The Characters from Jack Stauber's SHOP: A Pop Opera.
The Main Shopper
My choice, it's a decision I make to be a good go-getter!
“Thanks! I-I think I'll just come back for it!"
Voiced by: Jack Stauber
The main (yet unnamed) shopper that SHOP focuses on.- The Ditherer: He has a hard time choosing between things, especially in Milk (2 yogurt flavors) and Cheese (all the different cheeses). He eventually chooses strawberry yogurt and no cheese in the finale however.
- "Eureka!" Moment: After realizing that he could've picked a better type of cheese, it causes him to realize that he shouldn't overthink things.
- No Name Given: Like everyone (excluding Arlene) in the shorts, he isn't given a name.
some viewers have nicknamed him Jeff however. - Only Sane Man: Compared to the shoppers he meets throughout the shorts.
The Milk Lady
Every milk will expire...
“Pecan!"
Voiced by: Jack Stauber
An elderly lady that always looks 5 minutes away from death.- Gonk: She has 2 Gross-Up Close-Up moments that show her to be one of these
- Grumpy Old Lady: She's easily irritated.
- I Can't Hear You: She mistakes the Main Shopper saying "I'm not deaf" for "I'm Jeff."
- Trademark Favorite Food: Pecan cookies seem to be this for her.
The Bread Man
Your bread isn't you!
"I simply must be going, there's an antique walnut auction downtown and I must find something mid-century!"
Voiced by: Jack Stauber
A pretentious man who comes to the store to buy some artisanal bread for his dog.- Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense: He buys fancy artisanal bread for his dog.
The Paper Towel Man
Life is messy...
"This glass shattered instantly. But it would take someone like you or me days, maybe weeks, to put this back together to how it was, and still, it will never be the same...
Same with my finger. Open in a second, but it takes days to heal...
And the more of them that you use, the bigger the mess you make"
Voiced by: Jack Stauber
An Emo Teen employee that works at the store.- Emo Teen: Probably his biggest personality trait.
The Oatmeal Man
Toss your oatmeal and eat something new!
“Your body's like a clock you know? If you don't plan accordingly, you could...wait how long have we been talking... I don't have time to talk right now, I just sacrificed getting peas for standing here, bagels for explaining the body's like a clock to you, and NOW I'm going to miss getting peanut butter because I had to asses what I missed just now!"
Voiced by: Jack Stauber
A man that obsesses over routine and schedules.- Obsessively Organized: He has his dinners planned out throughout the whole week, and claims that he'd do it for the rest of his life if he could.
- Quirky Curls: his hair is curly and he sure is an odd one.
Arlene (The Coffee Lady)
Coffee Moderation...
“Oh my ain't this place a godsend? Look at all this coffee, and they have all of it too! Godsend I tell you Godsend! Father Son Holy Spirit!"
Voiced by: Jack Stauber
A woman with a severe caffeine addiction- Exhaustion-Induced Idiocy: She apparently forgot to pick her kid up from daycare, likely due to her issues with caffeine withdrawal.
- Motor Mouth: She talks very fast.
- Must Have Caffeine: She spends 99% of her time hopped up on coffee, and the rest of the time suffering withdrawal.
- No Name Given: Inverted. She's the only character in the series to be named.
- Trademark Favorite Food: More like drink, but coffee is this to her.
