Funny: Men In Black

Men in Black
  • For some reason, the Edgar bug suit had everyone in knots, especially him wanting sugar water and that face...
  • The interrogation of Frank.
    • "Call the pound, we've got a stray!"
    • Especially when Tommy Lee Jones starts corpsing.
  • Jay's WTF expression when he saw Frank talking.
    • Especially his expression of the worms.
  • This exchange between Edgar and his wife...
    Edgar: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it! It is poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck!
    [A UFO crash-lands into said truck]
    Edgar: (rushes outside to survey the mess) Figures.
  • In the recruitment sequence:
    James Edwards: Maybe you already answered this, but, why exactly are we here?
    Zed: [noticing a recruit raising his hand] Son?
    Jake Jenson: Second Lieutenant, Jake Jenson. West Point. Graduate with honors. We're here because you are looking for the best of the best of the best, sir! [Edwards bursts out laughing]
    Zed: Something funny, Edwards?
    Edwards: My boy Captain America over here! "Best of the best of the best, sir! With honors!" Obviously, he's just really excited and he has no clue why we're here.
  • The entire "written test" sequence, with everyone trying and utterly failing to figure out how to actually do the test.
    • And then would-be!J pulls the little table in the room towards him. Oh, God, the noise...the NOISE it makes!
  • "No, Elvis is not dead, he just went home."
    • Tommy Lee Jones happily driving the car upside down and singing along with Elvis' "The Promised Land." He pays the toll without missing a beat.
  • After K interrogates Jeebs in the pawnshop, he threatens him with even more bodily harm and leaves. Edwards can only say "Yeah, and, and... I'ma be back to talk about them Rolexes."
  • In a dark, strobe-lit shooting gallery full of mockup aliens, James Edwards holds his fire, looking around, until finally he lets off one carefully-placed shot - directly between the eyes of a cardboard cutout of a little girl.
    Zed: Edwards, what the hell happened?
    Edwards: Hesitated.
    Zed: (pushes a button a remote and brings forth the headshotted Tiffany) May I ask why you felt little Tiffany deserved to die?
    Edwards: Well, she was the only one that actually seemed dangerous at the time, sir.
    Zed: How'd you come to that conclusion?
    Edwards: Well, first I was gonna pop this guy hanging from the street light, and I realized, y'know, he's just working out. I mean, how would I feel if somebody come runnin' in the gym and bust me in my ass while I'm on the treadmill? Then I saw this snarling beast guy, and I noticed he had a tissue in his hand, and I'm realizing, y'know, he's not snarling, he's sneezing. Y'know, ain't no real threat there. Then I saw little Tiffany. I'm thinking, y'know, eight-year-old white girl, middle of the ghetto, bunch of monsters, this time of night with quantum physics books? She about to start some shit, Zed! (By now, Zed is grinning widely) She's about eight years old, those books are way too advanced for her. If you ask me, I'd say she's up to something. And to be honest, I'd appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it. (beat) Or do I owe her an apology?
    (Zed and the others start filing out)
    Edwards: (to another candidate) That was a pretty good shot, though, right?
    • Which, according to the comics, is the right answer.
  • Agent K's eagerness to use the neuralizer gets on J's nerves...
    Kay: Have a look at this, please...(triggers neuralizer)
    Jay: (barely able to shield his eyes with his glasses) Would you stop that?!
    Kay: (annoyed) What?
    Jay: That thing is gonna give that poor woman brain cancer or something!
    Kay: Never hurt her before...(he leaves, Jay in tow)
    Jay: "Never hurt her before"? Kay, how many times have you flashy-thinged that poor woman?
    Kay: A couple.
    Jay: So you're not worried about any long-term damage?
    Kay: A little.
    Jay: Kay, have you ever flashy-thinged me?
    Kay: No.
    Jay: I ain't playin', Kay! Have you ever flashy-thinged me before?!
    Kay: No.
  • Identifying the Bug:
    Kay: I don't suppose you know what kind of alien life form leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you?
  • The alien childbirth scene. Jay is getting pummeled all over the car and screaming in the background, and Kay is just chatting calmly with Reggie. It's harder to pay attention to the foreground event, but it's pretty important. The start is particularly hilarious.
    Kay: (to Jay, looking at an alien woman in labor) And you, uh, deal with this!
    (Kay dodges off to talk with Reg)
    • Later:
    Kay: What kind of an emergency? What's the rush to get off the planet all of a sudden?
    Jay: (as he's being pummeled by the tentacle) KAY! KAAAAAY!
    Kay: You're doing fine, Ace!
    Jay: KISS MY ASS, KAY! (gets dragged into car by tentacle)
    Kay: (pats Reggie on the back) Congratulations Reg, it's a... squid.
    Jay: (cradling newborn) Well, actually...it is kinda—
    (The newborn alien projectile vomits all over Jay's face)
    Jay: ...cute.
    • And when it's over:
    Kay: Did anything about that seem weird to you?
    (Jay just stares at him, still covered in sticky squid-juice)
    Kay: What would scare Reg so much that he would risk a warp-jump with a newborn?
  • Agent J receiving the Noisy Cricket.
    Kay: (cues up Wall of Weapons and grabs a powerful looking blaster) Series-4 Deatomizer.
    Jay: (expectantly) Now that's what I'm talking about—
    Kay: (hands Jay a very tiny pea-shooter) The Noisy Cricket.
    Jay: (gawking as he receives his weapon) Kay...hey, man! You get a series-4 deatomizer and I get this little midget cricket?!
    Kay: (panics and pushes Jay's hand away as he almost points it at him)
    Jay: I feel like I'm gonna break this damn thing!
  • The scene in the first movie where Jay accidentally releases the alien super ball that caused the 1977 New York blackout in MIB HQ.
    "That was a practical joke from the Great Attractor. He thought it was funny as hell."
  • The message that threatens to destroy the Earth if the Galaxy isn't returned. Not the message itself, but more of how they end it.
    "Return the Galaxy to us or Earth will be destroyed. Sorry"
  • While James Edwards is being questioned.
    Police Inspector: Why didn't the other officers see either of these events.
    Edwards: Well sir, most of the officers are a bit soggy around the midsection, which is why they were unable to catch up.
    NYPD Sergeant: Edwards, if you were half the man I am...
    Edwards: (stares at the cop's stomach) What are you talking about? I am half the man you are!
  • "It just be rainin' black people in New York!"
  • J's infamous Badass Boast about the NYPD. "N! Y! P! D! Means I will Knock Yo' Punk-Ass DOWN!"
  • Laurel trying to discreetly tell J that Bug!Edgar is hiding under a gurney with a gun pointed at her. J thinks she's flirting. Even Bug!Edgar rolls his eyes at the situation.
  • "HEY. OLD GUYS."
  • During J's introduction into the M.I.B, he's shown a screen of aliens disguised as humans under supervision. Recounting that he always thought one of his grade-school teachers was an alien. He's just talking in jest of course...then K reveals she was an alien. His reaction as they bring up her camera is priceless.
  • For everyone who knows what a financial clusterfuck the '64 World's Fair was, K's confession that the only reason it happened at all was to cover up a UFO landing is absolutely hilarious.
    K: Why do you think they held it in Queens?
  • The Montage has one funny moment where Jay puts his hands on a silver ball. Which is attached to a computer. Said ball is designed to remove fingerprints, so no MIB agent could have any trace evidence. After the deed is done, Jay violently removes his hands from the ball shouting "OW!!!!" In a blink if you miss moment, you'll see 5 orange glowing spots where his fingers were placed. This implies that his fingers were burned by the ball.

Men In Black: The Series

  • The episode "The Bad Seed" where Jay is accidentally injected with a truth serum.
    Infected Zed: Well, did we lose him?
    Jay: (trying to keep his mouth shut, unsuccessfully. Runs out of the closet) No you didn't lose me! I'm right here! And the Worms are in there!
    (the Worms run away screaming)

    Kay: You didn't leak out any classified information while you were out in public, did you?
    Jay: Who me? Nah. Yo, the truth serum wore off!
    Kay and Elle: Jay!
  • "The Elle of My Dreams Syndrome" episode where Kay is the incompetent partner in Jay's dream world.
    Jay: He tries so hard.
  • "The Mine, Mine, Mine Syndrome": The Emperor Worm is learning English, but with extremely low fluency.
    Emperor Worm: (to Bug Queen) You can take away our livestock, but you can't take away our forest fires!
  • One episode where Kay and Elle are trapped on an out-of-control UFO. Good news - they find a stockpile of weapons. Bad news - most of them aren't indoor toys. Good news - Kay knows every single one. Rummage time!
    Elle: (picks up a weapon) Let's use one of these to blast through that door.
    Kay: (pushes weapon back down) Not that one. Sonic blast would liquefy our brains.
    Elle: (picks up a weapon) This?
    Kay: (pushes weapon back down) Grind us to hamburger.
    Elle: (picks up a weapon) This?
    Kay: (pushes weapon back down) Fry us to the bone.
    Elle: (picks up a weapon) This?
    Kay: (pushes weapon back down) Rain nuclear junk all over the countryside.
    Elle: (picks up a weapon) This?
    Kay: (Smiles)
    (Stuff Blowing Up)
  • Zed is showing off fish he was given as a gift from aliens to Kay. Him marveling at how they have quite a lifespan is barely out of his mouth when they are eaten.