Heracles taking over the podcast.
"Καλωσήρθατε και καλώς σας βρήκα! Αυτό το ποντκαστ είναι ένα αρχαιογνωστικό ποντκαστ. Δεν είναι ποντκαστ αρχαιολαγνείας ούτε αρχαιολατρείας και εξηγώ τι εννοώ: ζούμε σε μια χώρα που έχουμε μάθει ότι το αρχαίο παρελθόν μας πρέπει να το θαυμάζουμε. Πρέπει! Πρώτον, για να θαυμάσουμε κάτι, πρέπει να το γνωρίζουμε. Δεύτερον, δεν πρέπει τίποτε! Μπορούμε και δικαιούμαστε να το γνωρίσουμε και να το θαυμάσουμε! Τρίτον, ο θαυμασμός είναι ένα μόνο συναίσθημα που μπορεί εύλογα να μας προξενήσει η αρχαία κληρονομιά, αλλά δεν είναι το μόνο! Δικαιούμαστε, λοιπόν, να γνωρίσουμε το παρελθόν από όλες τις πλευρές του."note
Archaeostoryteller's very first lines
Archaeostoryteller is a Greek podcast started on January 2021 by archaeologist Thodoros "Ted" Papakostas, aka Archaeostoryteller. Originally started with small posts on Ted's personal Instagram, but after popular demand, he made his own podcast.
Every two Tuesdays note , Ted presents various stories from Ancient Greece, showing how antiquity can move us, scare us, impress us, make us proud about the ancients when they were better, make us proud about ourselves when we are better, and all in all, proving why archaeology is the funniest science!
If you're Greek (or at least, know greek) and you're interested in ancient history, you can find the podcast here
Note: Since it's a historical podcast, most of the Real Life events are almost "Common Knowledge" unless you never opened an history book, so some spoilers are unmarked.
Archaeostoryteller provides examples of the following tropes:
- The Ace: Heracles, the most famous greek hero, obviously. The twelfth episode of the podcast has him fight Death himself to save the lover of his friend. And he succeeds!
- Action Girl: Cyrene, a Thessalian princess, who prefer hunting over weaving, once wrestle a lion which attacked her father's sheeps and beat it!
- All for Nothing:
- Despite Sparta's best attempts, as they are mentioned in the seventeenth episode, Athens still becomes Greece's most powerful city-state.
- Heracles, Appollo and Artemis once fought to be patrons of one city in Epirus called Amvrakia and asked for a shepherd to choose. The shepherd chose Heracles, because all the residents of Epirus were descendants of him [Heracles]. Artemis was fine with that decision, but Appollo was so furious that he petrifies the shepherd. The icing on the cake comes from the fact that the residents of Amvrakia ended up worshipping all the three of the contestants.
- All Love Is Unrequited:
- Poor Neaera! All this girl ever wanted was to find the love of his life, but she was unlucky on every occasion. Born in Corinth and worked at a brothel from a very a young age, she went on a tour in Athens. There, she met and fell in love with an Athenian, who seemed to love her truly. When she returned to Corinth, she was bought by two men who treated her a sex object, until they got rid of her. The Athenian she had met took her with him, but it turned out he never liked her and constantly abused her. That's just sad!
- Hipparchus, one of Athens' tyrant saw one day Harmodius, instantly fell in love with him and started flirting him. However, Harmodius was already in a relationship with a man named Aristogeiton and rejected him.
- Apollo had so many cases that he even got his own episode:
- He fell in love with Cassandra. Cassandra loved him back. Their love didn't last long and Apollo cursed her.
- Then, it was Hyacinthus, but Apollo accidentally killed him when he tried to teach him discus throw.
- Next it was Marpissa, a mortal. Marpissa chose, however, another mortal, Idas.
- He fell in love with Ymenaio. Ymemaio didn't love him back.
- Last but not least, it was Daphne. A man named Leucippus also wanted her and disguised himself as a woman to be close to her. Apollo, then, told Daphne's friends to bath naked and when they realised that Leucippus was actually a man, they killed him. Still thought, Apollo was unlucky. Daphne transformed into a tree, so she wouldn't lose her virginity.
- Always Someone Better: The tenth episode is titled O enas pio tragikos apo ton allon note and he talks about the three great tragedians; Aeschylus, Sophocles and Euripides.
- Ambiguous Ending: After a lifetime of suffering, Neaera is brought at a court for being a prostitute. Apollodorus, her rival, retells all the things he knows about her life as a prostitute. Neaera can't do nothing but listen from a corner. If she lost the case, she would lose everything and she would be sold as a slave. (Un)Fortunately, the result is unknown and this had led to a bunch of various speculations. Some scholars believe that Neaera won the case, for the arguments that Apollodorus presented were too dumb to be taken seriously. Others, however, are of the opposite opinion…
-
And You Thought It Would Fail: Cassander believed that his city, Cassandreia, would flourish in the next years and that his wife's city, Thessalonica, would remain irrelevant. Turns out that the opposite happened and Thessaloniki remained an important centre of the greek world, not only in the Byzantine times (where it was the second most important city after Constantinople and it was called "co-reigning" city) but in modern times, where it's the second most important city after Athens. - An Aesop: Mia treli treli oikogeneia note presents us this; "No one is doing ok and even if we think that things are going smoothly for someone, that's because we don't know them very well".
- Amazonian Beauty: Cyrene.
- Amazon Chaser: Apollo first saw Cyrene, a huntress, when she was fighting a lion and he instantly fall in love with her. But, apparently, she was so imposing, that he had to ask for help from Chiron to make her his.
- Archenemies: Athens and Sparta are presented as this whenever The Peloponnesian War is mentioned.
- Asshole Victim:
- After Hipparchus' failed attempts to seduce Harmodius, he invites Harmodius' little sister to participate at the Panathenaea, only to reject her and disgrace her publicly by saying that she wasn't a virgin (which back then was a huge offense). Harmodius and Aristogeiton are so frustrated that they want to punish him and, during the Panathenaea, they kill him.
- One of Odysseus' comrade, Polites, raped a young girl from Temessis. The citizens of the town killed him by throwing rocks at him. Even Odysseus didn't approve of that action and left, without even burying him respectfully.
- Athens and Sparta: The rivalry of these two cities is presented in some of his episodes, like in Mia treli treli oikogeneia note and in Pos xtizeis ena toixos? Me psemata! note
- Author Appeal: While he has never outright stated it, Ted finds Athenian history interesting, especially during the Classical period, as six of the seventeen episodes he has made so far take place here.
- Awesome, but Impractical: The king of the Moon, Endymion, is at war with the Sun. At the moon, giant spiders, each one bigger than a Cycladic island, build a bridge from the moon to the sun, so his army could march. Said army includes hippogryph, cabbageflies, milletians and various other extraordinary beings! And despite that, he still lost the war.
- Badass Boast:
- Phillip II of Macedon once wrote to the Spartans that if he entered Laconia, he would level Sparta to the ground. The Spartans responded with one word: "If."
- Attempted in the O pio arxaios ghostbuster note .
Archaeostoryteller: Τώρα τον διάλογο στο μυαλό μου τον φαντάζομαι κάπως έτσι: είπε το φάντασμα "Ουυυυ, είμαι το Μαύρο Μάτι" και είπε ο Εύθυμος "Φύγε μην σου μαυρίσω και το άλλο το μάτι!" Γιατί υποθέτω ότι το trash talk δεν ήταν ιδιαίτερα ανεπτυγμένο εκείνη την εποχή […]note - Badass Family: Apollo, a god (literally!), Cyrene, a Thessalian princess who once fought a lion and beat it and their son, Aristeus, who saved Kea from a deadly plague.
- Band of Brothels: Ancient Corinth was popular for its brothels. Though, brothels were common all over Greece, even in philosophical Athens.
- Berserk Button: Don't tell Ted that Santorini has better subsets than his hometown, Thessaloniki.
- "Bringer of War" Music: Star Wars 's theme was played at the fourth episode, which was about the war between the moon people and the sun people.
- Broken Ace: Alexander the Great may have been -as the name implies - one of the greatest conquerors, but he suffered from severe daddy issues. His mommy issues were even worse.
- The Bully: Ted literally calls Sparta this in Pos xtizeis ena toixos! Me psemata! note .
- Bury Your Gays: Hipparchus, Harmodius and Aristogeiton (the latter two had a bond, while the former was in love with Harmodius) all died in different ways on the second episode. Hipparchus was murdered by Harmodius and Aristogeiton, Harmodius was killed on the spot, while Aristogeiton was tortured to death.
- Call-Back: Archaeostoryteller in his first episode mentions Pasinoas and his son, Apollodoros. Apollodoros makes another appearance later, in Neaera's trial.
- Card-Carrying Villain: How the Spartans were portrayed in the Enas apisteutos polemos note episode, as they would stop for nothing to enslave the Messenians.
- Cartwright Curse: Apollo's love life is so bad, that he even got his own episode, entirely dedicated to all his failed affairs.
- The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes: Apollodorus may have studied oratory, but he still lost the trial against the slave that was given his father's bank. Additionally, some scholars believe that he also lost the trial against Neaera, for the arguments he presented were too dumb to be taken seriously.
- Consummate Professional: After Pasinoas was free and was given the bank of his previous bosses', he also founded a shield factory and when the Athenians found themselves in trouble, he aided them by giving them 1,000 shields. Ted describes him as being pretty hard-working and with a business mind.
- Courtly Love: Apollo's relationship with Cassandra and Hyacinthus in a nutshell.
- David vs. Goliath: In Pos xtizeis ena toixos! Me psemata! note , where the Greco-Persian Wars are touched briefly, Ted literally calls Persia the Goliath of the story, while the small greek city-states are the David.
- Democracy Is Flawed: For Ted, the fact that the Athenian Democracy withstood and faced with success The Achaemenid Empire (which was the biggest military power of that time), despite the fact that it was only just recently developed, is proof that when Democracy wants it, it can succeed. He then goes further by telling that the Athenian Democracy was useful, for without it, there would be no Classical Greece and the world would be totally different.
- Dominatrix: Phryne, a famous prostitute, is described as being extremely beautiful. In fact, she was often associated with Goddess Aphrodite herself! Yet, she was the one managing her business. If she didn't like you, she increased her prices. The only exception was Diogenes, whom she offered her services to him free, because of his wisdom.
- Egopolis:
- Apollo founds a city in North Africa and names it after his wife, Cyrene.
- Cassander founded three cities, one of them is Cassandreia (named after himself) and the other Thessalonica (named after his wife).
- And let's not forget Athens, which is named after Goddess Athena.
- Amvrakia is named after one of Apollo's grandchildren by the same name.
- Elite Man–Courtesan Romance: Phryne, a courtesan and Praxiteles, a recognized sculptor.
- Freestate Amsterdam: More like Freestate Corinth. Corinth was so popular in antiquity for its brothels, that there was even a phrase stating that only "chads" could visit it.
- High-Class Call Girl:
- Nikarete, a Corinthian prostitute, who adopted abandoned girls and presented them as her daughters, so that her clients would pay higher.
- Phryne, a courtesan from Boeotia, who lived an episodic life. Born in a small village on Boeotia, she got bored with the peasant life and decided to make a career on the "New York City" of Ancient Greece, Athens. Girls back then couldn't receive education, and so she had to educate herself on her own and became an extremely popular prostitute! And the rest is history…
- Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Neaera, whose only wish in life was to find true love and live happily ever after!
- Ironic Name: Phryne means "toad". Now, toad is often associated with ugliness, but Phryne herself has gone down in history for her beauty.
- Lovable Coward: Archilochus. He once wrote a poem about his cowardice. And the people loved it! Ted calls him the most "yolo" ancient Greek.
- Luring in Prey: Amvrakia was once ruled by a tyrant named Faliros. One day, when Faliros went to hunt, Artemis sent a lion cub on his way. Faliros, allured by the cub's cuteness stops to pet it. Its mother, however, spots him and kills him on the spot.
- Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy: Cyrene, a huntress in contrast to her husband, Apollo, the god of music, arts and sunlight. Even Apollo is afraid to ask her first and has to consult Chiron to do it.
- Meaningful Name:
- Phryne's real name was Mnesarete. Phryne was just a nickname, which meant "toad", because it's been said that her skin was so pale, that it reminded people of the skin of the "toad". Counts as an Ironic Name, as well, for she went down in history for her beauty.
- Thessaloniki literally means "victory over the Thessalians", as she was born the same day that her father, Phillip II of Macedon, won a battle against the Thessalians.
- Miss Kitty: Nikarete.
- Not Good with Rejection: The tyrant Hipparchus was in love with Harmodius. Unfortunately for him, Harmodius was already in a relationship with Aristogeiton and thus, rejected Hipparchus' seduction. Hipparchus takes revenge by inviting Harmodius' little sister to participate in the Panathenaea, and then, she kicks her out because she wasn't a virgin.
- Not Like Other Girls: Cyrene, a Thessalian princess, wasn't interested in girly activities. She preferred hunting over weaving.
- The Plague: An awful one hits Kea, resulting in the death of many of its residents. Thankfully, Aristeus finds the reason why this island was cursed (apparently, because Ikarius' murderers were hiding there), kills them and asks for Zeus's help. Zeus, then, sends winds to blow away The Plague.
- The Oldest Profession: Discussed, by far, on two episodes, "Tou Sklavou Kai Tis Pornes"note and "I Gynaika Pou Latrepse Oli I Ellada"note , where two prostitutes, Neaera and Phryne, had their lives retold.
- Rags to Riches: Pasinoas, a slave from an unknown foreign country, made the bank he worked in Ancient Athens one of the biggest in the ancient world. This didn't go unnoticed from his bosses, who freed him and gave him the bank when he died. For Pasinoas, this wasn't enough. He founded a shield factory and when the Athenians found themselves in great trouble and had to go to war, Pasinoas helped them by handing to them 1,000 shields! To show their gratitudes, the Athenians gave to him and his sons political rights. From a mere slave to a rich Athenian citizen, Pasinoas' life is one full of wonders!
- Red Light District:
- Ancient Corinth, as a whole, was famous for its brothels.
- Prostitution isn't brought up whenever Ancient Athens is mentioned, but prostitutes consisted a big part of its population, just like in any other city.
- Riches to Rags: Modern Sicyon isn't that magnificent, but Archaeostoryteller assures that it was a significant city back in ancient times.
- Sibling Rivalry: Apollo and Artemis usually got along pretty well, but there was a time where they fought to be patrons of the same city, Amvrakia.
- Shout-Out:
- The sixth episode is called Mia treli treli oikogeneia note , after a greek sitcom of the same name.
- 150 Chronia Monaxias note is taken out of one of Gabriel García Márquez's book titles, One Hundred Years of Solitude.
- Stealth Pun: When Cleisthenes sees Hippocleides' dance (where Hippocleides is twisting upside down, with the chiton fallen and his genitals on full display), he is so disgusted by this sight, that he tells him "Aporchises ton gamo sou!". Orcheis are the genitals, but it also meant dance in Ancient Greece. So, what Cleisthenes told him was "Your genitals/dance ruined your wedding!".
- Taken for Granite: Heracles, Appollo and Artemis once fought to be patrons of one city in Epirus called Amvrakia and asked for a shepherd to choose. The shepherd chose Heracles, because all the residents of Epirus were descendants of him [Heracles]. Artemis was fine with that decision, but Appollo was so furious that he petrifies the shepherd.
- Troll:
- There's a good reason why Archaeostoryteller is known as Archeotrollist among his fans. You might think that his podcast praises Ancient Greece and its legacy, but even from the first episode, Ted states that his main intention is to retell interesting stories from that time period. And to further prove his point, he chooses to talk about a group of people from Ancient Athens that is often misinterpreted; its slaves and its prostitutes.
- Lucian had a tendency to criticize society through his works. For example, True History made fun of the sailors who retold extraordinary tales from their travels by having his heroes go to the moon.
- Unproblematic Prostitution:
- Inverted in Neaera's case. Born in Corinth and worked at a brothel from a very a young age, she went on a tour in Athens. There, she met and fell in love with an Athenian, who seemed to love her truly. When she returned to Corinth, she was bought by two men who treated her a sex object, until they got rid of her. The Athenian she had met took her with him, but it turned out he never liked her and constantly abused her. She ran away to Megara and worked as a sex worker there, until she met another Athenian, this time named Stephanos, who fell in love with her and took her to Athens. Her ex, however, finds that out and puts her into a trial, where the juries conclude that she can decide for herself what's the best option. Neaera choses Stephanos, but she still has to work as a sex worker, because Stephanos turns out to be a lazy douchebag. She's put again into trial, for her work and, if she loses, she will lose everything and be sold as a slave. And yet, the only thing she can do during her trial is standing in a corner and listening to all these accusations against her, without even saying a word. And we don't know the result of the trial and of her fate! The poor girl had such a terrible life that would make anyone burst into tears.
- Played straight with Phryne, as she was connected with very promiscuous men of her time period, like the sculptor Praxiteles, and even could decide who she wanted to please.
- The Weird Sisters: Madame Nikarete, a famous Corinthian prostitute, had a tendency to adopt abandoned girls and present them as their daughters, so her clients would have to pay higher to enjoy them. At one point, she had "raised" seven daughters! Ted talks about one though; Neaera.
- Who Names Their Kid "Dude"?: Ted finds Harmodius and Aristogeiton to be pretty awful names.
- Wolverine Publicity: Ted straight up says that the reason his first episode is dedicated to Athens is because Athens is the most praised and most famous out of all the city-states. Generally, Athens is the city that is featured the most in the majority of the episodes.
- Woman Scorned: Surprisingly averted with Olympiada, Alexander the Great's mother. Due to her fierce personality, her marriage with Phillip didn't go well and Phillip started seeing other women. Olympiada became friends with one of them named Nicesipolis.
- World's Strongest Man: Heracles, of course.
- Writer on Board: Because most of what we know about the First Messenian War (between Sparta and Messenia, where Messenia lost) comes from the Messenians, there's a huge anti-spartan bias of the retelling. It's a rare inverted Written by the Winners case.
- Written by the Winners: Surprisingly inverted in Enas apisteutos polemos note , which is about the First Messenian War between Messenia and Sparta (where the Messenians lost). The Spartans are presented as liars, tricksters and with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, while Aristodimos, the leader of the Messenians, is seen as a hero, despite the fact that he murdered his own daughter. Archaeostoryteller says that's just the case, because the main sources from this war come from the Messenians.
- You Can't Go Home Again: Polites, one of Odysseus' comrade rapes a young girl from Temessis. The citizens of the town killed him by throwing rocks at him. Odysseus didn't approve of that action and left, without even burying him respectfully.
