History Funny / ColdDays

19th Jun '17 1:40:06 AM EhWhatCanYouDo
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** And later in the conversation, Harry promotes Molly to lackey. She reacts with sarcastic joy.

to:

** And later in the conversation, * Harry promotes summons the CEO of Monoc securities (also known as [[spoiler: Odin]]) in hopes of procuring information. Their conversation is amazing:
-->"What do you need?" Vadderung asked.

-->"Advice," I said. "If the price is right."

-->"And what do you think a sufficient price would be?"

-->"Lucy charges a nickel."

-->"Ah," Vadderung said. "But Lucy is a psychiatrist. You realize that you've just cast yourself as Charlie Brown."

-->"Augh," I said.

**Their negotiation of price leads us to this:
-->"I will accept your offer of one favor-and a nickel."

-->"I told you. I don't have a nickel."

-->He nodded gravely. "What do you have?"

-->I rummaged in my pockets and came out with the jeweled cuff links from my tux. I showed them to him.

-->"Those aren't a nickel," he said soberly. He leaned forward again, as he had a moment before, and spoke slowly. "What do you have?"

-->I stared at him for a second. Then I said, "Friends."

-->He sat back, his blue eye all but throwing off sparks, it was so bright.

-->"Thomas," I called. "I need a nickel."

-->"What?" Thomas asked. "In cash?"

-->"Yeah."

-->Thomas reached into a pocket and produced a bunch of plastic cards. He fanned them out and showed them to me. "What about these?"

-->"Those aren't a nickel," I said.

-->"Oh, for goodness' sake."
Molly to lackey. sighed. She reacts with sarcastic joy.reached into a pocket and produced what looked like a little old lady's coin purse. Then she flicked a nickel toward me.

-->I caught it. "Thanks. You're promoted to lackey."

-->She rolled her eyes. "Hail, Ming."


Added DiffLines:

* Harry and Thomas' joint snark in the face of an EldritchAbomination:
-->"Look, Spanky," I said to Sharkface. "I'm a little busy to be tussling with every random weirdo who is insecure about his junk. Otherwise I would just love to smash you with a beer bottle, kick you in the balls, throw you out through the saloon doors, the whole bit. Why don't you have your people contact my people, and we can do this maybe next week?"

-->"Next week is your self-deprecation awareness seminar," Thomas said.

-->I snapped my fingers. "What about the week after?"

-->"Apartment hunting."

-->"Bother," I said. "Well, no one can say we didn't try. See you later."
8th Jun '17 11:45:54 AM jdotmi
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Added DiffLines:

**** Pretty sure that ''Creator/HelenMirren'' with a machine gun [[GrandmaWhatMassiveHotnessYouHave has that covered]].
22nd Mar '17 11:35:53 AM AthenaBlue
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-->Mab, the Queen of Air and Darkness, has unique ideas on physical therapy.

to:

-->Mab, the Queen of Air and Darkness, Monarch of the Winter Court of the Sidhe, has unique ideas on physical therapy.
11th Jan '17 11:04:27 AM Marin1977
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Added DiffLines:

*** More like A. Jolie in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Mab is hot.
9th Sep '16 8:36:59 AM starjammer05
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* Upon learning that Andi has been [[DesignatedVictim kidnapped yet again]] Mouse opines (via empathy with Molly) that she should be locked in the garage until she learns to take care of herself.

to:

* Upon learning that Andi has been [[DesignatedVictim kidnapped yet again]] Mouse opines (via empathy with Molly) that [[EvenTheDogIsAshamed she should be locked in the garage until she learns to take care of herself.]]
21st Jul '16 2:12:14 AM SilverDragon
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'''Toot-Toot:''' Learn forward a little, my lord. Hey, Kernel Purpleweed! Come watch the Za Winter Lord Knight's back!\\

to:

'''Toot-Toot:''' Learn Lean forward a little, my lord. Hey, Kernel Purpleweed! Come watch the Za Winter Lord Knight's back!\\
2nd May '16 1:30:03 PM roxana
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Added DiffLines:

* Raschid's words of wisdom intended to help Harry adjust to his new knowledge of how precarious the condition of all Reality is and his own major role in maintaining said Reality: "You get used to it."
25th Mar '16 4:05:09 PM Beacon80
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* All of Harry's dialogue with his new fairy vassal, Lacuna. Just all of it.

to:

* All of Harry's dialogue with his new fairy vassal, Lacuna. Just all of it. Made even funnier by Marsters' performance for her.



-->'''Harry:''': And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. [[BadAssBoast You'll be screaming]]. Neighbors will make phone calls. ''[after Murphy starts laughing]'' Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.\\
'''Murphy:''': You're such a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll be the one screaming.

to:

-->'''Harry:''': -->'''Harry:''' And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. [[BadAssBoast You'll be screaming]]. Neighbors will make phone calls. ''[after Murphy starts laughing]'' Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.\\
'''Murphy:''': '''Murphy:''' You're such a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll be the one screaming.screaming.
* Toot-Toot not understanding the word "Ransom":
-->'''Dresden:''' Ah. Medieval-style ransom.
-->'''Toot-Toot:''' He did run some, but I stopped him, my lord. Like, just now. In front of you. Right over there.
3rd Jan '16 4:02:30 AM Andrzej
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* While still reeling from the above reveal, Harry is sent back to the cemetery and lands precisely at the bottom of his still-open grave from the previous books. A Goth kid hanging out in the graveyard for Halloween peeks down at him at him and states that "it's pretty hard-core down there." Then more Goths appear and all agree that Harry is pretty hard-core down there. Harry wonders if he hurt their self-esteem or something.

to:

* While still reeling from the above reveal, Harry is sent back to the cemetery and lands precisely at the bottom of his still-open grave from the previous books. A Goth kid hanging out in the graveyard for Halloween peeks down at him at him and states that "it's pretty hard-core down there." Then more Goths appear and all agree that Harry is indeed pretty hard-core down there. Harry wonders if he hurt their self-esteem or something.
2nd Jan '16 11:26:40 AM Andrzej
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* All of Harry's dialogue with Lacuna.
-->'''Lacuna''': Perhaps you have brain damage.\\
'''Harry''': It would not shock me in the least.\\
'''Lacuna''': Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?

to:

* While still reeling from the above reveal, Harry is sent back to the cemetery and lands precisely at the bottom of his still-open grave from the previous books. A Goth kid hanging out in the graveyard for Halloween peeks down at him at him and states that "it's pretty hard-core down there." Then more Goths appear and all agree that Harry is pretty hard-core down there. Harry wonders if he hurt their self-esteem or something.
* All of Harry's dialogue with Lacuna.
-->'''Lacuna''': Perhaps
his new fairy vassal, Lacuna. Just all of it.
-->'''Harry:''' ''[gets out of the shower]'' ''[begins to put on his underwear]''\\
'''Lacuna:''' Why do
you wear those?\\
'''Harry:''' Gah! ''[lands on his naked ass]'' Don't ''do'' that!\\
'''Lacuna:''' Don't ask questions?\\
'''Harry:''' Don't come in here all quiet and spooky and ''scare'' me like that!\\
'''Lacuna:''' You're six times my height, and fifty times my weight. And I've agreed to be your captive. You don't
have brain damage.any reason to be afraid.\\
'''Harry''': '''Harry:''' Not ''afraid''. ''Startled''. It would not shock me in isn't wise to startle a wizard!\\
'''Lacuna:''' Why not?\\
'''Harry:''' Because of what could happen!\\
'''Lacuna:''' Because they might fall down on
the least.floor?\\
'''Harry:''' No!\\
'''Lacuna:''' You aren't very good at answering questions.
\\
'''Lacuna''': '''Harry:''' ''[puts on some clothes]'' I'm starting to agree with you.\\
'''Lacuna:''' So why do you wear those?\\
'''Harry:''' Clothes?\\
'''Lacuna:''' Yes. You don't need them unless it's cold or raining.\\
'''Harry:''' You're wearing clothes.\\
'''Lacuna:''' I am wearing armor. For when it is raining arrows. Your T-shirt will not stop arrows.\\
'''Harry:''' No, it won't.\\
'''Lacuna:''' ''[peers at the shirt]'' [[Music/{{Aerosmith}} Aer-O-Smith]]. Arrowsmith. Does the shirt belong to your weapon dealer?\\
'''Harry:''' No.\\
'''Lacuna:''' Then why do you wear the shirt of someone else's weapon dealer?\\
'''Harry:''' Lacuna, humans wear clothes. It's one of the things we do. And as long as you are in my service, I expect you to do it as well."\\
'''Lacuna:''' Why?\\
'''Harry:''' Because if you don't, I I might pull your arms out of your sockets.\\
'''Lacuna:''' ''[frowns]'' Why?\\
'''Harry:''' Because I have to maintain discipline, don't I?\\
'''Lacuna:''' True. But I have no clothes.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[counts mentally to ten]'' I'll find something for you. Until then, no desocketing. Just wear the armor. Fair enough?\\
'''Lacuna:''' I understand, my lord.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[sighs]'' Good. How do I look?\\
'''Lacuna:''' Mostly human.\\
'''Harry:''' That's what I was going for.\\
'''Lacuna:''' You have a visitor, my lord.\\
'''Harry:''' What?\\
'''Lacuna:''' That is why I came in here. You have a visitor waiting for you.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[exasperated]'' Why didn't you say so?\\
'''Lacuna:''' I did. Just now. You were there. Perhaps you have brain damage.\\
'''Harry:''' It would not shock me in the least.\\
'''Lacuna:'''
Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?lord?\\
'''Harry:''' I No. No, but thank you for the offer.\\
'''Lacuna:''' It is my duty to serve.
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