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Funny: Welcome to Night Vale
  • After a segment advertising the Night Vale Community College's open house, Cecil finishes by telling the audience not to go to the open house because it's a set up.
    "Thinking of furthering your education? Considering taking winter semester classes? Well, it's a trap. Do not go near the Night Vale Community College this Friday. Ha! Nice try, giant worms." (episode 36)
  • Why does the City Council already have a Wheat-and-Wheat-Byproducts Bunker built? Prophecy.
  • Cecil's editorial about people who want to prevent Hiram McDaniels, an 18-foot tall, five-headed firebreathing dragon, from running for mayor, accusing them of Fantastic Racism.
    • Any time Hiram is mentioned, really. There's something hilarious about the idea of a massive, five-headed fire breathing dragon who has his own blog and wants to run for mayor.
    • And when he finally gives his own campaign ad on-air, the results are pretty hilarious.
    Hiram McDaniels: What you haven't heard is —
    Another Voice: Do you hear the beating of my terrible wings? Do you feel the flames lick at the corners of a life you once thought belonged to you?!
    Hiram McDaniels: Sorry about that — my green head got excited. We all have human foibles. I don't, I'm literally a five-headed dragon.
  • How beautiful is Carlos? The barber who cut his hair immediately underwent a Despair Event Horizon, and now spends his time in the desert, giving haircuts to cacti.
  • While Cecil is generally pretty accepting of the City Council's explanations for the various strange events that occur around town- if only because he knows better than to question the City Council- even he has difficulty accepting the cover-up for the attacks and vandalism by the feral dog pack.
    Plastic bags. PLASTIC. BAGS.
    • The Libertarian graffiti artist feral dogs.
  • According to the City Council's Suspiciously Specific Denial, Pink Floyd does not exist. And even if it does, they are not fans of Pink Floyd's music. And they certainly did not attempt to hold a seance to summon the ghost of Syd Barrett, or use that spirit to hold a Pink Floyd Laser Show in Radon Canyon.
  • In another Suspiciously Specific Denial, the traffic department denies there are traffic jams in town, and goes onto angrily deny that there are any cars in town, or even that cars exist at all.
  • In Episode 21, one of the mayor's staffers decides to get in some "denial practice":
    • She was then heard to deny the sky, the existence of a loving deity, and eggs. "Eggs aren't real," she said. "Nuh-uh. Show me an egg. That's not an egg. What's an egg? Who let you in here?"
    • In that same episode, a masterpiece of Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick.
    "The world ended three or four decades ago," she scrawled on a Subway sandwich wrapper. "I don't know what this thing is that we're living in, but it's not the world. Scientists won't investigate it because they're not real. Turkey with extra swiss." ...I think that last bit was already written on the wrapper by a Subway sandwich artist, or one of their familiars.
  • In the Pilot, Cecil states that Carlos and his team of scientists have found that one of the houses in Night Vale does not exist. And states that the last time they were seen, the scientists were all standing around on the sidewalk in front of the "house", daring each other to go knock on the door.
    • One year later, they still haven't worked up the nerve and are offering $5 to anyone who will.
    • Also from the Pilot: "[The City Council] would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park."
  • "Word from our sponsors" often involve nightmarish scenarios, so when they turn out not so scary, it's doubly funny.
    • Episode 6's one is just an incoherent groan/whine.
    • Episode 7: "And now, a word from our sponsors. That word... is carp."
  • Cecil and Carlos' first date in Episode 27. They have dinner at Gino's in a doorless room and have to escape by throwing a brick (provided by their waiter) through a window then take a romantic stroll through the park while the usual crowd of Night Vale residents are pointing at the sky and shouting in terror.
    • Not to mention Cecil's casual description of the clothes they wore to the date.
    Cecil: I was wearing my best tunic and furry pants, and he had on a laid-back weekend lab coat.
    • And not to mention Station Management's distress at the extended romantic tangent:
    Cecil: ...And so we talked, just us and our bleeding mushrooms, and the buzzing shadow presence, and a blooming haze of romance in the air - (music abruptly stops) Wait. Hold on. Station Management is apparently getting agitated, and...failing around their office and howling? So I need to do some more news, real quick.
  • Alligators: Can they kill your children? (rustling papers) Yes.
  • The Community Health Tip on Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
    Are you suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome? Are you enjoying carpal tunnel syndrome? Are you surprised by carpal tunnel syndrome? Are you enraged by carpal tunnel syndrome? Do you feel a throbbing sadness that you almost cannot stand from carpal tunnel syndrome? Do you feel a bounty of love and appreciation for your fellow human beings traveling through this confusing and finite lifetime with you from carpal tunnel syndrome? Do you get sexually aroused by carpal tunnel syndrome? (beat) That would be weird. Not to be judgemental...but it would be weird.
  • Every single one of the "proverbs" heard at the end of the credits of each episode. Some choice examples:
    Does the carpet match the drapes? No. It doesn't. You're the worst interior decorator. Please leave my home.
    What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening? I don't know, but I trapped it in my bedroom. Send help.
    If you love someone, set them free. Set them free now. This is the police, and we have you surrounded.
    If I said you had a beautiful body, would it matter because we are so insignificant in this vast and incomprehensible universe?
    Lost? Confused? Lacking direction in your life? (fade out)
  • In Episode 29, a strange, creepy child messenger sent by the City Council comes to Cecil during his recording and, afterwards, stares at him. Cecil's biggest concern is that he doesn't know what to do with the messenger - or any of the rest that the City Council keeps sending him - and wonders if anyone else would like to have the kid.
  • In Episode 5, Cecil rants about the Moon, and wonders if it's watching them. When considering if the Moon found something more interesting than Night Vale, Cecil seems genuinely put out by the idea and then demands that the Moon watch them.
  • Episode 15, "Street Cleaning Day", Cecil lists off the things NVCR thinks are happening outside their protected bunker:
    "Screaming, a slow movement downwards, the crunch of items made of wood and items not made of wood. A quick movement upwards. Char. A smell of rotting seaweed, or a poisoned ocean. The song "La Bamba", only faster."
  • In Episode 6, there's the method for donating to the station: whisper 'forsaken Algonquinia' into your phone receiver and then "angels or Facebook or something" will deliver the station an appropriate amount from your bank account.
  • Any NRA sticker slogan.
    "If you say guns kill people one more time, we will shoot you with a gun, and you will, coincidentally, die."
    • Also, "Guns don't kill people, we're all immune to bullets and its a miracle."
  • In Episode 31, the president of Night Vale Community College turns out to be a river-smooth stone in her attitude to the controversial miniseries - because she is actually, literally a rock. When approached for comment on a recent news development, she writes "no comment" (as she is a rock and cannot speak) and subsequently draws an insulting caricature of Cecil. His feelings are understandably hurt.
    • "I don't know how it got here, but then, I don't know how I got here. Causation is difficult and confusing."
  • The mental image of Carlos gesturing with a spatula while in the process of science (and cooking, obviously).
  • At the end of episode 22: "I had a hamster as a child, and it died in, like, two weeks, so, (adorable squeaky voice) meh! What do I know?"
  • Hiram McDaniel's campaign speech in Episode 32, whenever one of his other heads starts talking. Probably the only funny thing in an otherwise very dark episode
  • The exasperated way Cecil plows through the Strex Corp announcement in Episode 33. It's blatantly obvious that he's just rushing through to get it over with. The soundtrack dissonance only makes it funnier.
  • "Finally on this show; something weird to talk about!"
  • The show at the LA Podcast Festival was essentially live performances of two older episodes with redone ad bumps, as read by James Urbaniak (as two Redshirt interns). They're promotions for Hulu (which he reads out in an ominous, drawn-out voice: "Huuuuuuluuuuuuu.") and a web hosting service (who break out into tears at the sight of your website, as it's already perfect).
    • For those of you who don't recognize the name, imagine Rusty Venture. You're welcome.
  • Cecil being menaced by a vacuum cleaner in episode 34.
  • Episode 35 has time slowing down all over the world, causing life to end and Cecil is glad that he got to see the end to Breaking Bad.
  • In episode 24, THE BROWNSTONE SPIRE makes an appearance, where Cecil has an ominous voice and reverb whenever he mentions the former. After a while it sounds like he's just messing around with filters.
    • "[The Mayor] increased funding for the cancer ward at the Night Vale Hospital...and now, anyone who wants cancer can get cancer! Whether or not they have health care or a reason to live!"
  • From episode 34, when the computer spreads its influence: "School officials have all left the gym to go get help. They ran out, courageously yelling 'Save yourself! Save yourself!'"
    • From the same episode, when the computer asks, "CECIL, DO YOU LOVE COMPUTER?" Cecil says that he could learn to love computers, "given time and perhaps some gifts."
    • Also, the computer issues a long, eerie monologue about the better world it will create. In the middle of the dreamlike imagery and elaborate details of a child's paradise, it matter-of-factly states "Desert Bluffs will no longer exist" without elaboration.
  • From Episode 38, Cecil, facing John Peters, you know, the imposter, detailing the long, heartfelt message he wanted to send to Carlos in case he did not survive the encounter - then deciding that the message would be too long for a text and simply using the phone to knock John Peters unconscious.
  • Cecil eventually consults Carlos about the mountain with the red light, the waste-plain and attacking army which has just appeared outside of Night Vale. Carlos says oh, that's just a mirage, and he's seen it before. Well, except for the attacking army, but, y'know.
  • In the live-show "Condos", when Cecil says; "I don't know I've ever mentioned this before, but...Carlos is totally my boyfriend!" Its hard to say which is funnier; Cecil's tone of voice, or the squees of everyone in the audience.
    • That episode's traffic deserves a special mention. It's all in how Cecil sells it:
      Picture a car. (beat) No. You're doing it wrong. Try again. Picture a car. (beat) Really? That's what you picture when you picture a car? All right, look, we'll go with that. I'm not happy about it, but we'll go with your idea of a car for now.
  • Cecil's increasingly acidic displays of Passive-Aggressive Kombat against Station Management. By the time of episode 44, it's gotten to the point of frequent Freudian Slips and Cecil barely even attempting to veil his threats. It's as awesome as it is hilarious.

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