History Funny / ColdDays

21st Jul '16 2:12:14 AM SilverDragon
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'''Toot-Toot:''' Learn forward a little, my lord. Hey, Kernel Purpleweed! Come watch the Za Winter Lord Knight's back!\\

to:

'''Toot-Toot:''' Learn Lean forward a little, my lord. Hey, Kernel Purpleweed! Come watch the Za Winter Lord Knight's back!\\
2nd May '16 1:30:03 PM roxana
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Added DiffLines:

* Raschid's words of wisdom intended to help Harry adjust to his new knowledge of how precarious the condition of all Reality is and his own major role in maintaining said Reality: "You get used to it."
25th Mar '16 4:05:09 PM Beacon80
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* All of Harry's dialogue with his new fairy vassal, Lacuna. Just all of it.

to:

* All of Harry's dialogue with his new fairy vassal, Lacuna. Just all of it. Made even funnier by Marsters' performance for her.



-->'''Harry:''': And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. [[BadAssBoast You'll be screaming]]. Neighbors will make phone calls. ''[after Murphy starts laughing]'' Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.\\
'''Murphy:''': You're such a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll be the one screaming.

to:

-->'''Harry:''': -->'''Harry:''' And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. [[BadAssBoast You'll be screaming]]. Neighbors will make phone calls. ''[after Murphy starts laughing]'' Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.\\
'''Murphy:''': '''Murphy:''' You're such a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll be the one screaming.screaming.
* Toot-Toot not understanding the word "Ransom":
-->'''Dresden:''' Ah. Medieval-style ransom.
-->'''Toot-Toot:''' He did run some, but I stopped him, my lord. Like, just now. In front of you. Right over there.
3rd Jan '16 4:02:30 AM Andrzej
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* While still reeling from the above reveal, Harry is sent back to the cemetery and lands precisely at the bottom of his still-open grave from the previous books. A Goth kid hanging out in the graveyard for Halloween peeks down at him at him and states that "it's pretty hard-core down there." Then more Goths appear and all agree that Harry is pretty hard-core down there. Harry wonders if he hurt their self-esteem or something.

to:

* While still reeling from the above reveal, Harry is sent back to the cemetery and lands precisely at the bottom of his still-open grave from the previous books. A Goth kid hanging out in the graveyard for Halloween peeks down at him at him and states that "it's pretty hard-core down there." Then more Goths appear and all agree that Harry is indeed pretty hard-core down there. Harry wonders if he hurt their self-esteem or something.
2nd Jan '16 11:26:40 AM Andrzej
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* All of Harry's dialogue with Lacuna.
-->'''Lacuna''': Perhaps you have brain damage.\\
'''Harry''': It would not shock me in the least.\\
'''Lacuna''': Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?

to:

* While still reeling from the above reveal, Harry is sent back to the cemetery and lands precisely at the bottom of his still-open grave from the previous books. A Goth kid hanging out in the graveyard for Halloween peeks down at him at him and states that "it's pretty hard-core down there." Then more Goths appear and all agree that Harry is pretty hard-core down there. Harry wonders if he hurt their self-esteem or something.
* All of Harry's dialogue with Lacuna.
-->'''Lacuna''': Perhaps
his new fairy vassal, Lacuna. Just all of it.
-->'''Harry:''' ''[gets out of the shower]'' ''[begins to put on his underwear]''\\
'''Lacuna:''' Why do
you wear those?\\
'''Harry:''' Gah! ''[lands on his naked ass]'' Don't ''do'' that!\\
'''Lacuna:''' Don't ask questions?\\
'''Harry:''' Don't come in here all quiet and spooky and ''scare'' me like that!\\
'''Lacuna:''' You're six times my height, and fifty times my weight. And I've agreed to be your captive. You don't
have brain damage.any reason to be afraid.\\
'''Harry''': '''Harry:''' Not ''afraid''. ''Startled''. It would not shock me in isn't wise to startle a wizard!\\
'''Lacuna:''' Why not?\\
'''Harry:''' Because of what could happen!\\
'''Lacuna:''' Because they might fall down on
the least.floor?\\
'''Harry:''' No!\\
'''Lacuna:''' You aren't very good at answering questions.
\\
'''Lacuna''': '''Harry:''' ''[puts on some clothes]'' I'm starting to agree with you.\\
'''Lacuna:''' So why do you wear those?\\
'''Harry:''' Clothes?\\
'''Lacuna:''' Yes. You don't need them unless it's cold or raining.\\
'''Harry:''' You're wearing clothes.\\
'''Lacuna:''' I am wearing armor. For when it is raining arrows. Your T-shirt will not stop arrows.\\
'''Harry:''' No, it won't.\\
'''Lacuna:''' ''[peers at the shirt]'' [[Music/{{Aerosmith}} Aer-O-Smith]]. Arrowsmith. Does the shirt belong to your weapon dealer?\\
'''Harry:''' No.\\
'''Lacuna:''' Then why do you wear the shirt of someone else's weapon dealer?\\
'''Harry:''' Lacuna, humans wear clothes. It's one of the things we do. And as long as you are in my service, I expect you to do it as well."\\
'''Lacuna:''' Why?\\
'''Harry:''' Because if you don't, I… I… might pull your arms out of your sockets.\\
'''Lacuna:''' ''[frowns]'' Why?\\
'''Harry:''' Because I have to maintain discipline, don't I?\\
'''Lacuna:''' True. But I have no clothes.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[counts mentally to ten]'' I'll… find something for you. Until then, no desocketing. Just wear the armor. Fair enough?\\
'''Lacuna:''' I understand, my lord.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[sighs]'' Good. How do I look?\\
'''Lacuna:''' Mostly human.\\
'''Harry:''' That's what I was going for.\\
'''Lacuna:''' You have a visitor, my lord.\\
'''Harry:''' What?\\
'''Lacuna:''' That is why I came in here. You have a visitor waiting for you.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[exasperated]'' Why didn't you say so?\\
'''Lacuna:''' I did. Just now. You were there. Perhaps you have brain damage.\\
'''Harry:''' It would not shock me in the least.\\
'''Lacuna:'''
Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?lord?\\
'''Harry:''' I… No. No, but thank you for the offer.\\
'''Lacuna:''' It is my duty to serve.
1st Jan '16 7:18:32 AM Andrzej
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-->'''Harry:''' Kind of a big event, huh? Think there'll be a problem with the paparazzi?\\

to:

-->'''Harry:''' '''Harry:''' Kind of a big event, huh? Think there'll be a problem with the paparazzi?\\
1st Jan '16 7:17:56 AM Andrzej
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'''Harry:''' Gotta go with 'no' on that one.

to:

'''Harry:''' Gotta go with 'no' on that one.\\
1st Jan '16 7:17:00 AM Andrzej
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* Harry and Sarissa walk into a dark ice cavern. Suddenly, all manner of light and sound blaze forth from nowhere and Harry prepares to fling fire at whatever is in his way. [[spoiler:It's his birthday party. Complete with all the fae you could imagine, including the trolls and goblins and other monsters, singing "Happy Birthday" while sprites form a floating HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY DRESDEN banner over him.]]
* The Erlking doing, what can only be described as... well, the "Bitch Please"-face, with appropriate line:
-->'''Erlking:''' Wizard, please.
* "Wait. Your job is... you're [=BFFs=] with ''Mab?''" (ItMakesSenseInContext)
* "Hey, weren't there seven of you guys a minute ago?"
** "Hey, weren't there six of you guys a minute ago?"



* Harry's completely justified reaction to being informed that, on top of everything else on his plate already, [[spoiler:the island Demonreach is getting ready to explode and take out half the Midwest]].
-->'''Harry:''' Of course it is. I ''swear'', this ''stupid'' town. [[LampshadeHanging Why does every hideous supernatural thing that happens happen]] ''here''? I'm gone for a few months and ''augh''. Be right back. [[{{Angrish}} Grrssll frrrsl rassle mrrrfl]].
* Discussing the classic Grandfather Paradox -- and recall Harry's grandfather is Ebenezer [=McCoy=]:
-->'''Dresden:''' So if I go back in time and kill my grandfather, what happens?\\
'''Vadderung:''' [[BadassGrandpa He beats you senseless, I suspect.]]
* The [[Literature/{{Discworld}} Tao of Pratchett]]: Build a man a fire and you warm him for a day. ''Set'' a man on fire and you warm him for the rest of his life.

to:

* Harry's completely justified reaction to being informed that, on top of everything else on his plate already, [[spoiler:the island Demonreach is getting ready to explode and take out half the Midwest]].
-->'''Harry:''' Of course it is. I ''swear'', this ''stupid'' town. [[LampshadeHanging Why does every hideous supernatural thing Just trying to brighten the conversation with humor, Sithy. You need to cheer up.\\
'''Cat Sith:''' Slicing your spine into coasters would cheer me. May I?\\
'''Harry:''' Gotta go with 'no' on
that happens happen]] ''here''? I'm gone for one.
[...]\\
-->'''Harry:''' Kind of
a few months big event, huh? Think there'll be a problem with the paparazzi?\\
'''Cat Sith:''' One may hope. Dispatching the perpetrators of such an intrusion would be gratifying.
* Harry
and ''augh''. Be right back. [[{{Angrish}} Grrssll frrrsl rassle mrrrfl]].
* Discussing the classic Grandfather Paradox --
Sarissa walk into a dark ice cavern. Suddenly, all manner of light and recall Harry's grandfather is Ebenezer [=McCoy=]:
-->'''Dresden:''' So if I go back in time
sound blaze forth from nowhere and kill my grandfather, what happens?\\
'''Vadderung:''' [[BadassGrandpa He beats you senseless, I suspect.]]
* The [[Literature/{{Discworld}} Tao of Pratchett]]: Build a man a
Harry prepares to fling fire at whatever is in his way. [[spoiler:It's his birthday party. Complete with all the fae you could imagine, including the trolls and you warm him for a day. ''Set'' a man on fire goblins and you warm him for the rest of his life.other monsters, singing "Happy Birthday" while sprites form a floating HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY DRESDEN banner over him.]]



* Kris Kringle putting his foot down on Holiday Creep.
-->'''Kris:''' Not until after Halloween. Enough is enough, I'm drawing the line.
* The [[Literature/{{Discworld}} Tao of Pratchett]]: Build a man a fire and you warm him for a day. ''Set'' a man on fire and you warm him for the rest of his life.
* "Wait. Your job is... you're [=BFFs=] with ''Mab?''" (ItMakesSenseInContext)
* Toot-Toot's knowledge of mortal slang is a little... limited at times.
-->'''Harry:''' I'm on a case. I'll need someone to watch my back.\\
'''Toot-Toot:''' Learn forward a little, my lord. Hey, Kernel Purpleweed! Come watch the Za Winter Lord Knight's back!\\
'''Harry:''' No, that's a metaphor.\\
'''Toot-Toot:''' I don't know what it's for.



* For the first half of the book, Harry has been menaced by Captain Hook, a faerie who rivals Toot-Toot in the Badass department. The kicker. [[spoiler:[[SamusIsAGirl She's a girl.]] Toot-Toot couldn't say more than Wow for some time.]]
** Bob has a ''field day'' with that one:
--->'''Harry''' I'm getting my ass kicked by tiny faeries! ''[fumbles to start the Caddy]'' They've got my freaking number!\\
'''Bob:''' ''[laughs hysterically]''\\
'''Harry:''' ''[starts the engine, drives away]''\\
'''Bob:''' ''[giggles as he rolls on the seat]'' Tiny faeries! Tiny faeries!
* Words are used by wizards as a safe way to channel their magic. They can mean anything or nothing. The words Harry used to set an iceberg up and keep a barge from running aground? [[spoiler:"Rexus Mundus", which translates literally into "[[Film/{{Titanic 1997}} I'm the king of the world.]]"]]
* Thomas is talking about the gear he has for his boat:
-->'''Thomas''': I even have a sextant.\\
'''Harry''': Any tent you own is a sex-tent.
* Kris Kringle putting his foot down on Holiday Creep.
-->'''Kris:''' Not until after Halloween. Enough is enough, I'm drawing the line.

to:

* For the first Harry's completely justified reaction to being informed that, on top of everything else on his plate already, [[spoiler:the island Demonreach is getting ready to explode and take out half of the book, Harry has been menaced by Captain Hook, a faerie who rivals Toot-Toot in the Badass department. The kicker. [[spoiler:[[SamusIsAGirl She's a girl.]] Toot-Toot couldn't say more than Wow for some time.]]
** Bob has a ''field day'' with
Midwest]].
-->'''Harry:''' Of course it is. I ''swear'', this ''stupid'' town. [[LampshadeHanging Why does every hideous supernatural thing
that one:
--->'''Harry'''
happens happen]] ''here''? I'm getting my ass kicked by tiny faeries! ''[fumbles gone for a few months and ''augh''. Be right back. [[{{Angrish}} Grrssll frrrsl rassle mrrrfl]].
* Harry wonders why Mab doesn't simply tell him what
to start do, somehow forgetting all the Caddy]'' They've got my freaking number!\\
'''Bob:''' ''[laughs hysterically]''\\
times he has tried -- and sometimes succeeded -- to go against or around her mandates in the past.
-->'''Thomas:''' If your new boss wanted you on the island, wouldn't she just have told you to go there?\\
'''Harry:''' ''[starts the engine, drives away]''\\
'''Bob:''' ''[giggles as he rolls on the seat]'' Tiny faeries! Tiny faeries!
* Words are used by wizards as a safe way to channel their magic. They can mean anything or nothing. The words Harry used to set an iceberg up and keep a barge from running aground? [[spoiler:"Rexus Mundus", which translates literally into "[[Film/{{Titanic 1997}} I'm the king of the world.]]"]]
* Thomas
Seems like. Taking her orders is talking about the gear he has for his boat:
-->'''Thomas''': I even have a sextant.
pretty much my job now.\\
'''Harry''': Any tent you own is '''Molly:''' ''[snorts softly]''\\
'''Harry:''' Maybe I'll grow into it. You don't know.\\
'''Thomas:''' ''[snorts softly]''
* "My brother the...Geosexual?"
** Becomes
a sex-tent.
* Kris Kringle putting his foot down on Holiday Creep.
-->'''Kris:''' Not until after Halloween. Enough is enough, I'm drawing
hilarious BrickJoke later during the line.FinalBattle.



* All of Harry's dialogue with Lacuna.
-->'''Lacuna''': Perhaps you have brain damage.\\
'''Harry''': It would not shock me in the least.\\
'''Lacuna''': Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?
* Harry using his own [[IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing less than elegant plans]] as proof he's telling the truth:
-->'''Harry:''' Maybe you're giving me way more credit for cunning than I'm due. You know how I work. How often do I get to a neat, elegant solution that ties everything up? Can you look at me right now and honestly say to yourself, 'Dresden, that wily genius! This must be a part of his master plan'?\\
I spread my hands and looked up at him expectantly. Fix looked at me, dirty, naked, shivering, burned, bruised, covered in soot and ash.\\
'''Fix:''' [[PrecisionFStrike Fuck.]]
* Toot-Toot's attempt to court Lacuna and her response to it, which consists of punching him in the face and calmly going back to eating celery.
** Also Toot-Toot and Harry's shock that Lacuna ''hates'' pizza. She likes celery.
-->'''Harry:''' How random.
* Toot-Toot's knowledge of mortal slang is a little... limited at times.
-->'''Harry:''' I'm on a case. I'll need someone to watch my back.\\
'''Toot-Toot:''' Learn forward a little, my lord. Hey, Kernel Purpleweed! Come watch the Za Winter Lord Knight's back!\\
'''Harry:''' No, that's a metaphor.\\
'''Toot-Toot:''' I don't know what it's for.
* Harry realizing the Gatekeeper's job description is more literal than he thought. He's brought to see the Gatekeeper ''at'' The Outer Gates, and it goes something like, "Rashid the Gatekeeper? What is he doing here?" ''[stops, looks at the stupidly big gate he's standing right next to, realization sets in]'' "...Oh."
-->'''Harry:''' Those are supposed to be a ''metaphor''.
* Molly's "Oh, my God...we're his flunkies!"
** Thomas responds to this by claiming that ''he's'' Harry's thug, which is a higher rank.
** And later in the conversation, Harry promotes Molly to lackey. She reacts with sarcastic joy.
* Harry's completely naked, for perfectly good reasons, and under a bad veil. He ends up standing in-front of some people who can easily tell there is a veil. He knows that it is useless to keep the veil up for stealth purposes but instead drops it down to his own homemade censor blur.
* In a very tragic-yet-funny moment, Sarissa and Maeve's argument when Maeve claims that Sarissa's dress at the Court party at the beginning of the book was a ploy to get into bed with Harry.
-->'''Sarissa''': ''Me?'' You were wearing rhinestones! ''And nothing else!''\\
'''Maeve''': [[PunctuatedForEmphasis They. Were.]] ''[[ComicallyMissingThePoint Diamonds!]]''

to:

* All of Harry's dialogue with Lacuna.
-->'''Lacuna''': Perhaps you
Thomas is talking about the gear he has for his boat:
-->'''Thomas''': I even
have brain damage.a sextant.\\
'''Harry''': It would not shock me in the least.\\
'''Lacuna''': Would
Any tent you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?
* Harry using his
own [[IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing less than elegant plans]] as proof he's telling the truth:
-->'''Harry:''' Maybe you're giving me way more credit for cunning than I'm due. You know how I work. How often do I get to a neat, elegant solution that ties everything up? Can you look at me right now and honestly say to yourself, 'Dresden, that wily genius! This must be a part of his master plan'?\\
I spread my hands and looked up at him expectantly. Fix looked at me, dirty, naked, shivering, burned, bruised, covered in soot and ash.\\
'''Fix:''' [[PrecisionFStrike Fuck.]]
* Toot-Toot's attempt to court Lacuna and her response to it, which consists of punching him in the face and calmly going back to eating celery.
** Also Toot-Toot and Harry's shock that Lacuna ''hates'' pizza. She likes celery.
-->'''Harry:''' How random.
* Toot-Toot's knowledge of mortal slang
is a little... limited at times.
-->'''Harry:''' I'm on a case. I'll need someone to watch my back.\\
'''Toot-Toot:''' Learn forward a little, my lord. Hey, Kernel Purpleweed! Come watch the Za Winter Lord Knight's back!\\
'''Harry:''' No, that's a metaphor.\\
'''Toot-Toot:''' I don't know what it's for.
* Harry realizing the Gatekeeper's job description is more literal than he thought. He's brought to see the Gatekeeper ''at'' The Outer Gates, and it goes something like, "Rashid the Gatekeeper? What is he doing here?" ''[stops, looks at the stupidly big gate he's standing right next to, realization sets in]'' "...Oh."
-->'''Harry:''' Those are supposed to be a ''metaphor''.
* Molly's "Oh, my God...we're his flunkies!"
** Thomas responds to this by claiming that ''he's'' Harry's thug, which is a higher rank.
** And later in the conversation, Harry promotes Molly to lackey. She reacts with sarcastic joy.
* Harry's completely naked, for perfectly good reasons, and under a bad veil. He ends up standing in-front of some people who can easily tell there is a veil. He knows that it is useless to keep the veil up for stealth purposes but instead drops it down to his own homemade censor blur.
* In a very tragic-yet-funny moment, Sarissa and Maeve's argument when Maeve claims that Sarissa's dress at the Court party at the beginning of the book was a ploy to get into bed with Harry.
-->'''Sarissa''': ''Me?'' You were wearing rhinestones! ''And nothing else!''\\
'''Maeve''': [[PunctuatedForEmphasis They. Were.]] ''[[ComicallyMissingThePoint Diamonds!]]''
sex-tent.



* Upon learning that Andi has been [[DesignatedVictim kidnapped yet again]] Mouse opines (via empathy with Molly) that she should be locked in the garage until she learns to take care of herself.
* Harry has been loaned Cat Sith, a ''very'' powerful Fey of the Winter Court, as his BattleButler. Harry, being the Winter Knight and knowing that no subject of the Court can kill him without Mab's say-so, enjoys taunting Cat Sith despite knowing just how powerful the fey cat actually is. The clincher comes at his final attempt to summon him: "Cat Sith! Kitty kitty kitty!"
* "My brother the...Geosexual?"
** Becomes a hilarious BrickJoke later during the FinalBattle.
* The whole exchange with Harry and Thomas arguing over which television doctor makes a better snarky nickname for Butters:
-->'''Butters:''' My God. You've been shot.\\
'''Thomas:''' Check out [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Welby,_M.D. Dr. Marcus Welby, MD]], here.\\
'''Harry:''' I'd have gone with [[Series/DoogieHowserMD Doogie Howser]], maybe.\\
'''Thomas:''' Split the difference at [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries McCoy]]?\\
'''Harry:''' Perfect.\\
'''Butters:''' You've been ''shot!''\\
'''Thomas:''' [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction Well. A little.]]
* Harry gets a little fed up with Mother Summer being cryptic:
-->I kept a straight face while my inner Neanderthal spluttered and then went on a mental rampage through a hypothetical produce sections, knocking over shelves and splattering fruit everywhere in sheer frustration, screaming, "JUST TELL ME WHOSE SKULL TO CRACK WITH MY CLUB, DAMNIT!"\\
Flippin' ''faeries''. They will be the death of me.



* It's right smack dab in the middle of a NightmareFuel moment, but Mother Winter is almost Batman-esque in her ability to be so unfunny that she's funny.
-->'''Mother Winter''': ''[as she's sharpening [[AxeCrazy her cleaver]]]'' Mab is too much the romantic.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[narrating]'' Which tells you everything you need to know about Mother Winter.



* The tail end of Harry and Murphy's big conversation about [[ShipTease their relationship]] and where it could be heading. It zig-zags between heartwarming, hilarious, and tear-jerking all at once.
-->'''Harry:''': And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. [[BadAssBoast You'll be screaming]]. Neighbors will make phone calls. ''[after Murphy starts laughing]'' Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.\\
'''Murphy:''': You're such a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll be the one screaming.

to:

* Molly's "Oh, my God...we're his flunkies!"
** Thomas responds to this by claiming that ''he's'' Harry's thug, which is a higher rank.
** And later in the conversation, Harry promotes Molly to lackey. She reacts with sarcastic joy.
* Discussing the classic Grandfather Paradox -- and recall Harry's grandfather is Ebenezer [=McCoy=]:
-->'''Dresden:''' So if I go back in time and kill my grandfather, what happens?\\
'''Vadderung:''' [[BadassGrandpa He beats you senseless, I suspect.]]
* "Hey, weren't there seven of you guys a minute ago?"
** "Hey, weren't there six of you guys a minute ago?"
* The tail end of whole exchange with Harry and Murphy's big conversation about [[ShipTease their relationship]] and where it could be heading. It zig-zags between heartwarming, hilarious, and tear-jerking all at once.
-->'''Harry:''': And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. [[BadAssBoast You'll be screaming]]. Neighbors will make phone calls. ''[after Murphy starts laughing]'' Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.
Thomas arguing over which television doctor makes a better snarky nickname for Butters:
-->'''Butters:''' My God. You've been shot.
\\
'''Murphy:''': You're such '''Thomas:''' Check out [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Welby%2C_M%2ED%2E Dr. Marcus Welby, MD]], here.\\
'''Harry:''' I'd have gone with [[Series/DoogieHowserMD Doogie Howser]], maybe.\\
'''Thomas:''' Split the difference at [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries McCoy]]?\\
'''Harry:''' Perfect.\\
'''Butters:''' You've been ''shot!''\\
'''Thomas:''' [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction Well. A little.]]
* For the first half of the book, Harry has been menaced by Captain Hook,
a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll faerie who rivals Toot-Toot in the Badass department. The kicker. [[spoiler:[[SamusIsAGirl She's a girl.]] Toot-Toot couldn't say more than Wow for some time.]]
** Bob has a ''field day'' with that one:
--->'''Harry''' I'm getting my ass kicked by tiny faeries! ''[fumbles to start the Caddy]'' They've got my freaking number!\\
'''Bob:''' ''[laughs hysterically]''\\
'''Harry:''' ''[starts the engine, drives away]''\\
'''Bob:''' ''[giggles as he rolls on the seat]'' Tiny faeries! Tiny faeries!
* Toot-Toot's attempt to court Lacuna and her response to it, which consists of punching him in the face and calmly going back to eating celery.
** Also Toot-Toot and Harry's shock that Lacuna ''hates'' pizza. She likes celery.
-->'''Harry:''' How random.
* It's right smack dab in the middle of a NightmareFuel moment, but Mother Winter is almost Batman-esque in her ability to be so unfunny that she's funny.
-->'''Mother Winter''': ''[as she's sharpening [[AxeCrazy her cleaver]]]'' Mab is too much the romantic.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[narrating]'' Which tells you everything you need to know about Mother Winter.
* Harry gets a little fed up with Mother Summer being cryptic:
-->I kept a straight face while my inner Neanderthal spluttered and then went on a mental rampage through a hypothetical produce sections, knocking over shelves and splattering fruit everywhere in sheer frustration, screaming, "JUST TELL ME WHOSE SKULL TO CRACK WITH MY CLUB, DAMNIT!"\\
Flippin' ''faeries''. They will
be the one screaming.death of me.
* Harry realizing the Gatekeeper's job description is more literal than he thought. He's brought to see the Gatekeeper ''at'' The Outer Gates, and it goes something like, "Rashid the Gatekeeper? What is he doing here?" ''[stops, looks at the stupidly big gate he's standing right next to, realization sets in]'' "...Oh."
-->'''Harry:''' Those are supposed to be a ''metaphor''.
* All of Harry's dialogue with Lacuna.
-->'''Lacuna''': Perhaps you have brain damage.\\
'''Harry''': It would not shock me in the least.\\
'''Lacuna''': Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?
* Harry has been loaned Cat Sith, a ''very'' powerful Fey of the Winter Court, as his BattleButler. Harry, being the Winter Knight and knowing that no subject of the Court can kill him without Mab's say-so, enjoys taunting Cat Sith despite knowing just how powerful the fey cat actually is. The clincher comes at his final attempt to summon him: "Cat Sith! Kittykittykitty!"
* Upon learning that Andi has been [[DesignatedVictim kidnapped yet again]] Mouse opines (via empathy with Molly) that she should be locked in the garage until she learns to take care of herself.


Added DiffLines:

* The Erlking doing, what can only be described as... well, the "Bitch Please"-face, with appropriate line:
-->'''Erlking:''' Wizard, please.


Added DiffLines:

* Words are used by wizards as a safe way to channel their magic. They can mean anything or nothing. The words Harry used to set an iceberg up and keep a barge from running aground? [[spoiler:"Rexus Mundus", which translates literally into "[[Film/{{Titanic 1997}} I'm the king of the world.]]"]]
* Harry's completely naked, for perfectly good reasons, and under a bad veil. He ends up standing in-front of some people who can easily tell there is a veil. He knows that it is useless to keep the veil up for stealth purposes but instead drops it down to his own homemade censor blur.
* Harry using his own [[IHaveNoIdeaWhatImDoing less than elegant plans]] as proof he's telling the truth:
-->'''Harry:''' Maybe you're giving me way more credit for cunning than I'm due. You know how I work. How often do I get to a neat, elegant solution that ties everything up? Can you look at me right now and honestly say to yourself, 'Dresden, that wily genius! This must be a part of his master plan'?\\
I spread my hands and looked up at him expectantly. Fix looked at me, dirty, naked, shivering, burned, bruised, covered in soot and ash.\\
'''Fix:''' [[PrecisionFStrike Fuck.]]
* In a very tragic-yet-funny moment, Sarissa and Maeve's argument when Maeve claims that Sarissa's dress at the Court party at the beginning of the book was a ploy to get into bed with Harry.
-->'''Sarissa''': ''Me?'' You were wearing rhinestones! ''And nothing else!''\\
'''Maeve''': [[PunctuatedForEmphasis They. Were.]] ''[[ComicallyMissingThePoint Diamonds!]]''
* The tail end of Harry and Murphy's big conversation about [[ShipTease their relationship]] and where it could be heading. It zig-zags between heartwarming, hilarious, and tear-jerking all at once.
-->'''Harry:''': And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. [[BadAssBoast You'll be screaming]]. Neighbors will make phone calls. ''[after Murphy starts laughing]'' Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.\\
'''Murphy:''': You're such a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll be the one screaming.
3rd Dec '15 1:53:07 PM Milarqui
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23rd Nov '15 3:42:02 PM Andrzej
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--> "Mab, the Queen of Air and Darkness, has unique ideas on physical therapy.
** And there is the ''video montage'' Dresden suggests for said therapy. To the Foo Fighters "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax6UXyAXSZo Walk]]" - which is very appropriate on top of it.
** The most hilarious part of the whole thing is how Mab tops the physical therapy process: [[spoiler: she just flat out unloads a drum-fed, automatic Russian shotgun into his face at point-blank range]]. Something about the image of this ''literal'' queen with epic, eye-watering beauty and grace [[spoiler: blasting away with a giant shotgun]] is freaking hilarious.

to:

--> "Mab, -->Mab, the Queen of Air and Darkness, has unique ideas on physical therapy.
** And there is the ''video montage'' Dresden suggests for said therapy. To the Foo Fighters "[[http://www.Fighters' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax6UXyAXSZo Walk]]" - "Walk"]] -- which is very appropriate on top of it.
** The most hilarious part of the whole thing is how Mab tops the physical therapy process: [[spoiler: she [[spoiler:she just flat out unloads a drum-fed, automatic Russian shotgun into his face at point-blank range]]. Something about the image of this ''literal'' queen with epic, eye-watering beauty and grace [[spoiler: blasting [[spoiler:blasting away with a giant shotgun]] is freaking hilarious.



* Harry and Sarissa walk into a dark ice cavern. Suddenly, all manner of light and sound blaze forth from nowhere and Harry prepares to fling fire at whatever's in his way. [[spoiler: It's his birthday party. Complete with all the fae you could imagine, including the trolls and goblins and other monsters, singing "Happy Birthday" while sprites form a floating HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY DRESDEN banner over him.]]
* The Erlking doing, what can only be described as... well, the "Bitch please"-face, with appropriate line:
--> "Wizard, please."

to:

* Harry and Sarissa walk into a dark ice cavern. Suddenly, all manner of light and sound blaze forth from nowhere and Harry prepares to fling fire at whatever's whatever is in his way. [[spoiler: It's [[spoiler:It's his birthday party. Complete with all the fae you could imagine, including the trolls and goblins and other monsters, singing "Happy Birthday" while sprites form a floating HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY DRESDEN banner over him.]]
* The Erlking doing, what can only be described as... well, the "Bitch please"-face, Please"-face, with appropriate line:
--> "Wizard, -->'''Erlking:''' Wizard, please."



* Harry's completely justified reaction to being informed that, on top of everything else on his plate already, [[spoiler: the island Demonreach is getting ready to explode and take out half the Midwest]].
--> '''Harry:''' Of course it is. I ''swear'', this ''stupid'' town. [[LampshadeHanging Why does every hideous supernatural thing that happens happen]] ''here''? I'm gone for a few months and ''augh''. Be right back. [[{{Angrish}} Grrssll frrrsl rassle mrrrfl]].

to:

* Harry's completely justified reaction to being informed that, on top of everything else on his plate already, [[spoiler: the [[spoiler:the island Demonreach is getting ready to explode and take out half the Midwest]].
--> '''Harry:''' -->'''Harry:''' Of course it is. I ''swear'', this ''stupid'' town. [[LampshadeHanging Why does every hideous supernatural thing that happens happen]] ''here''? I'm gone for a few months and ''augh''. Be right back. [[{{Angrish}} Grrssll frrrsl rassle mrrrfl]].



--> '''Dresden:''' So if I go back in time and kill my grandfather, what happens?\\

to:

--> '''Dresden:''' -->'''Dresden:''' So if I go back in time and kill my grandfather, what happens?\\



--> '''Harry''': One day, one brave and magnificent day, I will actually be cool.
* For the first half of the book, Harry has been menaced by Captain Hook, a faerie who rivals Toot-Toot in the Badass department. The kicker. [[spoiler: [[SamusIsAGirl She's a girl.]] Toot-Toot couldn't say more than Wow for some time.]]
* Words are used by wizards as a safe way to channel their magic. They can mean anything or nothing. The words Harry used to set an iceberg up and keep a barge from running aground? [[spoiler: "Rexus Mundus", which translates literally into "[[Film/{{Titanic 1997}} I'm the king of the world.]]"]]

to:

--> '''Harry''': -->'''Harry''': One day, one brave and magnificent day, I will actually be cool.
* For the first half of the book, Harry has been menaced by Captain Hook, a faerie who rivals Toot-Toot in the Badass department. The kicker. [[spoiler: [[SamusIsAGirl [[spoiler:[[SamusIsAGirl She's a girl.]] Toot-Toot couldn't say more than Wow for some time.]]
** Bob has a ''field day'' with that one:
--->'''Harry''' I'm getting my ass kicked by tiny faeries! ''[fumbles to start the Caddy]'' They've got my freaking number!\\
'''Bob:''' ''[laughs hysterically]''\\
'''Harry:''' ''[starts the engine, drives away]''\\
'''Bob:''' ''[giggles as he rolls on the seat]'' Tiny faeries! Tiny faeries!
* Words are used by wizards as a safe way to channel their magic. They can mean anything or nothing. The words Harry used to set an iceberg up and keep a barge from running aground? [[spoiler: "Rexus [[spoiler:"Rexus Mundus", which translates literally into "[[Film/{{Titanic 1997}} I'm the king of the world.]]"]]



--> '''Thomas''': I even have a sextant.\\

to:

--> '''Thomas''': -->'''Thomas''': I even have a sextant.\\



--> '''Demonreach:''' LESSER BEINGS ONCE KNEW TO RESPECT THEIR ELDERS.\\
'''Bob:''' I respect the crap out of you. You want me to help, and I'm telling you how.

to:

--> '''Demonreach:''' -->'''Demonreach:''' LESSER BEINGS ONCE KNEW TO RESPECT THEIR ELDERS.\\
'''Bob:''' I respect the crap out of you. You want me to help, and I'm telling you how.



--> '''Bob:''' You see what I'm working with here? I had to simplify [an incredibly complicated magical situation] down to ''throwing a rock''.\\

to:

--> '''Bob:''' -->'''Bob:''' You see what I'm working with here? I had to simplify [an incredibly complicated magical situation] down to ''throwing a rock''.\\



** Bob explaining Harry the nature of the island, by [[spoiler: projecting a movie, complete with the 20th Century Fox logo, Star Wars-ish opening, Sir Alec Guiness as Merlin, a romantic subplot (involving pornstar Jenna Jameson, of course), obvious subtitles, rifftrax from Harry, and fast-forwarding it when Dresden asks him to cut the crap]].
*** Harry also lampshades the LawyerFriendlyCameo, and then [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure fails to get]] Bob's [[Series/{{Firefly}} special hell]] reference, and is really irritated by it.

to:

** Bob explaining Harry the nature of the island, by [[spoiler: projecting [[spoiler:projecting a movie, complete with the 20th Century Fox logo, Star Wars-ish opening, Sir Alec Guiness as Merlin, a romantic subplot (involving pornstar Jenna Jameson, of course), obvious subtitles, rifftrax from Harry, and fast-forwarding it when Dresden asks him to cut the crap]].
*** ** Harry also lampshades the LawyerFriendlyCameo, and then [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure fails to get]] Bob's [[Series/{{Firefly}} special hell]] reference, and is really irritated by it.



-->'''Harry:''' Maybe you’re giving me way more credit for cunning than I’m due. You know how I work. How often do I get to a neat, elegant solution that ties everything up? Can you look at me right now and honestly say to yourself, ‘Dresden, that wily genius! This must be a part of his master plan’?\\

to:

-->'''Harry:''' Maybe you’re you're giving me way more credit for cunning than I’m I'm due. You know how I work. How often do I get to a neat, elegant solution that ties everything up? Can you look at me right now and honestly say to yourself, ‘Dresden, 'Dresden, that wily genius! This must be a part of his master plan’?\\plan'?\\



--> '''Harry:''' How random.

to:

--> '''Harry:''' -->'''Harry:''' How random.



* Harry realizing the Gatekeeper's job description is more literal than he thought. He's brought to see the Gatekeeper ''at'' The Outer Gates, and it goes something like, "Rashid the Gatekeeper? What is he doing here?" ''(stops, looks at the stupidly big gate he's standing right next to, realization sets in)'' "...Oh."

to:

* Harry realizing the Gatekeeper's job description is more literal than he thought. He's brought to see the Gatekeeper ''at'' The Outer Gates, and it goes something like, "Rashid the Gatekeeper? What is he doing here?" ''(stops, ''[stops, looks at the stupidly big gate he's standing right next to, realization sets in)'' in]'' "...Oh."



* "Oh, my God...we're his flunkies!"

to:

* Molly's "Oh, my God...we're his flunkies!"



* Harry's completely naked, for a perfectly good reason, and under a bad veil. He ends up standing in-front of some people who can easily tell there is a veil. He knows that it is useless to keep the veil up but instead drops it down to his own homemade censor blur.

to:

* Harry's completely naked, for a perfectly good reason, reasons, and under a bad veil. He ends up standing in-front of some people who can easily tell there is a veil. He knows that it is useless to keep the veil up for stealth purposes but instead drops it down to his own homemade censor blur.



--->"I’ll stick her on my to-do list, then," I said.\\
Thomas snorted.\\
"Not like that,” I said. "Pervert."
** Another example is Harry's reaction to Thomas telling him that Justine is no longer [[GirlOnGirlIsHot screwing one woman in front of him]] [[ItMakesSenseInContext so that they can safely be together]]...she's bringing him a steady stream of gorgeous girls so that he can be sufficiently well-fed not to harm her. Harry can only think "Totally not fair".

to:

--->"I’ll --->'''Harry:''' I'll stick her on my to-do list, then," I said.then.\\
Thomas snorted.\\
"Not
'''Thomas:''' ''[snorts]''\\
'''Harry:''' Not
like that,” I said. "Pervert."
that, pervert.
** Another example is Harry's reaction to Thomas telling him that Justine is no longer [[GirlOnGirlIsHot screwing one woman in front of him]] [[ItMakesSenseInContext so that they can safely be together]]... she's bringing him a steady stream of gorgeous girls so that he can be sufficiently well-fed not to harm her. Harry can only think "Totally her.
-->'''Harry:''' ''[thinking]'' Totally
not fair".fair.



* Harry has been loaned Cat Sith, a ''very'' powerful Fey of the Winter Court, as his [[BattleButler battle butler]]. Harry, being the Winter Knight and knowing that no subject of the Court can kill him without Mab's say-so, enjoys taunting Cat Sith despite knowing just how powerful the fey cat actually is. The clincher comes at his final attempt to summon him: "Cat Sith! Kitty kitty kitty!"

to:

* Harry has been loaned Cat Sith, a ''very'' powerful Fey of the Winter Court, as his [[BattleButler battle butler]].BattleButler. Harry, being the Winter Knight and knowing that no subject of the Court can kill him without Mab's say-so, enjoys taunting Cat Sith despite knowing just how powerful the fey cat actually is. The clincher comes at his final attempt to summon him: "Cat Sith! Kitty kitty kitty!"



--> '''Butters:''' My God. You’ve been shot.\\
'''Thomas:''' Check out Dr. Marcus Welby, MD, here.\\
'''Harry:''' I’d have gone with Doogie Howser, maybe.\\
'''Thomas:''' Split the difference at [=McCoy=]?\\

to:

--> '''Butters:''' -->'''Butters:''' My God. You’ve You've been shot.\\
'''Thomas:''' Check out [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Welby,_M.D. Dr. Marcus Welby, MD, MD]], here.\\
'''Harry:''' I’d I'd have gone with [[Series/DoogieHowserMD Doogie Howser, Howser]], maybe.\\
'''Thomas:''' Split the difference at [=McCoy=]?\\[[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries McCoy]]?\\



'''Butters:''' You’ve been'' shot!''\\

to:

'''Butters:''' You’ve been'' shot!''\\You've been ''shot!''\\



-->'''Mother Winter''': ''(as she's sharpening [[AxeCrazy her cleaver]])'' Mab is too much the romantic.\\
Which tells you everything you need to know about Mother Winter.

to:

-->'''Mother Winter''': ''(as ''[as she's sharpening [[AxeCrazy her cleaver]])'' cleaver]]]'' Mab is too much the romantic.\\
'''Harry:''' ''[narrating]'' Which tells you everything you need to know about Mother Winter.



'''Molly:''' ''(exasperated)'' There is ''not'' a disturbance in the Force.
* The tail end of Harry and Murphy's big Conversation about [[ShipTease their relationship]] and where it could be heading. It zig-zags between heartwarming, hilarious, and tear-jerking all at once.
-->'''Harry''': And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. [[BadAssBoast You'll be screaming.]] Neighbors will make phone calls. ''(after Murphy starts laughing)'' Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.
-->'''Murphy''': You're such a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll be the one screaming.
* Overlaps with heartwarming but Justine acting as a dietician for Thomas. Since you are what you eat and he feeds on life force she [[ThreeWaySex brings home]] ladies with attitudes that she feels he needs. He's feeling depressed? She brings home someone happy. Feeling stressed? Find someone who's relaxed and care free.

to:

'''Molly:''' ''(exasperated)'' ''[exasperated]'' There is ''not'' a disturbance in the Force.
* The tail end of Harry and Murphy's big Conversation conversation about [[ShipTease their relationship]] and where it could be heading. It zig-zags between heartwarming, hilarious, and tear-jerking all at once.
-->'''Harry''':
once.
-->'''Harry:''':
And the sex, it will be frequent. Possibly violent. [[BadAssBoast You'll be screaming.]] screaming]]. Neighbors will make phone calls. ''(after ''[after Murphy starts laughing)'' laughing]'' Those are my conditions. Take them or leave them.
-->'''Murphy''':
them.\\
'''Murphy:''':
You're such a pig, Dresden. Maybe you'll be the one screaming.
* Overlaps with heartwarming but Justine acting as a dietician for Thomas. Since you are what you eat and he feeds on life force she [[ThreeWaySex brings home]] ladies with attitudes that she feels he needs. He's feeling depressed? She brings home someone happy. Feeling stressed? Find someone who's relaxed and care free.
screaming.



->'''Harry''': "It's not the craziest thing I've ever asked you to do. It's not even the craziest thing I've asked you do do ''today''"
-> '''Murphy''' drives onto Lake Michigan.
* Harry sends the Wild Hunt away to help the battle elsewhere...and then Murphy reminds him [[OhCrap they're still on a motorcycle over Lake Michigan, and he just sent away the thing keeping the obvious from happening.]]

to:

->'''Harry''': "It's -->'''Harry:''': It's not the craziest thing I've ever asked you to do. It's not even the craziest thing I've asked you do do ''today''"
-> '''Murphy''' drives
''today''.\\
'''Murphy:''' ''[drives
onto Lake Michigan.
Michigan]''
* Harry sends the Wild Hunt away to help the battle elsewhere... and then Murphy reminds him [[OhCrap they're still on a motorcycle over Lake Michigan, and he just sent away the thing keeping the obvious from happening.]]
happening]].
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