Quotes / Welcome to Night Vale

Old woman Josie has not called, but Intern Dana said that Josie updated her facebook page with an instagram of some runestones. Dana has been furiously translating these symbols, and her best guess is that they say: They come in twos. You come in twos. You, and you. KILL YOUR DOUBLE. There's also a link to this amazing cat that keeps jumping in and out of boxes and oh my god that is the CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. Dana, you have got to post that on my wall. Oh my god, he loves those boxes so much!

A new man came into town today. Who is he? What does he want from us? Why his perfect and beautiful haircut? Why his perfect and beautiful coat?

Carlos told us that we were by far the most scientifically interesting community in the U.S. and he had come to study just what was going on around here. He grinned and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly.
— "Episode 1, Cecil's first impressions of Carlos"

Local historians are protesting the removal of the Shape in Grove Park that no one acknowledges or speaks about. While their protest has been hampered by the fact that none of them will acknowledge or speak about it, they did, through a system of gestures and grimaces, convey the message that, whatever the Shape is, and whatever its effects on neighborhoods, it is a Night Vale landmark and should be protected. The Shape itself offered no comment, only a low moaning gelatinous quiver.
— "Episode 5"

Trish Hidge, from the mayor’s office, called a press conference today in which she stood in front of a large truck, painted in bright neon colors and decorated with flashing lights, and resolutely denied the truck’s existence. She continued this denial for several minutes, and through a lengthy round of questioning from the gathered reporters, although it should be noted that many of the questions took the form of just pointing at the truck and raising an eyebrow. Ms Hidge admitted afterwards that the conference was simply a workout for her denial skills, which she says she must keep sharp through constant practice, and which she also says do not exist.
— "Episode 21"

Proponents of the bill [criminalizing murder] argued that most things in Night Vale are already illegal anyway, so citizens would hardly even notice the change. The law goes into effect in two weeks, and citizens are advised to get any necessary murders done before then — although there will be a three-day grace period after the deadline, for those who are forgetful, or whose victims are hard to catch.
— "Episode 28"

I-I kicked it... and I kicked it again. Then, Jeremy helped me pin it down and animal control tried to sedate it and I wanted to... beat it to death... with a hammer. But, I had no hammer. I only had self control.
— "Episode 43"