you want?
  Saltzpyre:...it doesn't matter.
• Kruber trying out his new French accent for Kerillian causes her to be clearly holding back laughter as she reassures him it's fine... before telling him that if he tries it in an actual Bretonnian tavern, she wants to be there to see what happens.
• When Sienna presses Kruber on what great deed he did to earn the Lady's favor, he eventually confesses that he doesn't remember because he was drunk the whole time.
• During an Expedition in the Chaos Wastes, the party can speculate on what caused the Wastes to be created. Most of the discussion on the topic is fairly civil... except when Kruber says that he heard it was frogs (REALLY big frogs)^note (for added irony, this is actually somewhat true, Really Big Frogs were involved to some extent), causing Saltzpyre to have a fit of incredulous and personally offended fury over the idea that his greatest foe was created by frogs.
  Saltzpyre: Frogs?! FROGS?! I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING SO RIDICULOUS!!
• Kerillian teases Warrior Priest Saltzpyre by asking if the holy magic he uses tingles. He admits that it does.
• Another Waste conversation that can occur if Saltzpyre is present involves the party's concerns that Saltzpyre is being angrier than usual, with Sienna asking him if he's going to go full Flagellant again. For his part, Victor is actually embarrassed that he went off the deep end so badly as a Flagellant and meekly states that he'll calm down.
• The Warrior Priest update in December 2021 also added alternative briefings given by the Ubersreik Five (instead of only Lohner) for every mission. Some of them are played straight, but others can't seem to stay entirely on-topic.
  Saltzpyre: If I am to understand Lohner correctly, either the ratmen have raised a bell on Helmgart's walls, or the town has been overrun by pumpkins! I confess I wasn't listening to the detail. I've found that it's often better not to. Still ... bell or pumpkins, I'm sure we will prevail.
• One of Saltzpyre's lines for friendly fire incidents, if Kerillian shoots him by mistake: "How is it that you see worse with two eyes, than I with ONE!?"
  • And one of Bardin's lines, "That's a keen eye you've got there, Wutelgi!", delivered dripping with sarcasm.
• When discussing how Bardin's kin would receive a Bright Wizard as herself, Sienna reveals to him that she had encountered a Chaos Dwarf previously. The two had a...fiery disagreement.
  Sienna: I've never seen a dwarf hold from within, but I think I'd like to.
  Bardin: My kin don't always think kindly of those who command flame, Zharrinn.
  Sienna: All Bright Wizards, Bardin? Or just those who hail from the desolate plains to the east?
  Bardin: Ah... So you've heard.
  Sienna: Met one on the Cathayan Silk Road, years back. We... disagreed.
  Bardin: Disagreed? Disagreed? He's all ashes now, I take it?
  Sienna: Oh, yes.
  Bardin: Disagreed. Ha!
• When Kerillian becomes a Sister of the Thorn, Bardin doesn't miss the opportunity to let loose some tree puns at the Wood Elf's expense.
  Bardin: I have to say, wutelgi, I like your new look. Does this mean you've gone back to your roots?
  Kerillian: Stop talking, Bardin. Now.
  Bardin: Oh I see. Thorny issue, is it?
  Kerillian: [groans]
• While storming Be'lakor's fortress the Daemon Prince tries to get under Markus' skin with...little success:
  Be'lakor: You're a soldier, Kruber, surely you can recognise a lost cause?
  Kruber: That I can. But don't worry, I'm sure you're doing your best!
• If Bardin is the one to land a killing blow on a Rat Ogre and Kruber and Kerillian are both present:
  Kruber: That's right, Goreksson, you show that Rat Ogre!
  Bardin: (knowingly) Show him what exactly, Azumgi?
  Kerillian: (genuinely nauseated) Ohhh, the mind boggles and the stomach heaves...
• It's possible to ping Sienna of all people to pick up ammo, even though the nature of her arsenal means ammunition pickups are completely useless. Expect your teammates to never let it happen only once, and for Sienna players to be exasperated.