Romance and sexuality in fiction and in real life

Is it just me, or there is a huge discrepancy between the sexual behavior that people on TV Tropes Media threads seem to like in TV shows, and what they preach in on-topic threads about real life?

I mean, for example, the same people who admit being "a sucker for" innocent Boy Meets Girl romantic stories, can also be seen here, gushing about monogamy being outdated, and about how awesome casual sex is.

We have a whole index of Virginity Tropes, and a whole bunch of other Chastity-related tropes, and it looks like this is not just an awkward artifact of bigotry like Bury Your Gays, and co., but things that people still expect in their stories.

How does that work? Is it one of those things that people want to see on the screen but not in their lives, like war?

Or one of those ideals that would be cool to have, but too bothersome, in the same way as you would love to be a ripped Badass, but irl, you wouldn't start working out, even if your life would depend on it?

Fetish/kinks =/= what people do in real life.

Read my stories!

I wouldn't take what people posted here as a realistic reflection of their sex lives

Well got to go, I'm meting up with Charlie Sheen to snot coke out of a stripper's navel

edited 20th Mar '11 2:44:26 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

Huh? What on-topic threads have you seen that in?

This one likes to see romance in fiction, but in real life...well, she is not capable of romance at all, and considers it rather puzzling and more than a little stupid.

Not to mention that some of this one's favourite "flavours" of fictional romance involve Foe Yay, A Match Made in Stockholm, Dating Catwoman and other similar things, which, well, can't be healthy in real life. They tend to be quite dangerous and end badly.

Anyway, this one thinks that romance in fiction can be seen just like murder in fiction - just because an audience likes to see nameless mooks slain in various cool and brutal ways does not in any wy mean that they would approve of such actions in real life.

Also, this site catalogues tropes people expect to see, not necessarily those they wish to see.

edited 20th Mar '11 9:35:53 AM by Beholderess

If we disagree, that much, at least, we have in common

Chastity as a kink? That's a strange mental image, but technically correct.

Yeah, I assume that Most Tropers are not having as much sex as they would wish, but it's still interesting that they even seem to idealize entirely different behaviors in real life.

Can't remember the title, but I saw a thread with that specific content a few months ago, and vaguely similar themes show up here and there.

I like romantic Boy-meets-Girl stories (as long as they're not rom-coms, I hate those so much). I think casual sex is awesome. I don't see why the two should be mutually exclusive.

Again, nothing strange with that, as it applies not only for romance.

In real life, this one would be terrified of most of the characters she adores

If we disagree, that much, at least, we have in common

Might be something along the lines of letting your fantasies coming to life on the page/screen, since they can't come true in real life.

That also may just be on the surface too. There's a base feeling for anything, and a good writer can take that base feeling, and put it in another situation where it blooms as something else. Take a real young man who enjoys casual sex and write him into a situation where it's boy-meets-girl, and you'll find that what you're working with is a seed from the "Needs love" packet.

For instance, my fetish would be the Casual Kink for bondage and such. However, I don't get to explore that with women often. However, what I tend to do is manage to make women weak in the knees at times with my wordplay. Different things to be sure, but stemming from an enjoyment of feeling in control romantically.

I know I enjoy all sorts of messed up relationships in fiction, yet am very much in favor of straight-laced monogamous relationships in real life. Of course, fiction thrives on drama, and drama is what you generally want to avoid in real life.

Dude, it's the internet. Deindividuation makes us say and think weird shit we'd never go along with otherwise. You think I go around telling people I have a succubus kink in real life?

That being said, there is going to be a difference between romance in movies and romance in real life, simply because the latter doesn't really work with a linear, two-hour narrative geared towards people who are really annoyed with their dating lives.

It would be interesting to see some books (even if it won't work in the movies) that show a more naturally-progressing romance. I'm sure there must be books like that out there, but if anyone knows of any I'd like to hear of some examples. I've read a handful of Christian romances which I think were more natural of how a romance could be in real life, although I'm unsure if I'd want to read many more of those as I'm now leaning away from my previous Christian background.

And AHR closed the thread before it even starts.

Support Taleworlds!

I never try to hide my kinks (Except for around my parents). I figure "If I can't be me, why bother living?".

The 5 geek social fallacies. Know them well.

Just because someone doesn't talk about their kinks all the time doesn't mean that they're ashamed of them or anything.

Also, for the record, I don't particularly like the romance genre in general. It's full of idiots that make me want to tear my hair out.

"No! Don't date him! He's a complete twit who's never... Oh, you're dating him. Goddamnit."

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

In a lot of cases, it's not a matter of hiding it so much as people just either don't think to mention it, or don't see the necessity of mentioning it in regular conversation (c'mon, when's the last time you had lunch with a friend and thought, "You know what? I bet Steve would totally want to hear about my foot fetish!"?). Deindividuation (particularly on the internet, for exactly the reasons you're thinking) just tends to provide the time and mood for people to go "You wanna hear about how I get off on genderbends? Sure, why not?"

That's pretty much how I view sex. Somewhat appealing, but way too much trouble for me to bother with. But I'm opposed to the practice of preaching about what other people should do in their sex lives.

I don't go out of my way and I don't go "I LUV BONDAGE!!!" everywhere I go, but I don't deny it if it comes up in conversation. (It does so surprisingly often, I have.... Odd friends)

The 5 geek social fallacies. Know them well.

In Real Life, I'm fine with anything that isn't shoved in my face and is consensual, but I'm squicked by anything involving masochism, and I'm squicked by anything involving polyamory.

In fiction, I'm fine with ANYTHING. Period.

At first I didn't realize I needed all this stuff...

I had an unpleasant childhood, and I still stiffen up when touched. I also tend not to think in sexual terms unless specifically prompted to do so—I don't know if that's for the same reason, or a different one. Fiction often deliberately encourages the reader or viewer to think of sex, and since I'm not actually being touched there's no fear of harm.

Mind you, I might be an unusual case.

That's Feo . . . He's a disgusting, mysoginistic, paedophilic asshat who moonlights as a shitty writer—Something Awful

Agreed, but only to a certain extent. Most romance that's written today, especially for the teenage audience (and anything by Nicholas Sparks), is boring and cliche. There's a good number of romance stories out there though that are rather complex, and are incredible reads. Sadly, these are incredibly rare, and usually geared towards women, since most men are too manly to read about emotions.

Edit: Or teenage ones. I find it a bit sad that I find teenage romance cliche and overdone (most likely because I was so ackward myself when I was younger).

edited 21st Mar '11 8:28:04 AM by Newfable

Well, sappy emotions.

There's no justice in the world and there never was~

I wanted to start an OTC thread about romance in a tropey context, is it okay if I necro this?

A plausible explanation for why some people have a hard time dating someone who treats them nicely, and vice versa. Basically, if we have low self-esteem, people who treat us like garbage seem like they understand us better, while people who treat us nicely cause an unnerving cognitive dissonance.

edited 2nd Sep '15 12:36:57 AM by TheHandle

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

That's probably true - and on the flipside, you have people who think that the person who's nice to them means it's TWUE WUV because they're nice.

It also reminds me of something discussed quite a while back, don't remember which thread, but to the effect that people who have been victims of domestic violence during their formative years end up not just looking for someone like the abusive parent, but deliberately (if subconsciously) go out of their way to antagonize and 'push' their abuser, because when they get in a relationship with someone who's not abusive they subconsciously can't keep up with the healthy parts.

That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw

I used to be like that, but it was because I thought that was how relationships worked.

Thankfully, I was able to notice that something was wrong, and went to work on the part that I had some control over, namely myself. After some self-education and therapy, I'd like to think I don't initiate aggression-style abusiveness any more (as in, teasing, insulting, belittling, or otherwise undermining or wearing down on the other's pride or self-esteem).

However, I've got a different upbringing problem; my father was abusive and violent, but my mother was, and remains, doting, to a fault. As a result, whenever I feel that I'm loved, I tend to treat my lover as if she were my mother when I was a kid. Namely, get very huggy and kissy and cuddly and hand-holdy, act lazy and selfish and indulgent and whiny, and engage in a great deal of cajoling, flattering, and even guilt-slinging in order to get my way.

I've learned not to be a jerkass gadfly. So now I'm needing to learn not to be a spoiled brat.

Another thing I need to remove from my mind is the craving to live out tropes. I derive extreme satisfaction from living out Love Tropes and clichés, from the basic holding hands to the Umbrella of Togetherness to candle-lit dinners to having a picnic under the moonlight. It's an "everything falls into place, everything is perfect, all's right with the world" kind of feeling, and it's inebriating.

When a girl reveals her traumas and weaknesses and struggles to me, I'm downright gleeful at the chance to help, to become the guy she needs, to play out the role of a Knight In Shining Armour or a Dating Sim protagonist. Acknowledging a girl's independence and ability to save herself, in that sense, becomes merely playing the same role with more subtlety, but the fundamental remains the same: doing good things for the person I love, and having an active hand in improving their well-being, is my greatest satisfaction, regardless of whether she even knows I'm responsible. I also love doing one Grand Romantic Gesture after another, showering my beloved with gifts to the extent that she'd let me.

Obviously, I need to tone this shit down. Real Life isn't a Romantic Comedy, a Novel (Classic, Romance, Light, Visual, or otherwise), or a Dating Sim. But, come to think of it, I feel that even this acknowledgement gets wrapped up into my desire to be a perfect lover.

I also need to figure out how the heck wanting to be a Paragon of Loverly Virtue squares with wanting to be a Spoiled Child...

edited 2nd Sep '15 4:32:33 AM by TheHandle

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.