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Character sheet for the Lisa series.

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Main Characters

    Lisa Armstrong 

Lisa Armstrong

"Do you love me?"

The protagonist of LISA: The First, she's Brad's younger sister. She was forbidden to leave the house and was molested by her father, Marty. Her only friend was a young boy named Bernard who she gave the name Buzzo. She forced him to maim and kill small animals, and mutilate her with a buzzsaw. Eventually, she killed herself to escape her suffering.

  • Blinding Bangs
  • Cute and Psycho: It's revealed in Joyful that she was a seriously messed up little kid, pleading with Bernard to cut her up so Marty won't touch her anymore and goading him into cutting off a cat's paw.
  • Childhood Friends: With Buzzo, as it's revealed in The Joyful. Going by the tone of their dialogue together, it may have been more than just that.
  • Driven to Suicide: Lisa is shown hanging by her neck in the title screen and in several of Brad's hallucinations. From what we see in Lisa: The First, it's more than implied that Marty's abuse drove her to do it.
  • Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: A more downplayed example, but Lisa's design consists solely of black/dark browns and white/light tans, giving her this effect.
  • The Ghost: On account of being dead, you never truly encounter her in either The Painful or The Joyful; All of her appearances are as Brad and Buzzo's hallucinations. The only time she has any actual appearance whatsoever is in her casket within The Joyful's Joy Lab.
  • Hidden Eyes
  • Lonely Funeral: A flashback shows Brad being the only one to attend her funeral. You can also find what is basically a visitation room with her casket within a secret Joy Lab room in The Joyful.
  • The Lost Lenore: Her death is the catalyst for many events in the series and she was Buzzo's love interest.
  • Rape as Backstory: In Lisa The First, it is heavily implied that she was sexually abused by Marty.
  • Small Role, Big Impact: While she's the main character of the first game, in the RPG she makes one living appearance as a baby, gets one line in a flashback, and is an occasional silent hallucination the rest of the game. And yet her life and death have such an influence on Brad and Buzzo that the sequel still carries her name.
  • Unwitting Instigator of Doom: She made Buzzo mutilate a cat, and then herself, as a way of proving his love for her as well as making Marty not want to force himself on her anymore. This would prove to be the event that led to Buzzo becoming the depraved, vindictive monster that he appears as in The Painful.
  • Woman in White: Lisa is always seen in a white dress, and aside from Yado is the driving force behind the entire series.

    Brad Armstrong 

Brad Armstrong

"I just... For Once... I wanted to do something good. I'm the one that was supposed to protect you. I can't let anyone hurt you..."

The protagonist of LISA: The Painful RPG. A retired middle age martial artist who's haunted by the memories of his broken past. After the Flash killed all females in Olathe, Brad one day found and adopted an infant, Buddy, the last female in Olathe. He initially decides to raise her only as a way to alleviate himself of the guilt he feels for his part in making his sister, Lisa, commit suicide years ago. However, he comes to genuinely love Buddy, and she makes him feel emotions he never has. When she is abducted by the Rando Army, Brad is determined to save her, as she is the only thing in life that matters to him now.

  • Afro Asskicker: He used to be one, as shown in flashbacks.
  • Aloof Big Brother: By the time of LISA: The First, Brad had left the Armstrong household years ago, and most likely never called or visited. This is why Brad is missing from Lisa's dreamscape in LISA: The First, as he was never really a big part of Lisa's life.
  • And Then John Was a Zombie: No matter what choices the player makes, he transforms into a Joy mutant in the ending.
  • Badass Boast: Near the end, as he faces off against the entirety of Rando's army, he has this to say.
    Brad: No. You don't understand. I've been dead for 35 years. Today is the day I live.
  • Bald of Awesome: Even after losing his afro years ago, Brad is still able to kick ass. Subverted later on in the game when Brads actions become more questionable.
  • Bare-Fisted Monk: He's a master of the self-created Armstrong Fighting Style (which is described in the artbook as "a mix of Karate and pain"). According to one of the epilogues of The Joyful, he picked up Karate from his grandfather.
  • Beard of Sorrow: He sports a full beard (which was, if the cutscenes are anything to go by, present since he hit adulthood), and is haunted by his regrets and bad memories.
  • Berserk Button: According to Buddy and Rando, Brad did not like being referred to as "dad" due to his own horrible experiences with his own father, which is why they refer to him by his name.
  • Body Horror: In the finale, he forced to overdose on Joy by Buzzo, which ensures his transformation as a mutant.
  • Brought Down to Badass: It's implied that he's out of practice, since he has to relearn his own martial arts style via leveling. He's still strong enough to deal with the various wasteland warriors, albeit with backup from his party members.
  • Celibate Hero: Brad wanted a wife, but didn’t think he deserved one.
  • The Comically Serious: Brad is perpetually, completely straight-faced, never reacting to the ridiculous people or situations he encounters, and always perfectly willing to beat up squirrels or cross dress without question.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: In addition to being emotionally abused by his father, Marty, Brad was also a helpless witness to his sister Lisa's eventual suicide after suffering all manner of abuse from their father. It's also implied that Marty would force Brad to take part in the abuse, too.
  • Deconstruction: Of the Papa Wolf, much like Joel and Father Nier.
    • He also deconstructs the typical RPG protagonist. The majority of enemies faced are simple, sometimes completely innocent men who Brad tramples in his quest. By the end of the game he's regarded as a ruthless monster and others are terrified of him.
  • Despair Event Horizon: At the endgame, when Buddy in no uncertain terms states that Brad was more responsible than anybody for her misfortune. It's at this point that he loses all hope, and begins to mutate.
    Brad's body is feeling strange...
    He has become a failure.
  • Determinator: Nothing will stop Brad in his quest to save Buddy, not even the loss of his own limbs or party members.
    • Dying from Joy overdose in the finale just makes him stronger.
    • Also justified as a side effect of Joy, causing the user to obey their inner most desires as mentioned in the Joyless ending. As a result nothing would stop Brad from "protecting" Buddy.
  • Dragged into Drag: By Buddy, when he was raising her. Happens again at Dismal Island, in a less wholesome manner.
  • Drowning My Sorrows: Brad's Dark and Troubled Past has driven him to severe Joy addiction. Game dialogue changes depending on if he continues to take Joy or tries to kick his addiction.
  • 11th-Hour Superpower: Thanks to Buzzo forcing him to take three Joy pills at once, Brad by the end of the game is turning into a mutant, which puts him in a drug-fueled rage that lets him easily demolish Rando's army whether or not he has limbs. Not only do his moves get upgraded, he even gains the ability to restore SP by crying over Lisa and inducing fear by screaming.
  • Expy: Of Ryūken from Fist of the North Star. Not only does he share his monk-like appearance as well as being the master of his own martial art style, he's actually the former master of Rando and Buzzo, the resident Expys of Raoh and Jagi.
  • Eyes Always Shut
  • Failure Knight: His devotion to protecting Buddy is spawned from his failure to protect his sister.
  • Fallen Hero: What he has become by the end of the game, having taken innumerable lives, stealing, terrorizing and possibly even blackmailing others to find his daughter.
  • Final Speech: He warns Buddy that people will always try to use her, but states that for once he wanted to do something good with his life. He concludes by asking Buddy if he did the right thing.
  • Going Cold Turkey: Attempted this in order to be a better parent for Buddy, but wound up falling Off the Wagon, leading to the bender he wakes up from at the start of the game. A player can attempt this again in a Joyless run, but ultimately Buzzo forces Brad to overdose by threatening Buddy's life, making it all for naught.
  • Handicapped Badass: While losing one or both of his limbs does hinder him severely, he's still capable of biting and tackling anyone in his way. He is also still able to climb ropes and ride his bike using his mouth.
  • I Have No Son!: As far as he's concerned, Dusty was never his son and he admits that he never cared for him as he did Buddy.
  • Heel–Face Door-Slam: Downplayed. When confronting his father, Brad can choose to spare him, which at least seems like a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, the Joy that Brad took earlier causes him to kill Marty anyways, further pushing Buddy away from him.
  • Huge Rider, Tiny Mount: When riding the child's bicycle, this enables him to cross over small gaps.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Flashbacks and his general mood show that Brad can be very kind at times, and that his gruffness is mostly for show. A number of people describe him as having a sensitive soul, but his years of abuse from his father and watching his sister be driven to madness and eventual suicide have seriously dampened his worldview.
  • Kamehame Hadoken: A signature move in the Armstrong fighting style. Because the fire is a manifestation of emotion, Brad can use this even without hands.
  • Kill The Dog: The first battle of the game involves Brad killing a small and relatively harmless dog, a precursor for the terrible deeds he commits during his search for Buddy.
  • Last Request: He asks that Buddy hug him, something no one has ever done for him. The player can choose to allow or deny it.
  • Love Makes You Evil: His desire to protect Buddy from everyone leads to him killing many people in his way, ultimately does more harm to everyone than anything else and in the end is more out of a selfish desire to make up for the loss of his sister.
  • Mighty Glacier: Brad has high HP alongside a wide variety of powerful offensive moves. This makes him useful throughout the entire game. His main weaknesses however are unimpressive speed, a lack of support skills (like buffs and HP recovery) and Joy addiction (Which weakers him while suffering from withdrawal). Also, losing his limbs will permanently and noticably hinder his performance, though he'll still remain quite powerful even without them.
  • Mook Horror Show: In the finale. Brad's ferocity causes Rando's army to go from confident... to shocked... to terrified... to dead.
  • My Greatest Failure: What Brad considers Lisa's suicide to be. He was not only complacent in Marty's abuse of Lisa but also participated in it, albeit unwillingly. Brad also left the house some time before Lisa killed herself, leaving Lisa alone with Marty.
  • My Greatest Second Chance: Buddy is this in a nutshell. Brad wants to protect Buddy no matter what as a sort of redemption from failing to prevent Marty from abusing Lisa.
  • Not in This for Your Revolution: Everything Brad does is for his own reasons, he legitimately couldn't care less about saving humanity or anyone that he isn't close to.
  • Not So Different: From his father. While he doesn't physically or deliberately abuse Buddy, he does leave some hefty emotional scars.
    • Also from Buzzo, considering that Lisa's suicide was the event which made both became gradually insane and commit atrocities as a result.
  • One-Man Army: A rare twist of this trope being Played for Drama, as Brad fights both his own gang and the Rando Army near the end and wins, which is even more incredible considering that Brad may be lacking one or both arms by then. However, tragic part comes in the end of the came, when it's revelead that he only was able to achieve it because he was slowing turning into a Joy mutant.
  • Papa Wolf: He will stop at nothing to protect Buddy. However, his obsession for protecting her drives him to do some horrible things.
  • Remember the New Guy?: Despite being Lisa's brother, Brad is never mentioned in "LISA: The First".
  • Sociopathic Hero: While Brad's goal of saving Buddy is understandable and relatable, his actions throughout the game are nothing short of horrifying. He murders just about anyone who stands in his path, even if all they're guilty of is standing in his way. He routinely forces people to join him by doing such things as stealing something valuable from them, holding their loved one hostage, or lying to them by saying he will help them with their cause or desire. And in the end, he has more or less doomed any and all chances for Olathe to ever recover by killing influential people and destroying important gangs and organisations that were keeping some kind of peace and order. In the end, one has to wonder how much of these actions are caused by Joy, Brad himself, or a mixture of the two, and how redeemable Brad is will come down to the conclusions about his character that each player comes to themselves.
  • Survivor Guilt: Brad blames himself for Lisa's death, and the guilt of not protecting her from their father is a big part of his motivation.
  • Stoic Woobie: Never shows any emotion other than anger, and boy has he had a hard life...
  • Stout Strength: Has a noticeable gut, but is also one of the strongest guys in the wasteland, bar none.
  • Tragic Dream: The only thing Brad really wants to do is to be the father his dad never was for Buddy as a means of redeeming himself after contributing (unwillingly) to Lisa's abuse and failing to stop it from eventually driving Lisa to suicide. Brad is however just not fit to be a parent. He is regularly neglectful, letting Rick, Sticky, and Cheeks handle her care most of the time. Sets a terrible example by almost always being high or drunk around Buddy. And he can be quite emotionally distant and verbally abusive without even really meaning to. In summary, Brad's dream is simply impossible to achieve because he as a person is simply not fit to fulfill it.
    • According to Dingaling, Brad would have liked to get married, but didn't think he deserved it.
  • The Unfettered: Due to his Joy usage, Brad is literally unable to stop himself from saving Buddy.
  • Unreliable Narrator: Thanks to the joy affecting how he behaves, especially after his overdose, Brad likes to think himself as doing something good for going to save Buddy, and hearing things that he fears the most, such as the implication that Sticky raped Buddy and thinking he killed Rick while interrogating him.
  • Unscrupulous Hero: All Brad wants to do is find Buddy, but he has no moral qualms about his actions in achieving that.
  • Unwitting Pawn: It is implied that Dr. Yado had been fueling his obsession with saving Buddy thanks to his joy addiction, and Yado's trumpet. The Joyful has Buzzo provide credence to this and admitting that the bad things Brad had done was not his fault.
  • Use Your Head: Brad can headbutt and slide on his head to knock down opponents. If he loses both arms, this is his only method of attack, riding a bike, and climbing a rope.
  • Zero-Effort Boss: The Memory of Brad in The Joyful. The only thing he can do to benefit himself is healing in his second form, but the one after that has him healing you instead.


Buddy/Nancy Yado

"I am strong. I'm not afraid... And I am one of a kind."

The protagonist of LISA: The Joyful. The only female to survive the White Flash. Adopted by Brad as an infant, she is abducted by the Rando Army for their own purposes. However, not everything is as it seems.

  • And Then John Was a Zombie: If she chooses not to take the Joy vaccine, the epilogue shows her as a Joy mutant.
  • Ax-Crazy: Progressively grows into this throughout The Joyful. Part of it is because of taking Joy.
  • BFS: In contrast with her father's bare fists, Buddy wields a scimitar roughly as tall as herself in Joyful.
  • Babies Ever After: In The Joyful, the ending where Buddy chooses to take the Joy vaccine shows that she eventually has a child. It's unexplained whom the father of the child, though.
    • Interestingly, in a variant of the ending where she doesn't take the vaccine and becomes a Joy mutant, she still somehow has a child. This only happens if you previously fought Bolo.
  • Break the Cutie: In The Joyful, after everything she went through, Buddy has become utterly ruthless, determined to rule Olathe so that no one else can hurt her.
  • Combat Pragmatist: Buddy's fighting style is based entirely on survival, most of her attacks are stabs at vital body parts and she's not above exposing herself to distract enemies.
  • Death from Above: In The Joyful, if she's jumping down at the right angle, she can pounce on enemies and instantly kill them.
  • Determinator: Buddy will stop at nothing to get away from Brad and always seems to be just one step ahead of him.
  • Distressed Damsel: Seems to be this at first, but it's subverted in that not only is she escaping captivity on her own, she is actively trying to get away from Brad, even preferring her supposed captors (Marty and Rando) over being with him.
  • Distracted by the Sexy: In The Joyful, she can flash her opponents to distract them temporarily.
  • Does Not Like Men: With few exceptions; although, this is justified considering that most of the men she comes across are murderous and attempted rapists. However, people like Rando aren't exempt from this, despite Rando having her best interest in mind. It eventually backfires on her when Rando leaves her in the dead of night because he can't continue to help her kill all these people.
  • Emotion Suppression: Her ruthless combat style was taught by Brad, who advised her to never feel fear or mercy when taking a life.
  • Eye Scream: Near the end of the game, she gets her face clawed on by Mr. Angoneli. In The Joyful, she wears bandages over her face, covering the eye.
  • Fragile Speedster: Her speed stat is extremely high and far exceeds all of her other stats which are more or less average.
  • Gender Rarity Value: Buddy is the only woman left on the planet. As soon as the news gets out, everyone in the world goes looking for her.
  • He Who Fights Monsters: Invoked. Buddy reasons that the only for her to live freely in a world full of perverts and kidnappers willing to kill to get at her is to Beat Them at Their Own Game by becoming the top link of the food chain.
  • I Just Want to Be Free: What Buddy most desires is the freedom to do what she pleases without others forcing their will or control on to her.
  • Jerkass Woobie: Oh boy is she ever. She's a ruthless murderer, dispassionately slaughtering even people who aren't trying to oppose her (only considering one person to be beneath contempt). Of the dozens of characters in Joyful, the only ones she *never* tries to kill at some point are Buzzo, her child, the Green Ranger, W 2 D's worshipers, and the remnants of Buzzo's gang and even those people would have likely ended up on her hit list at some point other than her child.
    • She also relentlessly abuses Rando despite his attempts to help her. She even tells him she never trusted him before finishing him off.
  • Jumped at the Call: Upon learning that she is the future of humanity, Buddy eagerly embraced her new, all-important role.
  • Kick the Dog: Rando, who is the nicest person you can ever find in Olathe, can be killed by Buddy, simply because he intended to protect her.
  • Last of Her Kind: Is the only known female left in Olathe and is necessarily not a good thing to be. While some men wanted her to have sex, some need her to repopulate.
  • Living MacGuffin: A deconstruction. Buddy is the future of the human race and as such is treated like a prize or an object, and the fact that no one seems to be considering her feelings or mental state, Brad included, forms her motivation.
  • More Deadly Than the Male: The men of Olathe are a bunch of perverted thugs, but Buddy is a ruthless killer, capable of slaying countless men without hesitation or mercy.
  • My God, What Have I Done?: In the end of the Joyful, Buzzo reveals to her that every bad thing Brad had ever done to her was never his fault, and by extension, neither was the much kinder Rando, whom both only wanted to protect her. She breaks down in tears after mercy killing Buzzo, and is given the option to fall into despair, or try to move forward.
  • Ninja Run: How she runs in "The Joyful."
  • Pet the Dog: Should the player choose the option, she can hug Brad at the end of The Painful RPG, showing that as much as she hates him, she still pities him.
  • Pint-Sized Powerhouse: She takes on both men and mutants far bigger than her in The Joyful.
  • Protectorate: While lots of people wish to do her harm, a handful of characters want nothing more than to protect her such as Brad and Rando.
  • Punctuated Pounding:
    "I don't want to be safe! I don't want to be protected! I want! My own! LIFE! I'm going to rule this world whether you like it or not!"
  • Shed the Family Name: Subtle, but Buddy is listed solely as Buddy in both the Status menu in Joyful (wherein characters are typically listed by their last name after their class), and in the artbook (where, notably, it lists Rando as Dusty Armstrong and mentions that he took on Brad's family name after he was adopted), as opposed to Buddy Armstrong. Additionally, her Leitmotif isn’t a remix of The Sireen's call, unlike her adoptive father's.
  • This Is Your Brain on Evil: While Buddy was taught by Brad to kill mercilessly if she had to, it was meant to be done in the name of survival. But when she starts taking Joy, it amplifies her innermost desire for freedom, causing her to kill more indiscriminately as the game goes on. By the end, not even Rando is safe from her wrath.
  • Tragic Keepsake: Wears her father's poncho and her adopted brother's mask in "The Joyful." She also carries the not-so-tragic keepsake of her biological father's trumpet in the good ending.
  • Training from Hell: As a child, Brad forced her to kill people in order to prepare her for the outside world. Her first kill was some guy Brad had beaten up and tied up. When she finally went through with it, Brad told her that next time, the guy won't be tied up.
  • Took a Level in Badass: In The Joyful, Buddy takes the initiative in trying to survive in Olathe.
  • Took a Level in Jerkass: She also becomes much harsher and crueler in The Joyful RPG, willing to kill pacifists and treats Rando horribly, constantly insulting and manipulating him. It gets so bad that her initial instinct in the Pacifist Village is to kill the pacifists, and, should the player choose to spare them, she has to force her natural killing instinct down to do so. Part of this is due to her joy addition.
  • The Unfettered: In The Joyful, she lets nothing get in her way of conquering Olathe, even if it means killing an avowed pacifist.
  • Will Not Be A Victim: Taken to its horrifying conclusion in The Joyful, where Buddy concludes the only way to be at peace in a world full of men out to get her is to conquer or kill them all.
  • Villain Protagonist: What she becomes in The Joyful.


Buzzo/Bernard "Berny" Buttfart

"I've got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy, down in my heart..."

A mysterious warlord who is heavily involved in Olathe's Joy trade. He is oddly fixated on Brad for unknown reasons. It's revealed in "Joyful" that he was Lisa's boyfriend, and that he blames Brad for failing to protect her.

  • The Aggressive Drug Dealer: Regularly pushes Brad into taking Joy, giving it to him for free and actually force-feeding it to him at one point.
  • Alliterative Name: According to Word of God, his last name is Buttfart.
  • An Arm and a Leg: His fight against Sweetheart leaves him hideously mauled and missing his right arm.
  • And Then John Was a Zombie: Becomes a Joy Mutant at the end of Joyful, making him the Final Boss.
  • Arch-Enemy: Makes himself one to Brad, and he and his gang are also one to Rando and his army.
  • Ax-Crazy: He nonchalantly mutilates Brad and is implied to have been responsible for Rando's scarred face.
  • The Bad Guy Wins: Partly. While he fails to capture Buddy for Dr. Yado, he does succeed in "avenging" Lisa by causing Brad's death.
  • Big Damn Heroes: At the end of Joyful, he jumps in to save Buddy from Sweetheart.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: At the climax, he challenges Rando in order to get to Buddy. Mere moments later, Buzzo's entire army is dead and he himself barely manages to escape with his life.
  • The Dragon: The Joyless ending reveals that he’ssecretly working for Dr. Yado, the creator of Joy. However, he’s really only this in The Painful, as Sweetheart usurps him from this role in the epilogue.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: He'll give a second sadistic choice to Brad. Either cutting off one of Buddy's nipples, or killing Brad's party. Choosing the latter would leave him so disgusted by your choice that he'll ask again. Stick with it, and he'll reluctantly give the order.
    • In the Joyless ending, he's sickened at what Dr. Yado has planned for his daughter.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: As warped of a loving relationship it was, it is made very clear that he still grieves for Lisa, even long after her death. This is especially considering he took the time to set up a visitation room in the Joy Lab for her casket, which he somehow took the time to find and dig back up an unknown period of time ago.
  • Expy: Of Jagi, with his obsession with torturing the protagonist psychologically and physically. As a kid, he looked like Jeff from Earthbound.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Buzzo speaks to Brad like a friend, offering him Joy and bantering pleasantly, but his only intention is making Brad's life hell.
  • Final Boss: In The Joyful, after turning into a Joy Mutant.
  • Hidden Depths: Considering his ties to Dr. Yado and Joy, it is implied he has some understanding of the pharmaceutical industry, especially considering Dummied Out sprites in The Painful RPG which are of him in a clean and trim business suit.
  • Heel–Face Turn: In The Joyful. Not only does he save Buddy at the very beginning, he later saves her from Yado's Joy mutant and later finishes off Yado himself before admitting that he was wrong to inflict such miseries on Brad and Buddy.
  • Heel Realization: At the end of The Joyful, Buzzo admits to Buddy that Brad never deserved the suffering that he inflicted upon him and that he was so twisted by his failure to save Lisa that he had to blame someone.
  • Hopeless Boss Fight: Attempting to fight him simply leads to him wrecking you with little difficulty.
    • No Fair Cheating: It is technically possible to beat him. Doing so has him mock you and grants you a game over.
  • I Die Free: After he mutates a second time, all his turns consist of him frantically beating and biting himself to hasten his own death. With his last breath, he tells Lisa he's finally free of her influence.
  • Irony: Buzzo is hounding Brad because, in his eyes, Brad failed to protect Lisa from her father, which eventually led to her suicide. Though he may not admit it, Buzzo ALSO failed to protect Lisa, and his lashing out at Brad should also be directed at himself. Along with this, Buzzo's constant hounding of Brad is also putting a young girl in harms way, ironically doing the exact same thing Brad once did. He realizes this by the time of The Joyful, which leads to him earning Redemption Equals Death
    • Buzzo has an amputation fetish, and will act on it on Brad if given the chance. At the climax of The Joyful, he ends up losing his arm against Sweetheart.
  • Karma Houdini: He never gets his comeuppance and ultimately succeeds in breaking Brad, at least until The Joyful where he admits his wrongdoing just before turning into a Joy Mutant.
  • Laser-Guided Karma: As mentioned above, he becomes a rather horrific Joy Mutant. Even if he did have a slight redemption moment, he definitely had it coming.
  • Love Makes You Evil: When Buzzo was a kid, Lisa used the love he had for her lure him into mutilating animals and herself using a buzzsaw. The death of Lisa only made things worst, leading Buzzo from cutting of Rando's face and then to becoming the brutal warlord of Olathe fascinated with amputations and sadistic choices.
  • Madness Mantra: His followers are always chanting "I've got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy in my heart"...
  • One-Winged Angel: After getting mauled by Sweetheart at the end of Joyful, he transforms into a Joy mutant, becoming the final boss.
    • Clipped-Wing Angel: Berny is much weaker than other Joy mutants, and after he transforms a second time, he starts clawing and biting at himself to hasten his demise.
  • O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Twice:
    • After Buddy escapes from his captivity, he has a completely blank expression on his face, and monologues slightly about a group of women and his sorrow.
    • In the ending, Buzzo is horrified about what Dr. Yado is planning.
  • Punny Name: "Buzzo" might refer to feeling buzzed (under the high of drugs), and can also refer to his history with buzz saws.
  • A Pupil of Mine, Until He Turned to Evil: He was one of Brad's students back in his days as a martial arts instructor for kids.
  • Pyrrhic Victory: His revenge against Brad comes at the cost of losing his entire army to Rando, and then failing to capture Buddy for Dr. Yado.
  • Revenge: Seems to be his motivation towards antagonizing Brad, but Brad has no idea why he's hounding him. In the Pain bonus ending, it's revealed that Buzzo knew Lisa and appears to blame Brad for her death. He is also the one who attacked Dusty (Brad's adopted son and pupil) and sawed his face off as a message to Brad.
  • Sadistic Choice: He often forces Brad into these, making him choose between either his companions or his possessions, ranging from all the items he's currently carrying up to his own arm. Attempting to Take a Third Option will either lead to him beating you mercilessly or him taking both.
  • Slasher Smile: Often sports one while hunched over and leering at Brad. It's notable that despite this, Buzzo remains calm, never shouting or doing wild actions, making it seem like he has Dissonant Serenity. When he stands upright and has a neutral expression on his face, it's obvious that there's more to Buzzo than his "insane drug warlord" act.
  • Troubled Child: Something that Brad noticed when he was his student, suspecting that there might be problems at home for young Buzzo.
  • Vague Age: A flashback depicts Buzzo as being a child when Brad is an adult, but according to Dingaling on Twitter, he's not too much younger than Brad.
  • Villainous Cheekbones: He has prominent cheekbones, especially when he's grinning.
  • Walking Spoiler: Not as much as, say, the Trumpet Man, but he still has some personal ties to the Armstrongs' backstories, contributing to his in-game actions.


Rando/Dustin "Dusty" Armstrong

"A fff-fa-face is nothing... The inside... It's... It's what matters."

The most powerful warlord in Olathe, and head of a massive army. He abducts Buddy in the beginning of the game, and is Brad's main opponent in saving her.

  • All-Loving Hero: Despite his intimidating appearance, Rando is at nature a kind-hearted and soft-spoken person. In The Joyful, not only is his class "Peacebringer", he's constantly trying to convince Buddy to drop her quest to murder all the warlords to no avail.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: He's a formidable fighter, being arguably stronger alone than his entire army combined.
  • Big Bad: He and his army are the biggest and most constant threat in Brad's quest. Ultimately subverted. While most of his army is made up of scumbags, Rando himself proves to be one of the few morally decent characters by the end.
  • Big Brother Instinct: To Buddy. Since Buddy is the adopted daughter of Brad, Rando sees her as his little sister of sorts. Buddy exploits this by forcing him to help her kill off the warlords of Olathe.
  • Body Horror: His scarred face.
    • During the fight against Dr. Yado in The Joyful, Buddy hallucinates that the Joy Mutant "throne" that Yado sits upon is a mutated Rando, with the scarred skin on his face somehow covering his entire body, and having the stump of the hand that originally held Yado's trumpet having a flower sprouting out of it.
  • Broken Ace: If Brad manages to shatter his mask and reveal his face, the fearsome Rando's name will be changed to "Broken Man," drawing similarities with Brad. He is also treated as this by characters in The Joyful.
  • Combat Breakdown: Once his mask is broken, the great Rando will begin resorting to scratching as an attack.
  • Crucified Hero Shot: When he's finally defeated, his body is left limp in this pose.
  • Crutch Character: He joins Buddy early on in The Joyful and is a fairly powerful character that plays like Brad. The trade-off is that he opts to protect Buddy as she sleeps, thus not recovering any health and SP, and he does eventually leave her.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: Don't let his outfit or scarred body fool you, he's the nicest character in the series.
  • Deconstruction: Of a strong, powerful singular man that has successfully gathered an army under his wing. Like Raoh, but the RPG examines what it would be like if such an army would be left unchecked, acting alone without its leader. The result is rampant power grabbing and abuse. Sure enough, this turns Buddy against him when his men kidnap her and imprison her despite his insistence to treating Buddy properly.
  • The Dreaded: He is one of the most feared figure in the setting, to the point that he wasn't even put on the The List of Olathe's reigning warlords so that people leave him and his army alone.
  • Disney Death: Inspecting his body after beating him states that "he's done" instead of dead; the same thing happened to Rick, who lived to confront Brad later. Sure enough, he turns up alive in Joyful, helping Buddy along the way.
  • The Dragon: He becomes this to Buddy in The Joyful, helping her as she carves a bloody swathe across Olathe.
  • Establishing Character Moment: Brad first encounters him after crashing his motorcycle into him. The motorcycle is completely trashed, but Rando is completely unharmed, and doesn't even flinch when Brad crashes in to him. He then sincerely apologizes for wrecking Brad's motorcycle and gives him some supplies to compensate the damage. This introduces both Rando's badass and Noble Demon traits.
    • In addition, as soon as Rando leaves after the above, some of his followers attack Brad in an attempt to take back the supplies. This showcases just how little control Rando has over his army.
  • Expy: Of Raoh, as a post-apocalyptic warlord seeking to save the world through an army. He's actually more akin to Kenshiro, sharing his compassionate and empathetic nature.
  • The Faceless: Rando conceals his face with a red skull mask, which is also his gang symbol. When Brad breaks his mask during the final battle, he's revealed to be heavily disfigured.
    • Facial Horror: Back when he was Dusty, Buzzo carved his face off with a saw.
  • Final Boss: In The Painful RPG.
  • Foil: To Brad. When they finally confront each other, the two both stand as powerful figures with good intentions who lead their own Badass Crew. The difference is that Rando works to set the world right, killing dangerous gangs and understanding that Buddy is the future, whereas Brad is too consumed by the demons of his past to consider the viewpoints of others and instead throws his life away trying to make amends for his own regrets.
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: He was an orphan in his teenage years and was not very good at fighting. In present day, he has his own army, is the most powerful enemy in the game, and other warlords in The Joyful respected him so much, his name was left out of the list so he would go unopposed.
  • Graceful Loser: Upon being defeated, he acknowledges Brad as his master and thanks him for teaching him all he knows.
  • Hero Antagonist: Rando is ultimately the most heroic character in the game, only wishing to do what he thinks is best for everyone (including Buddy). Unfortunately, this puts him at odds with Brad.
  • How the Mighty Have Fallen: Not only does he have his entire army single-handedly slaughtered by Brad, but in The Joyful, once Bolo and his men hear his voice and realize how weak he sounds, everyone loses respect and begins attacking him. Averted with some of the warlords, who were friends with Rando before.
  • Iron Woobie: The world gave him a bad hand. His birth parents are nowhere to be seen, he may have had a physical and/or mental handicap according to Dingaling, he was neglected by his adoptive father and brutally assaulted by his fellow student. He never stops trying to be a good person despite this.
  • Legacy Character: Being Brad's adopted son and having trained under him, Rando effectively acts as a second Brad during his stint as a party member in Joyful.
  • Manly Tears: In the first encounter with him, seemingly crying for all the death he and his army cause. He also sheds several of these in the final battle with him, due to being forced to fight the father figure he loved above all else.
  • Meaningful Name: Rando, according to Austin Jorgensen comes from Random, as in he's no better than any random guy. Also, like most political systems, its all random, seeing that while he has a powerful army, he's no better off controlling them when they commit atrocities. You know, like any random schmuck.
  • Mercy Kill: In The Joyful, if Buddy refuses to let him go during Bolo's ambush, then he's ultimately left completely crippled, bleeding out, and in complete agony, prompting Buddy to give him this.
  • Mirror Boss: In the final battle against him he uses several of Brad's moves such as the Buster Punch. This is because he was formerly Brad's adopted son and trained in Armstrong-Style Karate.
  • My Country, Right or Wrong: His men may be a bunch of ruthless thugs, but they respect Rando greatly, and even decided to take his supplies back because they felt he was being too nice.
    • Late in the game, when Rando speaks, his men were caught off guard by his soft-spoken voice. This does not deter them from protecting Buddy, and further motivated them, despite how progressively hopeless the situation gets.
  • Noble Demon: Rando may be a warlord of a raider army, but he himself [[ a good person at heart]].
  • One-Man Army: He fares better against a Joy-fueled Brad than his entire army and Brad's party members.
  • The Quiet One: Rando very rarely speaks to the point that very few of his men know what he sounds like. This is due to the fact that his actual voice is rather soft and he speaks with a stutter. In The Joyful, when Bolo and his gang realize what he sounds like, they are no longer intimidated and decided to chance fighting him.
  • Red and Black and Evil All Over: His signature mask and cape style him black and red, giving a sinister appearance and with Spikes of Villainy to boot. Subverted when he's revealed to be a genuinely heroic character.
  • Redemption Demotion: He isn't really a bad guy himself, but this trope is in play when he becomes a party member in Joyful, as while he's strong, he's not on the same level as he was as being the previous final boss. However, it's justified, as this comes right after a brutal defeat at Brad's hands.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: In The Joyful, after he realizes that he'll never get Buddy to change her ways, he abandons her while she's sleeping.
  • Shout-Out: He's named after wrestler Dusty Rhodes.
  • Shrouded in Myth: Little is known about Rando, aside from the fact that he is an almighty warlord. No one has seen him without his mask, and few have ever even heard him speak.
  • Speech Impediment: He speaks with a heavy stutter, which serves as a hint to his identity as Dusty, Brad's adopted son.
  • Token Good Teammate: Of his titular army.
  • "Well Done, Son!" Guy: He strives for the approval of his adopted father, Brad.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: When facing the early warlords, they give this reaction to Rando for coming to fight them. Justified, as Buddy goads Rando along and forces him to fight alongside her.
  • You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: Buddy eventually kills him after his repeated attempts at dissuading her from her ambitions and trying to shelter her.
  • Zero-Approval Gambit: If Buddy chooses to hold onto the barbed wire holding up his body, he'll tell her that he ordered the men in pink to kidnap her. His claim might not be entirely true, since he also berated the men for locking her up rather than treating her as an equal, which means he might have lied to convince her to let go and not fall with him. This is also somewhat Deconstructed when he sees that his gambit made her even more jaded.

    Spoiler Character 

The Trumpet Man/Dr. Yado

"I am Yado. I'm a man of science. A man of... Higher power. And this is MY world. You are just a pawn. An insect engineered by ME. I birthed you, I'm your father! And you must obey me!"

A mysterious man in a brightly colored polka-dot shawl who can be found at several points in the game, playing a trumpet in inaccessible locations. He's actually Dr. Yado, the scientist responsible for Joy and the Great White Flash as well as the biological father of Buddy.

  • The Beastmaster: He can control the mutants through his trumpet. In the "Free" ending of Joyful, Buddy takes his trumpet for herself.
  • Big Bad: Of The Joyful, and the series as a whole.
  • Cerebus Retcon: Once you know his personality, backstory, and the true purpose of his trumpet playing, his appearances in The Painful suddenly aren't that funny.
  • Chekhov's Gunman: He can be found in certain spots of The Painful RPG playing the trumpet. That trumpet is used to control mutants and joy addicts, and he becomes a more prominent villain in the Joyful.
    • As a Foreshadow, he can be seen in the prologue if you go past Marty's house, although he wear different clothing and sunglasses and has a goatee, which makes hard to recognize him at first glance.
  • Dirty Coward: When finally confronted by Buddy, he finds himself too afraid to properly confront her. His boss fight consists of him initially cowering in fear before commanding his mutant throne to attack her.
  • The Dog Was the Mastermind: Who would guess that a character that looked like just a comic relief Easter Egg NPC would be the true villain behind the whole series?
  • Final Boss: Of The Joyful. Buddy starts hallucinating other "foes" as the fight drags on, but the beginning and end of the fight make it clear that she is fighting Yado all throughout.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: His research caused all the horrors that we see in Olathe, and his notes in the Joy laboratory hint that he fully intended all of it. Later he becomes the outright Big Bad.
  • A God Am I: He plans to rule over Olathe by populating it with mutants and using Buddy to instigate a war so that his potential enemies kill off one another.
  • Iconic Outfit: What really gives away his true identity - a piece of incidental text says that Dr. Yado is a huge fan of polka dots.
  • Karma Houdini: Much like Buzzo. Unlike Buzzo, Brad suffers under the consequences of Yado's actions without even realizing he exists. At least, until The Joyful, where he's killed by Buzzo and Buddy.
  • Kick the Dog: One of the three epilogues revealed that he murdered a woman prior to executing his plans, which may had happened after the flash, judging by how fresh her corpse seemed when Brad finds her.
  • Left the Background Music On: In the areas where you can find him in The Painful, the music is replaced with him softly playing his trumpet; actually finding him causes him to stop and leer at Brad.
  • Mad Scientist: He's the creator of Joy and the man responsible for the mutants.
  • Non-Action Big Bad: He has no physical prowess whatsoever, and the only force he can use is through Joy Mutants via his trumpet.
  • Omnicidal Maniac: He wants to end humanity by turning as many as possible into Joy Mutants while sparking a war via his daughter. When the dust clears, everyone who hasn't mutated and been put under his trumpet's control will be dead.
  • Pyrrhic Victory: Throughout most of both The Painful and The Joyful, his plan goes through without a hitch. The end result, especially if Buddy doesn't take the vaccine, is near identical to his vision. He didn't foresee the possibility that he could be killed, though, which makes his efforts completely pointless.
  • Real Men Wear Pink: Wears a rather silly-looking pink shawl with green polka dots.
  • Recurring Extra: Can be seen in a few obscure, unreachable locations in The Painful. Subverted in The Joyful, where he only shows up at the end and is revealed to be very important.
  • Right-Hand Attack Dog: Sweetheart. Technically all of the Joy Mutants count, but Sweetheart is his go-to mutant when he really wants someone dead.
  • Vague Age: He, even when Young Brad finds him, looks considerably past his prime, yet Buddy is explicitly approaching puberty by the time The Painful starts, so it is left unexplained how old Yado actually is.
  • Villainous Breakdown: When confronted at the end of the game, he is baffled and terrified that Buddy has gotten past Sweetheart, and now has nothing left to throw between each other. The first phase of his boss fight is him being too scared to fight back.
  • Villainous Rescue: Indirectly saves Buddy from a Near-Rape Experience in The Joyful if she chooses to not let go of Rando.
  • Walking Spoiler: His larger role in The Joyful and role in the overall trilogy would not be expected from a seemingly unimportant NPC.

Other Characters

    Brad's Gang 

As a whole:

  • All There in the Manual: The artbook reveals a lot of details about your party that's only hinted at in the game proper at best, such as how Birdie Hall became an alcoholic and Carp's atoner nature.
  • Ambiguous Situation:
    • In the ending, you fight your current party members, who apparently want you to stay away from Buddy. However, they had no way of getting from the coast to Rando Land, given that, according to Tardy, the sea was too rocky for Shardy to cross, and that Buddy stole the new boat. Additionally, if you have less than three party members at the end of the game, the missing slot(s) will be replaced with the Illusion of Friends. This, combined with the fact that Rando's army didn’t say a word about Brad betraying his companions, could possibly suggest that the party members were merely a Joy-induced hallucination Brad was having before the showdown with the soldiers.
    • Assuming that Brad did indeed kill his endgame party, what happened to the other party members in the end? It doesn’t help that Austin has stated that there was no canonical party.
  • Anyone Can Die: With the obvious exception of Brad, any party member can be permakilled anytime, be it through a One-Hit Kill move, getting killed by a gang, or losing Russian Roulette.
  • Heterosexual Life-Partners: With the exception of Queen and Crisp, your party appears to be this.
  • Permanently Missable Content: Several party members can be permanently unrecruitable if certain conditions are met.
    • Failing to defend Factory Town from the Road Scholars (or not having any money on you) will result in the village being raided and everyone in it getting killed, including Mad Dog.
    • Selling the TNT to the Matt and Pat expies outside of Bob's Dojo will end with Yazan, Jack, and Tiger Man getting blown up alongside the dojo.
    • Taking two or more Joy will result in Ajeet flat-out refusing to join you. Thankfully, the scene where Buzzo force feeds you the drug doesn’t count.
    • Completing the Eternal Championship (required to recruit Sonny) will get you kicked out of wrestling. Didn’t complete the Tag Team Championship? No Shocklord for you!
    • Hilariously, you can sell Toby, the item/hostage required to recruit Crisp. Obviously, doing this before picking up Crisp will result in him being unable to be recruited.
  • Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: A possible party could be a Manchild dressing as an Expy of Pink Ranger, a drag queen who loves bashing people's heads in, and a fish with legs and a gun who throws legal documents at his enemies.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: The artbook reveals every party member's favorite food, with the exceptions of Geese and Buckets.

Terry Hintz

"I'm Terry Hintz, People Call me Lord of the Tutorial. I've been traveling the lands leaving my hints for all to see. I'm a pretty big deal. Got a lot of fans."

A strange freeloader and a self-described "hint-master," Terry joins Brad after being saved from Cheese Legs the dog. He has a variety of abilities, mostly healing and status attacks, and all but one of them are terrible.

  • Action Survivor: Unlike most other party members, Terry is not at all combat capable.
  • Adventure Duo: Terry starts off as the quirky sidekick to Brad's serious hero.
  • Ambiguously Gay: Between how immediately he latches onto Brad, outright saying in certain situations that he loves him, and his somewhat effeminate manner of carrying himself, one might wonder.
  • Apologetic Attacker: If Terry is present for the battle between Brad and his party, his battle sprite looks mournful and he only very reluctantly attacks Brad.
    Terry: Maybe you don't feel the same way... but you're my best friend dude. It's just this... Brad, this is our future you're messing with... I'm sorry. We can't let you do this.
  • Boisterous Weakling: Terry has a lot of confidence, but little actual fighting skills to back it up.
  • Bumbling Sidekick: He starts out as completely useless as a teammate, having no useful skills whatsoever with the game actively encouraging you to simply trade his life away.
  • Butt-Monkey: Everybody and everything seems to want him dead.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Downplayed. He never actually shows off how badass he is, but his support and offensive capabilities do improve, and he even gains some powerful skills in later levels.
  • Dance Battler: His most powerful moves are the Hot Dance, and the Hottest Dance, which does the most (non-critical) damage out of every other move available. Even the game cannot decide how he is capable of doing this.
  • Evil Former Friend: If you hand Terry over to Columbo, he joins Columbo's gang and comes back to kill you.
  • Exposition Fairy: Parodied; He's a self-described "Hint Master" and is responsible for the various tutorial messages scattered across the land. He's also treated as largely useless and annoying when you first meet him, being incapable of dealing decent damage and having very weak and costly abilities.
    • He's ultimately a Deconstruction of an Exposition Fairy. He's treated in-universe like how most players typically treat this type of character. However, like most exposition fairies, he ultimately means well and his nice traits are emphasized while they're typically ignored in most exposition fairies.
  • The Ghost: A few of his signs appears in The Joyful to explain new mechanics and there's a hidden area themed after him that gives a Terry Hintz mask.
  • Fire-Forged Friends: He is the first ally, and the most grateful of them all to be your friend, especially if you opt to lose your inventory to Columbo, and your arm to Buzzo.
    "Thanks Brad. You're... You're a really good friend."
    • Becomes a massive heartwarming and tear jerking moment once he comes to terms with facing Brad in battle for humanity's future.
    • After being turned over to Columbo's gang, should you choose to do so, when he's seen again he seems to have become this for them, having earned his own fearsome nickname and willingly fighting you on their behalf, outright calling them his friends.
  • Friendless Background: In The Joyful, it's implied that Terry crafted an entire village filled with scarecrows and began leaving hints everywhere to fill his void of utter loneliness.
  • Glass Cannon: Becomes this when he learns the hottest dance. He can deal tons of damage, but still has a very low health pool.
  • Healer Signs On Early: He starts off with rather weak healing abilities.
  • Joke Character: He's essentially the weakest character in all categories, a thorough Master of None.
  • Least Is First: Brad's first companion is by far the weakest and most pathetic.
  • Littlest Cancer Patient: What he used to be, according to Word of God. He had been a lonely, sick child. Having no supporters, he overcame his illness by becoming his own cheerleader.
  • Magikarp Power: Terry's final move is one of the strongest in the game and can turn him into a Lethal Joke Character, but until he learns it he's almost useless.
    • He's also unique in Brad's Gang in that all of his stats increase exponentially rather than linearly, meaning that he'll be improving much faster at level 20 than level 1. Also helps that he learns the Hottest Dance (does a lot of normal damage, on top of inducing fire), and the final cheer (which almost fully heals an ally, but has a chance to induce crying).
    • Some of his early hint moves are no slouch either. Verbal bash can induce crying and/or pissed on an enemy (the former decreasing hit accuracy, and the latter slightly increasing critical chances but make the enemy randomly attack his teammates or himself), and hyped up can induce rage on an ally (significantly increasing the chances of performing critical hits), which is great to use on Brad and other hard and/or rapid hitting allies.
  • Mayor of a Ghost Town: The Joyful reveals that he created a village devoted to worshiping himself populated by scarecrows as an attempt at dealing with his loneliness. It's filled with various hints about basic etiquette before shifting into tips on how to deal with depression and finally frustrated scrawls marred by tears.
  • Miles Gloriosus: He claims to be a powerful warrior, but his combat skills are pitiful. Justified in that he pulls a hamstring. He can make up for it with some moves that makes him more viable as an offensive character, if you're willing to part with some SP.
  • Nice Guy: Sure, he can talk himself up a lot more than he deserves, and sort of pushes himself into Brad's group, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a kinder friend.
  • Playing with Fire: His most powerful attacks are the Hot and Hottest Dances. Additionally, his Knuckle Drop attacks all have an explosion effect.
  • Small Name, Big Ego: Seems to think people value his hints a lot more than they do. This is all an act, though. He's miserable and has an extremely low opinion of himself, clinging to anything that makes himself feel valuable.
  • Stepford Smiler: Despite his boasts, he eventually admits that he felt worthless until he met Brad. This is even more evident in his fake village in The Joyful.
  • Troubled Fetal Position: His pose in the artbook, with a rather neutral expression. Played moreso for sadness (with an appropriately sad expression) if he's present when you have to battle your party, as he feels the most reluctant to fight as he sees Brad as his best friend.
  • Video Game Cruelty Punishment: Giving him over to Columbo leads to him getting vengeance as one of the hardest bosses in the game.

Nern Guan

"Oh hello there! My name is Nern. I'm considered the greatest historian of our time. I've gathered a wealth of knowledge about Olathe and what happened... Many tales... Would you like to hear?"

An old man who used to be a librarian before the flash. He loves to tell long stories about nothing. He joins Brad if you listen to his entire rambling tale. His stories allow him to inflict various status ailments and heal party members, along with a few Ki Attacks.

  • Apologetic Attacker: One of the few party members that will feel bad when attacking Brad at the end.
  • Comically Missing the Point: If his life is at stake and you choose to sacrifice your arm, he will react by saying this:
    "Just in time! I remembered a great story!"
  • Boring, but Practical: Perhaps fitting for his personality. He's not as flashy or impressive on paper as later party members, but he has a wide array of reliable status inflictions, decent healing and SP restoration, a few strong attacks, and a weapon type for which upgrades consistently appear throughout the game, being the only character besides the hard to get Buckets who can use them. His status moves in particular are this for the later game because of how many of them can lock enemies out of using their One-Hit Kill moves.
  • Crutch Character: ...Sort of. He’s a great party member in the early game due to his wide range of abilities, but he later faces competition from the likes of Fly Minetti, Birdie Hall, Bo Wyatt, and Ajeet Mandeep. However, unlike Fly or Ajeet, he has healing abilities, and he has greater offensive prowess than Birdie or Bo. If the player wants, then he can still hold his own right up until the endgame.
  • Finger Poke of Doom: Some of his powers include shooting finger beams. Think of him as an early version of Ajeet with support abilities.
  • Green-Eyed Monster: A lot of his rants are about how he's frustrated with jealousy over one thing or another.
  • Healer Signs On Early: Many of his skills are recovery-related.
  • Jack-of-All-Stats/The Red Mage: Restoration techniques, status inflicting, offensive skills, and alright offense mean that he can do just about anything you need him to competently.
  • Never Speak Ill of the Dead: When he mentions his late wife, but zigzagged in that Nern will still speak badly of her, not to mention regularly curse his dead neighbors. His battle quotes, however, plays this straight.
  • Old Windbag: Nern is a self proclaimed master historian, but the only stories he tells anyone are boring, incoherent anecdotes about his long dead wife and neighbors.
  • Quirky Bard: His abilities come in the form of rambling at the target, which provides a variety of different status effects.
  • Rambling Old Man Monologue: His techniques are all various rambling stories that have different effects.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Subverted with sweet lemon tea. He repeatedly mentions it throughout his story, and his enemy drop quote is “Sweet lemon tea!”. However, according to the artbook, his actual favorite food is whipped cream.
  • Verbal Tic: Has a habit of adding "God rest her soul" whenever he mentions his late wife, even if he's speaking poorly of her.

Rooster Coleman

"Leave. Take your pervert war elsewhere. I want no part in this."

A simple farmer who loves chickens more than people. He joins Brad if you hold his prized hen "Goldie" hostage. His attacks are all rooster and chicken themed and a few of them can target multiple enemies.

  • Animal Motifs: Of a rooster, obviously.
  • Anime Hair: His red comb is apparently his hair.
  • Defrosting Ice Queen: Recruiting him requires holding Goldie hostage, so naturally, he doesn't like you. If his life gets threatened by Buzzo, and you opt to having your arm cut off, he'll give a reluctant thanks. Also, one of his victory lines has him coyly admitting that he's beginning to like the other party members.
  • I Have Your Loved One: Recruiting him requires Brad to hold Goldie hostage in order to force him to join.
  • Punny Name: Rooster, complete with a slap ability.
  • Refusal of the Call: Rooster will initially refuse to join you, considering everyone looking for Buddy to be perverts and wanting nothing to do with them.
    • Jumped at the Call: In the end, now that he's involved with the war, he is willing to save Buddy from Brad to preserve humanity's future.
  • Sour Supporter: He doesn't like or want to help Brad but can be blackmailed into joining. Regardless, he's a pretty powerful character.

Percy Monsoon

"Okay Percy... Nobody's watching, it's okay... Time to make a movement. Just remember what Dad taught you. ... Choo-choo! Here comes the train! Chugga, chugga chugga... Oh? Teehee! What's that lil' tickle? What's goin' on back there? DEAR GOD! KILL IT!!!! EEEEEEH!"

A pushover with IBS who used be a Children's Tee Ball Coach. He joins Brad after Brad saves him from a spider attack while he's using the bathroom. He has a variety of attacks, including fireballs and healing, although he's not exceptionally powerful.

  • "Awesome McCool" Name: His surname is Monsoon.
  • Butt-Monkey: His bio in the artbook is two words: "Who cares."
  • Master of None: While he has some utility as a party member, his versatility isn't in places where it counts, so ultimately he's just sort of mediocre but usable in every category. He's pretty much tailor-made to be a filler character.
  • Potty Emergency: Joins you after a "destiny deciding bowel movement."
  • Plumber's Crack: Percy has a permanent one.
  • The Red Mage: Like Nern, he has a combination of skill types, his being fire-type moves, healing, and physical attacks. All of these aren't particularly varied, though, and he lacks the ability to inflict any statuses besides potentially burning.
  • Ridiculously Average Guy: Aside from his questionable pooping ritual, Percy seems to be a perfectly normal guy. His stats and abilities are also balanced with no particular strengths, but decent cover in all areas.
  • Self-Deprecation: His level-up quote is "Can a man so lame even level up?"
  • Suspicious Video Game Generosity: An interesting case, as he's not overly useful, but he does join you before two gameplay segments where it's possible to lose multiple party members.

Mad Dog

"Hi. I'm Mad Dog. That spiked club you have belongs to me. May I have it back?"

A barbarian with a nipple-patch who killed his son, Mad Dog Jr because he wasn't worthy enough of passing on the Mad Dog name. He joins you after Brad brings him his weapon back. He hits hard, and that's about it.

  • Carry a Big Stick: His main weapon is a spiked club. Recruiting him requires you to find it for him.
  • Dumb Muscle: He's a very strong fighter, but that's about all he brings to the table. His battle quotes make it clear that there's not much going on upstairs.
  • Mighty Glacier: His speed is among the worst, but his offense and defense are impressive, and one of his starting abilities is one that both jacks up his TP and turns enemy attention onto him to boot.
  • Noodle Incident: To quote from the description of the nipple-patch item, "Who loses a nipple?"
  • Offing the Offspring: You can find a spiked club embedded in a corpse marked Mad Dog Jr. His win comments imply that he was responsible for it.

Fardy Hernandez

"Please... I don't want to do this. Look at me! I'm not a woman at all! I have a mustache! I'm just a truck driver!"

A depressed trucker robbed of his masculinity, he joins Brad when you save him from The Men's Hair Club. His attacks can hit multiple enemies, but his hit rate is fairly low.

  • Car Fu: As a trucker, he can incorporate said truck into his attacks.
  • Double Standard: Rape, Male on Male: He has been mistaken as a woman, and as such, he is a victim of rape by numerous other men of Olathe. While it is horrible, it's also painted in a somewhat humorous light given the situation.
  • Dude In Distress: Brad finds him trussed up and being sexually abused in a case of mistaken identity, and can decide whether or not to free him.
  • The Eeyore: Fardy has an extreme case of self-loathing and frequently acquires the depressed status effect, hindering his combat abilities.
    • If you choose to spare him and sacrifice your arm, he will say that you should have just let him die.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: The official website outright describes him as "habitually hated among his peers."
  • It's Personal: The only reason he would want to kill Brad is because he killed Tardy, even if he totally deserved it .
  • Joke Character: A shirtless guy with poor stats and a silly name who's also one of the least useful party members, flat out. He's permanently depressed and has two abilities, one of which is an extremely inaccurate attack at various levels, one of which is crying and making his attacks even less accurate.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: Sparing him has him tell you that you should have let him die. Justified in that not only is he a fairly weak character, he's also permanently depressed.
    • He'll end up wanting to kill you late in the game because you killed one of his brothers (who is an Asshole Victim). Also justified in that he's been helpful to you, providing a truck and all, and this isn't exactly the best way to repay him.
  • Unskilled, but Strong: Aside from crying to restore SP, his only special skills involve hitting people with his truck. This does a lot of damage, but goes from somewhat unreliable to really inaccurate the stronger it gets, on top of being an SP sapper. He's either a weaker, less reliable Shocklord, or a less versatile, less reliable Fly Minetti, depending on what you value in his truck slams.
  • Walking Shirtless Scene: He's not exactly unique given the setting, but the artbook confirms that he never wore a shirt even before the world ended.

Rage Ironhead

"Yoooo! What's happenin' my man?! You gotta couple mags for me? I'll run with your pack, brother!"

Founder of Ironhead Lucha Libre, he's a high-flying Luchador Hero. He joins the gang for a price of 70 mags. He hits hard with the headbutt moves, but lacks support skills.

  • Apologetic Attacker: In spite of what he claims, he'll often cry and waste turns if he's one of the characters you're forced to fight at the end of the game.
  • Glass Cannon: Rage is one of the only high-damage party members that isn't addicted to Joy. However, his defense is rather low.
  • Masked Luchador: He styles himself as a luchador and never takes off his mask.
  • Only in It for the Money: Rage joins Brad's gang for 80 porn magazines. If he's there for the final battle, he also reveals that he wants a taste of Buddy as well, though this may simply be a coping mechanism given his actions otherwise.
  • Use Your Head: As his name implies, Rage's offense is headbutt-based.

Olan Hoyt

"I have little interest in scandalous magazines. I'm just looking for a stiff drink and good memories."

A former Vacuum Salesman who neglected his family to drink in bars and shoot targets with his bow in his garage. He joins the gang if Brad buys him a drink and talks with him. His arrows can inflict multiple ailments and hit multiple times. He is one of a handful that is TP based, which is handy considering how useful his attacks are for a beginner.

  • Apologetic Attacker: Will cry while he's attacking Brad during the final battle.
  • The Alcoholic: Most of his dialogue revolves around his love of alcohol.
  • Alcoholic Parent: Was one before the flash.
  • The Archer: His personal weapon is a bow, which all of his attacks revolve around.
  • Boring, but Practical: His Rapid Arrow moves, which just shoots three arrows in a row. He will also get an upgraded version that shoots six. While not as flashy as bomb arrows or big shot, it is much better to use because of the higher damage output, and it's just a regular attack used multiple times, made better if you get better bows later.
  • Cold Sniper: He's a really levelheaded, stoic fellow who handles a bow skillfully. However...
  • Friendly Sniper: He’s still a rather nice man who genuinely seems to like being around Brad.
  • Hidden in Plain Sight: While not obvious, he has the ability to hide. Enemies will still attack him, but hiding significantly increases the chances of those attacks missing.
  • Multishot: One of his more powerful moves is firing three arrows in quick succession.
  • Nice Guy: All he asks is for a drink and to get to know you. Afterward, he decides to join Brad because he may need a companion.
    • Choosing to sacrifice your arm for him has him say this to you:
    "Jesus boy... I need a drink. Thanks for the save..."
  • Poisoned Weapons: Can learn to fire poison-inflicting arrows.



A man who was raised by wild animals and can speak to them, he joins the gang after Brad beats him in a fight. He can summon animals to attack and cause status ailments. He is one of a handful that is TP based.



A silent, enigmatic vagabond who likes to gamble, he watches Brad from atop the Russian Roulette warehouse. He joins after you kill all the roulette players. He dual wields a pair of revolvers and uses gun tricks in battle.

  • Addled Addict: Like Brad, he suffers from Joy Withdrawal every now and then, although this doesn't affect his special attack power.
  • Bucket Helmet: Wears a bucket that conceals his face and has a single hole to see out of.
  • Dance Battler: Several of Buckets' attacks involve dancing in rhythm to his gunfire.
  • Disc-One Nuke: If you take the time to try to recruit him, he has a really high damage output with the ability to attack twice, making fights in area 2 considerably less difficult, even on pain mode.
  • The Faceless: He never takes off his trademark bucket.
  • Guns Akimbo: He's the only character in the game with two weapon slots, both for pistols.
  • Gun Fu: Buckets' fighting style is, well, flamboyant, with coin flipping, gun tricks, and dancing.
  • Gun Nut: Buckets' defining character trait, since he won't/can't say much.
  • Improbable Aiming Skills: Several of Buckets' attacks involve shooting an enemy through a tossed coin.
  • The Quiet One: He never speaks.
  • Trigger Happy: Aside from being the game's only dual-wielder, his attacks have names like "Bullet Ballet" and "Bullet Tornado"
  • Secret Character: While the game has many gang members that are off the beaten path, Buckets may be the costliest to get - you have to win every single game of Russian Roulette in the warehouse. Unless you're save scumming, this will usually cost you a lot of your other gang members.

Dick Dickson

"I'm like... a party swan, and dude... I gotta soar, man."

A middle-aged, partying Salvation Ranger who's more interested in drugs and booze than fighting evil, he joins Brad after becoming fed up of the other Rangers. He fights with extreme martial arts and can also buff the gang with "Party Mode".

  • Addled Addict: Like Brad, he suffers from Joy Withdrawal, which hinders his attack power and accuracy. Thankfully, his support skills are still useful.
  • The Alcoholic: His introduction is him refusing to fight evil because of a hangover.
  • Jumped at the Call: In the end, he finally starts acting heroic and jumps at fighting Brad, finding him to be selfish and mad.
    • He does not wear his signature mask while fighting Brad. He could have just forgotten it like earlier in the game, but then he's wearing his Shawl of Justice...
  • Manchild: An atypical example, but how else do you describe a 40-something who dresses as a sentai ranger and loves to party?
  • Sole Survivor: He survives the destruction of the Salvation Rangers. Averted if you get him killed before the rest of his team's deaths, and subverted if you get him killed afterwards, and in either case the NPC Green Ranger, Tooley, ends up fitting this.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: After being nagged at by Salvation Red for his lack of commitment to the Rangers, he later abandons them to join Brad, thinking he'll be able to party more often.
  • The Stoner: His slacker personality and drug use is played for laughs in his moments with the Salvation team.

Geese Thompson

"Being humane, brings nothing but pain."

A serial killer who used to be a school teacher, he wears a goose-head mask and speaks only in rhymes, he lives in the inn. He joins Brad after staying in the inn enough times and talking to him. He's the only party member with pure animal-type attacks.

  • Affably Evil: He may be a rhyme-obsessed serial killer, but he's still one of the friendlier party members. Recruiting him is just a matter of talking to him a bunch, even.
  • Attention Whore: According to the artbook, he likes it when others view him as cool, and hates not being the center of attention.
  • Because You Were Nice to Me: Talk to him each time you stay at the Inn in Area 2, and he'll join you just for putting up with him.
    • In the end scene, his rhymes seem to imply that he prefers if Brad ran away, seeming as if he doesn't want to fight him at first.
  • Bird People: Subverted. He's just wearing a mask.
  • Calling Card: During his days as a Serial Killer, he tried to leave rhymes about his true identity next to his victims. Due to his uncreativeness and simple-mindedness however, none of them made any sense and only served to confuse cops even further.
  • The Faceless: The geese head is apparently a mask, which he never takes off.
  • Improbable Weapon User: He pecks people to death with the plastic beak on his mask.
  • Rhymes on a Dime: All of his quotes involve rhymes.
  • Serial Killer: As revealed in the art book.



A man in a fish mask who defends Olathe's orphans, he joins you if you give him green paste from the Layer of the Fishmen. His knife attacks can hit multiple times.

  • The Atoner: Used to be one before the White Flash, helping out Olathian orphans.
  • Fish People: Subverted. According to the Artbook, he's actually just a guy wearing a fish mask. Although he does communicate in the same language as the actual fish people.
  • Friend to All Children: He takes care of Olathian orphans for a time, but he chooses to abandon them because he doesn't want to give them false hope.
  • Functional Addict: Despite suffering from Joy Withdrawal every now and then, he still retains good attack power, has awesome agility to start with, and his Fever River skills are incredibly useful.
  • Guide Dang It!: Recruiting him requires finding the hidden Fish Village, buying Green Paste, and then returning to him where he immediate eats the paste and forces himself into your party.
  • Lethal Joke Character:
  • Nice Guy: According to his bio, he is a reformed criminal who adores children. It's implied that he faces you in the end because you are a threat to Buddy, a child who is humanity's last hope.
    • During the final battle, he cries while fighting Brad.
  • Tastes Like Friendship: You recruit him by giving him Green Paste, the only food eaten by actual Fishmen.
  • Tattooed Crook: Has gang tattoos on his chest.
  • The Quiet One: Like Buckets, he speaks only in ellipses. He may know how to speak the language of the fish people, which hilariously enough, Harvey Alibastor (an actual fish person) would not understand what he may had said.

Queen Roger

"Well, it's simple really. Just make the client happy. Most of these guys don't even know what they want... They just come here to cry and bullshit. Buncha mama's boy pussywillows. There's a lot of lonely men out there looking for intimacy. But the majority of them are too scared to reclaim it."

A drag queen who used to be a lounge singer, he's leader of the Bees. He joins Brad after Brad volunteers his services. He hits hard, and his Extort skill causes enemies to drop more money.

  • Addled Addict: Despite all his badassery, he suffers from Joy Withdrawal, and is really bad about it. Not only does his attack power tank below, he misses a lot more frequently. Once he's on Joy, he's one of the deadliest allies to have.
  • Badass Boast: He delivers a rather poignant one during his introductory scene.
    "Putting on panties didn't make my balls disappear."
  • Badass Gay: A male-identified drag queen who's perfectly comfortable beating people to death.
  • Batter Up!: His weapon of choice is a metal bat, as shown by his in-game sprite; though, you can equip him with other kinds of weapons.
  • Blood Knight: He seems a bit too enthusiastic about dealing pain to those that deserve it. The official website even says that he killed people before the end of the world.
  • Gayngst: He was ostracized as a child because of his effeminate tendencies. In turn, this tempered his character, turning him into the no-nonsense badass he's today.
  • Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Despite his addiction to Joy and his eagerness to beat fools to a pulp, he seems to be a genuinely nice guy who deeply cares for his friends and employees. The Art Book even states that he likes "giving people self-confidence."
    • Reflected in the end scene where Roger really hopes he's doing the right thing in trying to kill Brad to protect Buddy.
  • Macho Camp: The art-book depicts him as a rather buff fellow.
  • Sexual Extortion: His saving grace is being able to extort double the mags from human enemies before the end of the battle. Ideal if you're hurting for currency.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Due to the abuse he suffered as a child because of his effeminate demeanor.

Bo Wyatt

"My Brother used to love coming here... We'd listen to music all night... I wish I could see him again..."

A former street performer in a diving helmet who hangs out in the swamp bar. After Brad plays him the record he got from his brother, he joins the gang to look for him. He can't attack, but his songs can buff the party to greatness. He loves family and music.

  • Named After Somebody Famous: One of many Lisa characters named after pro wrestlers, Bo's name is a mash-up of the Rotunda brothers: Bo Dallas and Bray Wyatt.
  • Nice Guy: In the end scene, he expresses regret towards fighting Brad for Buddy's sake, but reassures him that Brad's death will not be in vain.
  • Quirky Bard: His weapon is a guitar, and all he can do is buff and debuff.
  • Rummage Sale Reject: His outfit is very bizarre, wearing a green flanneled poncho, red gloves and what appears to be a diving helmet.
  • Sole Survivor: Given the trope below, Bo is theoretically the only character that can never be killed, either by circumstance or at Brad's hands.
  • So Long, and Thanks for All the Gear: Bo is the only party member who can leave the party outside of death or abandonment. If you take him to see Henry's body he'll leave the party to grieve, and take all his equipment with him. The blow does get softened thanks to him giving you 100 mags, and there is nothing stopping you from relieving him of his gear prior to this.
  • Spoony Bard: Despite having a Combat Dial, he cannot deal any damage at all outside of status effects such as Bleeding.
  • Support Party Member: Bo has no attacks, but he is the best healer and buff/debuffer in the game.
  • That Sounds Familiar: To recruit him, you have to kill Henry Wyatt (a joy mutant), claim his record, then play it at the bar Bo is attending too. Doing this causes Bo to join you, hoping you would lead him to Henry (which is optional).
  • Video Game Cruelty Potential: If you use the truck to skip out on fighting Henry after getting his record, you can recruit Bo, have him in your party, come back, and kill Henry with his assistance. This makes him leave the party, but so does visiting Henry with him in general.
  • You Are What You Hate: His official bio states that he hates video games.
  • You Killed My Brother: Thankfully averted AND optional. If you opt to take him to his brother's corpse, he will be too focused on grieving for him to want to understand what happened.


"Duffie... I had everything inside you... My sweet, sweet Duffie.."

A homeless man bumming around the Beehive looking for his lost duffel bag, he joins Brad if you can find it for him. His bag can shoot out any number of bizarre things.

  • Amazing Technicolor Population: His skin is a pale green, possibly because of how filthy he is.
  • Bag of Holding: Duffy, his duffel bag. Most of his attacks revolve around him revealing stuff from inside it.
  • Choke Holds: Has a sleeper hold he can do for a chance of putting an enemy to sleep. An upgraded version of it, Nightmare Hold, guarantees a sleep aliment on the victim.
  • Crazy Homeless People: Was homeless long before the White Flash, and isn't exactly the sanest person left.
  • Elemental Powers: His bag is full of many things, including shooting out beams of flames, a bright flash, poisonous substances, etc. They also happen to be really powerful. Useful for anyone going with an all-fire team.
  • Hidden Disdain Reveal: Reveals at the final battle that he never liked Brad and was only with him for a shot at Buddy.
  • Mighty Glacier: Has a lot of health and SP to expense, along with a variety of helpful special moves, making him an excellent versatile character to play with.
  • Wrestler in All of Us: His special moves include a series of savage elbow drops.

Ajeet Mandeep

"I can see it in your eyes... the Joy... Please sir, stay away from me."

A Punjabi playboy who used to work as a tollbooth attendant, he despises Joy. He's a large, kind man and an advocate of clean living, he'll join Brad if he talks to him while sober. He lacks a normal attack, but his finger pokes cause all sorts of status effects.

  • Combat Pragmatist: One of his skills has him gouge the enemy's eyes, blinding them.
  • Dry Crusader: The only character in the game that actively hates Joy, to the point that he'll refuse to join you if you've taken at least two pills of Joy. Thankfully, Buzzo force feeding you Joy in Area 2 does not count.
  • Finger Poke of Doom: His normal attacks let him induce status effects on enemies by poking them. Considering Austin's Author Appeal towards pro wrestling, this is in no doubt a reference to the Trope Namer.
  • Gameplay and Story Segregation: You can give him Joy just fine as a party member.
  • Gentle Giant: Surprisingly kind, despite his imposing appearance. Even in the end game, he only wants to take Brad out because Ajeet believes that the future of humanity should come before one man, and feels that he needs to learn this lesson.
  • Mighty Glacier: In terms of appearance, he's quite tall and muscular. In practice, he has a lot of HP, and a good amount of SP to start with.
  • Never My Fault: The art book calls him "The King of Pointing Fingers," although it doesn't come up in the game proper. Though, the title may be literal considering the Finger Poke of Doom trope.
  • Nice Guy: He's willing to fight Brad to secure a future for themselves and the children of Olathe. In his words, "It should never be about one man. His people come first."
    • If you somehow have him recruited into your party before going to area 2, and choose to sacrifice Brad's arm over him, Ajeet will be the most sincere out of everyone to thank you for the sacrifice, next to Terry.
    ""I am forever grateful. Brad Armstrong, your heart is good."
  • Religious Bruiser: The fact that Ajeet is specified as being Punjabi as opposed to merely Indian might indicate that he's a Sikh. This would be consistent with his dislike of excessive drug use, his punctuality about clean living, and his snazzy blue dastaar.
  • Wrestler in All of Us: Has his fair share of physical, wrestling moves, including drop-kicks and elbow drops.

Clint Olympic

"Hey hoss. Straight up, no story, no gimmicks... 500 mags, and I'm yours."

A former hustler and the most handsome man on the planet, Clint will join Brad for a fee of 500 mags. His move set is very similar to Brad's, though he is best used when fighting multiple enemies.

  • Addled Addict: His basic attacks are already noticeably weak in comparison to other party members, and their damage output will drop to zero when he's in Withdrawal.
  • Extremity Extremist: All of his special attacks are kicks or otherwise involve his legs.
  • The Fighting Narcissist: His official bio claims that he is the most handsome man on the planet.
  • Flower Motifs: Befitting his conceited nature, his basic attacks are all named after parts of flowers: Thorn, Nectar, Petal and Leaf.
  • Hidden Depths: Despite being described as vain in his official bio, he never once mentions his attractiveness in-game. Also he's a Joy addict, which belies his appearance.
  • The Hustler: His occupation before the Flash, according to his official bio. Also apparent in how he offers to join Brad's party for 500 mags, an exorbitant price, and you probably fell for it.
  • Moveset Clone: Plays pretty much the same as Brad, even sharing the same moves. The difference is that he's not as strong as him (even without his arms), and his moves are based on his narcissism, but functionally the same as Brad's. Doesn't help that he suffers from Joy Withdrawal.
  • Nice Guy: Despite his narcissism, the end scene portrays him as possibly heroic, as he'll move to protect Buddy from Brad and even gives Brad a chance to walk away beforehand.
  • Only in It for the Money: He will only join you if you pay him 500 mags.
  • Proud Beauty: Uses his good looks to his advantage in battle.

Birdie Hall

"Attay boy!!! Say... I like you bud... I love you! You're good people! Who needs family... I don't need them anymooore! Buds for life!"

A former dock worker and a fun-loving drunk found sloshed at a bar, he'll join Brad if you get him a bottle of Olathian Liquor. He has a lot of powerful moves and healing abilities, but he has to be drunk to use them. He is one of a handful that is TP based.

  • Apologetic Attacker: Will often refuse to attack during the final battle vs. Brad
  • The Alcoholic: He's almost perpetually drunk, and you'll want to keep him that way as that's the only time he can use his abilities.
  • Booze-Based Buff: Birdie can heal himself or a party member with a swig of his booze, or use his emergency stash to heal everyone at once. His attack move is the "Drunkard Tumble".
  • Drunken Master: To the point where his fighting style is actually listed as Zui Quan in the artbook; as such, he can only use his skills when he's drunk.
  • Lethal Joke Character: Who would've thought a silly-looking drunkard with no standard attack would be considered one of the most overpowered characters in the game?
  • Outliving One's Offspring: His alcoholism was kicked off by the tragic deaths of his two children, whom he occasionally mentions in win comments.
  • Red Mage: Learns a mix of tumbling attacks, status moves, and healing abilities.
  • Simple, yet Awesome: He can spit gasoline on enemies to oil them up. Following up with any other character's fire attack will do an insane amount of damage! Also help that he is TP based, and he restores TP by taking swigs. Combine that with Terry's Hottest Dance, and you just discovered a Game-Breaker.


"Hello, friend! I don't get many visitors... Not a lot of people appreciate art these days.. You thought it was hard to make a living off of art in the past? I tell ya, it's a whole 'nother story now! Haha! So, now I make a living drawing dirty pictures...I can't complain!"

A pornographer living in a cave and researching how sex was back when there were woman. He joins the Gang if Brad pays him 150 mags for one of his drawings. His drawings can illicit a variety of effects on enemies.

  • Anime Hair: His wild and spiky mane.
  • Author Avatar: Not of Dingaling, but of Glenn Garth, one of the Kickstarter backers.
  • Badass Cape: His tattered pink shroud... Which, according to its item description, appears to be made from an old towel.
  • Brain Bleach: He inflicts status effects on the enemies by showing them some rather disturbing drawings.
  • Doing It for the Art: In-universe. The Art Book reveals that he's really passionate and serious about drawing erotic imagery.
    • It's implied that his quote in the end intends for him to document a pro-creation process should Buddy be ready for it. Whether or not he'd partake is ambiguous.
  • Expressive Mask: The green eye on his mask changes to reflect his emotions, and can even invoke Red Eyes, Take Warning when attacking.
  • The Pen Is Mightier: He fights by using his pencil to poke the enemy. It doesn't do much damage, but it has a decent change of poisoning them.
  • Reclusive Artist: In-universe. He's found in a small, isolated cave.
  • Starving Artist: No one wants his drawings, so he asks Brad for some magazines to inspire him. If you give Garth 150 mags, he will be so touched by the gesture that he'll join Brad's gang.
  • Support Party Member: Besides his basic attack, all his other abilities don't do any kind of direct damage. But, most of them have a decent-to-great chance of inflicting status effects, and he can buff the attack and defense of other party members.

Yazan Barghouti

"I am Yazan. And this is Kat. I am a shoving leopard... Of what you ask? Do you really care to listen? I'm searching for a far off land... A paradise for all felines... Nobody knows if it is real... But I will not stop searching till I die. Will you join me on my quest?"

A wandering vagabond who loves cats. He's a swordsman joined by his pet cat, who joins Brad to search for Cat Haven, a place rumored to be paradise for cats. He's fast and can buff his party's agility, or lower the opponent's

  • A Dog Named "Dog": Zig-zagged with Kat. Aside from the different spelling, it’s also shorthand for Katherine.
  • Assist Character: Yazan's cat, Kat.
  • The Beastmaster: Most of his special techniques focus on utilizing his pet cat.
  • Everything's Better with Samurai: He's more or less a samurai in all but name, though his starting weapon is a sabre rather than a katana.
  • Fragile Speedster: His agility is far and away his best stat, but his defenses are paper-thin.
    • Glass Cannon: Despite this, he can deal great damage, and even inflict fear and bleeding (especially useful against bosses), and thanks to his agility, he always attacks first.
  • Friend to All Living Things:
    • He really adores cats, and wants to find the rumored cat heaven for their sake.
    • His quote at the end scene shows how he wants Buddy alive because he is afraid that no one would be around to care for the animals if the human race perishes.
  • Heroes Prefer Swords: The sole sword-user in the Painful.

Lincoln Townsend "Tiger Man"


A former Wushu player who lived in the Ghettos of Olathe his whole life. He's a silent warrior wearing a tiger mask and searching for a worthy opponent, he joins the party after Brad defeats him. His spear techniques can cause enemies to bleed out.

  • Addled Addict: Sadly suffers badly from Joy Withdrawal, rendering him completely useless whenever he suffers withdrawal, or doesn't take any Joy. Arguably even the weakest of the addicts during Withdrawal, since even the other heavily-physical ones still have useful skills.
  • Blade on a Stick: He uses a combo system focused around spear moves.
  • Blood Knight: He's a "Dojo Buster," and spends his time seeking out and killing every dojo's master he can find, hoping for a challenge.
  • Cat Folk: The game itself questions whether or not his huge tiger head is a mask. Played with in-game, as the eyes on his "mask" close when he is sleeping.
  • Defeat Means Friendship: Defeating him will have him join the gang.
  • Famed In-Story: He doesn't speak, so most of what you learn of him is spoken by others.
  • Glass Cannon: Strong, but has very low health.
  • Overrated and Underleveled: Much weaker as a team member than a boss, with a Joy addiction to boot.
  • Self-Deprecation: The game's creator is an accomplished Wushu practitioner himself... And the art's representative party member is an Overrated and Underleveled one-note damage dealer crippled with joy addiction.
  • The Quiet One: He does not say a single word for the entire game.
  • Training from Hell: In his bio in the artbook, it is told that he trained with a Wushu master in his neighborhood and the training could be considered child abuse by most people.


"Hello, weary traveller! Welcome... To Jack's Travelling Magic Show! You pay me, and I'll travel with you and perform! ... But. I lost part of my act... My playing cards. If you can find me some new ones. I'll perform for free!"

A young stage magician who grew up after the Flash, he became obsessed with magic after he found an old magic kit. he joins if Brad brings him his deck of cards. His attacks have a variety of effects, but mostly deal fire damage.

  • Child Mage: Jack is significantly younger than the rest of the party - he doesn't even remember what the world was like before the apocalypse.
  • The Klutz: His fire moves all revolve around him trying to juggle and failing at it.
  • Playing with Fire: Jack's movepool is primarily status effects and fire magic.
  • Stage Magician: Jack's job. Recruiting him involves returning his lost deck of cards to him.

Harvey Alibastor

"My CLIENT... Says he is innocent of this crime... BUT! He is guilty of saying you suck eggs. ... Your wife's eggs."

A strange Fishman lawyer raised by humans, he joins the gang after somehow defending Brad in Fishman Court. He can use his lawyer techniques to fight enemies, as well as just squirting water at them.

  • Anti-Villain: He attacks Brad in the final battle genuinely believing that he's bad.
  • Badass Adorable: A cute fish with tiny legs and a hat that can shoot the ever-living hell out of his enemies.
  • Chewbacca Defense: How Harvey bails Brad out of Fishman Court.
    • In addition, some of his abilities consist of tossing stacks of confusing legal paperwork at enemies, inflicting a variety of debuffs.
  • Courtroom Antics: Brad manages to escape his trial with Harvey's help, though he later admits he had no idea what was happening.
  • Fish Person: He's a talking fish with legs and a little hat. Ironically, he doesn't speak the fish peoples language.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He’s shifty, hates humanity and insults his clients frequently, but he does come to genuinely like working with Brad. He also shows resignation about fighting him, often wasting turns crying.
  • Making a Splash: One of the few gang members with water element attacks. Just don't pair him with fire-based allies.
  • Nice Hat: A midlife crisis hat.
  • Non-Standard Character Design: Not just by your gang's standards, being the only truly non-human member, but also by Fishman standards. Whereas the other Fishmen you meet are green or blue humanoid fishes, Harvey is just a gray anchovy with legs and a Nice Hat.
  • Paper Master: His specialty is hurling paper documents at the enemy, giving them paper cuts and inflicting status effects by frustrating them with the law.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: How he gets you out of court.
  • Simple Country Lawyer: He attempts this act, but it is entirely questionable whether or not it contributed to helping Brad.
  • Translator Buddy: Subverted as he cannot understand Fishman language at all despite being one himself.

Fly Minetti

"I'm the greatest cart racer of all time... You'll never be able to face me..."

A former Accountant who hated his life until he made a new persona based on sentai anime, "Fly". He's a cart-racing master on Garbage Island, who'll join Brad after being beaten in a race. He can cause multiple status ailments with Puke, and hit multiple enemies with his shopping cart. Fly is actually the uncredited founder of Garbage Island.

  • Defeat Means Friendship: Fly is recruited by defeating him in a shopping cart race. He joins Brad's gang because he wants to learn cart racing techniques from him.
  • Occidental Otaku: Was one before the White Flash. His fly outfit is based off of an old Sentai Anime he used to watch.
  • The Rival: Even after joining up, he still considers Brad his rival, and won't let him forget it.
  • Shout-Out: The website lists his real first name as Frank, making his name Frank "Fly" Minetti.
  • Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: You're his. For all the perfectly valid reasons there are to dislike Brad, he openly loathes him more than any other party member for nothing more than beating him in pushing shopping carts around.
  • Sour Supporter: Despite respecting his cart-racing skills, it's very clear he does not like Brad.
    • In the end, he makes this clear to Brad, telling him that he never liked him and he should give Buddy up.
  • Zombie Puke Attack: Though not a zombie, one of his attacks is literally puking on his target.

Ollie Nickels

"Whaauea? A customer? I haven't had a customer in years... I bought this bar from some city slicker... What a terrible investment! I've been living off of trash and sea water for quite some time... I want to leave, but I always get lost in all the trash... And on top of that, I'm up to my eyeballs in porno mag debt! I suppose this is my lot in life... huuuahuh? You'll pay all 2 MAGAZINES?!?!"

An overly sweaty business man whose tried and failed at every business imaginable, living on the edge of Garbage Island. He joins the gang if Brad can pay off his debts for him. He uses special gun techniques to befuddle enemies.

  • The Eeyore: Due to his poverty, Ollie is often struck with the depression status, which hinders his abilities.
  • Gun Fu: Has some impressive SMG-based skills that targets multiple enemies.
  • Incest Subtext: The Sister's Kiss skill description is as reads...
    "A very personal move with a questionable past... "
  • Ironic Name: His last name is Nickels, and yet he struggles with debt.
  • Jumped at the Call: Nobody ever cared for poor Ollie. He even lost his reasons to care for himself. In the end, he resolves to finally shake off his depression to save Buddy from Brad.
  • Overly Nervous Flop Sweat: He's a constant sweaty mess, likely due to his perpetual distress.
  • Perpetual Poverty: A string of failed businesses means he can't even afford to pay his 2 Mag debt.
  • Shoot Everything That Moves: His gun skills are dubious at best as all he does is fire wildly, emptying whole clips and hitting multiple enemies at once.
  • Standard Status Effect: He can inflict probably the greatest variety of statuses out of any party member.


"Arm-Shock will never die!!"

An EWC wrestler and Sports Entertainer paired up with Brad for the tag-team championship, he'll join Brad if you win the belt. His only attack is to fall on his face, although it's surprisingly effective.

  • Dynamic Entry: His only move is to trip and fall on his face. It's actually a fairly effective move that does decent group damage.
  • Fire-Forged Friends: Working together through the tag-team championship, Shocklord and Brad form a powerful bond strong enough that he will join Brad's gang.
  • Heroic Self-Deprecation: Shocklord serves as a great asset throughout the tag-team championship, but during the final match, he will still apologize to Brad and call himself The Load.
  • It Has Been an Honor: A downplayed instance: before their final title bout, Shocklord tells Brad that win or lose, he's really enjoyed working with him.
  • The Klutz: Ever since he accidentally fell on his face during his debut, Shocklord has been plagued by slip ups and clumsiness.
  • Masked Luchador: He wears a silly one with stars decorating it. He is never seen without it.
  • Nice Guy: The most so of any member of Brad's party. He downright refuses to fight during the final party member confrontation, whereas even Terry might make an attempt.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Of The Shockmaster, who is infamous for falling on his face rather spectacularly in his debut at WCW.
  • Simple, yet Awesome: His only skill, Big Shock (which involves falling on his face), only has a 70% accuracy rate, but hits all targets and does a great deal of damage, especially when enraged.
  • When All You Have Is a Hammer...: The only attack he has is Big Shock, which involves throwing himself face first into the ground. Luckily it deals decent damage, hits all enemies and crits often, though its accuracy is rather poor.

Sonny Backluwitz

"What do you think Harvey? Should I rip this guy to shreds? ... But... he has no title belt? ... He's not worth my clothesline... GET OUT!"

A deranged ex-prowrestler living in a cave who only speaks sensibly to Harvey, the dog pelt he wears. Sonny will join Brad if he can prove his worth by winning the EWC title belt. He fights with wrestling techniques that have a chance to scare and paralyze the enemy.

  • All Dogs Are Purebred: Averted with Harvey, who is stated to be a Great Dane/Blue Heeler mix.
  • Apologetic Attacker: Despite "Harvey's" objections to Sonny, Sonny insists on taking out Brad to preserve their future, and apologizes before hand out of respect.
  • Does Not Like Spam: His most hated thing is cucumbers.
  • Expy: Essentially David Berkowitz if he was a Pro-Wrestler.
  • Hearing Voices: Talks to and takes orders from his dead dog Harvey a la Al Snow and Head.
  • I Fight for the Strongest Side: Harvey implores Sonny to join Brad if he has the championship belt, apparently out of respect for his wrestling ability.
  • Late Character Syndrome: While nowhere near as bad as Crisp and Buffalo, he's still only obtainable late in the game, and only after locking yourself out of EWC. This is mitigated somewhat by his staggering damage output though.
  • Nemean Skinning: Wears his dead dog this way.
  • Not So Stoic: If you hack the game and have him recruited prior to moving to area 2, and opting to sacrifice Brad's arm, he will react by trying to reassure himself (via Harvey) to not think about what he witnessed.
  • One Steve Limit: Averted in that his dog pelt Harvey shares its name with Harvey Alibastor, another recruitable party member.
  • Pro Wrestling Is Real: Sonny wholly considers wrestling real and his wrestling techniques have genuine application in battle.
  • Stout Strength: A noticeable gut, but hits like a truck.

Crisp Ladaddy


A former taxi driver and a powerful swordsman longing for his lover, Toby. He'll join you if you hold his boyfriend Toby hostage. His sword techniques can inflict different status ailments.

  • Anti-Villain: Crisp wants to kill Brad because he believes he is a sick man and he deserves this. Justified in that you have to hold Toby hostage in order for him to join at all, and Brad's actions for Buddy are selfish at best.
  • Audible Sharpness: His lightning fast sword attacks produce plenty of sharp noises.
  • Badass Gay: A multi sword wielding badass fighting to save his boyfriend.
  • I Have Your Wife: He joins you after you hold his boyfriend Toby hostage.
  • Late Character Syndrome: While thematically pretty cool, Crisp's placement makes him very likely to be the last party member recruited in a regular game, if he's recruited at all, and by then most players will have already settled on a party they're happy with, leaving Crisp with a small pool of skills, mediocre stats (save agility) and no niche to fill.
  • Making a Splash: He can use the relatively rare water element with his wet cutter.
  • Multi Wielding: Uses six swords in combat.
  • Wolverine Claws: How he wields his six swords — three in each hand.

Buffalo Van Dyke

"...I'll be dipped! YOU'RE the guy kicking everyone's ass for that chick? God damn... This is more bullshit than that bum call in '82!"

An incredibly aggressive American Football star leading a gang of gearheads, he'll join the team once Brad defeats him. He fights with a variety of tackles.

  • Badass Crew: He leads his gang like a football team, but ditches them in disappointment if they lose to Brad.
    • It's also shown in The Joyful that he was one of Olathe's warlords, though he's crossed out when Buddy finds it; this either means that joining Brad effectively ended his reign or he wasn't crossed out until a presumed death at Brad's hands.
  • Defeat Means Friendship: He joins Brad's crew, leaving behind his own if he is defeated.
  • Eyepatch of Power: His status-menu description says he simply lost his eye because of how rough he played, but the artbook says it was ripped out after he discovered the league of businessmen that determined the outcomes of the games. Either way, it's fitting of his status as a warlord of Olathe.
  • Hidden Depths: Despite his ego and short-temper, he is all for rescuing Buddy from Brad in favor of saving humanity.
  • I Know Madden Kombat: He fights using American Football techniques.
  • Late Character Syndrome: Similar to Crisp, although he has more skills to work with and dishes out great damage. Lampshaded in his late game speech, where he mentions how he's only known Brad for a short period of time, and thinks it isn't his place to speak, but feels that humanity's future should come before Brad's and is willing to kill him to ensure that.
  • Non-Standard Character Design: His face looks more like a G.I. Joe character than one from this game.
  • Overrated and Underleveled: He's still pretty strong as a party member, but the seventh strongest warlord in Olathe? Try putting him up against Hawk or Han and see how that ends up.
  • Patriotic Fervor: His class is labeled as "American" and he loves football.
  • Phenotype Stereotype: He's American, so naturally he has blond hair and blue eyes.

    Minor Characters 

Marty Armstrong

"You're wasting your time... You really don't get it do you? You really thought you could forget? Why are you trying so hard?... Accept it... You can't fight something that already happened... There is no understanding, no purpose... There is only life, and this one is yours... Accept it... I'm here to stay."

Brad and Lisa's father. An abusive, alcoholic, middle aged deadbeat. He molested Lisa and physically and verbally assaulted Brad. He had an extremely negative effect on both Brad and Lisa's lives.

  • Abusive Parent: His abusiveness towards both Lisa and Brad form the backstory of the game.
  • Asshole Victim: Gets beaten up brutally by Brad and then blasted into bits, but after what he did to Lisa he had it coming. The tragedy of his death lies more in 1) the fact that Buddy had to watch, all while protesting and begging Brad not to kill him, and 2) that Brad is proving himself to be no better than he ever was by beating the shit out of Buddy just to finish off a defenseless old man.
  • The Alcoholic: He is first seen with a beer in the prologue of Lisa: The Painful, and you can find a bunch of glass bottles on the island he lives on. He also attacks by throwing bottles at Brad.
  • The Atoner: In the Painful RPG, he's attempting to make up for his mistakes by taking care of Buddy, and coming to her protection when she gets hit by Brad. Unfortunately, Brad's too far gone to be capable of forgiving him. In his final moments, he begs Lisa for forgiveness
  • Bald of Evil: He's almost bald and is viciously abusive towards his children. Subverted near the end of the game, as he tries to take care of Buddy as an actual father figure of sorts, and even tries to protect Buddy from Brad.
  • Big Bad: Only in The First.
  • The Corrupter: He begins to creep into Lisa's mind more and more throughout the game. In Joyful, it's heavily implied in one of the endings that he caused Brad to rape Lisa while under the influence.
    • Inverted in The Painful, where he tries to convince Buddy to not take the joy pills.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: Sure, he’s not as directly involved in the main conflict as Dr. Yado, but his physical, emotional, and sexual abuse towards his children had severe repercussions later on, especially after the flash. Him being the root cause of Lisa's suicide was the main straw that broke the camel's back, as it was a major reason for Brad's alcoholism and Joy Addiction, and severely screwed up Buzzo, who would torture Brad any way he could and became an Addict as well. He’s pretty much responsible for 50% of the game's conflict. It's telling that the end credits give him special thanks.
  • Hidden Depths: He wasn't always the abusive parent that he's known for. It is hinted that it may have something to do with losing his wife.
    • The fact that he has been protecting Buddy for a few days before Brad showed up, and how he's been a better parent than Brad has. He clearly is capable of being a good parent when he wants to be.
  • Irony: In Lisa: The First, he enjoys his ability to control Lisa, and has no problem with sexually abusing her, as well as physically and emotionally abusing Brad. In Lisa: The Painful, he is the one who takes care of Buddy when she was on the run from Brad and even proves to be a far better parent than he is. He even comes to Buddy's aid the moment Brad assaults her. Also considering that for a setting where a lot of the men are perverts and want Buddy for sex, Marty is among the few that is not interested in sex with Buddy.
  • No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Is on the receiving end of the trope by Brad. It's not that he didn't deserve it, though.
  • Offscreen Moment of Awesome: It's not explained exactly how Marty found himself living on the Deserted Island, or even how he survived in the Olathian wasteland throughout the years.
  • Papa Wolf: He tries to protect Buddy from Brad, to no avail.
  • Parental Incest: Since his wife passed away, he has no qualms about replacing her with his (unwilling) daughter. He does come to fully regret this later on, even before he gets his.
  • Small Role, Big Impact: While he's certainly not responsible for the White Flash, he's directly and indirectly responsible for most of the main characters' flaws and conflicts.

Rick/Richard Weeks, Sticky/Tony Angoneli and Cheeks/Cheeks Gaywood
Sticky (left), Cheeks (middle), Rick (right)

"She's our only hope for re-population, and you know it."

"She's not your child, you fool."

"Secret's out Brad... She's gone."

Buddy's "uncles" and Brad's lifelong friends. They all bonded over their shared miseries.

  • Chocolate Baby: A flashback reveals Rick had an estranged son who was a few shades too dark to match him or his wife, implying he at least is not actually Rick's.
  • Climax Boss: For area 3, should you spare him, Sticky stands in your way right at the end of your mission to give you a pretty damn tough fight before you can move into endgame.
  • Does This Remind You of Anything?: The strange image of Sticky in Brad's Joy-induced fight with him. This symbolic Sticky has a very phallic shape, asks Brad not to be angry with him for having sex with/most likely raping Buddy, and when he is killed, has some kind of clear outer layer surrounding himself, with a protrusion emerging from the top of it.
  • Dummied Out: The initial Kickstarter short demo and early development screenshots showed all three of them as party members. Although it's possible that these were red-herrings to avoid spoilers, breaking open the final game code shows battle sprites for Rick and Sticky, so it's unclear how far the two of them got into the actual game before being cut.
    • Cut dialogue made the implications that Sticky raped Buddy much more explicit.
  • Hazy Feel Turn: Sticky and Rick end up joining the Rando Army and oppose Brad. Rando's army has some genuinely good and genuinely awful people, and Brad is a Knight Templar to the extreme. Sticky in particular is heavily implied to have raped Buddy, though there's just as much evidence that Brad jumped to conclusions.
  • Honorary Uncle: All three of them to Buddy.
  • Meaningful Name: Sticky, when it is hinted that he possibly raped Buddy .
  • Not So Different: Sticky/Tony also had a troubled relationship with his father, and he and Brad bonded over their shared issues.
  • One Steve Limit: Averted in that Lisa the First includes a separate character named 'Tricky Rick'.
  • Only Known By His Nickname: Sticky prefers it to his real name, Tony.
  • Rape as Drama: Played with. In The Painful RPG, the player is led to believe that Sticky raped Buddy, though she and Sticky deny it, and Brad is a bit of an Unreliable Narrator. In The Joyful, Buddy ultimately reveals that Sticky never touched her.
  • Redemption Rejection: Should Brad choose to spare Sticky, he will later reappear in a final effort to stop Brad from reclaiming Buddy. His story ends with ultimately being Killed Off for Real.
  • Sacrificial Lamb: Cheeks ends up dead at the beginning when Buddy's hideout is raided, bearing the dubious honor of being the first death in a game full of them. Possibly betrayed by Sticky and Rick as well.
  • Stepford Smiler: One Flashback shows that Rick tried to deal with his own troubled home life this way, though he still vents to Brad about it.
  • The Talk: Sticky was the one who gave it to Buddy, encouraging her to "save humanity."
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: On top of being the first of the three to die, Cheeks is the only member of the trio not to receive any character-expanding flashbacks.
  • We Used to Be Friends: Brad defended them from bullies as kids and they all stuck together during the apocalypse, but Rick and Sticky come to despise Brad, disgusted by his selfish desire to deprive humanity of their only hope for survival. The effects of Joy cause Brad to nearly kill Rick, but he succeeds in killing Sticky.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: If Rick and Sticky are left alive, Sticky comes back as a boss fight right before the end, but Rick is never seen again.

Chris Columbo

"Time is a great teacher. Sadly, it kills all its pupils. Howdy motherfucker."

A bully who's gang tormented Brad and his friends growing up, and keeps it up even as adults in the apocalypse.

  • Bait-and-Switch Boss: It may seem that he's an arch-enemy of Brad, but the main villain role is soon revealed to belong to Buzzo.
  • Big Bad Wannabe: Columbo seems to think of himself as Brad's arch-enemy, but he's more of a difficult road-bump than anything.
  • Death Seeker: Becomes one after Brad kills his gang, and blows his own brains out after one last race with you.
  • Dummied Out: He has a battle theme in the soundtrack, and cracking open the game code reveals he has battle stats, so it seems likely that he was actually planned to be a boss at some point.
  • Easter Egg: If Brad works enough shifts at the Beehive, he may see Spaghetti enter his room, implying that Columbo is one of the patrons who visits the brothel.
  • Gang of Bullies: Has been the leader of one since he was a kid.
  • Mercy Kill: Kills his pet deer Spaghetti before offing himself.
  • Redemption Equals Death: He has one last race with Brad, just for fun, and apologizes for bullying him all this time, before killing his pet deer, than himself.
  • Schoolyard Bully All Grown Up: Decades later, Columbo is still a petty bully looking to give Brad a hard time.
  • The Unfought: You fight the rest of his gang, but Columbo opts to shoot himself rather than fight you.
  • Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: Speaks like this, apparently as an attempt to sound smart.

The Salvation Rangers


A team of wannabe superheroes fighting for justice in Olathe.

  • Ambiguously Gay: Salvation Green can be seeing entering Brad's room in the Beehive if Brad decides to work to Queen Roger. If this happens, Green will only say "don't tell this to the other guys" and leave. Also he's the only NPC in Lisa: The Joyful that will never try to attack Buddy if she interacts with him without a mask.
  • Driven to Suicide: Tooley/Salvation Green hangs himself after the List is completed; his achievement suggests that he did so in response to the rest of his friends being dead.
  • Expy: They are obviously a parody to the Power Rangers.
  • Killed Offscreen: In Area 3, Salvation Blue can be found as a Joy mutant, having killed Salvation Black. Salvation Red and Yellow's inanimate, mutated bodies are also nearby, along with Salvation White's seemingly unmutated corpse.
  • Formerly Fat: Salvation Black
  • Sole Survivor: Aside from the member that's kicked out, Salvation Green is revealed to have survived in The Joyful, and his real name is Tooley. This is later averted at the end of the game, when he's Driven to Suicide.
  • Spoof Aesop: Each member gives one when Brad first meets them.
    Salvation Red: Do your best to drink water and eat your veggies!
    Salvation Blue: Keep your chin down, and eyes up around bullies!
    Salvation Yellow: Always listen to Dad, even when he's been drinking!
    Salvation Green: Don't pay for drugs, let your friends do that!
    Salvation Black: No race jokes, please!
  • Suspiciously Similar Substitute: If you recruit Dick Dickson earlier than expected, he will be replaced with a new guy, Salvation White. Lampshaded, in that White believes that no one actually likes him.

Mr. Angoneli

"Her face... My mark on history!!! Aaaahahahahaaa!"

A homeless janitor whose terrible to his son Sticky. He lived in Brad's neighborhood when he was a child and somehow survived into the Apocalypse.

  • Chekhov's Gunman: Appears once at the very start of the game as just some window dressing, once halfway through as a vague flashback, and finally once at the end, carving open Buddy's face. The fact that he's even still alive in Olathe is a shock considering his age compared to Brad's.
  • Face–Heel Turn: Seems like a perfectly fine guy at first, if Brad's vision of him chastising him for having pornography is any indication.
  • From Nobody to Nightmare: His motivation for attacking Buddy, as he believes scarring the face of the last woman will put him down in history.
  • I Just Want to Be Special: He considers the Apocalypse the opportunity to be the somebody he's always wanted to be.

Men's Hair Club Presidents

''"You dandy FUCK! You just made the biggest mistake of your life..."

The presidents of the titular club. They serve as the main boss of the first area of the game, having apparently gotten a hold of Buddy.

  • Actually Four Mooks: Zigzagged Trope. The Men's Hair Club Presidents all count as one unit. However, their hair is a separate enemy.
  • Affably Evil: The Men's Hair Club is pretty much a gang of rapists, but they want to share their fortunes with others... as long as they're not bald.
  • Anime Hair: Exaggerated in the fight with them to the point where their hair combines to form a middle finger.
  • Berserk Button: Bald people apparently aren't allowed in their presence.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: That hair may look silly, but it can also strike for up to 1000 damage, which is downright deadly at that point of the game.
  • Climax Boss: For the first area of the game; everything you do in area 1, from getting the bicycle, to optionally gathering up firebombs, is preparing you to be able to reach and challenge them.
  • Disc-One Final Boss: Come on, you didn't really think you'd find Buddy already, did you?
  • Disproportionate Retribution: They fight Brad not because he wants to free their prisoner, but because he's bald.
  • Flipping the Bird: Their combined hair somehow manages to pull this off.
  • Kill It with Fire: Their hair is very weak to fire, presumably because of hair spray.
  • Prehensile Hair: The hair on the presidents' heads somehow can detach and form a singular entity for the boss fight against them.


"Let me just press the off pedal annnd... Oops!"

A bulldozer operator who isn't actually that good at operating one and acts as a reluctant miniboss.

  • Anti-Villain: He doesn't actually do anything wrong and instead gets in a fight with Brad because he loses control of his bulldozer.
  • Butt-Monkey: The victim of a long line of jokes and tragedies, he's a failure as a bulldozer driver, his incompetence cost his wife her life and he eventually ends up accidentally getting into a fight with Brad.
  • Developing Doomed Characters: Parodied, his entire hilariously tragic backstory is shown in a long flashback before his fight.

Hawk Hollywood

"Are you ready for beauty? You're not... But too bad! TOO BAD!"

A handsome man wearing an American flag as a cape and is one of the people that needs to be fought to complete the boat in the endgame. He's retroactively revealed to be the 9th ranked warlord in The Joyful.

  • Amusing Injuries: If you defeat him in his human form, he's left alive and his beautiful face is left horribly bruised and his finger bent unnaturally.
  • And Then John Was a Zombie: In Pain Mode, he's a Joy mutant. He's still a required boss.
  • Ax-Crazy: As stated by Austin:
    "hawk is fucked, he's insane, he looks like shit and wears make up in an effort to glorify his horrible looks. visually if lisa was life action he would look like heath ledgers joker."
  • Battlecry: Shouting "Whoooooo!" is enough to give himself the Super Cool status.
  • Body Horror: In pain mode, you fight him as a Joy Mutant whose body has been horrifically twisted upwards to resemble a flag pole.
  • Call-Back: In The Joyful, he used to be one of the people on The List; presumably he was crossed out after being defeated by Brad.
  • The Dandy: He's a supposedly beautiful man into flamboyant fashion.
  • Eagleland: A mix of both types based on his idiotic behavior and apparent love of his country.
  • The Friend Nobody Likes: His groupies actually hate him and are grateful to Brad for knocking him down a peg.
  • Informed Attractiveness: Like most characters, it's hard to tell if his goofy-looking face is actually attractive as he is the sole supporter of that claim.
  • Narcissist: His opening line is stating that his face is perfect, and even if Brad agrees he'll claim he's above needing anyone's approval.
  • Malevolent Mugshot: Before you even see him, there's a billboard shaped like his face in Hollywood.
  • Non-Lethal K.O.: In normal mode, defeating him simply leaves his face messed up and he just walks away, trying to save face.
  • Wearing a Flag on Your Head: He uses the U.S. flag as a shawl.
  • You Gotta Have Blue Hair: He apparently styles his hair green.

Han Tsunami

"Yo. You don't belong here, outsider. Time to go."

The leader of the Devil's Bath Boys, who took over the local bathhouse, and he and his gang are a required fight for the propeller for the boat in the endgame. He's retroactively revealed to be the 8th warlord in The Joyful.

  • Call-Back: His name is on the List in the Joyful.
  • Flunky Boss: You fight his entire gang alongside him.
  • Kill It with Fire: He's astoundingly weak to fire, and diesel firebombs will make quick work of him and his crew.
  • Tattooed Crook: He and his gang are covered in similar full body tattoos, clearly modeled after the yakuza.


"Hi, welcome to— No! Stop! You can't be here! Hoo ho ho, go away! Hoo hoooo! Don't! Where's Nuggie? No! Don't! Did you hurt him?! Wally's got what ya' kid needs! Hooo hoo! No no no! You want to Wally size it?! No no no! Welcome to Wally's! Don't! Please, I want to just die!

A person wearing the costume of the titular mascot of the fast-food restaurant Wally's, who is worshipped by the village built around the restaurant due to being their only source of food.

  • All Hail the Great God Mickey!: To the point where the villagers pray to the restaurant's drive-thru speaker for food.
  • Ax-Crazy
  • Body Horror: For unexplained reasons, Wally's skin somehow has been rotting from inside his costume, or has been fused to the costume itself. This is especially jarring since this does not stem from Joy usage, as he doesn't drop any after being defeated.
  • Burger Fool
  • Climax Boss: For Area 2, he's the major threat that stands in your way before finding and briefly reuniting with Buddy.
  • Esoteric Happy Ending: Sure, you do stop an uncontrollable, cannibalistic psychopath... but, you have also cut off a village's food supply in doing so.
  • Expy: A rather obvious one of Ronald McDonald. The references go to more subtle areas past that, though; Lil' Nuggie, the sub-mascot character of Wally's, is an Expy of Grimace, and Wally's general design (namely, his stringy yellow hair, and the prominence of red and blue in his clothes) bring to mind the original 1960 Willard Scott portrayal of the character.
    • The concept of the psychotic and cannibalistic portrayal of Ronald McDonald may also be a Shout-Out to the famous short film "Happy Meal".
  • I Cannot Self-Terminate: Wally's dialogue implies that, in his (lack of) state of mind, he cannot stop himself to do his horrifying acts, with Brad and his gang killing him eventually granting him that relief.
  • I'm a Humanitarian: Considering the state of the restaurant, it is implied that the Wallyburgers that the villagers eat are seemingly made from corpses, or, even worse, his own mutated flesh.
  • Knight of Cerebus: The game's Black Comedy tone comes to a screeching halt when you manage to meet Wally in person.
  • Laughing Mad: Frequently has psychotic fits of laughter, the sound of which being a modified version of Goose's laugh from Top Gun. His laughter is apparently scary enough to cause Depression within the entire party, as well as occasionally Scaring them stiff, giving Wally an Extra Turn in the fight.
  • Leitmotif: My Lord, My Wally, and Praise Wally.
  • Literally Shattered Lives: During the fight against him, his different phases are signified by the head of his costume breaking apart, eventually giving the player a disturbing look at his rotting skin.
  • Monster Clown
  • Morality Pet: The one hint to this is the fact that he briefly mentions Lil' Nuggie, the sub-mascot of Wally's who you find partway up the mountain leading to the restaurant, in a way that he is scared that you have hurt him, which you most likely did.
    • Interestingly, this is played with due to the fact that Lil' Nuggie, during the fight against him, occasionally wastes turns to "beg for forgiveness from Wally" like the villagers do, which is evidence to the contrary.
  • Nice Hat: A comically-small bowler hat, much like Harvey's. From how the mask of the suit breaks apart, though, it's as if the hat is molded onto the costume.
  • Non-Standard Character Design: Subverted, since he's just wearing a costume.
  • One-Hit Kill: In his third phase, Wally will not hesitate to use Neck Break on an unsuspecting party member.
  • Room Full of Crazy: The restaurant itself is covered in-and-outside with blood-written messages like "NO NO" and "DON'T", most likely coming from Wally himself.
  • Stone Wall: Is by and far the most durable of the required story bosses, with 19,000 HP, as well as an immunity to being Fallen or Stunned. Being able to heal about 1/40th of his health later on, and being able to inflict Depression and Scared upon multiple party members, usually simultaneously, helps, too. To put it in comparison, the only other two bosses who are even more defensive than Wally are Beady and Satan, both of whom are late-game Bonus Bosses.
  • Tortured Monster: Whatever the exact truth of his situation, he's clearly horrified with what he is, only wanting to die, all while forced to provide food for a community of worshipers down below.
  • Walking Spoiler: While Wally has little-to-no plot significance, the fact that he is the game's Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant is quite shocking, especially so early on in the game.

Shardy Hernandez

"Is that a map? Or chart...? Whatever it's called? It is! Whoa, it smells... Garbage Island, huh? Well, I can take you to this island. What do you say?"

Fardy's brother who owns a boat. Unfortunately, he lacks any sea maps, so Brad must acquire them in order to use Shardy's boats.

  • Family Theme Naming: "-ardy."
  • Secret Level: His boat can take you to Dismal Island and Garbage Island, where many party members can be recruited, and Resort Island, where plot-relevant secrets can be learned. None of these islands are necessary to visit to complete the game.
  • Sole Survivor: Unless he has more brothers out there, Shardy is the only Hernandez who cannot be killed at all, and thus will always implicitly be alive in the end.
  • Uncanny Family Resemblance: He looks almost exactly like his brothers, with only their hair being different.

Tardy Hernandez

"Hey fella, I didn't just go through all that work for a pat on the back. I want a piece of that little bitch..."

Another of Fardy's brothers whose boat ends up stolen by Buddy, and Brad cooperates with him to finish a second boat to go look for her.

  • Asshole Victim: Sure he helped Brad, but he only did so so that he could have a piece of Buddy, so it's rather hard to feel bad about killing him.
  • Chekhov's Gun: His dead body comes in useful for pursuing Buddy after she steals the second boat.
  • Face–Heel Turn: When he learns that Brad intends to leave him behind in the final area, he makes his desire for Buddy clear and attacks him.
  • Family Theme Naming: "-ardy."
  • Improbable Weapon User: He uses the giant fan he used to propel the boat on Brad. Predictably, it inflicts little to no damage.
  • Meaningful Name: Not very smart to take on one of the strongest men in Olathe, eh, Tardy?
  • Too Dumb to Live: Tardy honestly believes he stands a chance against a man who defeated whole gangs while building his boat.
  • Uncanny Family Resemblance: He looks like Fardy and Shardy, and in The Joyful, Lardy.


"You people do not learn. Curiosity just killed you."

An evil trucker who terrorizes the wastelands outside of the EWC village.

  • Armor of Invincibility: Drops his belt buckle, the most powerful armor in the game, upon defeat.
  • Artificial Limbs: He has a prosthetic right hand replacing what is presumably an amputated stump. This is clearly a reference to the prosthetic hand that Nnemonic uses as his channel logo.
  • Badass Beard: To complete his behemoth trucker look.
  • Big Badass Rig: Satan resides inside of one, which is covered in a flamboyant, badass decal.
  • Bonus Boss: He highlights it, saying that by facing him, the player's curiosity will be their undoing.
  • The Cameo: Mike Nnemonic as a murderous trucker, referencing his old job driving rigs.
  • The Dreaded: The villagers forbid anyone from going near his truck, and there are legends of him reducing people to nothing but meat.
  • Finger Poke of Doom: The Destiny Poke, which inflicts random status affects upon those he hits with it.
  • Names to Run Away from Really Fast: It doesn't get any more blatant than Satan.
    • His rig is referred to by the EWC villagers as the Devil's Machine.
  • One-Hit Kill: As befitting of an RPG superboss, he is guaranteed to use Decapitate with reckless abandon, if given the chance.
  • Stout Strength: He's got a huge gut on him, but it's clear a lot of his weight is muscle too, as his double chop attack can instantly kill a party member if it connects.
  • Tom the Dark Lord: His real name is simply Mike. It's on his truck, as well as the tag on the key to it.
  • Wrestler in All of Us: Among Satan's list of moves are a power bomb and a piledriver.

Gary The Hot Soup
"Soup's on, baby!"

A wrestler that participates in EWC that you can fight in the Eternal Championship division, and at random in the Dystopian Rumble. He also appears as a mid-boss on Lardy's section.

     LISA: The Joyful 

Bolo Bugaughtiichi

"Look everybody! It's the amazing Buddy! I often wondered... What's more likely? Seeing your pretty little face... Or paying off my home loan! Haaaaaaaaa! You see, friends... It pays to wait. Like Daddy used to say. "When it comes to a king's buffet. There's no shame in eating table scraps." Especially when the scraps are this tasty. Haaaaaaaaa! Okay. Enough goofin'. Grab that pristine meat!"

The first man that Buddy meets in The Joyful, leading his own posse. Unfortunately, he's way over his head.

  • Big Bad Wannabe: He presents himself as a big threat when Buddy and Rando first meet him. He and his gang is immediately attacked by a Joy Mutant and are easily decimated; despite leading a gang, he's not even on the List.
  • Chekhov's Gunman: He survives said Joy Mutant, however, and ends up being an indirect cause of Rando's death.
  • Combat Pragmatist: He prides himself on this trope. Late in the game he traps Buddy in a dangerous situation by using Rando as leverage, and would have succeeded in molesting Buddy had Sweetheart not intervened.
  • Duel Boss: You fight him if you make the choice of letting go of Rando.
  • Offscreen Moment of Awesome: Given that he somehow managed to trap Rando as a means of threatening Buddy, it is clear he is more clever than she or the player would've already assumed he would be.
  • Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil: Raping Buddy is his prime motivation, and he comes extremely close to succeeding too. Even Dr. Yado is apparently disgusted with him.
  • The Unfought: Played With. You only fight him if you let go of Rando, whereas Sweetheart takes care of him for you if you don't.
  • The Unpronounceable: So much so that it's become somewhat of a meme in the LISA fandom.
  • Verbal Tic: "Like daddy used to say. [Insert aphorism here]"

The Warlords

Buddy: What is this?
Rando: This is the border between eastern and western Olathe. It's called the list. These people run Olathe in order from top to b-b-bottom... Th-They rule territories of Olathe.
Buddy: What about you? I don't see your name.
Rando: Me and my army are left a-a-alone. W-W-Well... We were. I guess times have changed. Now that you're here.
Buddy: ...
The reigning warlords of Olathe that Buddy seeks to hunt down so that she can rule Olathe.
  • Already Done for You: Hawk Hollywood, Han Tsunami, and Buffalo van Dyke are already crossed off the List when Buddy finds it, as Brad defeated all three (and befriended the last one) in the main game.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: All of them are incredibly tough fighters.
  • Badass Army: Everyone except Mr. Beautiful (who has a gang of pacifists) and Sindy Gallows has a gang of followers.
  • Kill 'Em All: Buddy's main goal is to kill all of them to establish herself as ruler of Olathe so she can be left alone.

Vega Van Dam

"So, you're the one lettin' loose monsters. And roughing up my men. That's not gonna fly. Lay down your arms, and prepare to die! For I am, Vega Van Dam!"

The vain self-proclaimed "Prince of Pleasant" and the sixth-ranked warlord on the List.

Mr. Beautiful/Thomas

"Rando... Why?"

The fifth-ranked warlord on the List. He runs a town of pacifists.

  • Actual Pacifist: He and his community take their creed seriously. The people who live with him won't ever defend themselves with the exception of one Joy Mutant, and even he won't fight until he's at death's door.
  • Badass Pacifist: As Rando says, Mr. Beautiful is highly respected in Olathe just because he could actually foster a non-violent community in a post-apocalyptic hellhole. And when he gets angry...
  • Hero Antagonist: As stated, he's a pacifist that created a peaceful community, which is a big accomplishment in the Crapsack World and he outright refuses to fight back until he's low on health. This is Deconstructed in that killing him gives Rando a reason to outright abandon Buddy in the middle of the night.
  • Martial Pacifist: Mr. Beautiful doesn't fight until his health is nearly depleted. Once he raises his fists, though, he hits like a train.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Mr. Beautiful was based on Shoko Asahara, founder of the Japanese doomsday cult Aum Shinrikyo.
  • We Used to Be Friends: He very much takes this stance toward Rando, and sincerely seems more angry at him than Buddy.
  • White Mask of Doom: He and his followers all wear blank white dolls masks, though none of them are bad or aggressive people, outside of the mutated Baby.
  • Wrestler in All of Us: The third phase of his fight, where he actually starts attacking with moves such as Power Bomb.

Lardy Hernandez

"My brothers... I'm coming... Please take me back..."

Yet another one of Fardy's brothers. The fourth-ranked warlord on the List.

  • Continuity Nod: All of Lardy's brothers are involved with some sort of transportation vehicle; Lardy is associated with a truck driving segment and is fought in one.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: He looks as unimposing as the rest of his brothers, but he managed to become one of Olathe's warlords (albeit a low-ranking one).
  • Hero Antagonist: He never actually does anything wrong to deserve being killed. Rando even points out that he and his brothers contribute greatly to Olathe's safety, shipping goods across the wilds.
  • Guns Akimbo: Has no problem with Dual Wielding two automatic assault rifles.
  • Let's Get Dangerous!: Seems like kind of a wimp until his health gets low. Then he whips out a pair of automatic assault rifles.
  • Starter Villain: Despite ostensibly being the fourth-strongest warlord, due to the fact that the game requires you to go through most of his section to access TNT, his lair being the first spotted in the crossroads, and being the weakest of the first three warlords in his actual fight, the game nudges Buddy to take him on before any of the others.
  • Uncanny Family Resemblance: His hairstyle is the only thing that differentiates himself from his brothers.
  • Who Names Their Kid "Dude"?: Unlike his brothers, "Lardy" is a completely unflattering name.

Dice Mahone

The third-ranked warlord on the List. He was apparently a gambler who ran a sizable town, but has become a Joy Mutant by the time Buddy catches up to him.

  • And Then John Was a Zombie: Became a Joy Mutant offscreen.
  • Body Horror: His form as a Joy Mutant makes it near impossible to tell what he originally looked like.
  • Camp: His followers dress really flashy; it's unknown if he did the same.
  • Combat Pragmatist: He and his followers are scared shitless of Buddy by the time she fixes her sights on them, and try to eliminate her via ambushes and other nasty tricks.
  • Gang of Hats: Everyone in his gang wears flashy biker gear.
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: His severe mutation makes it impossible to tell what he even looked like.
  • You Gotta Have Blue Hair: His only distinguishing feature from before transformation.

Sindy Gallows

"Hey, kid. I didn't get on that list by being a Goddamn pussy. I'm #2 in the world. You want my spot? Try and take it, bitch."

Number Two on the List. He was a fierce hunter of Joy Mutants, to the point where a fanatical pro-mutant cult hanged him and shot him full of arrows. That doesn't stop him from trying to take Buddy out anyway.

  • Badass Boast: As Buddy is walking away from his "corpse:"
    "Hey, kid. I didn't get on that list by being a Goddamn pussy."
  • Kaizo Trap: Make sure you're healed up before finishing the fight against the cult members.
  • Made of Iron: Not only did he survive being lynched and riddled with arrows, he's a stronger fighter than every other warlord and several Joy Mutants encountered up to that point. His only major handicap is that he occasionally wasted a turn to hack up blood.
  • Not Quite Dead: When you show up, you fight the people that managed to kill him. Afterward, he wakes up from death, just in time to give you a more proper boss fight.
  • The Man They Couldn't Hang
  • Meaningful Name: Sindy Gallows.
  • Rasputinian Death: Hung and shot full of arrows, but survived long enough to fall by Buddy's blade.

Big Lincoln

"Big Lincoln sends you to hell!"

The number-one ranked warlord in Olathe and the strongest man in the world. He waits atop a tall mountain to destroy any who would challenge him.

  • Animal Motifs: Lincoln is a giant man wearing a wolf-head mask.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: The reason why he is in the top of the Warlords list.
  • Climax Boss: Probably the last Warlord the players will fight and also the last boss in the game that poses any real threat to them.
  • Due to the Dead: According to Word of God, Big Lincoln collects decaying corpses and buries them outside of his house to give them a proper and honorable burial rather than letting them rot outside forever.
  • Glowing Eyes of Doom: The first we see of him are his wolf mask's eyes glowing in the dark.
  • Hell-Bent for Leather: He wears a studded biker jacket that seems to have floodlights built in.
  • Marathon Boss: There are other bosses after Big Lincoln, but none of them touch him in terms of stamina. He has three phases, each with more health than any other enemy seen thus far. And then he starts healing himself.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning
  • Secret Identity: The whole reason he wears a mask is to be true to himself, and that's easier to do when no one knows who he is. Not even himself.
  • The Voiceless: He never speaks, though his strongest attacks are accompanied by a wolf howl.
  • World's Strongest Man: And he seems to live solely to kill anyone who'd challenge that title.


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