- One of the Sleaze brothers barks at the two kids, as if he's got a guard dog.Sam Sleaze: Hey kids! Get away from the talent! Go on! Git! Scram! WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF-WOOF! Ha ha ha ha ha!
- Cookie Monster's insatiable appetite turning Gordon and Susan's beautiful yellow VW Beetle into The Alleged Car by the end of the film.Gordon: Cookie, will you stop eating the hubcap?
Cookie Monster: Taste delicious, me so hungry.
Olivia: But Cook, we haven't even started on our trip yet.
Cookie Monster: That's okay. Me eat three other hubcaps later.
Gordon: Cookie, if you wanna eat, go eat Olivia's luggage!
- Later on:
Cookie Monster: Okay.
[Gordon just shrugs]
Susan: What happened to the car?
- At the end, when what's left of the Beetle pulls into Sesame Street:
Gordon: Don't ask me! (Points at Cookie) Ask him!
Cookie Monster: Hi. (burps) Excuse me.
Susan: Our insurance man is not gonna believe this.
- Kermit's joke: "Why did the chicken not cross the road? Because it's chicken, get it?"
- Cookie Monster's good-bye.Cookie Monster: Don't forget to eat!
Big Bird: I won't, Cookie Monster.
- Grover's good-bye is arguably even funnier.Grover: Don't forget to breathe! In and out!Big Bird [without a trace of sarcasm]: I always do, Grover!
- The Sleaze brothers looking for Big Bird.Sid: Hey look. A haystack.
[Sam looks at a walking haystack, which is actually Big Bird hiding from Miss Finch]
Sam: We're not looking for haystacks, you chowder head. Keep your eyes peeled. Big Bird's gotta be around here somewhere.
- Super Grover falls into the yellow bug, thinking he's found Big Bird.Super Grover: [his cape covers his eyes] Big Bird! Big Bird! I found you! Big Bird! Big— [Olivia removes the cape] This is not Big Bird. You are imposters.
Super Grover: Super Grover, please. When's lunch? Hahaha.
- The Sleaze Brothers have spotted Big Bird.Sam: Big yellow bird at 1 o'clock.
Sid: Is it that late already?
Sam: Its Air Force talk, you nerf!
Sam: I can't believe it. He's gone. HOW COULD YOU MISS HIM? HE'S 8-FEET-TALL!!
- They try to catch Big Bird with a gigantic butterfly net.note
Sid: YOU WERE GOING TOO FAST!!
Sam: Sid, don't shout at me.
Sid: You were going too fast.
Sam: We don't get mad, we just start all over. NOW LET'S GET GOING!!
- When the Sleaze brothers capture Big Bird:Big Bird: There's a lady named Miss Finch who's chasing me, and I was wondering, do you mind if I hide in your fun fair?
Sam: Why no. Not at all. We have the perfect place for you to hide. Right here: in our "hiding cage".
[The brothers lock him in]
Sam: You'll be safe here.
Sid: Yeah, real safe.
Big Bird: Gee, thanks!
[The brothers laugh]
- The Sleaze brothers getting pulled over:Sam Sleaze: What seems to be the problem, officer? What's the charge?
State Trooper: [looks through his notebook] What about counterfeiting, extortion, fraud, impersonating a dentist, stealing an apple from a kid? (The latter occurred earlier in the movie)
Sam Sleaze: Oh, about that apple, officer, I can explain that. We was just holding it for a friend.
Sid Sleaze: Yeah, for a friend.
State Trooper: You can tell that... to the judge.
Sid: [crying like a baby] The judge!
State Trooper: Be a man!
Sid: But I don't wanna be a man!
Sam: SHUT UP, SID! SHUT UP!
Sid: [still crying] Judge, Sam... jail...
- Bert and Ernie lookout:Bert: What do you see, Ernie?
Ernie: Your nose, Bert.
- One the film's more self-aware jokes has Gordon trying to get Big Bird to jump into the Beetle, complete with Gordons exasperated faces when Big Bird gives him a hard time:Big Bird: I'm not supposed to do this! Why, you should never jump from a moving truck! Why... I shouldn't even be standing up!Gordon: You have my permission! Just this once. NOW, COME ON!
Big Bird: Gordon, look, the doors are open!Gordon: I know, now—now, come on!
Big Bird: Come on? Gordon, you know I can't fly.
[inside the car]
Sid: I got an idea! What if we built a big high tower, and we have him jump into a pool of water?
Big Bird: Jump?!
Sam: Nah! He's a chicken.
- Everything about the Grouch Diner. Especially the tossed salad.
Maria: There's nothing here I can eat!
- "TWO TOSSED SALADS!"Telly [looking on from outside with the Honker traveling with them]: Gee, maybe we made a mistake. That salad looks great!
- Cream of garlic soup, eaten by itself, is revolting: it's an ingredient, not a food. The Grouch Diner serves cream of garlic soup with maraschino cherries.
- "WHEREEEE'S MYYYYYY JELLLLL-OOOOOOOO?!"note
- "TWO TOSSED SALADS!"
- Oscar: "What is the capital of South Dakota?"Bob: Oscar, if you don't want to go on this trip, you don't have to.Oscar: Are you kidding? I love wild goose chases! (puts on his driving cap) Let's go get lost.
- Bert and Ernie actually find Big Bird about halfway through the movie, but Ernie's goofiness kicks in with the "Upside-Down World" piece, and then of course he manages to blame Bert for the near-miss.Bert: Ernie, do something to get his attention.Ernie: Okay! Hang on, Bert! (proceeds to pull the plane on a full-speed descent)Bert: AAAAAAAAA! ERNIEEEEEEEEE!
Bert: AH! MY BOTTLECAP COLLECTION!Big Bird: (after said load of bottlecaps lands on him while hiding in a cornfield) A hail storm??
- Making the scene even funnier is that its a full-force parody of North by Northwest; right down to the pesticide cloud.
- Just about ANY scene with the Dodos, especially their final scene where they run back inside their home after Kermit tells them they are on TV.Kermit: Well, there you have it, the Dodos. [looks back at them] They certainly are.note
- Seeing Sid cry to Big Bird's "I'm So Blue" song is both funny and touching.
Funny / Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird