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Funny / Battleship

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  • Alex's heroic quest to obtain a chicken burrito.
    Admiral Shane: I'm late for lunch. I think I'll have a...chicken burrito.
    Alex: ...She told you about that?
    Admiral Shane: Come on, Hopper. We can discuss the terms of your surrender over a meal.
  • Cal's reaction when he meets Samantha and Mick.
  • Mr. Zapata's reaction when he is informed that there are inbound objects in formation.
    Zapata: Uh, Maybe we should call NASA.
    Alex: NASA have called us. They're on the phone right now. (screen cuts to a control room full of people, with a screen of Zapata behind them)
    Man at NASA: Good morning, Mr. Zapata.
    Zapata: NASA?
  • Hopper's attempt to rehearse his speech to Admiral Shane in the mirror.
    Hopper: "It would be a thankful honor to have your permission to honor...your hand." *Beat* "What?"
  • One of the John Paul Jones deckcrew freaks out when he hears that Hopper is now in command of the ship.
    Crewman: Are you kidding me? Hopper's running the ship? This is bullshit. We're all going to die!
  • Most any conversation between Raika & Ordy, befitting their Those Two Guys role in the film.
  • This little exchange during the reactivation of Missouri:
    Ordy: *runs into a control room and sees a USS North Carolina vet tweaking some controls*
    Veteran: Son.
    Ordy: *half confused* Sir?
    Veteran: *all but glares at him* What the hell, you gonna stand there, staring at me? Get yer goddamn eye on that spotter!
    Ordy: *promptly puts on a sound-powered phone headset* Eye on spotter, sir!
  • The alien's ammunition consists of a round cylinder with a smaller round cylinder attached to it on one end that pushes in to detonate after sticking into an enemy ship small cylinder first. In short: They are metal pegs.
    • The fact that they pause for an instant upon contact, then sink in, is particularly amusing: the pegs in the tabletop game didn't always fit perfectly into the holes on the model ships, needing a second tap to make them sink in all the way.
  • Just after aligning the Missouri to fire on the mothership, we get this:
    Missouri Veteran Crewman: Let's drop some lead on this mother-
    Hopper: FIRE!
  • After a completely epic attack on the flagship...
    Nagata: I can't believe that worked!
    Hopper: Yeah, Art of War, "Fight the enemy where they aren't." After all these years it finally just clicked.
    Nagata: But that's not what it means.
    Hopper: Really?
    Nagata: Not even close.
  • The duo just before sniping.
    Hopper: Where did you learn to shoot?
    Nagata: I'm not sure how you say it in English. "Natsu Campu. Summer campu".
    Hopper: "Summer campu". *Thinks about it* Summer camp?
    Nagata: Champion, when I was twelve.
    Hopper: Are you kidding me? *Cue aliens*
  • Alex and Stone giving completely opposite motivation speeches to their crews.
  • Alex and Nagata get into a fight and are court martialed by Shane. Their explanation: Alex slipped, Nagata tried to catch him, and they both 'knocked their heads'. Shane is not amused.
    Nagata: Like the great Jerry Lewis, sir.