"Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)."
—Opening to My Immortal
My Immortal
, by "Tara Gilesbie", is an infamous Harry Potter Fan Fiction.
Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is a seventh-year Slytherin who's overwhelmingly beautiful, "goff" and has Draco Malfoy wrapped around her pale finger. Everywhere she goes, her fellow students are smitten by her hot, goffik So Beautiful, It's a Curse body. She's usually surrounded by her friends, "Stanist" "goffs" who slit their wrists, cry tears of blood, shop at Hot Topic and move into Slytherin, while everyone else (including Dumblydore) is a prep who listens to Avril Lavigne and hates the goffs for no reason.
The plot is mostly centered around Vlodemort trying to force Enoby to kill Harry. After this, Evony goes back in tim to try to prevent Tom Bombodil from ever becoming Volxemort, by making him fall in love with her. Snap and Loopin are pedophiles who enjoy masticating and eventually get sent to Azerbaijan (or "Abhkazian", which could possibly be a product of the Cupertino Problem if not for the fact that the fic has clearly never seen a spellchecker). Then there's some drama between Egogy, Drako, and Vampire, and...who are we kidding? There's nothing resembling a plot here.
What this fic does have, however, is sex, torture, rape, time travel (Marty McFly makes an inexplicable cameo), guns, goth concerts, ludicrous and confusing nicknames, dramatic entrances, tears of blood, wrist-cutting, homo-/bisexuality, fishnets, and clothing descriptions worthy of American Psycho. This is not to mention the OOC drama, ranging from Tara's constant interaction with her incensed reviewers, the rocky relationship between Tara and her best friend, Raven, and back-and-forth between Tara and a mysterious "hacker." The constant spelling mistakes don't help the reader's understanding either. Depending on who you believe, it's either one of the worst fanfics ever written or a shining example of a Troll Fic.
For the Death Note version, see Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami. For The Twilight Saga version, see Twila The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre or Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen. For the Pokémon version, see Pokémon: Attack of Mewtwo. For the Redwall version, see soulless shell (Redwall), though that one's closer to legolas by laura in some ways. For the Warrior Cats version, see Star Kits Prophecy. For The Legend of Zelda version, see My Inner Life. For the Percy Jackson and the Olympians version, see Moon Daughter.
See also (My) Immortal: The Web Series, a Web Video adaptation. Not to be confused with the song by Evanescence.
My Immortal provides examples of:
- The '80s: Tara randomly decides that Voldemort attended Hogwarts in the 1980s (canonically, it's the 1940s) - maybe she just couldn't imagine a time before there were "goffs". She also throws the Marauders, who canonically attended Hogwarts in the 1970s, into the same time period. And she keeps up only the barest pretense of the '80s, filling the scenes from that decade with blatant pop-culture anachronisms. At least twice, her author's notes point out details which aren't accurate to the '80s in order to ask us to ignore them.
- Absurdly Divided School: Hogwarts is apparently divided into two antagonistic groups, the villainous, pastel-wearing, pop-music loving "Prepz", and the protagonist's group, the "goffs", who wear dark colors, listen to "goffik" music, and even change their names to be "evil" or "dark" sounding. These two groups are so utterly opposed to each other that they regularly insult, torment, and assault one-another, but the "preps" are in a position of power, due to most of the school faculty taking their side. It used to be even worse in the past, as Enoby learns that Dumblydore used to be so anti-"goff", he'd send students to Azkaban for it.
- Alpha Bitch: Ebony, who treats non-goths like pure crap and has her own exclusive posse to back her up and join in. Britney is considered one as well, despite not doing anything remotely terrible whenever she appears.
- Always Chaotic Evil: Preps, apparently, although we never see them do as many horrible things as the goth protagonists.
- Anatomically Impossible Sex: Something is terribly, terribly wrong with the ... order of events here:He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. "Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation.note
- Anti-Climax: Chapter 17-18. 17 sets up some fight between "Dumblydore" and Voldemort, but 18 opens with Ebony waking up. It's explained away in a paragraph, where Dumbledore "chased him off" (and then segues into Ebony and Draco having sex to a Linkin Park song...). Of course, most fights end with someone flying away. Rather like The Iliad, only stupid.
- Anti-Hero: Ebony and her friends. They all fight the villain Voldemort, but they disrespect authority and do "pot, coke and crak"... and each other.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: This description of a Peeping Tom transgression against Ebony contains several arrest-worthy offenses followed by one blandly mundane act.Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.
- Artistic License – Biology: Willow is described as being "thin enouff to be anorexic" but having "really big bobs".
- Author Appeal: All of Tara's protagonists have the same taste in fashion and music as her to a comical degree, down to the characters attending Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance concerts.
- Author Avatar:
- Not just Ebony, but every other character to be portrayed in a positive light, since they're all basically clones of her.
- At one point, angry with Raven, Tara changes Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way to Ebony Dark'ness Dementia TARA Way (her emphasis).
- At another point, Tara describes "Ebony's" hairstyle, then asks the readers to "email me if u wana see da pik."
- Author Filibuster: Tara constantly stops the plot (or lack thereof) to remind us she hates preps for no reason. And that she's a Yaoi Fangirl. And that anyone who flames this story is a jealous gay fag.
- Back from the Dead: Willow, although whether or not "B'loody Mary" was telling the truth about killing her (and letting Loopin have sex with the corpse...) is unknown. Draco comes back too, after committing suicide. No explanation is given for this.
- Beige Prose: When discussing anything besides Ebony's apperance, the prose becomes very simplistic. Chapter 1:I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowy and rainy at the same time.
- Black-and-Grey Morality: As this dramatic reading series notes, "Everyone is either a Satanist or a prep and both of them are evil."
- Bolivian Army Ending: We never see what happens after Ebony uses Avada Kedavra.
- Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Ebony and "B'loody Mary" (a.k.a. Hermione), while watching Das niteMARE b4 xmas, discuss how their ex-friend Willow got expelled for skipping classes. B'loody Mary suddenly mentions that "after Willow got expelled I murdered her and then Loopin did it with her cos he's a necphilak". Ebony's only response is a happy "Kawai".
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: Ebony sometimes goes as far as addressing the reader directly. While in character. In the middle of the story.He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.
- Buffy Speak: Jumbled misspeaking in search of the right word or phrase is an earmark of the fic.Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.
- Bus Crash: Willow would be an example of this if there were any continuity. She is featured prominently in chapter two and then isn't mentioned again until chapter sixteen in which it's stated she died. But then she comes back from the dead with no explanation.
- Captain Obvious: Nothing in the story is sufficiently self-evident that it can't be elaborated on needlessly.All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart.
- Card-Carrying Villain: All "preps" are evil. Don't ask why — Tara seems to think it's clearly evident.
- Catchphrase:
- Ebony's go-to insults are "prep" and calling people "bastards". However, her go-to insult for Vampire (Harry) is variations of "fucker" and/or "motherfucker".
- Ebony tends to say "Oh my fucking God" as an exclamation a lot.
- Cluster F-Bomb: The fic makes liberal use of F-Bombs. Here's just one example:What the fuck? You torture my fucking bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.
- Conflict Ball: Why do the two groups of daft High School stereotypes hate each other? God knows.
- Content Warnings: The tagging phrase "WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD" is used in one instance. (Of course, "excretion" might just be the right word...)
- Cool Car: Draco has a flying Mercedes-Benz. Notably, this is one of the actual canon features of the fanfic: at least one flying car does exist in the Harry Potter 'verse. Although it's fairly out of character for Malfoy to own an enchanted version of a Muggle invention.
- Costume Porn: And how. Pretty much one-third of the fic is spent describing what someone is wearing. It could probably be more if Tara wasn't so busy writing out a "Groundhog Day" Loop in between fits of IKEA Erotica, but...
- Crack Fic: Provided this fic is the work of a troll, of course.
- Crossover:
- Marty McFly appears for no real reason other than to take Ebony back to the present.
- Darth "Valer" takes Voldemort's place at one point.
- Socrates makes an appearance in Chapter 36. Yeah, wrap your mind around that one.
- A third, possibly unintentional one:Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was.........Tom Bombodil!1111
- In another cameo involving Voldemort, at one point, Voldemort's past self is referred to as "Tom Anderson".
- Crunchtastic: The fic is loaded with made-up adjectives that border on the ridiculous.
- "Yeah shut up!!!!" Snake said preppily.
- 'Gothically' is also used as an adjective. And apparently there is such a thing as an 'emo voice'.
- 'Sexily' is also frighteningly common, as in "I jumped sexily in front of da bullet".
- "Darkness von Gothick" Name: Most of the original Harry Potter characters are given new names. Examples include Hermione now being B'loody Mary, Ron being Diabolo, "Navel" becoming "Dracola" and Harry becoming Vampire.
- A Day in the Limelight: Chapter 37 attempts to switch to Draco's point of view, but after 10 lines it's mentioned that "Draco, Ebory and I went to Profesor Siniater's room", which makes no sense no matter which way you look at it. Afterwards, the POV apparently switches back to Enoby.
- Disproportionate Retribution: "Samoro" responds when "Lucian" messes up during a performance of their band by attempting to shoot off his arm.
- Don't Explain the Joke: There is precisely one instance of a pun not being pointed out. Even if it had been pointed out, it would still have been the only good pun in the entire story. One of the worst cases of her pointing something out occurs when she intentionally uses "bitca" instead of "bitch" in reference to a rather obscure line in the Season 2 opener of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Tara's comment on this otherwise brilliant Shout-Out?"bufy rox!111"
- Draco in Leather Pants: Invoked literally. Draco in this fic's universe is a hot, emo bad boy whom Ebony dates and regularly has sex with; he's fully lacking his canon flaws.
- Dramatic Ellipsis: "It was... ... ... ... ... (CHARACTER)!" is used more than a few times. Used all the time before "sex" scenes as well. "And then..........we started frenching passively", or some variation thereof, appears about 50 times in the fic.
- Deus ex Machina: There are several examples of both sudden appearances of characters who save the day and absurdly convenient things happening that get hand waived away as perfectly normal occurrences.
- Dumbledore's appearance at the MCR concert to save the day.
- Ebony gets shot by James (Samaro) and survives. The reason for her survival is explained by Serious (Sirius). "Enoby u were almost shot!11" said Serious. "But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time."
- Dumbledore's iPod turning into a time machine. Which Ebony just happens to need.
- Dramatic Thunder: Shows up conveniently for dramatic effect."I knew who thou were all along." he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. "Now I shall kill thee all!!!!!!" Thunder came in da room.
- Driven to Suicide: Draco. Of course, after being found in his room, dead, he promptly reappears in the story and nobody so much as comments on it. Admittedly, it's possible that Tara was trying to imply that Voldemort had kidnapped him and put a fake corpse in Drako's room, or something.
- Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: Many of the characters, including Ebony, Willow, Vampire, and B'loody Mary, have dark hair and pale skin — and they are also strange and creepy. While that's true of the goths as one might expect, it also holds true for some of the preps for reasons unknown.
- Emo Teen: While Tara, Ebony, and their friends are referred to as "goths," they actually better fit the stereotypical description of turn-of-the-millennium emo kids — whiny, angst-ridden, and self-important.
- Fandom-Specific Plot: Towards the end, Ebony finds herself starring in a version of the ever-popular Tom-Riddle-redemption-story.
