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  • From the third issue, Veronica's thoughts on Riverdale High.
    "I've never in a public school before. What's that smell? Is that what they call 'crack'?"
  • Archie somehow setting ice cream on fire during his montage of failed jobs in the first issue.
    Horrified shop owner: HOW?! HOW?!
  • Learning that Reggie is trying to weasel his way into being Mr. Lodge's protege, Archie decides he needs a plan. Smash Cut to him burning the school down with a flamethrower.
    Archie: I need a better plan.
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  • Jughead's reaction to Veronica visiting Archie now that her dad's allowing her to date Archie as long as Mr.Lodge doesn't have to see his face. and asking where the Billiard Room is.
    Jughead: I'll make some popcorn. It's worth it to see this.
  • Jughead explaining to Archie why he doesn't have to participate in Gym.
    Jughead: I have the right pictures of the right people.
  • In issue five of Jughead, Chip Zdarsky finally lets loose his trademark surrealist humor. The gang meets their opposite sex doppelgängers, and Reggie immediately makes out with his.
  • Veronica decides to stay with Archie and his family but it soon becomes clear she's under the impression everyone else lives just as she does. Thus, it takes a few days for her to grasp that this is the only house the Andrews own and not merely the "guest lodgings."
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  • Jughead accidentally making Archie into a clone of himself after a disastrous date. Seeing normally upbeat girl crazy Archie trying to eat giant loads of food and slacking off is hilarious as is Jughead being forced into the Straight Man position to what's essentially himself.
  • Archie trying to disguise himself as a waiter in Jughead #10 in order to help Jughead out on his date. This goes about as well as you'd expect
    • Sabrina's over the top love spell, which includes Archie and the real Waiter singing together.. which naturally, Jughead doesn't notice at all.
    • Angry after her failed attempts of getting Jughead to fall in love with her in Issue 10, Sabrina repeatedly launches curses on Jughead, but it ends up on making his life even better than before. She then forces him to hang out with Reggie for a day. The kicker? It turns into a Juggie/Reggie friendship montage. No. Seriously.
  • In Betty & Veronica we have frickin Hotdog as the narrator, who constantly goes back and forth between using sophisticated language to comment about the what's going on and getting distracted by what can only be described as "dog things." In other words... it's gold. The way he introduces Jughead, Archie, Betty, and Veronica in particular is quite hilarious. note 
    • On Jughead: "This is Forsythe Pendleton Jones III, known to everyone — Well, his friends — Okay, his one friend — as Jughead! He is also my human being. An altogether decent chap, with the metabolism of a hummingbird on crank."
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    • On Archie: "This is Archie Andrews. There are many fine periodicals about him, available at your local comic shop. However, this isn't one of them, so, moving on... (I will add that I always like this Andrews chap, as the scent of his hair remind me of waffles.)
    • On Betty: "This is Elizabeth Cooper. Known to everyone as Earscratch McAwesome-Lap. Well, That's my name for her. She answers to 'Betty' when called. Betty is, literally and without exception, the nicest person I have ever smelt. Accept the nose of a nose that knows."
    • And then there's his assessment on Veronica...
      Hotdog: This... is Veronica Lodge. I have no information on her.
      Hotdog: [Zooms in on her face and the panel is now tinted a light red.] I jest not, tender bibliophile. Neither by scent or association have I ever been able to put my paw on what actually makes Veronica Lodge tick.
      Hotdog: [Panel does and extreme zoom in and his now a much darker red] She is an unknowable quantity. An X-Factor. [narration box suddenly turns a light red] Capable, one must therefore assume, of anything.
      Hotdog: [The panel is now black, with a dark red narration box in the center] ANYTHING.
    • Hotdog apparently ate pages 19 & 20 of this same issue. What results is a page of nothing but word bubbles as Hotdog explains how that happened, and another page of nothing but word bubbles as Betty reads the script of the comic to Veronica as they lounge at the (presumably) the beach.
      Betty: (SIGH) Well, I guess it's better than two pages filled with more balloons than the House from Up.
      Veronica: I hate when comics do that.
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