Funny / Final Fantasy VII: The Sevening

• In the original game, Wedge is set on fire by the explosive charge Jesse uses to get through the door of the first reactor. In this version, Barrett tells Wedge to shut up when he starts freaking out and Wedge just stands there burning.
• For the second reactor, Tifa joins the party... and so do Bomb Man and Bomberman.
• Jessie gives Cloud a 'special' ID - one in which his mug shot is replaced by Jessie, naked in a cheesecake pose on some sheets.
  Cloud: Real subtle, Jessie.
  • And when one of Corneo's lackeys isn't fooled by Cloud's Dragged into Drag disguise, Cloud just shows him the ID. It works.
    Corneo Lackey: Oh my! I didn't realize you were an attractive, naked female. Very well, proceed.
    Aeris: Why do you have that?
    Cloud: It's a long story.
• Jessie and Biggs stealing people's clothing and changing in fifteen seconds while the ALARM goes off on the train.
  Cloud: You stole a man's mustache!
• The recurring gag where people are named after the actions they are doing if their name hasn't been given yet. Like when Aeris/Aerith tries to sell Cloud a flower she goes through half dozen names including "Hemp Pusher" or when they first meet President Shinra he has this speech bubble:
  Sarcastic Clapping: *sarcastic clapping*
  • Cait Sith's include "Random Pointless Character", "Annoying Pointless Character", "Harbinger of Misfortune", and "God's Mistake".
• Tifa's special technique while fighting the giant robot at the second mako reactor.
  Tifa: ... Ah, I guess it's up to me now. Time for my special technique. (starts flailing arms and charges) NO ONE'S GOING HOME UNTIL I COLLECT ALL THE TABS!
  Barret: Tifa, no, that's too powerful! (robot explodes and the bridge collapses)
  Cloud: (falling) Aaaaah, I blame you entirely, Tifaaaaaaaaaaaa...
• At the Honey Bee Inn, Cloud hallucinates that another Cloud is straddling him as he lies on the bed. He says that he's not that in love with himself, but the hallucinated 'evil twin' tries to get him to give in.
  Cloud: Get off me, you handsome devil!
• Johnny becomes an Ascended Extra. The author loves to mock him and puts him in situations he wasn't in in the game. Every time he appears, it's hilarious.
  Johnny: (sees Cloud dressed as a woman) "C-Childhood friend?"
  "Cloudia": Not now Johnny.
  Johnny: (blushing) Y-You wanna go out for coffee later, or something?
  • The only time Johnny's Dogged Nice Guy attitude slips is when he realizes Cait Sith has become one of the main characters:
    Johnny: (enraged) Cloud, you f——-, what is that!? You let that thing join your party but not me?!...
    Cloud: (soothingly) N-no, it's not in my party, I swear!
• Cloud's Freudian Slip when he threatens Don Corneo.
  Cloud: If you don't tell us, I'll suck 'em off. Wait a minute.
• Cloud tells the party about how Sephiroth locked himself away in the Nibelheim mansion's study for days on end. He spent the time reading Twilight.
• Sephiroth gets distracted dancing along to his Ominous Latin Chanting theme music during the Nibelheim flashback.
• Aeris thinks that since she's the real Ancient, she should be the one trying to take over the world instead of Sephiroth. But Cloud tells her it's a terrible idea and she responds, "Aw, shucks."
• Cloud misses the point of Priscilla's whistle:
  Cloud: Oh my god! That whistle can raise the dead!
• Aeris beats Mog House and rejoices... until Cloud points out the single yellow Moogle among the family.
  Aeris: Mogrita, you whore!
• Admiral Ackbar's cameo at the Corel town meeting, subverting the only memetic line he's ever had:
  Admiral Ackbar: IT'S A... sound and logical plan with no foreseeable consequences.
• Dyne's Disney Death:
  Dyne: This wouldn't have happened if we had guns for arms!
• For such a terrifying character, Dyne is able to make with the funny too. He doesn't take it well when he finds out Marlene is still alive, after having replaced her with a ball with a face attached to a broom, that also happens to be Johnny's girlfriend:
  Dyne: Shit! You mean I went crazy for nothing?
  • Unfortunately, he crosses the Despair Event Horizon immediately afterwards.
• Dyne's special attack: the Molotov Cocktail, which is a fucking laser!
• Barret lampshades the really, really demonic appearance of Ifrit, one of the summonable magic bosses:
  Barret: I'll show you the good guys always win! Now, Satan, do my bidding!
• Joe finds out he could have cheated to win the chocobo race.
  Joe: Teioh, is it true? Can you fly?
  Teioh: Kwyes.
  Joe: Sacre Bleu!
• Sephiroth, for whatever reason, decides to inform Cloud that he's about to do something nonsensical:
  Sephiroth: (casually) After I throw Destruct at your balls, travel north.
• In Corel Prison, they're attacked by a shiv-wielding prisoner and Cloud uses the cat-robot Cait Sith as a shield, resulting in hilarious Bloodless Carnage.
  Cloud: Phew! You saved us from his reign of terror. Thank you!
  • A few panels later, a second Cait Sith appears, much to Cloud's horror. As he affirms that he can't be killed, he's also grinning in the same way as the Happy Mask Salesman. Pure Lightmare Fuel, right here.
• The fact that Cid uses Symbol Swearing (when Barret's been using uncensored versions the whole game) utterly baffles Cloud:
  Cloud: ... Hey, Barret! Shout a swearword up here real quick!
  Barret: Fuck you, ya dumbass, I ain't sayin' shit!
  Cloud: ... Okay, now, you.
  Cid: @&^# off, I'm busy.
  Cloud: This game is confusing.
• Melon makes his opinion of the Yuffie/Vincent ship apparent.
  Vincent: (conversationally) So... Yuffie, did you know that you and I are a popular fan-pairing?
  Yuffie: (horrified) Cloud, this creepy, old guy is hitting on me!!
  • He later tells Cid the exact same thing.
    Cid: Vincent, if you ever say that again I will $%&# you so hard up the @#$%.
    Vincent: ...A-Are you coming on to me?
• When Cid finally says the immortal line of "Sit down and drink your GODDAMN TEA!" The very next panel shows a Live Studio Audience cheering his delivery.
• The incredible ease of recruiting Cid takes one panel.
  Cid: Awww, #$** yeah, sign me up!
• Yuffie swipes the team's materia:
  Vincent: All is lost... even what we were wearing; stolen in broad daylight by a 16-year old girl.
  Red XIII: I'm not even mad. We deserve it if we suck this hard.
• One of the funniest single-panel jokes in the whole webcomic combines a clumsily translated line with a combination of Derp and Gonk:
  Aeris: ITS FULL OF PEOPLE AND NOISY!
  • Later when Aeris offers a grieving widow some words of comfort:
    Aeris: If it makes you feel any better, ma'am, I can mistranslate the voices of your loved ones for you. They are FULL OF PIECES AND HAPPY SOUL.
    Widow: (sobs) It's true, Harold was always full of that.
• After Yuffie steals everyone's materia, Cloud cautions everyone to be careful about random encounters, only to immediately get a game over. He immediately proclaims his hatred for Yuffie, only for Red XIII to ask what he's talking about, because they're back at the Cosmo Canyon part of the adventure... from about eight hours ago.
  Cloud: Is THIS where we last saved?!
  • The best part is Yuffie's indignant expression after Cloud exclaims that she has to die (after all, she hasn't technically done anything YET).
  • Eventually, they get back to where they were before the game over, when...
    Aeris: Cloud, we forgot to get Vincent this time.
    Cloud: ...
    Aeris: And YES, we do have to include him.
    Cloud: FUCK!
  • In the end, as Vincent points out, because of all the backtracking, Yuffie has stolen the party's materia three times in a row.
• Cloud wonders why Cait Sith hasn't died in a while and is told by Cait Sith that since he is on his ninth life, he is being extra careful as he fears might die for real if he dies again. Learning this, Cloud immediately tries to drown Cait Sith.
  Cloud: (absolutely resolute) I WILL END THIS!
• While trying to save Yuffie and Elena from Don Corneo, the group runs into a Random Encounter with Shinra Troops that were also chasing Corneo. The resulting fight is not only hilariously pointless, but the group's current lack of materia forces them to take down their foes in more creative ways:
  • Troop #2 is neutralized when Red XIII flat out bites his arm off.
    Red XIII: CHOMP.
    Troop #2: U-Uh oh!
  • Troop #3 is neutralized when he accepts a cigarette from Cid.
    Cid: Here try this.
    Troop #3: (happily) Okay. (takes a drag) AUCK HACK GRK... HACK!
  • As for Troop #1... well...
    Vincent: You look like someone that wants to hear about my tragic past.
    (...)
    Vincent: And that is why... life is a symphony of tears.
    Troop #1: I can't take this anymore!
• Rude making a Bond One-Liner, complete with putting a pair of sunglasses on... over the pair he's already wearing.
• Shake reveals her monster form to Yuffie and Cloud:
  Shake: THIS IS MY TRUE FORM!
  (beat)
  Shake: You are obviously speechless because you have clearly lost this match already. What do you have to say for yourself?
  Yuffie: YOU'RE A PENGUIN.
  Cloud: I'm going to have to agree with Yuffie on this one, you are a fucking penguin.
• When Yuffie takes down Staniv, he struggles to get up, and declares that she's no match for his War Cry ability. Yuffie then points out that his monster form doesn't have a mouth. One Beat panel later, Staniv keels over, defeated.
• Yuffie faces the final challenge of the Pagoda: her father. He proceeds to change form...
  Yuffie: No, stop! Please, Dad, I don't want to see you become a stupid monster! Please, Dad, don't do this! Daaaad!
  • The actual fight.
    Yuffie: God dammit, Dad, you fight like a bitch!
  • Also: "U-Usurper!"
    Yuffie: I knew my dad would be weak to murder.
• Joe tells off Cloud during the Chocobo Racing montage when Cloud's Boco pecks Joe's Teioh:
  Joe: Monsieur! This is FOWL play! (Joe then flashes a shit-eating grin)
  (beat)
  (Cloud slaps him)
• The Game Script effectively prevents Cloud from getting it on with an eager Tifa in the jail cell by forcing him to act romantically ambiguous so he does not upset fans that ship him and Aeris.
  Cloud: (to the script) ...YOU MONSTER!
• Cloud casually killing Yuffie in her introduction battle. By crushing her with a Fat Chocobo no less.
  Aeris: Oh God, you killed her, Cloud!
  Cloud: (shrugs, completely unashamed) Serves her right.
• Cait Sith blackmails Cloud and Tifa into treating him nicely. They still cannot manage to actually compliment him, though:
  Cloud: Cait Sith is just such g... great, errr... you know? Right, Tifa?
  Tifa: Cait Sith certainly is a great.
• The revelation of why Tifa was the one who showed up for the date. She had drugged Aeris with chloroform and tied her up beforehand to make sure she wouldn't try to make a move on Cloud before she could.
• Cloud grandly declares his belief in the Power of Trust:
  Tifa: (aside to Aeris) ...I think learning about compassion and friendship in Barret's subplot scrambled his brains.
  Aeris: Oh my, this won't do. I'm only attracted to assholes.
• Cloud encounters the Jemnezmy enemy:
  Cloud: Ooo, treasure.
  Jemnezmy: (pops out of the treasure chest) You'll have a severe case of the hoppies when I'm done with you!
  Cloud: T-this treasure is as unexpected as it is both arousing and terrifying.
  Jemnezmy: (chasing Cloud) Don't run! I want to give you an un-frog-gettable experience! ♥
  Cloud: Oof, ouch, the puns. I'm certainly not aroused any longer.
• The gang finds the miniature version of the temple:
  Aeris: It's engraved with "B.l.a.c.k. ... M.a.t.e.r.i.a." What could this possibly translate to?!
  Cloud: (annoyed Aside Glance)
  • But then:
    Aeris: Hold on, I'll ask the planet.
    Cloud: Aeris, I don't think that's neces—
    Aeris: I've got it. The temple itself is the Black Materia!
    Cloud: ...Nevermind. I legitimately wasn't expecting that.
• Pretty much everyone in the party is happy about finally being able to leave the Temple of the Ancients portion of the game:
  Cid: Pheeew, we're finally going to be free from this wacky-ass place.
  • Then Tifa spots the exit door:
    Cloud: I'm going for it! (quickly grabs the door knob)
    (a monster materizalies above the door)
    Demon's Gate: Hee, hee, stop, that tickles.
    Cloud: Dammit! We were so close!
    Red XIII: Cloud, you degenerate, stop fiddling with that monster's knob!
  • Following this Cloud whilst donning Ash Ketchum's hat orders Cid to perform his hyper jump, only for Cid to comically crash and get stuck in the ceiling, complete with a "@#$%!". Red once again provides a witty retort.
    Red XIII: I kind of understand why that happened but it was still rather silly.

---