Quotes: Screw the Rules, I Have Money!

Impunity, n.


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    Comic Books 

Y'know what money can buy? A solid gold gun. That shoots diamond bullets.

I have the greatest power of all, Mister Miracle. I am so rich, I can do anything.
Most Excellent Superbat, Final Crisis

    Film — Live-Action 

I am no gentleman, no, but I have money.

Control the cash-box, and you control the world.
Mr. Jorkin, A Christmas Carol (1951 film)

Bick, you shoulda shot that fella a long time ago. Now he's too rich to kill.
Uncle Bawley, Giant

Dwight Dickham: You defended that Miluawkee beer baron's kid; the one who went slumming in Gary. 40 million in the bank, 1 dead prostitute? By God, you're good. Best verdict money can buy.
Hank Palmer: Everybody wants Atticus Finch 'til there's a dead hooker in a hot tub.
Dickham: There's your bumper sticker.

Joe Moore: (accepts change) Makes the world go round.
Bobby Blane: What's that?
Joe: Gold.
Bobby: Some people say 'love.'
Joe Well, they're right, too. It is love. Love of gold.

Tony Hoyle: Let the law take these guys down. You know, sometimes the law works.
Paul Kersey: And sometimes it doesn't! These people, they steal, they murder, they destroy people's lives and get away with it! They have alibis, money, lawyers, power. They have everything.

Strannix: What are you gonna do when you get two hundred million dollars in the bank?
Commander Krill: Buy the presidency!

There are many things you'll never understand. This is one of them. [Holding a stack of dollars while looking at Frank's drawn gun] You see, Frank, there are many kinds of weapons. And the only one that can stop that is this. Now, shall we get back to our little problem?

Arthur: But you'd have to buy out the entire cabin. And the first class flight attendant...
Saito: I bought the airline.
[Everyone looks at Saito incredulously]
Saito: (awkward) It seemed neater.

    Film — Animated 

"You've heard of the Golden Rule, haven't you? 'Whoever has the gold makes the rules.'"
Jafar, Aladdin

You and I both know the real power in this world ain't magic - it's MONEY! Buckets of it.
Doctor Facilier, The Princess and the Frog


For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

It is easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God.
'Jesus Christ

Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we are. They are different.
F. Scott Fitzgerald, Rich Boy

The very rich can afford to give offense wherever they go.
Elizabeth Bennett, Pride and Prejudice

Crime is for poor people. You don't have to rob a bank when you own it.

Whose peace do the Goldcloaks enforce when the Hand proclaims one king and the Queen other? [Laughs] The man who pays them.
Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish, A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones

Ian rolled his eyes. Laws were for poor people.
Operation Trinity, The 39 Clues

Those of you I haven’t been in contact with, please hear me out. I’m paying twice what Calvert is for a year’s salary, and I’m paying it all upfront. Look to the other team captains if you don’t believe me. Fish, Minor, Richards, Meck, I’ve talked to them, and they’ve agreed.
Tattletale bribes her way out of being shot, Worm

    live-action tv 

See, if he was poor, we'd call him crazy. But since he was rich, we just called him "Sir."
Earl about Chubby Sr., My Name Is Earl

Helena: I'm quite happy to finish my time and pay my debt to society.
Peggy Peabody: Helena, for God's sake, pull yourself together. You're a Peabody.
Helena: What difference does that make?
Peggy Peabody: Peabodys don't have debts, darling. Not to anyone. And certainly not to society.
The L Word, "Lady of the Lake"

Abbie Carmichael: The laws for the rich are different.
Jack McCoy: What laws for the rich?


Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world"
— "Money, Money, Money", Abba

    newspaper comics 

King of Id: Remember the Golden Rule.
Peasant: What's the Golden Rule, sire?
Another peasant: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

    Professional Wrestling 

Everybody's got a price
Everybody's gonna pay
'Cause the Million Dollar Man
Always gets his way!
Some may cost a little
Some may cost a lot
But I'm the Million Dollar Man
And you will be bought!


I follow the Golden Rule
How can a man resist?
When the gold in his hand
Lets him rule the land
With an iron fist!
— "The Golden Rule (Dark Reprise)", Twisted

And it's very very funny
When you've lots and lots of money
To be horrible to those with none
— "The Chorus of the New York Upper Crust", How to Make your Own Gilbert and Sullivan Opera

When I think of the good things that life has to give,
I'm reluctantly forced to agree
That the number of people who know how to live
Is restricted, quite simply, to me.

For life is like cricket: we play by the rules
But the secret which few people know,
Which keep men of class well apart from the fools
Is to think up the rules as you go.

    Video Games 

Fuck you! I shoot money!


Why do humans keep thinking that minimum wage buys undying loyalty?"''
Sam Starfall, Freefall [1]

Objection! The jury will note that my client is a wealthy celebrity!

    Web Original 

I'm incredibly rich, so no one will think of pressing charges.

The thing is that where I'm from, laws favored the rich and business savvy. The Corporate Dispute Zone don't favor the lower class that much.
Kaitlyn, We Are Our Avatars

It's a shame rich megalomaniacs are immune from the law. Otherwise, we could just call the police.
Yugi, Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series

    Web Original 

Your Holiness," said a Sentry quietly and respectfully, "A diplomat from the Scottish Empire requests an audience."

"Send him in, please," smiled Alferius, looking forward to this. The Scots had been mad enough to have their Cardinal vote against his predecessor, and then him! Now would come the grovelling, as their barely reconciled Empire desperately tried to keep clear of excommunication once more. Well, Alferius had plans for them, and he didn't think the Scots were going to like any of them. Now that he was Pope, there was no force short of God that could prevent him from having his own way, and HE was the one who decided what God "thought".

The doors closed behind the Scottish Diplomat as he entered, and Alferius recognised Gille Calline The Balleol, a well known and well liked Diplomat who had dined with and maintained good relationships with Pope Stephanus. What he didn't recognize was the fixed expression of determination on the Diplomat's face, or the large sack he carried with him. Gille strode purposefully across the length of the office to the massive desk behind which sat the Pope, cursing himself for not standing earlier and now placing himself in a weak looking position. But he needn't have bothered, the normally subtle and careful Gille was acting under Prince Edmund's orders today, and he was anything but subtle.

"Your Holiness," he grunted, upending the sack he held and pouring a massive pile of florins onto the desk, "You have no problem with the Scottish Empire."
And Alferius, well known for his rather "uncatholic" tastes, stared at the money for only a few seconds before saying, "I have no problem with the Scottish Empire."

Organized greed always defeats disorganized democracy.
Matt Taibbi

Justin Bieber has avoided being crowned the cutest lil’ cupcake in juvie because he’s plead no contest to egging his neighbor’s house back in January...Basically the TL:DR of that plea deal is that Justin will be punished with nothing, nothing, and nothing.

I thought that getting caught on tape trespassing on your neighbor’s property and covering their house with breakfast foods while acting like a total piece of human garbage would be the kind of thing you do a bit of time for, but I guess Lady Justice just does not give a fuck. Bitch probably pawned her sword and a scale for an 8-ball and a bottle of vodka. Every day is like 2-for-1 Margarita Hour at Baja Sharkeez for Lady Justice now. I’m sure you can find her every night at the club wearing her blindfold as a tube-top and working under the name Lady Just-A$$. "I sentence you to a good time! WOOO!"

This is nothing but a rich man mocking the very idea of consequence. This soared into world-altering dickery when he hired Hollywood skywriters to scrawl another apology across the firmament. He would rather pay skywriters than his movie writer. He turned the heavens themselves into a fuck you.

FUN FACT: The going rate to get yourself out of Federal prosecution is now $92 million. That's how much Jimmy Haslam paid the government to avoid being formally charged with ripping his customers off. So now you know. The next a cop pulls you over for speeding on meth with a cage of smuggled Peruvian lizards in your trunk, slip that cop a cool $92 million and you'll be on your way.
Drew Magary, "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Cleavland Browns"

Hey, dipshit, every country does selective enforcement of its laws, because you only have so many police officers and government inspectors to ensure law is upheld. And in our country, that selection has only been to the protection of rich white assholes. Powder cocaine gets a free pass, stealing millions from the poor gets a yawn, grand theft continent gets an eye-roll, and poisoning whole towns for short-term profit gets a sad soft fart at best...And the sheer self-serving dishonesty of that just sticks in my fucking craw, just like whenever some bribe-taking, lobbyist-employed weasel tries to run on a 'law and order' campaign while begging indulgence for stealing from the Leave a Penny tray.
Sadly, No!, "Flip the Coin, Two-Face"

Peter Thiel, co-founder of PayPal, wrote a famous 2009 essay bemoaning women’s suffrage and saying 'I no longer believe freedom and democracy are compatible.' Valley VC Tim Draper, right now, is demanding that the state of California be broken up into six states, so Silicon Valley won’t have to share a government or tax revenue with poor non-techies. And every day we hear another story about a tech company deciding rules don’t apply to them, whether it’s Airbnb and zoning rules or Apple and Google and wage-fixing rules or Aereo and FCC rules...Sure, electronic tools can be used to good ends. So can tools within the financial markets. It’s not any individual tool that’s a problem—it’s that the tools are all part of a deeply hierarchical system. And the people at the top of that system end up thinking they inherently deserve to be there, that they’re better than the rest of us.
Arthur Chu, "Occupying the Throne"

    Web Video 

Malcolm: Hey whoa whoa hold on a sec. You want me to go BACK to an island with dinosaurs? have you seen Jurassic Park? Na na na, dat's OK, you deal with that yourself.
Hammond: Hey hey, c'mere for a second: I sent your girlfriend there alone, and Gigi, have fun, good luck, bon voyage.
Hammond: That's why you don't fuck with me. Imma stay here and eat some fuckin' steak, drink beer, get a BJ from a goddamn dinosaur, I don't give a fuck! I'm John Hammond! How many billions do I have again? *counts fingers* Oh that's right. Heheheheh!

Today there are very few things that money can't buy. If you're sentenced to a jail cell in Santa Barbara, California, you should know that if you don't like the standard accommodations, you can buy a prison cell upgrade. It's true. For how much you think? It's not the Ritz Carlton. It's a jail! ($82.00 a night.) If you go to an amusement park and don't want to stand in the long lines for the popular rides, there is now a solution: In many theme parks, you can pay extra to jump to the head of the line. They call them 'fast-track' or 'VIP' tickets. And this isn't only happening in amusement parks. In Washington D.C.! Long lines, queues for important Congressional hearings! Now, some people don't like to wait in long queues maybe overnight, even in the rain. So now, for lobbyists who are very keen to attend these hearings, there are companies—line standing companies, you can go to them—you can pay them a certain amount of money, they hire homeless people and others who need a job to stand in the line for as long as it takes, and the lobbyist—just before the hearing begins—can take their place at the head of the line and a seat in front of the room. Paid line-standing.

    western animation 

I'm rich! I can do anything!
Scrooge McDuck's Evil Twin, DuckTales

Like they say, you can't be too rich, or too evil!

Ward: What are your powers?
Augustus St. Cloud: I have an inordinate amount, of money.
The Venture Bros., "What Color Is Your Cleansuit?"

No! I never lose! I'm too rich to lose!
Remy Buxaplenty, The Fairly Oddparents storybook "Scout's Honor"

    Real Life 

What power has the law where only money rules?

There is no wall that is high enough to stop a horse with a cart filled with gold.
Philip II of Macedon

I sincerely believe that banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies...
Thomas Jefferson, 1816 letter

History records that the money changers have used every form of abuse, intrigue, deceit, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and its issuance.
James Madison

The poor have sometimes objected to being governed badly; the rich have always objected to being governed at all.

The extent of the power of money is the extent of my power. Money’s properties are my – the possessor’s – properties and essential powers… I am bad, dishonest, unscrupulous, stupid; but money is honoured, and hence its possessor. Money is the supreme good, therefore its possessor is good. Money, besides, saves me the trouble of being dishonest: I am therefore presumed honest. I am brainless, but money is the real brain of all things and how then should its possessor be brainless?
Karl Marx, "The Power of Money"

The only problem with capitalism is the capitalists.

Mankind is divided into rich and poor, into property owners and exploited; and to abstract oneself from this fundamental division... means abstracting oneself from fundamental facts.

The rich people are those who create wealth, and you have to treat them well so they continue to give wealth.
—Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet, May 1988 speech

The only difference between Al Gore and George W. Bush is the velocity with which their knees hit the floor when corporations knock.
Ralph Nader on the 2000 U.S. Presidential Election

We don't pay taxes. Only little people pay taxes.
Leona Helmsley, ALA the Queen of Mean

According to the Supreme Court, money is now speech and corporations are now people. But when real people without money assemble to express their dissatisfaction with the political consequences of this, they’re treated as public nuisances and evicted.
Robert Reich, Former U.S. Secretary of Labor

...if you had a truly capitalistic society, everything would be a commodity, including freedom. Well, since the U.S. is toward that end of spectrum, it means there's an awful lot of freedom around if you can afford it. So if you're a black organizer in the ghetto, you don't have much of it, and you're in trouble... But if you're a white professional like me, you can buy a lot of freedom.
Noam Chomsky

Money is now a Great Wall of China separating American rich from poor, a division beginning to seem as eternal the Great Wall itself.
Gore Vidal, Point to Point Navigation

The "Crazy Flair" interview, in which he stripped down to his boxers, featured the man who was once WCW's top draw ranting and raving about how he was not only President of WCW but also President of the entire United States and World Heavyweight champion as well. This led to Roddy Piper managing to convince a mental institution to lock Flair up as a madman upon his son David's request...It wasn't until the following week, in Charlotte, North Carolina, that Flair returned to TV. He explained that Arn Anderson had bailed him out. Bet you never knew that when you're confined to a mental institution, you can leave simply by posting bail.
R. D. Reynolds and Bryan Alvarez, The Death of WCW