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Wrestling: Colt Cabana

Colt Cabana (real name Scott Colton) is a professional wrestler and comedian who is perhaps best known for his time in Ring of Honor. He has also had noteworthy runs in IWA Mid-South and CHIKARA, and he even had a brief run in WWE as Scotty Goldman after years in their then-developmental company, Ohio Valley Wrestling (with a few televised matches even before). He was also a part of Wrestling Society X as the masked Matt Classic, supposedly a wrestler from the 1950s who used old-school moves such as the airplane spin. In addition to all of this, he frequently wrestles all over the world.

Outside wrestling, Colt has taken up stand-up and improvisational comedy. Every Monday he and comedian Marty DeRosa star in a show called Creative Has Nothing for You, about a wrestler who has difficulties dealing with the writer of a wrestling promotion. Every Thursday he releases a podcast called The Art of Wrestling, in which he interviews anyone he knows within the industry from independent wrestlers or active TNA/WWE superstars. He and Marty DeRosa also do MST3K-style commentary on Highspots' $5 Wrestling series.

Tropes associated with Colt Cabana include:

  • Acrofatic: Colt is not fat, but he is self-described "barrel-chested" and one of the bigger non-giant wrestlers in the indy's where most wrestlers are less than two hundred pounds, doesn't stop Colt from using an Asai Moonsault as a fairly regular move.
  • All Jews Are Cheapskates: Is able to live comfortably in his dream job of professional wrestling, partially, by his own admission, by being incredibly thrifty.
  • Ass Kicks You: One of his moves is the "Flying Asshole".
  • Arch-Enemy: Adam Pearce, with whom he had a bitter rivalry over the NWA World Heavyweight Title and instigated a Best of Seven series, aptly known as "Seven Levels of Hate".
  • Big Guy, Little Guy: Big guy to Punk's little guy. While Punk isn't what someone would call "little," he is considerably less bulky than Cabana.
  • Breakup Breakout: The (relative) Jannetty in the Second City Saints, his partner being CM Punk, who is world famous and a five-time world champion in the WWE. Compare that to Cabana, who got released from WWE after a brief run as a jobber and is a two-time world champion in the NWA (a belt which Punk claims, is nothing to compared to the Ring Of Honor World Championship, something else Punk won that Cabana did not). Though he hit superstardom compared to what happened to the third member of the group, Ace Steel, who never got out of developmental and doesn't have a world title to his name at all.
  • Cavalry Betrayal: At ROH So Cal Showdown, Cabana ran out to stop Scotty 2 Hotty from giving the worm to referee Johny Fairplay, only to give Fairplay the worm himself and follow it up with a stink face.
  • Cardiovascular Love: Parodied. He has a T-shirt that has a Jewish Star in between the words "I" and "Colt." CM Punk has even been photographed wearing it.
  • Catchphrase: On the Art of Wrestling podcast, he starts each episode with the same paragraph, but the two most beloved lines are "Live from the studio... apartment!" and "It's a professional wrestling podcast, a life podcast!"
  • Couch Gag: In the opening paragraph for the Art of Wrestling when introducing himself he says different things ("I'm a Chicago native!" "I'm a tax payer!""I'm a small business owner!") before saying "but more importantly, I'm a professional wrestler!" He'll often use the same descriptions multiple times but never the same way.
  • Defeating the Undefeatable: While he lost the International Wrestling Cartel's Super Indy Championship to AJ Styles, Cabana did successfully defend it against Styles several times before it happened, AJ Styles being considered the second most difficult man in IWC to defeat after Abyss.
  • Dirty Cop: As Officer Colt Cabana in JCW.
  • Finishing Move: Double Underhook Canadian Backbreaker he calls Colt 45 and an Inverted Boston Crab he calls Chicago Crab. Matt Classic liked the Von Erich Claw
  • Guttural Growler: Matt Classic tried his best anyway.
  • Heterosexual Life-Partners: With CM Punk. The two met at wrestling school and wrestled throughout the indies together. Notably, Punk wrestled his last match in ROH against Cabana — echoing retirement matches where a close friend of the performer would wrestle their last match with them, like Trish Stratus and Lita did at Unforgiven 2006.
  • Human Popsicle: Matt Classic's gimmick is that he was recently revived from the 50s who uses hilariously outdated wrestling maneuvers and survives on a diet of "raw eggs, mayonnaise sandwiches and cigarettes".
  • Hypocritical Humor: When Konnan and former WWE writer Court Bauer invited Colt on their own podcast, Colt kept calling Konnan "Conan" throughout the show before jokingly calling out Konnan for always calling Court Bauer "Kurt".
  • I Have Many Names: Currently wrestles as Colt Cabana and Matt Classic, but has also wrestled on WWE Heat and Velocity as Chris Guy (real name of trainer Ace Steel, who worked as Scott Colton on Raw), Scotty Goldman (on Smackdown) and as Officer Colt Cabana (for the Insane Clown Posse's JCW promotion.)
  • Informed Judaism: Colt is Jewish, but in all his interviews he's made himself out to be either non-practicing or extremely reformed about it.
  • Jerk Jock: One whom "The Lovely" Lacey was smitten with, which he used to rub in the face of Jimmy Jacobs. Later Cabana would admit he was only using Lacey for sex and told Jacobs to abandon her because she clearly did not care about his much more genuine feelings. And that was the nicest thing Cabana did in this angle, which says something about the ROHbots, who cheered Cabana on the whole way.
  • Jobber Entrance: If you saw him on WWE television, his entrance would not be the reason you remembered. Well, he did have a televised entrance with music when he went out to face The Brian Kendrick but it wasn't a common thing.
  • Masked Luchador: Matt Classic didn't wrestle a style immediately identifiable as technico or rudo, but his mask was of the style worn by countless luchadors.
  • One Steve Limit: Even if WWE didn't have its habit of renaming people so it could trademark them (it did let CM Punk stay CM Punk, though it also only kept Punk because of Paul Heyman) they probably would not have been able to reconcile him with Carlito's Cabana.
  • Perky Female Minion: Lucy and Tracy Brooks in The Second City Saints, Daizee Haze outside of it.
  • Power Stable
    • Besides the Second City Saints, he was in CM Punk's New Dawn with Samoa Joe, Azriel and David Prazak in Full Impact Pro
    • (as Matt Classic): The Throwbacks with Dasher Hatfield, Mark Angelosetti and Sugar Dunkerton
  • Power Trio:Old School Express with Jock Samson and Marion Fontaine
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Real Life example, The Blue Oni to CM Punk's Red Oni. Colt is typically more open to meeting fans in random places than Punk, though if you either catch him at a bad time or if you piss him off, he can be just as much of a Jerk Ass as Punk is, or worse.
  • Ring Oldies: Parodied with Matt Classic.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: Infamously lead an exodus out of the NWA with Adam Pearce in one of the few cases that did not have anything to do with someone finding national success.
  • Shout-Out: As mentioned above, he and his trainer Ace Steel wrestled on WWE television using each other's real names.
  • Signature Move:
    • Besides the flying asshole, a twisting superplex (or Tornado Plex), Bearhug into Cradle DDT (Cabanarama) and an air raid crash onto his knee.
    • Matt Classic's were the airplane spin, abdominal stretch airplane spin, drop suplex and heart punch
  • Signing Off Catch Phrase: On Art of Wrestling "For Colt Cabana, I'm Colt Cabana! Thanksssssssssss!"
  • Tag Team:
    • The Gold Bond Mafia, w/CM Punk and Chris Hero
    • Team SHAG with Darren Burridge
  • Teach Him Anger: He tried to get El Generico to get angry with Kevin Steen and Steve Corino
  • Tournament Arc
    • He won the tournament to become The International Wrestling Cartel's new World Heavyweight Champion after CH Punk had to drop the belt. He's also won their second Super Indy Tournament, beating Matt Stryker in the finals.
    • He won New Horizon Pro Wrestling's Global Conflict 2010 World Shield, beating Balls Mahoney in the finals

Mike BucciTurnOfTheMillennium/Professional WrestlingDon Callis
King Kong BundyThe NinetiesDon Callis
You Have to Have JewsProfessional WrestlingMolly Holly

alternative title(s): Colt Cabana
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