Quotes: Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!

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    Film — Live-Action 

There's what, maybe five hundred people in this hospital? I could pump you full of bullets right now and I wouldn't be arrested. Everyone would lie for me—everyone who counts—otherwise all their own lies, everything that runs Sin City, it all comes tumbling down like a pack of cards.
Senator Roark, Sin City

James Bond: No matter what you do, I'm not gonna give you the password, which means your clients are gonna hunt you down and cut you into little pieces of meat while you're still breathing. Because if you kill me, there'll be nowhere else to hide—
Le Chiffre: But you are so wrong! 'Cause even after I slaughtered you and your little girlfriend, your people would still welcome me with open arms! Because they need what I know.
James Bond: (bitterly) The "big picture."

Bank: This town might have changed, but not me. I know people highly invested in my survival, and they are people who really know how to hurt in ways you can't even imagine.
Danny: Well, I know all the guys that you'd hire to come after me, and they like me better than you.

    Live-Action TV 

Cordelia: Xander, I know you take pride in being the voice of the common wuss, but the truth is, certain people are entitled to special privileges. They're called winners. That's the way the world works.
Xander: And what about that nutty 'all men are created equal' thing?
Cordelia: Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving.

Roy Cohn: "Homosexuals" are men who, in 15 years of trying, cannot pass a pissant anti-discrimination bill through City Council. Homosexuals are men who know nobody, and who nobody knows. Who have zero clout. Does this sound like me, Henry?
Henry: No.
Cohn: No. I have clout. Lots. I pick up that phone, dial 15 numbers, and guess who's on the other end of the line? In under five minutes, Henry.
Henry: The President?
Cohn: Better, Henry! His wife.
Henry: I'm impressed.
Cohn: I don't want you to be impressed. I want you to understand. This is not sophistry, and this is not hypocrisy. This is reality. I have sex with men; but, unlike nearly every other man of which this is true, I bring the guy I'm screwing to the White House, and President Reagan smiles at us and shakes his hand.

Admiral Pressman: I have a lot of friends at Starfleet Command, Captain!
Cap. Picard: (under his breath) You're going to need them.
Star Trek: The Next Generation, "The Pegasus"


The law don't mean shit if you got the right friends
That's how this country's run
I fought the law and I won
I fought the law and I won.

To be famous is so nice
Suck my dick, kiss my ass
In limousines, we have sex
Every night with my famous friends
—"Frank Sinatra", Miss Kittin & The Hacker

    Stand-Up Comedy 

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness, and some get it as a graduation gift, that's okay!
Robin Williams, Live on Broadway

    Video Games 

Alfred Woden had kept his word. With his influence, ridiculously, I had emerged from my history of violence unscathed, a hero. I didn't thank him. I couldn't stomach it.

I'm famous! FUCK YOU! I can do whatever I want! Those are the rules, civilian!
Peter Dreyfuss, Grand Theft Auto V

Don't worry, Sweet's just fine. He gets touched, a prison guard goes home and finds that his wife and kids have been murdered. Everything's under control.

    Web Original 

Ayers has defended his bombings on the basis that they were acts of protest against the Vietnam War and they didn't kill anybody. Both claims are disingenuous. The bombings were not part of any strategy for protesting the war. They were part of the Weather Underground's then-public strategy of drawing the government into a civil crackdown that would cause a cycle of escalating violence that was somehow supposed to lead to a revolution. Bloodshed was at the core of that strategy. Of course, being a remote destruction kind of guy he wouldn't be directly involved in the bloodshed, and if the strategy failed his rich parents could bail him out (they eventually did).
Rational Wiki on Weather Underground co-founder Bill Ayers

Oh, all of the dead Kennedys must’ve filled with pride as they watched one of their own scream “Google me!” while trying to get into a casino...I can’t wait to use it when the cashier at CVS tells me my card has been declined again. “I am a Kennedy. My last name means ‘Kennedy’ in Japanese. Google me. If you don’t give me my stuff, the governor will be calling.” But really, it must be great to be a bouncer sometimes. Getting to say “NO” to a spoiled ass brat who has only heard “yes” their entire life is probably a spiritual experience. Who needs church? If you ever want to feel lifted up and whole, just get a job as a part-time bouncer at a club where underage rich kids try to get into.
Michael K., "Google Me, You Dumb Fuck"

Alveda King is a notoriously obtuse conservative activist and author. She is also the niece of Martin Luther King, Jr., a fact she doesn’t exactly try to downplay, and which both she and her supporters treat as if it somehow conveyed upon her own ideas some special sort of legitimacy. His dream is “in her genes,” she has said repeatedly...She dismissed the late Coretta Scott King’s support for marriage equality for same-sex couples and CSK’s reports on MLK’s support for the same, saying “I’ve got his DNA. She doesn’t, she didn’t … I know something about him. I’m made out of the same stuff.” Yes, that’s her analysis of CSK’s evidence.

She likes to refer to things she doesn’t like as “genocide”.

Ray Rice: The act of hitting one's girlfriend or fiancée excessively. This will be followed by a bruised face and negative press, but don't worry you'll only get suspended for 2 games. (If you smoke one pot, expect to miss the rest of the season).

Bubba the Love Sponge, an obese radio host and longtime friend of Hulk Hogan, served as the show's interviewer. He tried to use the whole show to get himself over (as opposed to the people he was supposed to be interviewing)...a couple of months later, Bubba said "Fuck Haiti" on Twitter (in regards to the 2010 earthquake that devastated Haiti). Awesome Kong, who had been a driving force in raising funds for Haiti within the pro wrestling world, got into an altercation with Bubba. Several wrestlers who witnessed this altercation confirmed that Kong beat the living dogshit out of Bubba; these wrestlers, including Hulk Hogan, unanimously described the beating as one of the most brutal and one-sided locker room shoot fights they had seen in the past thirty years. For her actions, Kong was given a lifetime pass to Universal Studios and the unofficial title of President of All Badasses.

...just kidding! TNA actually suspended her, and when the company refused to release her upon request, she declined to participate in the company's United Kingdom tour. After a threatening phone call from Bubba and a refusal from TNA to increase pay within the Knockouts Division, TNA finally released Kong...The fat fuck that got Kong fired was released in April, not long after Kong's release. What did Bubba do to deserve getting shitcanned by TNA when "Fuck Haiti" wasn't enough? He ambushed Kong during an interview on another radio show and spouted racist/sexist slurs at her. (The host of the radio show was one of Bubba's friends and had planned the ambush with him.) Once the interview hit the Internet, his release was immediately announced, and it was thus celebrated by the great majority of the Internet. On the plus side, Bubba's last on-screen appearance in TNA saw him getting punched in the face by Mick Foley.
Taimapedia, "Nepotism Matters Here"

    Web Video 

Jay: That's not the last time JBL was a shitbag. You remember in 2009—or was it 2008—he was also bullying Joey Styles, until Styles exploded and knocked him unconscious?
OOC: He must have caught him with a lucky shot.
Jay: Oh, I have no doubt. Most of the people who were there said that JBL was turning, and he turned into the punch, and it was just one of those 1 in 1,000,000 shots. But that's all it took; he fuckin' floored him. And even if Bradshaw had got up and kicked seven shades out of him, wouldn't have made a difference. The fact is ya got fuckin' knocked out by fuckin' "catfiiiiiiiiiight!" End of story.
OOC: *sigh* Would the boys in the locker room not jump in and say, "Would you fuck off, you gobshite"?
Jay: He's Vince's boy, right? They're, like, golf buddies.
OOC: Aw, bollocks.
OSW Review Ep. 38, ECW One Night Stand

    Western Animation 

Heather: She got voted out fair and square!
Courtney: Sorry, Heather, but myself and the law firm of Fleckman, Fleckman, Cohen, and Strauss would beg to differ. We filed a wrongful dismissal lawsuit against the producers, and won!
Total Drama Action, "Ocean's Eight (Or Nine)"

"My dad's gotta say something about everything I do, 'cause I'm the mayor's son. And I'm like, 'you can't tell me what to do, I'm the mayor's...wait'."
Buck Dewey, Steven Universe