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Ciaphas Cain
Ciaphas Cain is the 40th millennium reincarnation of Edmund Blackadder.
Cain is Blackadder and Jurgen is Baldrick. It makes a ridiculous amount of sense if you think about it. This also means that Blackadder itself is set in the past of the 40k universe...which is probably a poison oak epileptic tree if you think about it.
Ciaphas Cain knows exactly what he's doing; he really is Just That Good.
What, you think he's a reliable narrator? He is very aware that he lives in a Crapsack World, so if he were to acknowledge heroics, especially to the Inquisition, he'd die very, very quickly. Or worse. He's also aware the only way to counter GRIMDARK is the Rule of Funny. No, no. Anything that he does that is heroic is actually self-serving cowardice and/or sneakiness. Really! So he fills his "true" biography that he knows will fall into the hands of the Inquisition with lies that don't matter; and his lover, Inquisitor Vail, debunks said non-politically dangerous lies. All the while hiding in plain view the fact that everything he does is Just As Planned.
The techpriest Logash hasn't seen the last of the Necrons.
Perlia is a dumping ground for former members of Inquisitorial retinues.
Or at least it is by the time of Cain's Last Stand. Amongst the people we see working at the Schola progentium are a pragmatic former Celestian, a possible former Inquisitorial Storm Trooper, a former Naval Admiral and a bonafide HERO OF THE IMPERIUM! whom we know served the Ordo Xenos on occasion. Even outside the Schola, we have an elderly Imperial Guard veteran who claims to be from Cadia. Who lets loose the battlecry of the Tanith First and Only. Gaunt's Ghosts is set more than two hundred years prior to the novel in question, and Cain references receiving treatments from the Inquisition to keep him at his physical prime despite pushing somewhere in the range of a hundred. Bit too much for coincidence, no?
Gunner Jurgen's status as a blank is directly or at least partly responsible for his apparent ugliness and lack of hygiene.
Canonically, most humans are at least mildly warp-sensitive; this is why Pariahs cause such mind-numbing terror and loathing in anyone they meet. Intuitive traits such as being a good "judge of character" are often ascribed to this warp-sense. Even blanks are often described as being naturally disliked by others - probably because the psychic-sense that humans normally use to form intuitive judgments about others don't work as well, so the blank always feels off to humans. On one occasion in Death Or Glory Jurgen is described as already looking as dirty as he ever does, almost immediately after bathing. It's possible that the reason others perceive him as dirtier than them (in a desert, immediately after bathing) is because he is a Blank and thus lacks the normal filters on how people perceive each other. For that matter, his lack of apparent education and his seeming disregard for hygeine are probably related as well; Jurgen presumably realized at an early age that people would never care for him, and simply decided to neglect normal courtesies as worthless in his case. Also, he pretty much destroys anything.
Jurgen is actually the Chaos God Nurgle in disguise.
His odor, multiple skin diseases, and lack of personal hygiene are trademark Nurgle signs. Furthermore, his being a blank is actually just his psychic powers nullifying other psykers. He travels around with Cain to battle his enemies. The times they do fight against Chaos, its either Slaanesh or Khorne, and one time they actually encounter Nurgle troops, they end up killing their Slaanesh enemies.
Ciaphas Cain and Jurgen are the Chosen Ones. . . of the C'Tan Deceiver.
The very existence of Jurgen's blank status is a result of things going Exactly as Planned by the Deceiver. Two of Cain's three encounters with the Necrons involved them opening up second fronts on an enemy that was otherwise seconds away from punching his ticket. In retrospect, the Deceiver's strategy would seem obvious: pump up an intelligent coward as a hero, then attach one of the fruits of his eons-long master plan for fighting Chaos to him. Cain will have to act to defend the reputation that the Deceiver built for him, dragging Jurgen with him because he knows a blank provides his single best chance for survival. As a result, Jurgen is turned into a perpetual Spanner in the Works, constantly being thrust into situations where he'll do maximum damage to whatever master plan Chaos has come up with this week.
The loss of Simia Orchalchae was considered acceptable by the Deceiver. He had all the pieces in place, and was willing to bank on the future potential of his strategic pawns. Moreover, giving Cain the win there would cement the legend that was being created around him. The defenses of Adumbria and of the Shadowlight bear out this assessment. At this point, the cycle has become self-sustaining and requires only minimal upkeep from the Deceiver himself. Cain will defend his reputation and drag Jurgen along to defend his life simply out of habit. There was only one crucial situation, in Cain's Last Stand, where the situation was too urgent for subtlety and the Deceiver tipped his hand with the too-timely Necron counteroffensive. It's part of the Deceiver's plan to keep Cain and Jurgen alive as long as reasonably possible. As long as they exist, they'll keep getting thrown into situations where they can royally gum up the works for Chaos.
Basically, Cain is an Unwitting Pawn in the best way. It's the point of the exercise for him to be the primary beneficiary of this grand scheme, despite the fact that Jurgen is it's primary enabler. By building up the figure of the dashing, heroic Commissar Cain, Deceiver uses him as a smoke screen to draw attention away from Jurgen.
Ciaphas Cain and Co are from the less GRIMDARK part of the Galaxy.
It's a galaxy; bloody immense place. Ciaphas Cain is from the normal part, and they think the guys from the GRIMDARK part are crazy.
Ciaphas Cain is the embodiment of the Emperor's will.
Praise be to our most beneficent God-Emperor, who has sent his prophet, Ciaphas Cain, to be a leader of heroes against the most evil of the ruinous powers. It would be a great theological boon if we were able to study his writings in detail.
Ferik Jurgen is the Anti-Haruhi.
Consider: Suzumiya Haruhi is arrogant, short-tempered, very controlling, and capable of altering reality to suit her will. Gunner Jurgen is selfless, laid-back, willing to take orders without question, and capable of nullifying Warp powers (i.e. those that would allow one to alter reality).
Jurgen is the Emperor.
The Throne doesn't work so well as the priests think, it merely slowed his reincarnation. His surface traits are merely a disguise, and his Blank status is merely a cover for the use of much more powerful but subtle Psyker abilities. Being Cain's right-hand man is merely a convenient way to get around and de-emphasize his own actions— all the focus is on the HERO OF THE IMPERIUM, who notices his slovenly dogsbody? Jurgen secretly protects and guides Cain, accounting for Cain's extremes of good and bad luck; he gets Cain (and thus himself) to wherever the greatest threat to Humanity is, and helps him overcome it (or overcomes the real threat behind the scenes while Cain deals with the more obvious physical danger).
Ciaphas Cain is the reincarnation of Big Boss.
Cain is considered the greatest soldier of his time, so was Big Boss. Both were considered awesome leaders who fought side by side and often ahead of their soldiers. Both look and fight like far younger men. Should I go on? Apparently, Big Boss was so awesome, he was reincarnated as the HERO OF THE IMPERIUM, to fight in the toughest battles of the universe. The God Emperor only wishes Cain was the embodiment of his will.
The God Emperor is the reincarnation of Ciaphas Cain.
Following Cain's death, he outruns the Warp demons sent to claim his soul. Then, without any physical body to slow him down, he keeps running, eventually escaping from the Warp and passing into a welcoming-and strongly psychic human mind on earth almost 50000 years beforehis death. He waits out the centuries, waiting for the Imperium to emerge at the end of the Age of Strife. But, when the Age shows no signs of ending, he creates it himself out of a desire to survive. Remembering the many soldiers who died valiantly, but uselessly, in his campaigns, he seeks to create soldiers who are virtually immortal-the Space Marines. However, because he also knows how this all turns out, he provides himself with a few reinforcements for when things get really bad: the two missing Space Marine legions, hidden only Cain-knows-where. In fact, the only thing he didn't plan for was the psychic dissonance caused by his souls occupying two places at the same time. But there will come a day, following Cain's first "death", when the Golden Throne fails, and, with his spirit free once more, Ciaphas Cain, IMMORTAL GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND, will return to the mortal realm, call upon the missing legions. Then, he will stand against the forces that seek to tear the Imperium apart on every side, and do the only thing he knows how to do: he'll win.
Cain isn't dead.
He's in a secret location under Amberley's supervision.
Sulla has a distinct crush on Cain.
Not much of a guess, I know, but look at the evidence. The main page notes she goes from appearing to hate his guts to determined to prove herself to him. It looks to me, from the evidence, as a mix of a crush and hero worship.
The whole series is a Self Insert Fic by Amberley Vail.
I can't be the first to think of this, can I?
Ciaphas Cain is actually Rincewind
Seriously, with as long as Rincewind has lived, and the fact that he's been shunted into various dimensions, including ours... the cunning, and the cowardlines, and the heroism, that can't be a coincidence.
Cain's original memoirs included intimate details of his relationship with Amberley Vail.
These have been edited out by Amberley. Not that she's too concerned about concealing their relationship from the Inquisition (any Inquisitor who can't figure it out from what's in there should be fired), but she doesn't feel comfortable with anyone else reading the details of exactly how good Cain's first night with her was. Her personal copy contains these details, and she peruses them from time to time, especially if she hasn't seen Ciaphas in a while.
Cain, not Abaddon, is the true Champion of Chaos Undivided.
How does this work? Simple. Look at Cain - honor, martial strength, obscene kill count, best chainsword user in the entire Imperial Guard... Looks like the work of Khorne. Ability to appear in precise to spot to ruin almost any plot of the enemy, no matter how convoluted it is? That, and his huge (for a Commissar, that is) knowledge about Chaos and his apparent invulnerability? Tzeentch. Now, for Jurgen - he shows markings of being chosen both by Nurgle (really, it's Jurgen) and Slaanesh (his holo-picts with you-know-what, plus suggestions of what he does with them). Together, they battle the enemies of the Imperium - but only to stave off suspicions. After all, who will suspect heroic Commissar? But look at what Cain actually does - every place he walks through ends up wrecked. He kills Orks/Necrons/Tyrannids that are threat to Chaos, too. On the rare occasions he ends up battling Chaos, Imperium wins... by killing off a few useless pawns. Really, every victory Cain makes saps Imperium's strength bit by bit, both by losses it incurred, and by overstretch, as it still has to guard/reinforce all places Cain had "saved". Thus, in a thousand years, when God Emperor will finally awake... he will lose, as all tiny dents made by Cain will undermine Imperium's strength in critical moment. Just as planned. Thus, Abaddon is just a loser making loud Black Crusades that are designed (from the start) to accomplish nothing but divert Imperium's eyes. Now, if only Amberley was from Malleus, not Xenos, the Imperium might have spotted that treachery...
Cain, Jurgen, and possibly Amberly, are spiral beings.
Commissar Ciaphas Cain is a missing Primarch.
No one knows where he is from, who his parents are and how the hell he got into the Scholarium to become a Commissar in the first place. He is probably from a Hive World, but no one knows which one. He has an excellent grasp of tactics (think of all those subtle ways he shields himself with troopers!). He is one of the best swordsmen in the Guard, if not the very best. He always, always knows when a bad situations is about to occur. He has an instinctive caring for his subordinates, even though he pretends he doesn't. He's saved worlds from Orks, from Tyranids, often single-handedly. And he has never lost to anyone he had the slimmest chance to win of.
Jurgen and Corporal Nobbs are somehow related
If only because their levels of grungy-ness are too astronomical for them not to be connected.
Cain will become a Warp Entity after his death
Think about it, belief has a strong influence in the 40kverse. Not only is he a HERO OF THE IMPERIUM, but he has his own cult among the Tallarns. Once he passes on all that Belief will coalasce, and instead of joining the Emperor Cain will find himself as a warp entity/angel in the Immaterium. (and probably highly annoyed to as he'd likely be summoned to aid Imperial forces in even MORE perilous situations...)
Jenit Sulla is Cain's younger sister.
Or possibly daughter. Either way, she's basically his Distaff Counterpart and secret blood relation.
Fact: we don't know anything about Cain's parents. The part about being orphaned is true, as is the part about growing up on a hive world. So is the part about his parents being Guardsmen. However, he didn't grow up with them. They served in a mixed unit — much like the 597th — and Cain was a mistake that they covered up by abandoning him to the underhive. Eventually, they retired and settled down on Valhalla, at last having a child that they kept. A daughter they named "Jenit".
Flash forward centuries later. Both Cain and Sulla have wildly improbable careers, accompanied by poorly-written but wildly popular public memoirs... that completely cover up the real truth that both of them spent all their years of service scared witless and desperately trying to avoid danger, building up Big Damn Hero personae both to cover up the truth and as a means of ensuring a constant supply of cannon fodder willing to leap to their defense.
Somewhere out there is another Inquisitor who carried on a decades-long romance with Sulla, uncovering her secret memoirs and editing them for circulation among his Inquisitorial comrades after his death.
Following on from the previous WMG; Commissar Donnal was Cain's son
Mainly the same reasoning; Cain Really Gets Around and he's pretty similar.
The Kryptmann Gambit is going to end badly
The Kryptmann Gambit was a scheme to weaken the latest Tyranid Hive Fleet by luring it into Ork-held territory, and hopefully getting the Orks to thin out the Tyranid ranks a little without any damage being done to Imperium worlds. It seems a sensible idea, so long as the Tyranids don't manage to take and consume the Ork planets.
But there's a problem with this scheme. In The Emperor's Finest, Cain encountered a brood of Genestealers on the Spawn of Damnation that were implanting the Ork raiding party living on the same hulk with Genestealer implants, with the intent that the Orks would turn some of the people they end up fighting on the next planet they raid into Genestealers, with the defenders being unaware that their attackers weren't ordinary Orks. Sending a Hive Fleet through Ork territory creates the very real possibility that this will happen with any planet the Tyranids don't manage to consume outright. This will cause a lot of problems for the Imperium worlds bordering the Ork-held territories in the generations to come.
Jurgen's blank aura makes those in his vicinity knurd.
Discworld establishes the idea that relatively few people truly see the world as it actually is. In Warhammer 40000, things like a good sense of intution or being a good judge of character are actually manifestations of humans' natural psychic potential, explaining why blanks are inherently unlikable on first impression- humans see them as they truly are from an abstract perspective, without the sense of kinship and common humanity.
The shadowlight can turn psykers off as well as on.
That's why the necrons want it so much. Indeed, the reason why there are psykers in the future but not now is that something happened to the shadowlight — it's the source of all psykers in the galaxy.
Jurgon is a Ratling/Ogryn hybrid.
Smelly, blindly loyal, focused and blunt to the point of near stupidity, good at combat with big weapons. Check. Excellent scavenger, sneaky when he has to be, obsession with porn slates, good marksman, good cook. Check. Just tell me a meltagun isn't the kind of thing you'd expect an Ogryn "sniper" or a Ratling demolitions expert to use.
Try not to think about the implications surrounding his conception.
"Jinxie" is decended from an Afriel Strain guardsman
Apart from the obvious supernatural bad luck, the Afriel Strain's main feature is albinism; something that wouldn't be as visible among the pale, blonde Valhalyns. Maybe one of them settled down and managed to have a family on a planet where they could hide their origins with nothing but a pair of coloured contacts...
Amberley is editing Cain's memoirs more than she lets on
Particularly about the parts concerning Cain's love life. Every non-Amberley love interest that actually contributes to the plot of a novel tends to have a pronounced character flaw, and there is absolutely no mention of Cain having any lovers other than Amberley in the years after they first meet.
Cain, and not Amberley, is self-editing Cain's memoirs
Come'on, he has an Inquisitor as a girlfriend. A person who's very job description is to sniff out secrets. The warp hath no fury than an Inquisitor scorned, after all.
Amberley is more hung up on Cain's death than she lets on
The Cain Archives, as Amberley puts it, is a mess. It is in no chronological order, and there are no chapters or indicators of any kind. Deciphering that work is probably a massive undertaking... but the Imperium is full of people well suited to the task (Amberley even drags around a scribe who could have easily done the deed). Why then does a Inquisitor, a rare resource better suited to sniff out heretics and enemies of the Imperium, be stuck editing some dead guy's words? Unless...
Cain is being used in a minor embezzlement scheme
Due to the numerous times that Cain was erroneously declared KIA only to turn up alive later, the military decided to keep him listed as alive and on active duty at all times. This has continued past his confirmed death and burial with full military honors. Because of this, that means he is still on the payroll even though he is no longer able to collect his pension. Somewhere in the system, some accountant has realized that there's a highly decorated Commissar with over a century's seniority who stopped claiming his pay, and then decided that since Cain doesn't appear to want it anymore, he might as well take it for himself.
Jurgen is much smarter and more important than even Cain realizes
He knows Cain better than almost anyone in the galaxy, possibly even better than Amberley. He's subtly manipulating Cain towards an unknown goal while appearing simple, helpful, unassuming, and incapable of anything other than literal interpretation of orders. He controls who gets to speak to or see Cain during regular business hours. He may even have realized his status as a blank years earlier and been using it to help Cain without the commissar ever realizing it.
Maybe the Tallarns have it wrong, and Jurgen is the true incarnation of the Emperor's will.
Because Cain is forever listed as Active Duty, Cain IS on Active Duty.
Even being dead is not a problem in a Universe where Faith can shape reality, Caipahs Cain, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM! will live on forever as a legendary figure whose fame and tales of ever more dangerous exploits guarantee that wherever the fighting is heaviest, whenever the dangers are most dire, whatever the threat to the Imperium itself! Ciaphas Cain! HERO OF THE IMPERIUM! will be there to turn the tide!
Ciaphas Cain is actually (unintentionally?) achieving (technically heretical) Sainthood status via his exploits right under the Inquisition's (this means YOU Amberly) nose!
Much like the pure zealous belief of the Sisters of Battle can summon Holy Living Saints of the Imperium to fight by their side, enough Guardsmen have heard of Cain and actually incorporate him in their traditions like Cain's Round, the Prophet Spoke: Frak This!, and more over time.
It will probably only be AFTER odd things start manifesting in battlefields across the Imperium that the Inquisition will take notice.
Fleeing troops chanting Cain's name will inexplicably find a tall man with a chainsword appear from no where to cover their retreat.
When leading a hopeless charge against a foul stronghold of heresy, screaming FRAK THIS! as a war cry can call forth a vision of the Prophet whose every las shot is the wrath of the Emperor against which no enemy can stand!
Even when deep in the heart of enemy territory, surrounded on all side, running out of everything., save one last cup of tea as an offering and know that you will find your way home.
And the reason why this happens to Cain and no other Hero of the Imperium?
Simple.
Cain actually CARES enough about survival (especially his own) and goes to great lengths to ensure that casualties are as few as possible, so not only does his fame spread as a Commissar who Cares, but he has sense enough to not lead his men into the meat grinder time and again, leading to him having more believers in the HERO of the IMPERIUM than there are Sisters of Battle.
Guardsmen may lack the pure zeal of a Sister of Battle, but as always, what they lack in quality, they make up for in quantity.
So a round of tea for Ciaphas Cain! HERO of the IMPERIUM!
Cain's exploits are part of a plot by Tzeentch.
Because, come on, what isn't?
The ninth volume will concern the Tyrannic Wars
The second three books all concerned the Shadowlight to some extent. The seventh book concerned genestealers on a 5,000+ year old space hulk, while the eighth involved Tyrannids that had been dormant for at least 5,000 years (Well before the first confirmed sighting of a Tyranid). Since Cain mentioned being pulled from retirement to fight Tyranids in book six, given the Tyranid-centric nature of the last two books, this seems a logical theme for the next book.
In the ninth book, Mira will return.
She will also introduce her husband's heir (who's middle name will be Ciaphas, for the prestige mostly...or so she says). Said heir may or may not be rather tall and muscled, despite the governer and his mother's bulk, and pragmatigally cowardly.... The main reason for this WMG is that it follows the pattern of the last lot of books where a character/Love Interest appears again and introduces what is essentially younger version of Cain. Bonus points if Vail has a physical presence this time.
In any other universe Cain would be more of a traditional hero.
On this site we have collected more than enough evidence that Cain is a hero and will act heroically even when he has other options available to him. The reason he spends so much time denying his own heroism is because thanks to the 40K culture he believes that being afraid or having a sense self preservation makes you a coward. Because he has these things he believes that he is a coward therefore nothing he does is heroic. Most universes don't have this point of view, at least to this degree. If he was in another universe he would still act just as heroic, he just would not hate himself.
Cain is the reincarnation of Horatio Hornblower
Smart, talented, believes his reputation for heroism is undeserved despite the awesome things he does, encourages it anyway, has a habit of saying dramatic things for the sake of morale. The biggest differences are that Cain is a good deal more selfish and self-centered than Horatio, and he doesn't read briefings.
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