- Matt: Whenever a fight breaks out, I just stand in the back and yell stuff.
- Landry (to Tim): Oh my gosh, you can't read can you? You're one of those kids that just slipped through the cracks.
- Later Landry following Tim around reading Of Mice and Men to him.
- Tami: What's The Scarlet Letter about, Tim?Tim: Well, it's about a girl named Scarlet, obviously...
- The Lions returning from an away game with the players and coaches equally hung over.
- Reporter: So they're planning on combining the best players for the Dillon team next year. You mind me asking what you're gonna do?Tinker: You're a jackass, you know that?
- Many, many moments of the interaction between Tami and Eric, when not serious (and even some of those) results in Crowning Moments of Funny.Eric: I'm gonna have me a Matt chat.Tami: That sounds like a truly horrible idea.
- This exchange is the last thing Riggins would want to hear after the team unites after a night of rainy wind sprints.Eric: Now if you EVER walk out of one my practices again, I will kick your ass off the team, and that's a promise, understood?Tim: Yes, sir.Eric: You Owe me a practice. You walk home, we'll call it even.
- Eric bursting out laughing when Matt first asks to marry Julie.
- As Matt arrives for his first date with Julie:Eric: You want a beer or anything?Matt: Oh, no thanks. I'm driving.(beat)Eric: That was a joke, son.
- "Why don't you hang up your Member's Only Jacket on the coat rack, son?"
- "They had a blanket"
- Tami's reply is even funnier; "You're an idiot."
- Matt's attempts at flirting with a customer are painfully cringe-inducing. This pretty much solidified Matt as Adorkable.
- The players betting if The Smash gets the preachers's daughter or Matt coach Taylor's daughter laid first. Cue the coach walking in. This could have been pretty serious, if their Oh, Crap! faces weren't that hilarious.
- "I was defending your momma's honor." "With your face?"
- Eric figures Matt has a girl on his mind when he's distracted during practice, and tells him to do whatever it takes to get his mind back in the game, up to "get her in the back seat of your car," naturally not realizing that the girl in question is his daughter. Then at the end of the episode he figures it out, and has to tell Tami what he said.
- "You know there's a raccoon in here?"
- Two Words: "Cafeteria Fight" between Lairabee and Dillon.
- In "I Think We Should Have Sex" the guys are giving Matt advice about having sex for the first time.Tim: Do you remember the first time you drove a car?Matt: I crashed my grandma's car, and now Landry drives me around.Tim: Good luck to you, Seven.
- Tyra, while over at the Taylors' house, reaches up to a cabinet over a fridge, showing off her height. Cut to Tami, who just realizes she just found her star volleyball player.
- Matt, upon meeting Tami for the first time, calling her "Mrs. Coach".
- Buddy speaks to his son again, who'd been living with his New-Age Retro Hippie step-father for a few years.Buddy: We'll just stop by the store, get some groceries, whatever you like to eat.
Jr.: Sounds good, as long as you don't make me eat seitan.
Buddy: Say-tan? What the hell's that?
Jr.: It's like wheat gluten. I dunno, Kevin is obsessed with it.
Jr.: He says it's like nature's meat.
Buddy: Well nature already has meat. It's called a cow.
Funny / Friday Night Lights