- The first line:
"Mab, the Queen of Air and Darkness, has unique ideas on physical therapy.
- And there is the video montage Dresden suggests for said therapy. To the Foo Fighters "Walk" - which is very appropriate on top of it.
- The most hilarious part of the whole thing is how Mab tops the physical therapy process: she just flat out unloads a drum-fed, automatic Russian shotgun into his face at point-blank range. Something about the image of this literal queen with epic, eye-watering beauty and grace blasting away with a giant shotgun is freaking hilarious.
- Dame Helen Mirren wielding a Browning M2 HB heavy machine gun in RED is quite close to that image, in case someone lacks vivid imagination.
- Harry and Sarissa walk into a dark ice cavern. Suddenly, all manner of light and sound blaze forth from nowhere and Harry prepares to fling fire at whatever's in his way. It's his birthday party. Complete with all the fae you could imagine, including the trolls and goblins and other monsters, singing "Happy Birthday" while sprites form a floating HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY DRESDEN banner over him.
- The Erlking doing, what can only be described as... well, the "Bitch please"-face, with appropriate line:
- "Wait. Your job is... you're BFFs with Mab?" (It Makes Sense in Context)
- "Hey, weren't there seven of you guys a minute ago?"
- "Hey, weren't there six of you guys a minute ago?"
- Much of Cat Sith's dialogue is darkly hilarious.
- Harry's completely justified reaction to being informed that, on top of everything else on his plate already, the island Demonreach is getting ready to explode and take out half the Midwest.
- Discussing the classic Grandfather Paradox:
- The Tao of Pratchett: Build a man a fire and you warm him for a day. Set a man on fire and you warm him for the rest of his life.
- Harry observing that Maeve has been Vajazzled.
- And then there's his new nickname for her: Little Miss Spanglecrotch.
- When Maeve showed up wearing diamonds and nothing else, Harry made an "I almost showed up wearing the same thing!" joke.
- There's Harry's line as he's breaking into Butters' apartment to get Bob back.
Harry: One day, one brave and magnificent day, I will actually be cool.
- For the first half of the book, Harry has been menaced by Captain Hook, a faerie who rivals Toot-Toot in the Badass department. The kicker. She's a girl. Toot-Toot couldn't say more than Wow for some time.
- Words are used by wizards as a safe way to channel their magic. They can mean anything or nothing. The words Harry used to set an iceberg up and keep a barge from running aground? "Rexus Mundus", which translates literally into "I'm the king of the world."
- Thomas is talking about the gear he has for his boat:
Thomas: I even have a sextant.
Harry: Any tent you own is a sex-tent.
- Kris Kringle putting his foot down on Holiday Creep.
Kris: Not until after Halloween. Enough is enough, I'm drawing the line.
- Bob and Demonreach. They have synergy when snarking together.
Demonreach: LESSER BEINGS ONCE KNEW TO RESPECT THEIR ELDERS.
Bob: I respect the crap out of you. You want me to help, and I'm telling you how.
Bob: You see what I'm working with here? I had to simplify [an incredibly complicated magical situation] down to throwing a rock.
Demonreach: HIS UNDERSTANDING IS LIMITED.
- Bob explaining Harry the nature of the island, by projecting a movie, complete with the 20th Century Fox logo, Star Wars-ish opening, Sir Alec Guiness as Merlin, a romantic subplot (involving pornstar Jenna Jameson, of course), obvious subtitles, rifftrax from Harry, and fast-forwarding it when Dresden asks him to cut the crap.
- The fact that Demonreach referred to Molly also as "Grasshopper" was rather amusing.
- All of Harry's dialogue with Lacuna.
Lacuna: Perhaps you have brain damage.
Harry: It would not shock me in the least.
Lacuna: Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?
- Harry using his own less than elegant plans as proof he's telling the truth:
Maybe you’re giving me way more credit for cunning than I’m due. You know how I work. How often do I get to a neat, elegant solution that ties everything up? Can you look at me right now and honestly say to yourself, ‘Dresden, that wily genius! This must be a part of his master plan’?
I spread my hands and looked up at him expectantly. Fix looked at me, dirty, naked, shivering, burned, bruised, covered in soot and ash. Fix: Fuck.
- Toot-Toot's attempt to court Lacuna and her response to it, which consists of punching him in the face and calmly going back to eating celery.
- Also Toot-Toot and Harry's shock that Lacuna hates pizza. She likes celery.
Harry: How random.
- Toot-Toot's knowledge of mortal slang is a little... limited at times.
Harry: I'm on a case. I'll need someone to watch my back.
Toot-Toot: Learn forward a little, my lord. Hey, Kernel Purpleweed! Come watch the Za Winter Lord Knight's back!
Harry: No, that's a metaphor.
Toot-Toot: I don't know what it's for.
- Harry realizing the Gatekeeper's job description is more literal than he thought. He's brought to see the Gatekeeper at The Outer Gates, and it goes something like, "Rashid the Gatekeeper? What is he doing here?" (stops, looks at the stupidly big gate he's standing right next to, realization sets in) "...Oh."
Harry: Those are supposed to be a metaphor.
- "Oh, my God...we're his flunkies!"
- Thomas responds to this by claiming that he's Harry's thug, which is a higher rank.
- And later in the conversation, Harry promotes Molly to lackey. She reacts with sarcastic joy.
- Harry's completely naked, for a perfectly good reason, and under a bad veil. He ends up standing in-front of some people who can easily tell there is a veil. He knows that it is useless to keep the veil up but instead drops it down to his own homemade censor blur.
- In a very tragic-yet-funny moment, Sarissa and Maeve's argument when Maeve claims that Sarissa's dress at the Court party at the beginning of the book was a ploy to get into bed with Harry.
- Most of Harry's conversations with Thomas.
- In regards to dealing with the growing threat that is Lara.
"I’ll stick her on my to-do list, then," I said.
"Not like that,” I said. "Pervert."
- Another example is Harry's reaction to Thomas telling him that Justine is no longer screwing one woman in front of him so that they can safely be together...she's bringing him a steady stream of gorgeous girls so that he can be sufficiently well-fed not to harm her. Harry can only think "Totally not fair".
- Harry recalls naming the dock they built the Whatsup Dock, a pun so terrible that Thomas reacts by throwing him twenty feet into the lake. After getting out, he then blasts Thomas forty feet into the lake, because hey, what else can a brother do in that situation?
- Upon learning that Andi has been kidnapped yet again Mouse opines (via empathy with Molly) that she should be locked in the garage until she learns to take care of herself.
- Harry has been loaned Cat Sith, a very powerful Fey of the Winter Court, as his battle butler. Harry, being the Winter Knight and knowing that no subject of the Court can kill him without Mab's say-so, enjoys taunting Cat Sith despite knowing just how powerful the fey cat actually is. The clincher comes at his final attempt to summon him: "Cat Sith! Kitty kitty kitty!"
- "My brother the...Geosexual?"
- The whole exchange with Harry and Thomas arguing over which television doctor makes a better snarky nickname for Butters:
My God. You’ve been shot. Thomas:
Check out Dr. Marcus Welby, MD, here. Harry:
I’d have gone with Doogie Howser, maybe. Thomas:
Split the difference at McCoy? Harry:
You’ve been shot! Thomas: Well. A little.
- Harry gets a little fed up with Mother Summer being cryptic:
I kept a straight face while my inner Neanderthal spluttered and then went on a mental rampage through a hypothetical produce sections, knocking over shelves and splattering fruit everywhere in sheer frustration, screaming, "JUST TELL ME WHOSE SKULL TO CRACK WITH MY CLUB, DAMNIT!"
Flippin' faeries. They will be the death of me.
- He could have finished that with "...again."
- Nah, it was Fallen angels that time, not fae.
- When Harry is visiting Mac's:
In Chicago, you can't swing a cat without hitting an Irish pub (and angering the cat), but McAnally's place stands out from the crowd.
- Later in that scene, he calmly turns to Thomas and asks where that expression came from. When Thomas is confused, Harry clarifies that he's talking about the "swinging a cat" metaphor, which was just part of his internal monologue. Thomas more or less just rolls his eyes.
- It's right smack dab in the middle of a Nightmare Fuel moment, but Mother Winter is almost Batman-esque in her ability to be so unfunny that she's funny.
: (as she's sharpening her cleaver)
Mab is too much the romantic.
Which tells you everything you need to know about Mother Winter.
- Harry and Molly right outside Mac's, where Donnar Vadderrung is waiting.
Molly: I sense...
Dresden: Say it. You know you want to say it.
Molly: (exasperated) There is not a disturbance in the Force.
- The tail end of Harry and Murphy's big Conversation about their relationship and where it could be heading. It zig-zags between heartwarming, hilarious, and tear-jerking all at once.
: And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. You'll be screaming.
Neighbors will make phone calls. (after Murphy starts laughing)
Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.
Murphy: You're such a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll be the one screaming.