If you've lived a life so bad,
that you drove your parents and teachers mad
one day then, perhaps your last
you'll have to pay for every disrupted class.
Deep down beneath your feet where only bad kids go
is a place where it's always hot weather,
and you learn that a demon's forever!
Yes, you guessed, you're down in Heck.
Here all the brats are nervous wrecks.
Nothing to do to save their necks.
It's always detention down in Heck.
Where all the bad kids go...
Down!!
that you drove your parents and teachers mad
one day then, perhaps your last
you'll have to pay for every disrupted class.
Deep down beneath your feet where only bad kids go
is a place where it's always hot weather,
and you learn that a demon's forever!
Yes, you guessed, you're down in Heck.
Here all the brats are nervous wrecks.
Nothing to do to save their necks.
It's always detention down in Heck.
Where all the bad kids go...
Down!!
—Demon Lizards, welcoming children to Heck.
Heck: Where the Bad Kids Go is a series of books by Dale E. Basye. It follows the adventures of Milton and Marlo Fauster, who, after dying when a giant marshmallow bear explodes, are sent to Heck, which is Hell for children. There, they meet the Principal of Darkness, Bea "Elsa" Bubb, and things start to get a bit insane. The series is set to have 9 books, each one chronicling their journey through one of Heck's circles. Eight of them have currently been released, with the last one scheduled for an unknown date. The series is known for its surreal, bizarre humor, and its many, many puns.
Heck: Where the Bad Kids Go contains examples of:
- Ass Shove: Damian shoving a stick of dynamite up the butt of the giant marshmallow bear and kicking off the plot.
- Author Avatar: Dale E. Basye himself is a character as of Book 4. He dies in Book 7.
- Back from the Dead: Milton for most of Book 2, and Damian for Books 3-5. They both die again, though.
- Big Bad: At least one per book. Bea "Elsa" Bubb seems to be the main one. Although, as of Book 4, it seems that Satan and Micheal are both vying for role, each with their own agendas. Damian tries, especially after coming back from the dead, but he's only ever a Dragon with an Agenda, first to Bea "Elsa" Bubb and then to Satan. Of course, as of Book 7, he's been granted his own circle...
- Big Bad Ensemble:
- Given that each book has its own Big Bad beyond the main ones, this is a given. However, the ones who stay throughout the whole series are Bea "Elsa" Bubb, Damian, Satan, and Micheal, who seems to be shaping up as the ultimate big bad out of all of them. And MAYBE Gabriel and Uriel, since despite their apparent good intentions, they WERE the ones who sent Milton to Heck in the first place.
- As of Book 7, Phelps Better is planning something on the surface to get revenge on his father who is probably Satan for leaving him up there, and EFFACE (a group of Fallen Angel mercenaries) working for Bea "Elsa" Bubb, simply because it fits their own agenda. Whatever that might be. Oh, and Damian is back in Heck, and Bubb has given him his own circle. So it looks like the series might be building to a full on Gambit Pileup between all the different villains.
- Cliffhanger: Most of the books end on one of these. Specifically-
- Book 1: Milton escapes from Heck and comes back to life, but Marlo and Virgil are still trapped there.
- Book 2: Marlo gets an Infernship working for Satan, Milton goes on the run with the P.O.Ds, Damian is resurrected, and someone believes that everything is going All According to Plan.
- Book 3: Marlo is Brainwashed and Crazy and being sent to Fibble, and Milton now has her job in Hell. Oh, and they switched bodies.
- Book 4: Milton and Marlo are both being taken to Snivel, and Milton has not only resolved to destroy Heck, but also realized that Micheal is The Man Who Soldeth The World.
- Book 5: Milton and Marlo are sent to Precocia, Satan and Micheal have switched jobs, and the book ends with Gabriel looking very worried about what is coming.
- Book 6: Ends on a surprisingly light one- just Milton and Marlo being taken away to Lipptor, now renamed Wise Acres due to Cosmic Retcon.
- Book 7: The biggest cliffhanger yet. Marlo is an Empty Shell, being locked away who knows where, Damian has been given his own circle, Milton is now Principal Bubb's special assistant, with some very unpleasant jobs ahead of him, and the final scene is of Micheal sitting in Hell, petting a cat, and musing about a plan to rule all creation.
- Cloudcuckoolander: Dale E. Basye himself can come across as this, with his bizarre, derailing metaphors, interesting descriptions of where he lives, and the fact that his Author Avatar is insane, with a list of his irrational fears.
- Contrived Coincidence:
- Poe's pendulum severing Sam and Sara when Snivel falls.
- Milton finding the encyclopedia page about the Music of the Spheres, which is central to Lewis Carrol's plan.
- Cool and Unusual Punishment: Being locked in a room literally full of your favorite food and being forced to eat your way out until you're sick of it.
- Cosmic Retcon: The end result of Book 6, which removes Precocia from existence and changes Lipptor's name to Wise Acres.
- Cult: Necia belongs to one. After Milton comes Back from the Dead, they decide to sacrifice him, and eventually, wind up resurrecting and worshiping Damian.
- Darker and Edgier: * While Book 7 is a bit lighter than Book 6, the ending takes it to new levels of darkness, with Marlo being knocked into a coma from realizing the shear amount of pain her words have caused, and being forced to experience it all at once.
- Department of Redundancy Department- The Department of Unendurable Redundancy, Bureaucracy, and Redundancy.
- Emotion Eater: Yukkah, the troll creature that guards the Surly Gates, grows bigger in response to irritation and anger.
- Fallen Angel: Angelo Fallon, who gets hired by Bubb to "kill" Milton in Book 6.
- The Ferry Man: Charon, the original Ferry Man makes an appearance.
- "Freaky Friday" Flip: Milton and Marlo are stuck going through one for most of Book 4. Also, in a less literal example, this is sort of the fate of Satan and Micheal, who, as the result of the Trial of the Millennium, are forced to switch jobs.
- Good Is Not Nice: The Archangels in some cases. Special mention goes to Gabriel and Uriel, who seem to be the ones who sent Milton to Heck in the first place, for the purpose of destabilizing it, and Micheal, who is the Big Bad of Book 4 and tries selling the Earth to aliens.
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!:Enforced by Bea "Elsa" Bubb and the other teachers. Hell is only ever referred to as "H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks" or "down there."
- Heroic Sacrifice:
- During the War of the Words, Dale E. Basye rides the Snark into oblivion to save Milton and Marlo, at the cost of annihilating himself.
- Also in Book 7, Marlo deliberately loses the debate with Milton, condemning herself to Hell so that he can go to Heaven.
- Hidden Agenda Villain: We don't yet know WHY Gabriel and Uriel want to destabilize Heck. And for the first few books, even that much hadn't been revealed. We DO know that they specifically sent Milton there for that purpose. And of course, it's debatable whether they're villains or not.
- I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You!: "This Extraordinary Anticipatory Recorded Wearable Incitement Gadget (EARWIG)- another groundbreaking innovation from Nikola Tesla- will now self-destruct so as to conceal the identity of its ingenious creator."
- Bordeaux, often.
- Incredibly Lame Pun: It's FULL of them. Special mention goes to "Milton's Pair of Dice: Lost," and a pit in Book 7 that the characters have to pun their way out of to avoid being crushed.
- Logic Bomb: Shouting "I am lying!" had a very adverse effect on the Pinocchio Wood that was holding up Fibble...
- Meaningful Name: Frequently, and often overlaps with Punny Name. Major examples include Bea "Elsa" Bubb, Angelo Fallon and Milton and Marlo.
- Metaphorgotten: Done often in the Foreword, Middleword, and Backwords. And in the author bios. And acknowledgements.
- Monster Clown: Gets subverted in Book 4 when the clowns are shrimp, and actually not that scary. Played Straight when those clowns amplify themselves with the Humbugger, though.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Some of Milton's inventions in Book 6 really help Napoleon and Cleopatra take control of the Alternate Universe.
- Post Humous Character: Given that the books take place mostly in the afterlife, there are a lot of these.
- Powers That Be:...and any of its associated or subsidiary enterprises, including- but not limited to- the Powers That Be Evil.
- Damian is gone in Book 6 following his second death, but does eventually return in Book 7, and is given his own circle by Bea "Elsa" Bubb.
- Dale E. Basye himself vanishes after Book 5. He returns in Book 7, only to die and wind up in Heck, before being annihilated outside the Tower of Babble.
- Ret-Gone: The ultimate fate of Precocia is to be wiped from existence.
- Red Eyes, Take Warning: Madame Pompadour's eyes will flash red when she gets angry.
- Reptiles Are Abhorrent: Madame Pompadour, a snake...cat...thing.
- Satire: To some extent, with each book focusing on a different thing. (Materialism/consumerism in Book 2, television and advertising in Book 4, high pressure school systems in Book 6.)
- Spell My Name with a "The": Averted with Bea "Elsa" Bubb. She's Principal of Darkness, not The Principal of Darkness.
- Take That!: In the first book, an obvious, but hilarious, Expy of Barney can be seen "smothering people with kisses."
- The Unpronounceable: In universe (and possibly out of universe). Nobody can figure out how to pronounce Dale E. Basye's last name. Even after he tells them how it's pronounced. Repeatedly.
- Visual Pun: P.T. Barnum has flaming pants. Liar, liar, pants on fire.
- You Have Outlived Your Usefulness: In Book 6, Napoleon pulls this on Ponce de Leon, by dropping him into quicksand in a wine cellar. It doesn't take.
