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It took me almost as long to format this update, remove extraneous pictures, and upload videos as it did to play through this section of the game. Anyway, here you go!
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What a SWELL place to work!! |
I think I'm done with that gag. We'll see.
Let's Play
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Part Two
Day One Afternoon to Night
When last we left our Designated Hero, his pet frog had ruined the end-of-the-school-year assembly, he'd escaped detention, he'd given his Nintari BW GameBuddy to a school bully, and the nurse was predictably blonde, airheaded, and stacked.
So now, we've gotten home in time to grab the mail from the mail slot. We click on it, and Willy declares his intention to hang onto his report card so he won't get grounded from his Nintari.
You know what? Only one thing can make this game more bizarrely cliche! If Willy had a friend and confidant that only he could see. Like... the ghost of his grandfather or something.
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Oh, son of a bitch. The gags in Rise Of The Dragon were better. Why didn't I pick that one instead? Say hi to Willy's grandpa, Tropers.
Hi, Willy's grandpa!Okay, gramps, whatcha got to say to young Willy?
Ghost Beamish: I assume you're going to show that report card to your parents, Willy. BW
Willy: Of course I will, Grandpa. By the way, where ya been hidin'? BW I haven't seen you in awhile.
Ghost Beamish: You haven't needed me for awhile. You've got to watch yourself, boy! Something foul is afoot in the city of Frumpton. BW
Anyway, we can go inside now. Let's meet Mom and the kid sister, What's-Her-Name!
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Pictured: A foyer. I never lived in a house with a foyer. I hate you, Beamish family. I hope the sewers back up and wipe out your ritzy house. |
Duffy, the Beamish dog, comes in and sits up to beg. Guess we'll meet the family later. Right now, it's walkies for Duffy. Duffy? Seriously?
Willy: Hey, Duffy. How ya doin', boy?
Duffy: Pant, pant, pant... Hiya, boss.
- Maybe I should take him for a walk.
- I wish that mutt would quit bothering me.
We take the dog for a quick animation loop while he thinks doggy thoughts. Specifically...
Duffy: Kibbles 'n Grits, Kibbles 'n Grits. I'm gonna get me some Kibbles 'n Grits.
I promise, this game does have a plot, and even a few jokes in it. For now, we can go to the kitchen, thereby advancing the waiting-for-the-actual-plot-to-happen filler, or to the living room, or upstairs. We'll be hitting each and every one of those locations later. For now, let's just get on with it. But first, the answering machine light is blinking. Clicking on it cycles through the messages until there are none left. WALL-OF-TEXT AHOY!
Message: Tiffany, this is Melanie. You won't believe what happened today! I heard Trish say that you know who did you know what with you know who! Call me as soon as you get home BW!
Message: This is Mr. Frick from Carbuncle Elementary School. We've been having discipline problems with your son Willy, again. BW Mr. or Mrs. Beamish, please give me a call today at 555-0772 before 6:00 p.m. to discuss this matter. BW
Message: Sheila, this is Ms. Crabbleton. I ate something which didn't agree with me this afternoon BW, and it's really given me the green apple two-step, If You Know What I Mean, so I won't be able to give Willy and Brianna their music lessons today. Guess I should have known better than to have thirds on the fried chicken livers in the buffet line. Oh well, live and learn. BW
Message: Hello, my name is Bernie Leibowitz with the Employment Bureau. I'm calling for Mr. Gordon Freeman BW Beamish. Please call me tomorrow at 555-5375 during business hours.
Message: BWTiffany, uh, this is Cliff BW and I was just calling to see if you wanted to go see the Gums & Noses concert with me Friday night. Call me when you get a chance. BW
Message: Beep. There are no messages. Beep. Thank you.
I just like to think the prerecorded message actually says the word beep instead of beeping. It makes me slightly happier for having sat through that. (I'm sure the Updated Re-release just has a beep sound. 
)
Now we can move on to the kitchen, where, no doubt, the adventure will get underway.
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Nice kitchen. Mom's wearing a short tank top and has the body for it. And Hartman Hips, of course.
Sheila: How was your last day of school, Dear?
Willy: Great Mom BW, just great.
Duffy, not content with delaying the game to show off the awesome "walking the dog" animation loop, is waiting by his food dish. Mom's preparing dinner. To advance, we talk to Mom.
Sheila: I'm glad you're home. I'm up to my ears, and I really need your help.
WhinyWilly: Aw Mom, I just got home and I gotta unwind. BW
Brianna: MAAAA! I wanna go outside and plaaaayy!
This is Brianna, Willy's precocious little sister. BW
Sheila: Brianna, you'll just have to wait.
Sheila: Willy, you can unwind after you help me. Brianna's been whining all her life afternoon. Get her out of my hair before I go crazy BW Just take her into the backyard for a while.
Willy: No way, Mom. Brianna's a real pain BW.
Sheila: Then grab that Jinsu knife over there and julienne those veggies for dinner.
The game now pretends to give us a choice, but all we're choosing is the order in which to do our chores. (You can pick the "wrong" option in order to get in trouble, but if you get in too much trouble, you go to a military boarding school.)
- All right, all right. C'mon Brianna. I'll push ya on the swings.
- Okay. Give me the Jinsu knife. I'll get to work on the veggies, but I'm not gonna like it.
- I told you Mom, I've got better things to do with my time. BW
While pushing Brianna on the swing, you get the opportunity to end the game by sending your little sister airborne. Thanks to the magic of time travel, here it is:
You people better appreciate this. I had to sit through that pushing-Brianna-on-the-swing boredom twice to get that video. Also, apparently there's only one nurse in all of Frumpton. No complaints here.
