Funny / Renegade (Peptuck)

• In Chapter 7, when the car carrying Shepard, Anderson, and the two kidnappers crashes into a building. When she comes to, an advertisement is playing in the background, with an elcor droning on about body wash. "Smug: I am on a rachni."
• Garrus' utter disdain for doors. Not to mention his method for capturing a mercenary for interrogation: blowing up his car with a tank right after he gets out.
  • Even better: this man had been shot in the legs (by Garrus himself) and could not walk. Also, he was unarmed. That's right. Garrus requisitioned a freaking tank in order to capture a man who could not move without help, and no way to fight back.
  • His Big Damn Heroes Dynamic Entry in chapter twelve leads one to believe that Garrus simply never learned how to operate a door.
• Forget the previous entry. Anything Garrus does, including plowing through so many warehouses, that eventually he smashes into a warehouse to find it empty. He looks across the room, to see a hole where he had previously plowed through.
• Shepard's reaction to the prospect of Admiral Nick "Havoc" Parker V and Garrus being on the same room.
  Her mind reeled, remembering everything the Spectre had told her about how he handled things, and then about everything she knew about how Admiral Nicolas Parker V operated, and realized that putting them in the same room result in . . . well, havoc. On the one hand, there was an elite covert operative whose general approach to problems was apparently "Overkill?" and "Kneecaps!" On the other was a would special operations commander for whom orbital bombardment was the first resort, and was unsatisfied when an operation was completed and at least two buildings were not demolished. Her mind treated her to horror scenarios, where "hostage rescue" and "strategic ordnance deployment" were used in the same sentence. Words like "collateral damage" and "unspecified urban renewal" followed.
• This exchange in Chapter Eight:
  "You're talking about thirty to sixty extra troops," Kaidan said. "Don't you guys think that's a little excessive?"
  Admiral Parker and Garrus stared at him as if he'd just told them to dip their sensitive areas in liquid nitrogen.
• In Chapter Twelve, the Scrin are communicating via their odd interface, when these two exchanges pop up in the fanfic equivalent of a Freeze-Frame Bonus:
  Identification: Turian - Spectre - Garrus Vakarian - Qualifier: Insane
  • And then later this:
  Assuming: direct control
  Advisory: notamusing - acknowledged - ignored
• Also in Chapter Twelve, Shepard has just killed a Ravager while pinned to a wall by a Tiberium spike. Tali and Dr. Michel are talking about what to do after they cut her free.
  Michel: Get her off the wall, and we'll extract when we get to a safe location. The armory station?
  Shepard: Good idea. Kal'Reegar should be back any minute anyway with heavy weapons.
  [A Corrupter shows up]
  Shepard: Oh what the fuck.
• Again, Chapter Twelve, Apparently Kane had insisted on giving his Marked of Kane Tron Lines.
• In Chapter Thirteen, a Scrin Battlemind busts through a wall into an aircar bay of the GDI Embassy. Garrus is not amused that it's stealing his schtick.
• A British vorcha in a top hat and monocle. Just let that image sink in for a moment.
• When they get the distress signal from Liara's team, Shepard wonders if anyone is still alive, because they're a bunch of helpless scientists against a horde of pirates. One Gilligan Cut later, Wrex is going full Hulk on an unfortunate Scrin Intruder.
  Wrex: Puny Scrin.

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