- Edgar in the bug suit, full stop. No wonder a lot of people loved Vincent D'Onofrio's performance, convincing as a giant alien bug trying very hard to contort itself in a smaller body.
- The Bug's command for sugar water goes unnoticed at first
(The Bug in his new "Edgar suit" clumsily bangs into the front door, then walks inside)
Beatrice: Edgar, what on earth was that?
Beatrice: I've never seen sugar do that.
- Then when Beatrice notices something is horribly wrong, as "Edgar"'s skin folds in on itself while he's drinking
: Edgar, your skin is hanging off your bones.
(The Bug turns to look in the mirror, complete with a sound effect of the water swishing around in his stomach) Bug
: Oh, that? (yanks face back as inhumanly far as the loose skin will take it) Is that better?
- Jay requesting upon his initiation that nobody refer to him as sport, kid, or any other condescending nickname, only for K to immediately call him slick. And later on, Zed refers to him as "junior" as he and K are about to leave to the investigation site. The look on Jay's face says it all.
- The interrogation of Frank.
- "Call the pound, we've got a stray!"
- Especially when Tommy Lee Jones starts corpsing.
- "Uh, the dog owes my friend money."
- Jay's WTF expression when he saw Frank talking.
- Especially his expression of the worms.
- This exchange between Edgar and his wife...
: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it! It is poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck! [A UFO crash-lands into said truck] Edgar
: (rushes outside to survey the mess) Figures
- In the recruitment sequence:
James Edwards: Maybe you already answered this, but, why exactly are we here?
Zed: [noticing a recruit raising his hand] Son?
Jake Jenson: Second Lieutenant, Jake Jenson. West Point. Graduate with honors. We're here because you are looking for the best of the best of the best, sir! [shoots James a snobbish glare but Edwards bursts out laughing]
Something funny, Edwards? Edwards:
My boy Captain America
over here! "Best of the best of the best, sir! With honors!" Obviously, he's just really
excited and he has no clue
why we're here.
(silence) Edwards (sheepishly)
: Y'all ain't laughing though...
- The entire "written test" sequence, with everyone trying and utterly failing to figure out how to actually do the test, which basically looks something similar to an SAT.
- And then would-be!J pulls the little table in the room towards him. Oh, God, the noise...the NOISE it makes! CinemaSins had to take a sin off of this film because of how funny it was.
- Perhaps even funnier is the fact J acts in an entirely logical manner; it's simple problem solving to actually use the desk, but the others look at him in the most pitiful manner possible.
- The scene where Jay finally pushes the little red button, and he Screams Like a Little Girl at the sudden velocity.
- Kay happily driving the car upside down and singing along with Elvis' "Promised Land." He pays the toll without missing a beat.
- Plus, this golden exchange:
You do know Elvis
is dead, right?
Kay: No, Elvis is not dead, he just went home.
- After K interrogates Jeebs in the pawnshop, he threatens him with even more bodily harm and leaves. Edwards can only say "Yeah, and, and... I'ma be back to talk about them Rolexes."
- Prior to this, when he first comes in, he comments that he's heard that Jeebs is into something hotter than stolen Rolexes.
Jeebs: Well, also, I'm huge crack dealer now, but I still work here. I love the hours.
- In a dark, strobe-lit shooting gallery full of mockup aliens, Jay holds his fire, looking around, until finally he lets off one carefully-placed shot - directly between the eyes of a cardboard cutout of a little girl.
Zed: Edwards, what the hell happened?
Zed: (pushes a button a remote and brings forth the headshotted Tiffany) May I ask why you felt little Tiffany deserved to die?
Edwards: Well, she was the only one that actually seemed dangerous at the time, sir.
Zed: How'd you come to that conclusion?
Edwards: Well, first I was gonna pop this guy hanging from the street light, and I realized, y'know, he's just working out. I mean, how would I feel if somebody come runnin' in the gym and bust me in my ass while I'm on the treadmill? Then I saw this snarling beast guy, and I noticed he had a tissue in his hand, and I'm realizing, y'know, he's not snarling, he's sneezing. Y'know, ain't no real threat there. Then I saw little Tiffany. I'm thinking, y'know, eight-year-old white girl, middle of the ghetto, bunch of monsters, this time of night with quantum physics books? She about to start some shit, Zed! (By now, Zed is grinning widely) She's about eight years old, those books are way too advanced for her. If you ask me, I'd say she's up to something. And to be honest, I'd appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it. (beat) Or do I owe her an apology?
(Zed and the others start filing out)
Edwards: (to another candidate) That was a pretty good shot, though, right?
- When K and J go to interview Beatrice about her husband being killed by the Bug, K whips out the neuralizer as she mentions about "Edgar" wanting sugar water and erases her memory using a story regarding light from Venus reflecting off swamp gas. J is unimpressed with K's "weak-ass story" and convinces him to at least give her some closure about her husband.
Kay: On a more personal note, Edgar went off with an old girlfriend, so my advice would be to go stay with your mother for a few days and decide you're better off without him.
Jay: Well, yeah, because he never appreciated you anyway. Okay. You know what? (points at Beatrice) You. Kicked. Him. Out. Alright? Now you're gonna do what he said, you're gonna go stay with your mother. Then you're gonna go get yourself some new dresses, some new shoes, maybe go somewhere where you can get a facial. (looks around the house) Oh, and I'd hire a decorator to come in here quick because, damn.
(Beatrice sits there, completely deadpan and slowly blinking.)
- Later in the film, the gag is paid off when Jay fires his "Noisy Cricket" weapon in public and then starts spinning a story to a crowd about swamp gas before being mercifully called away so the crowd can be neuralyzed en masse.
- Agent K's eagerness to use the neuralizer gets on J's nerves...
: Have a look at this, please...(triggers neuralizer) Jay
: (barely able to shield his eyes with his glasses)
Would you stop that?! Kay
: (annoyed) What
: That thing is gonna give that poor woman brain cancer or something! Kay
: Never hurt her before...(he leaves, Jay in tow) Jay
: "Never hurt her before"? Kay, how many times have you flashy-thinged
that poor woman? Kay
: A couple. Jay
: So you're not worried about any long-term damage? Kay
: A little. Jay
: Kay, have you ever flashy-thinged me? Kay
: I ain't playin', Kay! Have you ever flashy-thinged me before?! Kay
- Identifying the Bug:
Kay: I don't suppose you know what kind of alien life form leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you?
- The alien childbirth scene. Jay is getting pummeled all over the car and screaming in the background, and Kay is just chatting calmly with Reggie. It's harder to pay attention to the foreground event, but it's pretty important. The start is particularly hilarious.
Kay: (to Jay, looking at an alien woman in labor) And you, uh, deal with this!
(Kay dodges off to talk with Reg)
Kay: What kind of an emergency? What's the rush to get off the planet all of a sudden?
Jay: (as he's being pummeled by the tentacle) KAY! KAAAAAY!
Kay: You're doing fine, Ace!
Jay: KISS MY ASS, KAY! (gets dragged into car by tentacle)
Kay: (pats Reggie on the back) Congratulations Reg, it's a... squid.
Jay: (cradling newborn) Well, actually...it is kinda—
(The newborn alien projectile vomits all over Jay's face)
- Agent J receiving the Noisy Cricket.
: (cues up Wall of Weapons and grabs a powerful looking blaster)
Series-4 Deatomizer. Jay
Now that's what I'm talking about— Kay
: (hands Jay a
very tiny pea-shooter)
The Noisy Cricket. Jay
: (gawking as he receives his weapon)
Kay...hey, man! You get a series-4 deatomizer and I get this little midget cricket?! Kay
: (panics and pushes Jay's hand away as he almost points it at him) Jay
: I feel like I'm gonna break this damn thing!
- The scene in the first movie where Jay accidentally releases the alien super ball that caused the 1977 New York blackout in MIB HQ.
"That was a practical joke from the Great Attractor. He thought it was funny as hell."
- The two Arquillians at the diner (speaking their own language) bonding over their dislike of Earth's taxi drivers and shared love of perogies.
- The message that threatens to destroy the Earth if the Galaxy isn't returned. Not the message itself, but more of how they end it.
"Return the Galaxy to us or Earth will be destroyed. Sorry"
- Jay's response is hilarious: "Aw, naw. That's bullshit."
- While James Edwards is being questioned.
Police Inspector: Why didn't the other officers see either of these events.
Edwards: Well sir, most of the officers are a bit soggy around the midsection, which is why they were unable to catch up.
NYPD Sergeant: Edwards, if you were half the man I am...
Edwards: (stares at the cop's stomach) What are you talking about? I am half the man you are!
- The sergeant shouts that he wants to talk to him.
Sergeant: Ten minutes, take your best shot. (stalks off)
Edwards: Take ten minutes on a Stairmaster, you pudgy bastard.
- "It just be rainin' black people in New York!"
- J's infamous Badass Boast about the NYPD. "N! Y! P! D! Means I will Knock Yo' Punk-Ass DOWN!"
- Laurel trying to discreetly tell J that Bug!Edgar is hiding under a gurney with a gun pointed at her. J thinks she's flirting. Even Bug!Edgar rolls his eyes at the situation.
- J's supremely frustrated effort to get K and Zed's attention: "HEY. OLD GUYS."
- During J's introduction into the M.I.B, he's shown a screen of aliens disguised as humans under supervision. Recounting that he always thought one of his grade-school teachers was an alien. He's just talking in jest of course...then K reveals she was an alien. His reaction as they bring up her camera is priceless.
- "I'm sorry. Was that your auntie?"
- For everyone who knows what a financial clusterfuck the '64 World's Fair was, K's confession that the only reason it happened at all was to cover up a UFO landing is absolutely hilarious.
K: Why do you think they held it in Queens?
- The Montage has one funny moment where Jay puts his hands on a silver ball. Which is attached to a computer. Said ball is designed to remove fingerprints, so no MIB agent could have any trace evidence. After the deed is done, Jay violently removes his hands from the ball shouting "OW!!!!" In a blink if you miss moment, you'll see 5 orange glowing spots where his fingers were placed. This implies that his fingers were burned by the ball.
- This exchange at the end of the movie:
Elle: Hey, Jay! Zed called. The high consulate from Solaxiant 9 wants floor seats for the next Bulls game.
Jay: All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet.
Elle: Rodman? You're kidding.
Elle: Not much of a disguise.
- Laurel ultimately killing the Bug.
- After the Arquillian died:
Jay: (calling K) Doctor... whatever.
Laurel: Doctor Whatever?
- While he may have said that because Laurel already saw the alien, Jay has likely forgotten K's alias.
- Laurel's remark about Kay, "But don't tell him, he looks like he's already under enough stress." That pretty much describes Kay.
- The baseball player saw the spaceship Edgar was flying, and didn't see the ball as it hit his head.
- Orion, the cat of the dead Arquilian, is brought to the morgue and Laurel wonders what the deal is.
Police officer: Yeah, well there's a problem with the cat. Sign here.
Laurel: (signing) What's the problem with the cat?
Police officer: He's your problem. (chuckles)
Laurel: I hate the living.
- When trying to stop the Bug from escaping with the Galaxy, J tells him that the only way off the planet is with him. The Bug promptly punches in the face and knocks him aside.