History Recap / AClashOfKings

The captain's daughter, whom Theon has taken for a bedmate on the voyage, asks if the castle looks the same, and Theon must admit that his recollections have faded. Belowdecks, he shuts the girl's mouth by instructing her to fellate him; he thinks she looks stupid when she smiles, and has no intention of taking her ashore with him, as she has asked him to.

Tyrion uses Littlefinger to make overtures towards Lady Lysa Arryn; if she joins the war (against Stannis or Renly only, of course), he will wed Myrcella to little Robert Arryn. To reward Baelish, Tyrion offers to name him Lord Paramount of the riverlands and seat him at Harrenhal. He then enjoys watching Littlefinger -- so named because he is lord of the meanest island in a chain called the Fingers, ruler of literally the smallest fief in the kingdom -- contemplate being promoted to the largest. When he agrees, Tyrion thinks, ''Two''.

Sansa asks the Hound why he is okay being called a dog but [[InsistentTerminology not a knight]], and the Hound recounts how his grandfather's three hunting dogs once saved Tytos Lannister from a lioness, for which the elder Clegane was granted lands and titles; their sigil is three dogs on the yellow of autumn grass in honor of the hounds that made their fortune. "A dog can smell a lie, you know. Look around you, and take a good whiff. They’re all liars here... and every one better than you.”

-->“How safe do you think Myrcella will be if King’s Landing falls? Renly and Stannis will mount her head beside yours.”\\

She introduces herself as Gilly, one of Craster's wives, and asks if he's truly related to the King in the North. Gilly is a DistressedDamsel; she's pregnant, and if it's a boy, Craster will sacrifice it to the gods (instead of raising it and marrying it as he does his daughters). Craster has 19 wives; Gilly will not be missed. Jon knows he cannot do anything, however -- especially since the crows are heading north, not south -- and reminds Sam of this when next they speak.

She laughed. "That’s fair. I liked you better when you were nine."

He then returns to the ships, where Dagmer Cleftjaw was kept asea so that no one can credit him for the victory. Theon has a plan, one which will cause the ironborn to respect him, but for it he needs Dagmer's loyalty, and he gains it with flattery.

As the court return to the castle, someone throws dung at Joffrey, leading the king to demand the perpetrator's head; the crowd, fed up with starvation and declining public standards, begins to riot. The party flees piecemeal back to Maegor's Holdfast, with several going astray -- Tyrek Lannister[[note]]Called the "Wet Nurse" because has been wed to Lady Ermesande Hayford so that the Lannisters control her hands, despite the fact that his bride is -- yes, ''is'' -- less than a year old[[/note]]; the High Septon; Sansa Stark.

-->"He looked contemptuously at the others, the knights and sellswords who had ridden with Clegane. "They say I’m half a man,” he said. “What does that make the lot of you?"\\

When Theon dickers over the reward that was promised, Ramsay punches him out and orders his forces to slaughter all the inhabitants (save the Frey children) and burn the castle. Theon, unble to move, watches Maester Luwin and his men killed, and sees his horse erupt from the stables, its mane on fire ...

Saan then relates the OriginStory of Lightbringer: every time Azor Ahai tried to quench it, the results were unacceptably bad, so in the end he tempered the sword by stabbing it through his wife's heart, so that her love and courage and strength and blood went into the blade. Though he was not at the ceremony, Saan opines that the sword Stannis pulled out of the flames was not the real Lightbringer, and that Davos ought to be glad of that: "Too much light can hurt the eyes, and fire ''burns''."

Dany dispatches Rakharo to get the lay of the city and Ser Jorah to the docks to seek news; the bear returns first, with the captain of a ship lately arrived from Westeros. Apparently, King Robert is dead, his son Joffrey sits the throne, and Eddard Stark has been arrested for treason (though even ''Jorah'', who hates Stark, scoffs at the idea that Ned "HonorBeforeReason up to eleven" Stark would ever do something so wretched).

Arya is awoken by a dream of wolves outside the gates; she's right, but the wolves have two legs. Their leader, Ser Amory Lorch, bannerman to Lord Tywin of House Lannister, demands that they open the gates in the name of the ''true'' king Joffrey. Yoren, citing Watch neutrality, refuses. Arya wonders why the Lannister force can't see that the Watch's contingent is precisely what it claims to be, and why they seem insistent that they must be rebel lords or knights; Gendry points out that [[KillEmAll they don't care]].

Catelyn rides back to Renly's camp with him, swallowing her bitter failure. Renly decides to take the battle to Stannis in the morning, and lays out his plan with his commanders. Catelyn asks leave to return to Riverrun -- there is no point in her staying -- but Renly denies her, wanting her to see Stannis RewardedAsATraitorDeserves; he does give her permission to visit a local sept to pray. She suggests he do so as well, and Renly laughingly asks Ser Loras Tyrell to stay and [[IsThatWhatTheyreCallingItNow pray]] with him.

-->She noticed the look on Sansa’s face, and laughed. "Have I shocked you, my lady?" She leaned close. "You little fool. [[CryCute Tears]] are not a woman’s only weapon. [[TheVamp You’ve got another one between your legs]], and you’d best learn to use it."

Dany dispatches Rakharo to get the lay of the city and Ser Jorah to the docks to seek news; the bear returns first, with the captain of a ship lately arrived from Westeros. Apparently, King Robert is dead, his son Joffrey sits the throne, and Eddard Stark has been arrested for treason (though even ''Jorah'', who hates Stark, scoffs at the idea that Ned "HonorBeforeReason UpToEleven" Stark would ever do something so wretched).

Rodrik is horrified to see Theon fallen so low, but Theon is still struggling with his QuestForIdentity as a Greyjoy (house words: "[[TheBully We Do Not Sow]]") who was raised by Ned "HonorBeforeReason UpToEleven" Stark. Maester Luwin has a possible answer: Theon should take the black. Theon is on the verge of agreeing when a tussle erupts outside the walls, some sort of BackStab -- but from other northmen, flying the banner of a bloody man.

Tyrion is intrigued by the wording of the letter, which indicates Stannis's conversion to the faith of R'hllor. He then takes his leave, as he -- in his office as Hand of the King -- is meeting with every blacksmith in the city and ordering them to help him forge a giant chain, each link as long as a man's arm. This is to be top-priority work, circumventing even Cersei's commands as queen regent.

Cersei believes the missive insane, but the others voice no dissent. Tyrion asks them to leave so that he can speak with Cersei candidly, and they do, but Littlefinger takes a moment to comment on how the last two Hands have died in office. Tyrion corrects him that it's actually four[[note]]Lord Chelsted, one of the many men who replaced Lord Tywin as Hand to Aerys the Mad, was burned to death on the king's order; Rossart, a pyromancer, was slain during the Sack of King's Landing; and we know what happened to Lord Jon Arryn and Eddard Stark[[/note]], but claims that the curse will overlook him on account of his smallness. He also makes a mental note to speak to Littlefinger privily about a certain Valyrian-steel dagger.

Catelyn watches her son Robb adjust his new crown, clearly uncomfortable with it. He is treating with Ser Cleos Frey (son of Emmon Frey, second of Lord Walder's sons, and Gemma Lannister), who has been chosen to present terms to his Lannister cousins at King's Landing. Robb has a list of demands, including his father's bones, his father's sword, and dominion over the North and the riverlands.

Stannis angrily rounds on her at this, pointing out that he is the rightful king, and Robb will one day be RewardedAsATraitorDeserves too. When she points out that Robert has two sons, who under [[HeirClubForMen Agnatic-Cognatic primogeniture]] should trump them both, Renly laughingly explains that she missed Stannis' letter about the whole {{twincest}} thing. Renly tries to settle the argument by pointing out the simple facts -- [[MightMakesRight he has the bigger army]] -- but Stannis refuses to yield, bluntly telling Renly he has until sunrise to [[JoinOrDie bend the knee]].

Catelyn asks how Jaime could have forsworn his oaths, and Jaime tells the story of her ex-fiancé Brandon Stark. Catelyn knew that King Aerys had Brandon executed in front of his own father, Lord Rickard, but Jaime tells the full story of the Mad King's depravities.[[note]]When Lyanna was kidnapped from Winterfell, Brandon was on his way to Riverrun, where his bride Catelyn Tully awaited, but instead [[BigBrotherInstinct he struck out for King's Landing with a handful of companions]]. At the Red Keep, he yelled for Rhaegar to "Come out and die." Aerys had the men arrested for conspiring against the crown, and then summoned their fathers, all prominent lords, to answer. Lord Rickard Stark arrived and, demanding the right to prove his son's innoncence through TrialByCombat, was told he must face the champion of House Targaryen, so he put on his armor and came to the throne room. There, he was hoisted aloft, while the pyromancers set a blaze beneath him: the champion of House Targaryen, King Aerys pronounced, was ''fire'', and all Lord Rickard needed to do to prove his innocence was not be WeakToFire. Lord Rickard failed at this [[RealityEnsues for some reason]]. Meanwhile Brandon was brought out and a special noose put around his neck. A longsword was put at his feet. The more he struggled to reach it and save his father, the tighter the noose got. [[RealityEnsues He died too.]] Aerys then called for the heads of now-Lord Eddard Stark, Lord Robert Baratheon, and their ParentalSubstitute Lord Jon Arryn; instead, the three rebelled, kicking off the War of the Usurper.[[/note]]

Sansa is startled to see Ser Ilyn Payne -- Ice over his shoulder -- attending Cersei; the queen claims he is there to deal with treason, and to defend them if necessary (which Cersei believes it will be). She asks if Sansa has any idea what happens to a city after it is conquered, and Sansa replies that true knights would not engage in pillage or rapine. [[RealityEnsues Cersei snickers.]]

# A beautiful naked woman sprawling on a floor with four little men with rat-like faces raping her. (No known meaning.) (Yes, no known meaning. You could make an argument that this is merely an {{allegory}} for the War of Four Kings [[AndZoidberg and Balon Greyjoy]], but if you keep reading, you'll note that all the other visions are much more straightforward.)

# A man who looks like Viserys, but taller and with darker eyes, who says to a woman nursing a baby, "Aegon ... What better name for a King ... He is the Prince that was Promised, and his is the song of ice and fire"; but when the man’s eyes meet Dany’s, he says either to her or the woman with the baby, "There must be one more ... The dragon has three heads." He picks up a silver harp and begins to play. ([[spoiler:Daenerys' brother Rhaegar, his wife Elia of Dorne, and her cousin Aegon. All of them died during Robert's Rebellion. However, the "There must be one more" thing has been endless fodder for Secret Targaryen fan theories which even R+L=J cannot quell -- after all, there must be one more after ''that''.]])

Cersei folds, yelling at him to GetOut. Then, Tyrion finds comfort in Shae's arms. She is in his chambers in the Tower of the Hand, led there by Varys, but he had her blindfolded so she cannot say what manner of secret tunnel she traveled through.