You are an insane dictator for five minutes

Loosely based on this old thread in Yack Fest but with some changes.

Let's assume a bored group of Alien Space Bats (longtime or former members of Alternate History Dot Com or Counter Factual Dot Net will know where I'm going with this) invade the planet earth and come up with a proposal. They force all recognized governments of the world to accept a random person from amongst their citizenry to, be permitted to, as they wish, take up the mantle of dictator for a short period of time. In this time that person is allowed to pass up to ten laws which must be enforced and can only be overturned by another temporary dictator. These laws can be as detailed as you can make them within your allotted 5-minute rule.

They decide, however, to limit the right to do this to tropers of this website.

They also pull out all the sanity stops.

How this works:

1. Each person on taking their turn explains which country they are going to become dictator of, presents their ten laws to the forum, and afterwards offers up any commentary on its possible effects, reasoning, or comments on what other people have done.

2. Players are not limited in how many turns they can take at being temporary dictator, or in what order turns are taken. All that matters is that they are assumed to be consecutive and all occur in the same continuity. So This Troper presents laws A, B, C.... and That Troper presents laws 1, 2, 3... and A, B, C... continue to stand as long as 1, 2, 3... do not overturn them. [EDIT: I will make one caveat: you must let someone have another turn for any given country before you take another yourself.]

3. Players are only permitted to be dictator of countries for which they are nationals. Persons with multiple nationalities are free to choose which country they wish to become dictator of for that turn, but only for one country per post.

4. All recognized nations must continue to exist within their internationally recognized boundaries. No merging or balkanizing, though you can alter the internal boundaries of administrative subdivisions, states, provinces etc. within your country.

5. Any laws made will overwrite any laws, the constitution and any international treaty obligations.

6. The idea is to be as serious or as silly as you like, within reason. If you want to make serious changes you believe in, you can. If you want to do something silly, bizarre or outrageous (as long as it's not gibberish), you can. If you want to make it a law that all men must wear kilts on a Tuesday and hop on one leg, you can. If you want to introduce (or abolish) universal healthcare or 6 months paid maternity leave, or reduce copyright terms to 5 years, you can. The only limit is no war crimes or crimes against humanity. (And no declaring war on another country without the approval of the regular government.) This is meant to be a fun thread, not a nasty thread.

7. Laws can be as broad or specific in scope as you like, just as long as they are based upon a centralizing area or theme.

8. Since there is always one smart-arse libertarian in this kind of thread who will make their one and only act "Ban all dictators", this isn't allowed. Also please don't post "I would resign"; no—one is forcing you to volunteer yourself as temporary dictator. In general, you may not modify the scope of your appointment or the temporary dictatorship scheme in any way. So no declaring yourself absolute ruler for life either.

And... go!

edited 11th Oct '16 3:47:34 PM by TheLyniezian

Greetings from the sovereign leader of America!

1. The Death Penalty is now mandatory for kidnappers, homicidal maniacs, and the like.

2. The press are allowed to print what they wish, as long as they aren't being horribly biased.

3. Russia is our pal, not a rival country who we bad mouth.

4. Nukes are an alternative solution to combating terrorism, even if only as intimidation.

5. The Democratic and Republican parties no longer exist. Officials are voted or selected on merit and competence:

6. Incompetence can result in imprisonment, death, etc, if it's major.

7. On my Birthday, a large festival is to occur, set up by the people, following my ideas.

8. Treason is death, and backstabbing to get to a higher job will not help you.

Greetings from the sovereign leader of Russia!

• There are full gay rights now.
• However, gays have to dress like an average Russian citizen would so they would show that they are "just like every other Russian".
• Medinsky, Minister of Culture, is immediately arrested.
• After the five minutes end, a multi-party democratic system without corruption that cannot be abolished or defied is installed.
• Corruption is to be completely wiped out and eradicated.
• A "Ministry of Eradication of Corruption" is installed.
• All people applying for the position of Eradication of Corruption have to undergo tests to see whether they're corrupt or pure.
• Our enormous natural resources go into use for all parts of life, like sciences.
• Siberia is to be urbanized until the year of 2030.

edited 10th Nov '16 8:35:54 AM by arcada188

Hello from the overlord of Canada!

• There will be a deathray under Parliament hill at all times only to be interacted with in wartime.

• January 29th is now national cat day.

• On one day of the year, different every year, all Canadians will gather somewhere in Ontario for the census.

edited 10th Oct '16 12:15:31 PM by BlizzardeyeWonder

As the insane dictator of the United States, I decree:

1. Pants are illegal.

2. Automatic vehicle transmissions are illegal.

3. Free healthcare and contraceptives for all.

4. Each State shall have it's own unique currency.

5. All proposed legislation shall be hand-written by the bill's sponsor.

6. Religious organizations are no longer tax-exempt.

7. No speed or red light cameras.

8. Homeowner's associations are outlawed.

9. Haircuts, except when medically necessary, are illegal.

10. All men must dye their hair plaid.

edited 10th Oct '16 1:22:43 PM by kouta

No-one has done the UK yet, so I shall be first...

1. Calls for a constitutional convention to put together a written constitution for this country with a few required changes from the status quo:

• A federalized UK with England split into regions, plus Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland comprising the states each with their own parliaments and "devo max" for all.
• Vastly reduced Westminster parliament, with the House of Lords replaced by a partly or wholly elected second chamber and the Commons elected by STV.
• It being understood that the Queen or any future monarch only reigns with the explicit consent of the people and sovereignty is ultimately derived from the people not the monarch. This to be expressed by periodic, binding referenda on the continued future of the monarchy.
• War, or any military action which is not undertaken to counter a direct threat of attack or invasion of our territory requires a referendum.

2. All businesses are either nationalized or required to become workers' co-operatives. Exemptions may be made for subsidiaries of foreign-owned businesses, provided they register in the UK and pay all taxes. No loopholes.

3. New sartorial rules.

• All persons are required to wear hats in public.
• All men are required not to wear ties, unless they look suitably garish or silly.
• All men who are physically capable of wearing facial hair must wear a moustache and sideburns, unless they have religious reasons why not.
• All women must wear bright red lipstick (unless they have religious reasons why not) and practical footwear.
• Everyone must have their hair short, unless they have religious reasons why not. Or are over 72, in which case they are forbidden to cut their hair. I don't care about your bald spot.
• All men must wear togas on the 4th of June. Just because.
• Decorative buttons on men's clothing (except coats) are utterly forbidden.
• You Gotta Have Blue Hair is an Enforced Trope for all persons between the ages of 14 and 17.

4. No-one may invent a religion for the sake of getting round 3.

5. Any foreigner may live and work in this country, provided they pass an English test, obey the law, respect our customs and are not here for the purposes of playing professional football or property speculation. In which case they are persona non grata.

6. Copyright terms are reduced to 30 years with an optional 30 year extension subject to registration. Except anything in the Macross franchise which is hereby in the public domain, just to piss off both Harmony Gold and Big West alike.

7. All numbers between 8 and 10 are temporarily abolished for the remainder of my term in office.

edited 11th Oct '16 3:48:16 PM by TheLyniezian

Number 2 is a really bad idea. The UK tried it after WWII and it didn't work out too well for the UK. Before and during WWII some of the best aircraft and ship designs were British (Supermarine Spitfire, anyone?). Afterwards, not so much.

EDIT: The American Iowa-class battleships were designed and built to be able to both outrun and outgun a Japanese Kongo-class battlecruiser. The Kongo's were a pre-WWI British design and the US spared no expense when designing and building warships that could shrug off a direct hit from a Japanese 14" shell with just one absolute requirement: It had to be small enough to use the Panama Canal.

edited 11th Oct '16 10:04:17 PM by kouta

The Glorious Scandinavian Empire Sweden:

Serious (-ish):

• Our government is now a science directorate, pretty much. We're still a democracy (well, mostly) but the general way of doing things will be summed up as "hard evidence or gtfo!" The same attitude will be encouraged in all areas of society.

• No more victimless crimes. More focus on rehabilitation (or at least containment) as opposed to punishment.

• A large group of Smart People^TM will be hired to fix our economy using some real math and actual logic instead of the usual bullshit.

Silly:

• People who mess up hotel rooms beyond what is reasonable will be heavily fined by the government. (This is a personal one...)

• Giant statues everywhere!

• "No pants Tuesday" is now a thing, just because.

Greetings from the new big daddy dictator of Japan:

1. Every schoolgirl ages 15-18 are now forced to strip naked at all times

2. Cartoons are now considered anime worldwide

3. Sushi is banned

4. We now own X Box and Microsoft

5. There are no more Jolly Ranchers. They're all gone.

Well in all fairness this is meant to be a fun thread about us pretending to be insane dictators, so there are some things I would seriously not countenance doing in real life even if I did have the power (especially most of 3^note not counting ties, they have to go). I am aware there are limitations of nationalizing or otherwise taking into public ownership absolutely everything, though I am not convinced the limitations are necessarily as neoliberalists want to make out, or that there are no positives.

The point however was not to nationalize everything, but rather to try and co-operativize as much as possible. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, certainly there are disadvantages to it and especially trying to impose that from the top down when the culture and expertise are not there, would not be a good thing. But rather it is to try and solve the problems associated with the traditional capitalist business structure, which is designed to benefit the shareholders and those at the top and where everyone else is a means to an end.

As the insane director of whatever state of something:

1, The name Hitomi will be made illegal.

2. The name Kyosuke can only be used by me.

3. I'll build a lab which can create artificial humans and turn them into Magical Girl.

4. I'll defictionise a blue haired cute girl named Miki Sayaka

6. I'll ban the use of violins, except me of course!

7. All witches are banned.

8. I'll marry Sayaka-chan.

9. Should I failed, both the name Kyousuke and Sayaka will be made illegal and no one can use those names.

Insane Troll Logic, indeed...

edited 10th Nov '16 8:06:49 AM by Mhazard

As Dictator of America, I hereby decree:

1. Pants are legal again, but all pairs must have at least 3 pockets.

2. The capital is to be moved to Indianapolis.

3. Indiana having thus been given primacy, all states must accept Indiana's currency. The reverse is not true.

4. Independence Day is now observed on July 5th, and combined with the celebration of my birthday.

I doubt anyone will do this country, so as Imperador of Portugal:

1.The Monarchy is reinstated.

2.Former Portuguese colonies are expected to now pay tributes to their mother country.

3.Employers shall be expected to meet a quota of new employees.

4.Portugal shall blockade the Mediterranean.

5.Ship production is to be doubled.

6.Research shall be focused on advanced ships.

7.New laws are to be put in to place to prevent polluting the sea.

8.A new currency is to be invented, but the Euro is still allowed.

9.Fortifications are to be built on the border of Spain.

10.Immigration laws are to be relaxed, but people with Portuguese blood shall be focused on.

edited 10th Nov '16 10:35:37 AM by Skiller2

When you make laws, are you allowed to interact with the other countries? For example, putting a embargo on a country.

Sorry for posting twice.

edited 10th Nov '16 10:43:40 AM by Skiller2

Hello from the Republic of England.

1. The monarchy? Away with it!

2. All of the country's nuclear weapons will be destroyed.

3. Farting is illegal.

4. All females aged 15-25 are required to dress in A-level Zettai Ryouiki outside their own home.

5. Calling for religious thought is strictly illegal.

6. Everyone has to pay the same rate of tax and trying to evade the former will result in much tough punishments.

7. Owning non fully/semi-automatic firearms is legal.

8. Anyone who lies to a large audiance of people is to have their trousers set on fire.

9. Immigrants that don't break the country's law are to be treated equally to English nationals.

Bump

Hello and welcome to the People's Republic Of Belgium!

Foreign Relations 1. All Belgian colonies will be annexed by the Republic and will pay increased taxes for treason. 2. Belgium will begin to support Communist revolutions around the world. 3. Belgium will leave the U.N. and NATO.

National Security 1. An increased military budget will be put into effect. 2. Luxembourg will be annexed for the efforts of the Republic. 3. Garrisons will be placed in all major cities of the Republic.

Economics 1. All religious organizations will begin to be taxed by the government. 2. Funds to public education will be diverted to a newly increased military budget. 3. The rich will have increased taxes, especially those with large coorpirations.

Social Issues 1. All genders will receive equal pay and both will be required to have at least 2 years of military service. 2. Disabled individuals will be sent to therapy, physical or mental. 3. All females ages 15-25 will be forced to remain nude outside of their own homes. 4. All citizens must own at least one firearm

Greetings from the benevolent ruler of America!

1: Religious groups are now tax exempt again.

2: Citizens arrests are authorized, as long as you have enough proof to back it up.

3: Attempting to frame someone, or use the Citizen's arrest system to execute someone will be highly frowned upon, ending with a very strict penalty.

4: Penalties may include amputation, interrogation for long periods of time, being unable to buy goods, house arrest, loss of sight, etc.

5: While we have many freedoms, including the right to peacefully protest, if it becomes a riot, a special group of police are authorized to contain said riots through any means necessary.

6: Gladiatorial games are authorized, though the participants must volunteer willingly, or be criminals.

Greetings from the Socialist Democratic People's Republic Of The Fifty Holy United States of North America!

1. Subsidies on Ethanol are abolished completely

2. Small organic farms benefiting local communities are now incentivized and heavily subsidized.

3. Native Americans now get full land rights

4. Local Loop Unbundling is now required for all IS Ps, as are an end to data caps. A program to roll out fiber to rural areas is established.

5. Copyright law is rolled back to its original term of 14 years plus a 14 year extension. All existing Copyrights are retroactively affected.

6. A comprehensive program of natural carbon sequestration involving ecosystem restoration and agroecological farming is created.

7. Donald Trump and his entire cabinet are put to death.

8. Tom Wheeler is made President of the United States after the five minutes are over.

9. All keyboards must sound as cool as an IBM Model M before they can go on sale in the SDPRFHUSNA.

10. In-app purchases are banned from video games released in the SDPRFHUSNA permanently.

edited 10th Nov '16 7:46:21 PM by lewattoo

Salutations from the leader of the glorious People's Socialist Democratic Republic of the 18 307 Islands of Indonesia! I will now declare these following 10 policies:

1. PLN will now replace its power plants with nuclear power plants.

2. Yearly mental health check-ups are mandatory.

3. Israel will be recognized, but as an enemy country. Yes, other than waging war against Israel, we will also wage war against Malaysia (again.)

4. All online classes will be banned.

5. Gays, transgenders and non-binaries will be given full rights, but abortion is a punishable crime.

6. Protests against the government in the name of religion will no longer be allowed.

7. Every citizen will be given one bottle of raw milk every day, and pasteurization will be outlawed.

8. Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono will be exiled to Russia.

9. The Army will have full control over the police, not the other way around.

10. Like Saparmurat Niyazov, I will declare a special day to commemorate a fruit. This time, we shall declare a special day for the glorious coconut.

edited 10th Nov '16 8:23:50 PM by fdiaperhead

As the new dictator of the kingdom of Spain I declare:

1. Money is now illegal.

2. Cheese is now the official food of the country. All citizens must eat cheese at least twice a week. A new police under military discipline will be created to enforce this law. The 2nd of January is now the national day of cheese.

3. Since we cannot be less than Portugal, military fortifications shall be built around the border. That will be bigger and better. Portuguese cheese will be outlawed.

4. Telecinco and any other TV channel that airs Gran Her mano will cease to exist immediately. Repeated broadcasting of the same episodes of The Simpsons over and over is illegal. A list of episodes will be approved by the government every year.

5. Baggy pants are a crime. Anyone wearing them will be imprisoned for 2 years.

6. The kingdom of Spain is now known as the kingdom of Spain that is not Mexico, get yourself an atlas you friggin idiot.

As dictator of America, I decree:

1. Copyrights are banned, but making a bad addition to canon is punishable by being fed to badgers.

2. Actually, all crimes are punished only by being fed to badgers. The worst offenders will be put in a sack full of badgers and thrown into a river.

3. The political parties are now Technologist and Fuddy-Duddy. Neither one is allowed to be bigoted, or they will be fed to badgers.

4. Trees are to be replaced with super-efficient oxygen machines, fixing all environmental problems.

5. The Environment is now illegal. People are to understand what that means or be fed to badgers.

6. All energy is to be taken from Sakuradite generators.

7. Classes on analysis of literature will be taught using tropes, and works other than literature will be included.

8. If you bully a nerd, you will be fed to badgers.

9. If you are bullied by a nerd, you will be fed to badgers.

10. Funds are to be allocated towards construction of Humongous Mecha for use in military and at parties.

edited 11th Nov '16 5:34:25 PM by ZeroL

As the insane dictator of Homuhomu State of Homurica

I'm hereby to declare:

1. Madokaism is the only legal religion

2. All school subjects will be solely about Madoka

3. The word "God" and "Jesus" will be replaced by "Madokami". I'm Going to Hell for This.

4. All school girls must either have black long hair or dye it into pink.

5. The TV will only air Puella Magi Madoka Magica, even in a kindergarten.

6. Everyone must have either Kaname or Akemi as their surname

7. We will rename War And Peace Nebula into Madokami Nebula

8. It is mandatory for everyone to become a Magical Girl.

Welcome... to America II.

1. American history will be rewritten to include dinosaurs in all wars from the Revolutionary to Civil War, and Humongous Mecha in all wars afterwards.

2. People who insist on spelling lose "loose", etc "ect" and whoa "woah" will be taken to intensive rehabilitation therapy.

3. There will be a genetic engineering project to create Pokémon and Dragon Quest slimes.

4. Bill & Ted law (Everyone is required to be excellent to each other at all times) will apply to all politicians. Any politician caught being decidedly non-excellent to somebody will be devoured by a swarm of locusts.

5. All Apple devices manufactured from this point forward will include a headphone jack and at least one USB-A port.

6. A wall, reinforced and extremely well guarded, will be built around a random tree in Montana.

7. The next President after my reign is over is to be Abraham Lincoln's ghost.

8. Science is now considered a form of magic. Scientists are now known as "Wizards", hackers/tinkerers are "Sorcerers", and technologists, biologists, physicists, etc will be named "Sages".

9. NYC, Boston, Miami and Seattle will be evacuated and closed off to the general public so that they can left to grow over. Wildlife bridges will be built to these cities so as not to obstruct the overgrowth process. It is my belief that these places will look cooler abandoned and overgrown.

10. In-app purchasing and online-only multiplayer are outlawed in all new games and all new updates of existing games. Subscriptions are no longer allowed on all other kinds of software.

   MANDATORY BROADCAST INCOMING. ALL CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, PLEASE PREPARE FOR NEXT ANNOUNCEMENT.   

1. All political parties of any kind are abolished. No reason to have groups of people who'll cause infighting.

2. American history will not be overly exaggerated. It will, however, be mildly altered to the point where the leaders are misunderstood, though well meaning.

2a: Unless the leader happened to go under through a scandal or gross incompetence. Then they're a complete villain.

3: The draft for the American Armed forces is authorized.

4: Nuclear Weapons production is a must.

5: Our allies are important to us. So important, in fact, that we'll be willing to wipe their enemies off the face of the earth, unless there's some concessions that largely benefit our allies and us. Looking at you, middle eastern countries poking at Israel.

6: The rich must give to the poor. I am a fair and generous leader.

7: The police are allowed to be the judges, juries, and executioners of certain criminals.