Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, but you're highly allergic to the material, so you can't use them without getting a painful rash.

I wish I could experience any video game I wanted to as if I were one of the playable characters, but with the ability to return to the real world any time I choose to and with no risk of experiencing any kind of actual harm (physical, mental, emotional or other) during the experience.

Granted. Did we mention you can only experience the E.T. game?

I wish for 1 billion dollars.

Congrats, they're counterfeits. Have fun spending your life in jail.

I wish everything considered unhealthy is healthy.

Granted, but your dessert is now vegetables.

I wish for an anime with a ruthless yet passionate For Happiness/The Needs of the Many character that has a good amount of screen-time and is portrayed in a good light.

Granted: The show in question is Doki Doki! PreCure, and its protagonist (Mana Aida) is an admitted Creator's Pet that is also a major Spotlight-Stealing Squad who well deserves the Fan Nickname Mana Sue. Have fun!

I wish for an anime with a focus on the Big Bad where his plans not only make sense, but actually kill every Idiot Hero to oppose him.

Granted. It's cancelled after two episodes.

I wish to be sucked into a black hole.

You are transported into another dimension full of Cosmic Horror.

I wish to be immortal.

Granted, but your appearance still physically ages, and by the time you're 150, you'll look like a zombie.

I wish I could always communicate with the spirit of my beloved.

Granted. They are always in agonizing pain, and you can see exactly what's happening to them. Did I mention you can't turn it off?

I wish to be Crazy Awesome.

You're so Crazy Awesome that you get yourself killed in a ridiculous (yet also epic) way.

I wish that my new dog wasn't so hyperactive.

Granted. It dies.

I wish Capcom would stop obsessing over Resident Evil.

Granted: It dies.

Granted: Capcom is now shilling out bad Megaman games/DLC.

I wish to be less sensitive to the sun so I can actually bear going outside.

edited 4th Sep '14 11:48:15 AM by aNinjaWithAIDS

Granted, now if moonlight touches you, your skin will become inflamed to the point of death.

I wish for the ability to assimilate everyone in the world in a Hive Mind that I have full control over.

Granted, your having full control over the hivemind means all other consciousnesses must cease to exist. Enjoy living out you days alone.

I wish I would inherit a small to midsize fortune.

Granted, it lands on top of you in a huge safe of cold, hard coins. That's pretty heavy.

I wish I could rid the world of all of humanity except me.

Granted: Your eventual death will be a cold, lonely, unfulfilled, and painful one filled with nothing but regret since you no longer have anybody to live for and there would be no future to uphold either.

I wish the hoity toity higher-ups would make more sense and less dollars.

Granted - It turns out their decisions made plenty of sense in context because knew something vital you didn't. Things go pear shaped.

I wish I were a Master of Disguise and Cosplay.

edited 5th Sep '14 4:09:26 AM by Bisected8

Granted. You lose all sense of identity, and become unable to function in society.

I wish that I knew what to wish for.

Granted, the knowledge drives you mad.

I wish for their to be true peace on earth.

Every Earthling becomes an unconditional pacifist, which allows evil aliens to invade and exterminate all of us.

I wish to resurrect my dog from the dead (fully alive, not undead).

Granted he's fully alive and even healthier than before physically. Unfortunately his soul is damaged, turning him into a crazed beast hell-bent on ripping your neck apart.

I wish that the Earth would never run out of natural resources or get polluted from their use.

Granted, but the Earth is destined to explode in 5 minutes. I wish for a Jerkass Genie.

He corrupts your wishes without really bothering to even follow your words.

I wish I was a genie.

Granted. You're a genie... for five seconds, then you change back to your previous self.

I wish I had a lawyer!

Objection! Manfred von Karma will be appointed to be your lawyer.

I wish I had a competent, Lawful Good defense attorney to prove that I'm being framed for a crime I could not have obviously committed.

edited 5th Sep '14 7:17:57 PM by aNinjaWithAIDS