The Longest Yard is a 1974 movie starring Burt Reynolds, that was later remade in 2005 starring Adam Sandler. It combines the two things men care the most about: prisons and football.Former NFL quarterback Paul "Wrecking" Crewe, who had been kicked out of football for shaving points off a game, finds himself on the wrong side of the law and is sent to a state penitentiary (Citrus State Prison in the original film, Allenville in the remake). The prison is known for having a semi-pro football team made up entirely of prison guards, but their team has fallen on hard times. The warden wants Crewe to help turn things around, by assembling a team made up of fellow inmates to serve as a tune-up game for the guards.However, this game becomes Serious Business for the convicts, who are seeing this as an opportunity to get back at the guards for all the abuse they've been getting over the years. With a former Heisman trophy winner (played by Reynolds in the remake) as the team's coach and a connection for sports equipment from the outside (played by Chris Rock in the remake), the "Mean Machine", as they come to be called, end up making a game out of it.
In the end, to make sure the guards win, the warden attempts to blackmail Crewe by threatening to pin Crewe as an accomplice to Caretaker's murder.
Apparently, this was also the reason for the point-shaving in Crewe's backstory, as he was "in a bad way with some worse people," apparently involving gambling debts. When confiding in his team that he did indeed throw the game when he was in the NFL, Crewe claims that they were prepared to kill him, and he wishes that he'd let them. Apparently, they meant business.
Bring My Brown Pants: In the remake, Switowski lays out the Guard's running back, Dunham, with a clothesline tackle so epic it makes him shit himself.
Buffy Speak: When asked by guards to report on the inmate team's progress, all Unger has to say about the speedy Meggett is "He's fast... he's so fast, he makes fast people look... not fast..."
Busman's Vocabulary: Cheeseburger Eddy in the remake. "Hey, man, you're acting like a real McAsshole!"
Camp Gay: Bradley, who loved Charlie's underwear commercials and thinks he's in love after the car chase scene at the beginning of the film.
Also a couple of sportswriters, including Peter King
Chase Scene: Crewe goes back to prison for leading the police on a high-speed chase in a car he stole from his girlfriend with whom he had a falling out. He ends the chase by slamming on the brakes, causing every car chasing him to slam into the car, destroying it.
Crewe:[in remake, on TV after wrecking his girlfriend's car] Hey, Lena! I think we should start seeing other people! [drunken laughter]
Cool Old Guy: Nate Scarborough and Skitchy. Of the latter, Scarborough claims "He's been here so long, he knows where everything is."
Composite Character: A few of the inmates in the remake are amalgamations of inmates from the original. Swatowski, for instance, is a combination of Sonny and Samson
Crisis Makes Perfect: In the beginning of the film, Brucie attempts to make a field goal during practice, claiming that he was an all-state kicker. He fails miserably, and the ball gets no height, skidding across the dirt. At the end of the game, when the Mean Machine need the ball back, his inability to kick properly makes him a great onside kicker.
Dark Is Evil/Dark Is Not Evil: Both tropes are played straight during the big game at the climax of the film. To the viewer, it's obvious that Crewe and his team are the good guys, and the guards are pretty much 100% evil pieces of shit. Dark Is Not Evil (or Light Is Not Good) is played straight in this instance, as the convicts' uniforms are black, while the guards wear white.
However, in-universe, when both teams take the field, the crowd watching the game gives the guards' team a standing ovation and boos the convicts. Thus, from their perspective, Dark Is Evil (or Light Is Good) is being played straight.
The Dreaded: Connie Shokner in the original. Even the guards are afraid of him.
Dumb Muscle: Sonny Tanner in the original, and Swatowski in the remake
Everyone Calls Him Barkeep: Cheeseburger Eddy and Caretaker. Cheeseburger Eddy's Mean Machine uniform literally has "Cheeseburger Eddy" on the back, but Caretaker's mugshot reads "Farrell, AKA Caretaker." Nate Scarborough's jersey also reads "Coach" on the back.
Everything Is Big in Texas: The remake is set in Texas, because, as the warden puts it, Texans take two things very seriously: prison and football.
Face-Heel Turn: Crewe invokes this trope at halftime, when the warden threatens to frame Crewe for conspiracy to murder Caretaker. His ultimatum— receive an additional 25 years on his sentence, or throw the game. Crewe reluctantly chooses the latter. To start the 3rd quarter, he throws several bad passes, and one inexplicably poor toss to his running back. His teammates realize what's happening and verbally berate him on the bench as the guards begin to dominate the game.
Foreshadowing: Deacon's warning that "You know MVP (Crewe) sold his own teammates out... what do you think he's gonna do to you fools?"
Gag Penis: Battle in the remake. Battle jokes he could probably kill a guy by hitting him over the head with that "hammer," and his specially ordered jockstrap is the subject of a memorable visual gag.
Deacon: I still don't think that's big enough!
Gory Discretion Shot: In the remake, at least. When Caretaker sets off the radio bomb meant for Crewe, the scene cuts to outside the cell, where we see the explosion.
Groin Attack: In the original Crewe nails the guards' main hatchet-man in the groin on two consecutive plays to take him out of the game. Crewe nails a biased referee in the groin in the remake (on two consecutive plays) to get him to call the game fairly.
Crewe himself, formerly playing this game only so the warden won't pin more hard time on him, eventually develops a relationship with the team that becomes so strong that, in the end, he refuses to abandon them, even after they intentionally let the guards kick his ass (see Redemption Equals Affliction below).
In the remake Englehart, one of the guards, gradually has one after the cons secretly switch his steroids with estrogen tablets. While he still plays for the guards' team, he bears no ill will towards the inmates and even joins the "girls" in cheering at one point.
At the end of the game, Captain Knauer acknowledges Paul Crewe's intestinal fortitude for not throwing the game (and winning, on top of that) in the face of extreme adversity. He and Crewe shake hands as Knauer agrees to make sure Caretaker's murder is not pinned on Crewe.
Only one black player (other than Swatowski) agrees to play in the game at the start (near the middle) of the film. The guards see this one player (Earl Meggett, played by rapper Nelly) as a major threat and taunt him with racist comments and other bullying while he cleans up in the library, hoping he will strike a guard and not be able to play. However, upon witnessing the guards going so far as to call Meggett (and Malcolm X) a nigger, Cheeseburger Eddy and Deacon Moss decide to join Meggett in the name of revenge, thus giving Crewe a much better chance of winning than he'd had with just Meggett.
Another player ("Five-Star" Torres, one of the meanest, if not the meanest inmate in Allenville) joins after a guard screws him out of the last 15 minutes of his TV time, while another (the 7'1" tall Turley) recalls guard Papajohn taunting him, and agrees to play when he learns that Papajohn will be on the guards' team.
When Paul Crewe asks Warden Hazen to keep Unger away from the inmates' practices (as he's been leaking information to the guards), the warden responds by flooding the cons' field in an attempt to get them to cancel practice only days before the big game. Instead, the cons decide to have a little fun, and practice some "schoolyard bullshit" as it was phrased. The non-traditional plays that they worked on while the field was flooded actually came into play during the big game. With seconds to go in the half, the Mean Machine makes use of numerous laterals and pitches in order to score the tying touchdown, just as they did during the practice session on the flooded field.
In the remake, Crewe challenges inmate Deacon Moss (former NFL receiver Michael Irvin) to a basketball game. If Crewe wins, Deacon joins the football team. If Deacon wins, Crewe walks away and doesn't bother him or his friends about playing in the big game. During the game, Moss commits numerous fouls that would get you thrown out of the game at any level of organized basketball, but Crewe never calls for the violation on any of Deacon's cheap shots. Cheeseburger Eddy even steps on the court to swat away an easy layup by Crewe, despite the fact that he's not even in the game. Crewe still refuses to acknowledge the outright cheating on Moss' part.
Finally, on the "Next point wins" possession with the ball in Moss' hands, Crewe strips him 100% cleanly and Deacon calls a foul. Crewe relinquishes the ball despite the horribly fallacious call, and Moss ends the game with an emphatic slam dunk— Crewe doesn't bother to even play defense at that point, knowing that winning is all but impossible.
In this case, it works. Since Crewe took the beating and just kept coming (all while refusing to argue or complain about the unfairness), Earl Meggett joined Crewe's team, wanting to see what he could do in a contact sport.
Crewe's loss went even further in working out for him later in the film. After the guards find out that Meggett has joined the team, they attempt to provoke him into a physical altercation, using racial slurs and verbal taunting as he cleans the library. Deacon Moss and Cheeseburger Eddy witness the entire incident, and this convinces them (as well as the other inmates in "The Jungle," as Deacon called it) to join the team (see Hoist by His Own Petard above).
Jail Bake: In the remake Caretaker receives Meggett's spikes (and implicitly all of the other items he procures for other inmates) in this manner.
Unger, an inmate, serves as this, leaking information about Crewe's training and recruiting to the guards, and eventually planting a small-time bomb (intended for Crewe) that ends up killing Caretaker.
Although it appears the the inmates are all well aware that he's doing this (except for the bomb part). Crewe even requests that the warden keep Unger off the cons' practice field. It doesn't go well.
My God, What Have I Done?: Crewe plays this trope straight twice in a short period of time. During the climax of the film, at halftime of the big game, Crewe is ordered to throw the game and let the guards win, or be framed for Caretaker's murder, and he reluctantly agrees to the former. He eventually feigns an injury and simply refuses to play.
Seeing a chance to return the favor for the punishment they've been taking throughout the game, the guards essentially bully the cons' team, who can't even get a successful play off. They lay several painful hits on a number of the inmates, severely injuring at least three of them.
At that point, Crewe appears to have the "What have I done?" moment, and gears up to get back in the game and bring his team back.
He also explains in the huddle, during a timeout, that he felt the same type of emotional turmoil after throwing the game in the NFL some years ago. Crewe, in fact, feels so guilty that he makes borderline suicidal sacrifices for his team after his return to the game (see Redemption Equals Affliction below).
His lack of playing talent, however, helps the Mean Machine get the ball back after one of his lousy kicks was tipped by a guard and became a live ball. The Cons recovered and that set up the final drive of the game.
Real Men Wear Pink: Torres, one of the inmates in the remake, loves watching The View. Not that he's a fan of the show itself necessarily— he just thinks Joy Behar is absolutely hilarious.
Redemption Equals Affliction: After Crewe sincerely has a change of heart about throwing the game at the end of the film, but the rest of his team isn't too thrilled to have him back on the field. On 2nd down and long, his offensive line decides to send him a message and refuses to block for him, and does the same on 3rd down, resulting in Crewe taking two (painful) sacks in a row. He realizes that not only will they never win like this, but he has to prove to the team that he honestly is on their side.
On 4th and 22, Crewe utilizes a QB draw and manages to beat the entire guards' team single-handedly to pick up a first down (without his helmet, no less). He takes a hard hit after gaining around 25 yards, when he could have easily let the team punt the ball away, and his redemption is earned.
Brucie in the remake, who actually has a wife on the outside, is at one point caught on camera getting intimate with one of the "girls."
Brucie:[as he's about to kick off towards the end of the game] Jesus Christ, my savior... if you help me out with this one, I promise to stop cheating on my wife with black guys. Amen.
There's also this exchange in the remake when Caretaker first meets Paul:
Paul: What about the lovable, beautiful woman?
Caretaker: Well, you're gonna have to lower your standards on the "beautiful" part, and on the "woman" part. [points to the "girls" table (all effeminate male inmates, one of whom smiles, waves lovingly and says "Heeeeey.")]
Paul: Let's just stick with the cheeseburgers.
Caretaker: Oh, they ugly now, but in eight months, she gonna like Beyonce.
Paul: No, thanks.
Throwing the Fight: In Crewe's backstory, he was banned from football for point shaving, which he did to cover gambling debts. The warden tries to get him to throw the big game by hanging Caretaker's murder over him. Crewe decides not to go through with it after a talk with Skitchy — see Was It Really Worth It? below.
Oh yeah. Justified in this case, as most of the inmates are playing just to get back at the guards. They end up wasting their first offensive series by hurting their least favorite guards instead of running the plays as called.
The guards' team gets rough, too, due to being ordered by the warden to beat the inmates into submission after they've acquired a 3 TD lead.
Up to Eleven: Swatowski, a very large, very strong inmate who's more Gentle Giant than Scary Black Man (see Scary Black Man above), participates in a strength drill in which the inmates run full force into a heavy bag, attempting to move it as much as possible. Most of the inmates can move it somewhat, but none of them stand out. Swatowski lines up, charges at the bag, rips it off the chain, then carries it for about three or four more steps as the entire structure collapses behind him.
Caretaker:[he and Crewe are scoring each inmate on a scale of 1-10, and no player had yet received more than a 5] I think that's a ten.
Was It Really Worth It?: Pop in the original, and Skitchy in the remake, ended up having 20 years added to his sentence for punching a guard who ended up becoming the warden. When asked this question, Pop/Skitchy's response is, "It was worth every goddamn minute."